Unending Love
by sci-fiwitch
Summary: If there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them – This Side of Paradise. A Spock/OFC love story set during his Academy years, the choices he made and its consequences. Rated for future chapters. COMPLETE!
1. The Academy

**Title: Unending Love**

Disclaimer: Paramount owns the rights to Star Trek. I'm just borrowing some characters for fun. Please don't sue. The characters and names of the people in this story are purely fictional.

Author's Notes: The tv series focused on Spock's brilliant scientific mind and cool logic as the Enterprise sought out new life and new civilization. Being of mixed parentage, why did Spock choose the Vulcan way? Was there a back story, an exciting past, a story of a choice made and its consequences? Special thanks for Anna Amuse for a quick beta and for generously giving her time and views during the writing process. Warning: This story makes reference to under-aged sexual situations and a suicide attempt. If you are uncomfortable with these issues, please don't continue. Comments and reviews are welcomed.

*****

Chapter 1

It was a hot, sticky Monday afternoon in San Francisco. Starfleet Academy grounds were filled with excited chatter from the new fall intake. Freshmen, in their bright uniforms roamed the dormitories, cafeteria and hallways to familiarize themselves with their new school. In his dormitory, Spock was already scheduling his core classes and tutorials whilst his peers were still exploring the campus. One of his core classes was Computer Programming 101, taught by a Professor Thomas J. Watson, PhD. in Computer Programming and Astrophysics. The course structure was very basic – something he had studied in Vulcan when he was ten years old. It was illogical to retake this course. After checking the contents of the Advanced Computer Programming course for final year students, he surmised that it was the course that suited him. Opening his computer, Spock wrote an email to the professor.

The next day, Spock presented himself at the office of Professor Thomas J. Watson.

In the office was a group of students fumbling with data pads, when Spock tapped softly on the door. Seated in the middle of the group was a small man in a green turtleneck and grey pants, with wispy silver hair that fell on his forehead. He must be Professor Watson.

He gestured to Spock. "Come."

While waiting for the rest of the students to leave, Spock glanced around the office -- one side of the wall seemed to be filled with books, shelf after shelf which he found to be curiously odd in these modern times. Most journals and reports could be found on the computer databases nowadays. On the other side of the office, prestigious degrees and certificates were displayed on the wall. There was a large desk in the middle of the hardwood floor and behind it, a window that overlooked the campus walk.

As the students filed out of the professor's office, he spoke up. "Good afternoon, Professor Watson. I'm Spock. We corresponded yesterday."

"Yes, Mister Spock, if I remember correctly," Professor Watson offered a warm smile.

"Affirmative."

"What can I do for you?"

Spock stated the reason for his visit. "Professor, as explained in my email, I wish to take the final year Advanced Computer Programming class."

Sam looked down at his data pad. "Mister Spock, I believe you are scheduled to take Computer Programming 101… for freshmen."

"Is it necessary that I take this course? I am trained in computer systems far superior to the ones you will teach in the freshman class," Spock replied candidly.

"And you will then point out that the class is taught to Vulcan children at a very young age," Sam rejoined drolly. Spock opened his mouth to speak but was silenced by the professor with a wave of his hand.

"I'm sure you will have no problem scoring top marks for my class, Mister Spock, but there is an old saying that 'good things come to those who wait'," the professor said with a wink.

Spock raised one bushy eyebrow.

Then the professor bent down and scribbled something on his data pad. "Come back when you've determined what this code does. It will be worth your while. I trust we will be able to learn from each other in and outside class."

Spock stared at the data pad that the professor just handed to him -- the professor's words finally sinking in. The program code was definitely way beyond the syllabus of Computer Programming 101. It was as if the older man was baiting him with a fascinating idea.

"Is there anything else?" the professor asked, seemingly pleased that he has piqued the Vulcan's interest.

"No, sir…" the chastened student replied. Rebuffed, Spock resigned himself to the course and left the office.

Exactly two days later, he waited patiently until the class had emptied before approaching the professor.

Professor Watson looked up. "Ah, Mister Spock, I noticed that you were extremely quiet in my class today. Do you have difficulty following my lectures?"

"Professor, I have no problem with your lectures. I've determined the purpose of your code exactly 24 hours ago. It measures the energy consumption efficiency for Earth hover cars," he said, almost pleased with the discovery. "I was merely thinking about an improvement to your code."

The professor smiled again. "Nice work, Spock. That's just the beginning. "

*****

Professor Watson was older than most of the instructors in Starfleet Academy. He did not look at Spock as a child trying to be something more than he was, a lonely and misunderstood boy. Sometimes they ate together in the cafeteria, discussing the possibilities of alternative program logic. He would talk, chew, laugh with his mouth open and deliver a passionate thought through a mouthful of pasta.

Before Starfleet, Spock did not consider the study of human relations scholarly, until he met the professor. He did not believe it. The professor was a brilliant man by Vulcan standards -- the number of prestigious titles that adorned the wall of his office could not describe the man who became his teacher and mentor. He was intelligent yet humble and unassuming.

The professor would pepper their discussions with questions about Spock's interests -- he could glide effortlessly between explaining his theories and quoting famous Earth philosophers. The numbers and equations seem to come alive as if the professor willed it into being. It was at these times that Spock admired him.

"Call me, Tom," the professor said casually during one of their walks on campus. "I believe we can speak without the usual professor-student formalities outside the classroom."

Spock nodded with a ghost of a smile.

They went beyond the classroom, meeting now and then just to talk and bounce off theories about the universe. Spock had never done this with any of the other students or instructors before, yet he was comfortable doing it with Tom and the professor seemed comfortable making the time.

This went on for many years. In the spring, they would sit under a tree outside the Academy halls and in the winter, they would sit by his desk poring over lines of complex program logic or simply play a few rounds of tri-dimensional chess. Each time they talked, Tom would listen to Spock ramble then he would try to pass on some sort of life lesson. He once said prophetically, "Space is a lonely place, Spock. Cold logic will get you out of a mess most of the time, in most cases but empathy is equally important when encountering new life forms."

He spoke of the alienation and the need for connectedness with the society around him. Some of these things Spock understood, some he did not. It made no difference. The discussions gave Spock an excuse to talk to him, fatherly conversations Spock could not have with his own father, Sarek.

It had been 3.2 years since he left Vulcan and yet, he could not think of Sarek without feeling a searing pain in his heart.

*****

Professor Tom Watson sat back in his leather armchair and scrolled through the personal files of his new batch of students taking their first year Computer Programming 101 class. His gaze passed over the new faces of his students and then did a double take on a dark-haired fellow with pasty yellow-green complexion, bushy, upswept eyebrows, and pointed ears. _Good Lord, it's a Vulcan! _

All his life as a professor in Starfleet he never had a Vulcan student. Even though the Vulcans were the founding members of the Federation nearly two hundred years ago, Tom realized he knew very little about these mysterious and intensely private people. Vulcans were usually visiting scientists, diplomats and academicians not students. This particular one caught him by surprise and it intrigued him.

"Spock," he whispered the name. "What have you been up to?"

While accessing Spock's personal file, Tom's eyes widened even more. Spock's parents were indeed well known Federation citizens; his father was Ambassador Sarek of Vulcan and his mother was Amanda Grayson, a human from Earth. And his academic credentials were nothing short of spectacular, at least, to Tom's limited knowledge of Vulcan education. Vulcans tend to keep to themselves and rarely ventured outside their own in their pursuit of knowledge.

_Why did he end up here?_ he wondered.

Spock was a freshman but he applied to take the Advanced Programming class for final year students. Tom knew that he would be receiving a visit from the Vulcan soon. His instincts were correct – Spock had initiated contact and appeared at his office.

The Vulcan was a tall and lanky young lad, with dark penetrating eyes and a velvety baritone voice. Through his conversations with Spock, Tom had the chance of observing him up close. Spock's relationship with his instructors and fellow students were often tense. When challenged, he was not shy about contradicting old information, or of voicing contrary theories. If other students were intimidated, some instructors considered transfer or early retirement. However, Tom was aware of the austere and aloof nature of Vulcans through his contact with them at conferences in other planets. It hadn't bothered him one bit.

As he made inquiries among his fellow academicians, Tom realized that Spock was already working on pre-requisites for a Computer Science major in his first year at Starfleet, pulling two minors in Astrophysics and Engineering. While taciturn outside of class, inside he was rarely quiet.

"A show-off," one instructor huffed.

"Yeah, he dared to quote date, volume, page, and paragraph of the journal back to me in MY OWN class!" another snorted.

"Be careful of that one," advised Professor Robert Biggs from Exobiology. "He has a tendency to keep up with the journals and posted field reports better than his instructors and he's not shy about it."

"Well, you know me, Bob. I like this boy," Tom quipped. "Keeps me on my toes…"

However, outside class not much was known about the only Vulcan student in their campus. He seemed to be a loner and Tom was not aware he had any friends. For all the noise he made in discussing theories, he was still not comfortable talking about himself. He could sit quietly for hours if that could sway the others to lose interest in him.

"You didn't say much today," Tom commented during one of their meetings.

"I don't have anything to add."

"Your thoughts are far away, Spock. Still, if you really want to talk about it, you'll know where to find me."

Spock only nodded.

Tom didn't press further and left him alone.

He had invited Spock to an orchestra performance once when he found out that Spock played the Vulcan lyre. Spock looked doubtful about the prospect of appreciating Earth music but he obliged, albeit reluctantly. On the evening of the performance, Tom offered to pick him up from his dormitory. Minutes ticked away to curtain time and Spock, uncharacteristic of him, had been delayed. It looked as if they weren't going to make it in time for the opening act. Finally, Spock appeared, dressed in a blue shirt and black slacks, his wool jacket two sizes too big for him. He looked ill at ease in civilian clothes as he stepped into Tom's hover car.

"I apologize for my tardiness, Tom. I did not know what to wear for such an occasion," he explained. "A dorm mate had graciously lent his clothes to me."

"Don't worry, you look…fine," Tom remarked and turned the hover car towards the great auditorium.

Spock slid into the chair beside Tom with unhurried grace as the performance was about to start. The lights dimmed slowly in the great auditorium and Spock leaned forward a little in his seat with taut anticipation. In a few minutes he was quite absorbed in the music, forgetting Tom, forgetting his problems. Glancing at him, Tom smiled as he sat back in his chair with his eyes closed, lost in his own reverie…

_A lithe body, swirling silks, dark eyes and a beguiling smile...Mara, my lover, my wife dancing only for me on a similar stage a long time ago… I could remember the first time I saw her… She was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen._

When the final curtains had been taken, the lights lit throughout the auditorium, and people were beginning to disperse, Spock remained seated unmoving in his chair. Tom sighed, filing away his memory as he leaned over and laid his hand on Spock's sleeve. He knew instinctively that there were times when it was better to say nothing.

"Fascinating," Spock muttered, his dark eyes conveyed interest, skepticism and layered deeply in there — a kind of wonder.

One day, Spock had come to his office to discuss the coding problems with a starship's research database. It was like any ordinary day with the Vulcan when his attention was diverted to something on Tom's desk. His eyes were fixed on the digital photo-frame in front of him.

"Spock?"

He looked up at Tom and asked, "May I see this?"

"Of course…"

It was a family photo which was taken a couple of months ago during their trip to Switzerland. His son, Mark was making a funny face and his daughter, Kate was smiling sweetly as they hugged their father.

Spock's hands trembled as he picked up the view-frame though his face showed no emotion.

"Don't you have a family photo at home? Or in your room?" he asked.

"Vulcans do not have a habit of displaying their personal life to others," he commented drily. "It's a curious human trait."

Tom decided to shrug it off. "That's my son, Mark and daughter, Kate. Mark is an attorney at law and my daughter will be taking a course in performing arts next fall."

"None of your offspring has followed in your footsteps," Spock stated as he put the view-frame back on the desk.

"True, but I don't mind at all. As long as they're happy with their choice of career," he replied. "I'm happy."

Tom's words seemed to have struck Spock to the very core of his being as he suddenly turned and looked out the window. He could sense a deep frustration and sadness emanating from the stoic Vulcan. Somehow, he had guessed that his parents did not approve of him joining Starfleet. It could be the reason why Spock came at the Earth age of twenty and he never once went back to Vulcan during his vacation, preferring to take extra courses instead. A long silence followed.

"Spock, joining Starfleet cannot be that bad," he said, breaking the silence.

"If you will forgive me, I...have a class in 3.5 minutes." Spock suddenly veered off from the subject and the mask of a Vulcan was firmly in place once more.

Tom had no choice but to allow him to go.

*****

In Spock's third year, he was already assisting Tom in the computer lab and tutoring juniors in Computer Programming. Spock was like him in more ways than he would care to admit – both were passionate about their work, with keen eye for detail and ruthless in seeking the truth. He was sure that Spock would be sorely missed once he was assigned aboard a starship.

_Such are the thoughts of a sentimental old fool_, Tom sighed.

Spock was busier than ever, juggling reports and extra courses -- their meetings had become less frequent. Tom had also been attending a series of meetings with Starfleet's program directors in which he was called to design a simulation test for final year Command track cadets. As starships began to venture deeper into space, the risk of encountering hostile species had increased exponentially. The program directors wanted some form of assurance that their cadets were prepared for the worst possible scenario. The objective of the test was not for the cadet to outfight the opponent but rather to test the cadet's reaction to insurmountable odds. Previous simulator tests had not been able to do that.

He met Spock in the hallway one day and suggested that they meet in his office for tea.

"I will be there at 1700 hours," replied Spock.

Spock promptly appeared at the appointed time as Tom was scrolling through the project dossier, wondering if this was too much for a student who already had his hands full. He had already recruited a three of his ex-students for this 'experiment', a historian and even a retired Starfleet captain. Spock, if he understood the Vulcan properly, would be able to ruthlessly consider ethically troubling situations without batting an eye — especially situations where people might be ordered to die.

"Please sit," he showed him to a nearby chair. "Tea?"

"No, thank you," declined Spock. "Is there something you wish to discuss with me, Professor?"

"As a matter of fact, yes… Spock, you are one of my best students and I know you have been very busy with your third year workload. You can decline if you deem it too much for you to handle. There is no obligation on your part to accept but I hope you'll consider it," Tom began as he picked up the project dossier. "I need you to assist me in designing a simulation test. The school's program directors have expressed concern about the performance of our Command track students in real life scenarios. Think about it, the ultimate game with a no-win situation," he told the Vulcan.

Spock nodded. "What do you need me to do?"

*****

Over the winter break, Tom and his team had worked closely to put together a workable simulation program. They had long discussions, sometimes while playing chess or scrolling through old texts on warfare. Meanwhile, the Academy's Engineering Department had already constructed a simulator device on a mock bridge in an empty warehouse on campus and was ready to test it in the spring.

More importantly, Tom discovered that if Spock did think like a computer, it was a computer that was programmed for swindles and traps rather than straightforward play. That would be sufficient to dispatch the majority of cadets, but there was something nagging Tom. Spock's program code had the disadvantage of ignoring an overall strategy during the test.

"Do you not need to return to your home for Christmas?" Spock ventured one morning. He had noted that it was December the 24th. Tom had given the other team members the day off to be with their families.

"No, I've already told my family that I'll be busy. No fussing. Besides, I already promised them I'll be back in the summer," Tom replied, then eyeing the Vulcan. "Have you experienced Christmas before, Spock?"

"Yes, I was exposed to this Human holiday feasting through my mother's extended family though I could never understand how humans aggrandize and ritualize the basic taking of sustenance."

Tom laughed. "Yes, totally curious, isn't it. Look at the time… it's getting late. You should go back and rest. We'll do this again tomorrow morning."

"Vulcans do not need rest as much as humans do. I could stay back to finish the coding," Spock argued.

"Spock, I'm well aware of the fact that it needs to be finished by next month. There's no need for you to exert your Vulcan abilities for this purpose. Go back and think over the possible scenarios again, if you _have _to do something…," said Tom firmly.

Spock was about to protest but Tom brooked no further argument. It was as if he was reluctant to leave as he slowly picked up his coat and exited the office.

Alone in his office, Tom's ebullient mood immediately changed -- leaning against the back of his armchair, he stared out through the window, surveying the lights that dot the campus grounds. He took a data pad and, suddenly he flinched with a spasm of pain in his shoulder. It was sharp but brief. He noticed it but when it did not continue, he ignored it.

Tom resumed looking at the data pad when suddenly the pain struck again. He reached for his shoulder, and tried to massage away the pain. This time it did not subside. Tom stood up and tried to shake it off, but it refused to go away -- something was unmistakably wrong. The pain intensified as he grabbed a corner of the desk and held on with one hand, with the other clutched at his shoulder and arm. The pain had violently seized the upper part of his body. He broke out in sweat as color drained from his face.

"Damn it! Not now… not yet," he cursed under his breath.

Another spasm, the worst one yet had weakened him. Finally, it subsided and there was an eerie silence in the room, a void. Tom knew what it was. At the age of sixty-five, he knew it was the symptoms of a heart attack.

He never told anyone about the incident that night though Spock looked as if he sensed something was wrong the next day. "You look pale, Tom," he commented with a hint of concern in his voice.

"Oh, it's nothing. I'm an old man with the usual kinks," Tom brushed off the look. "Now, where were we on the coding?"

Spock did not press further as he launched himself into the project; re-writing parts of the code and introducing new lines into the program. "I've been thinking about what you said last night, about the possible scenarios…"

*****

The prototype of the simulator test was ready for testing by the time the staff and students returned to the Academy after the holidays. They were waiting anxiously on the mock bridge as the school's program directors, Starfleet admirals and Federation officials assembled on the Observation Deck on the first floor.

Spock made the final checks on the computer and nodded to Tom.

Dressed in a smart dress uniform, Tom stepped forward confidently and addressed the audience. "Ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, it is with great pleasure that we present to you the Kobayashi Maru!"


	2. The Professor's Home

Chapter 2

A solitary figure stood on the massive lawn in the middle of the night as the amphibicopter landed soundlessly nearby.

"Welcome home, Professor."

Tom smiled at the android that opened the door for him. "Hello, Stuart. Is Miss Kate home yet?"

"Yes, she is in her room," Stuart replied as he took his master's luggage. The polished and well-spoken titanium clad robot was programmed by Tom to help with the household chores.

Tom climbed up the stairs to his daughter's room. Pushing the door slightly ajar, he peered into the young mistress' bedroom which was furnished with exquisite charm, revelatory of its sleeping occupant. Strips of moonlight illuminated the darkened room and he could see her little head peeking out from under the covers, her long dark hair like silk splayed across the pillow.

He smiled at the memory of her birth – he was lost in wonder from the moment he parted the baby blanket to look at her. She did not look like the wrinkled prune that he had come to believe typified newborns. Even then, Kate was beautiful. As her tiny little hand closed around his finger, she wound herself around his heart.

He named her Katherine Ashanti Watson after both her grandmothers. The name "Ashanti" belonged to her maternal grandmother who had fled India during the Eugenics War a long time ago. Kate was an accidental addition to the family. Tom and his wife were already approaching their golden years and their only son, Mark was starting law school.

As she grew older, Kate began to resemble more like her mother except for her blue eyes, which were solely his. He knew that she would be a heart-breaker with her long dark hair, cream-colored skin and bewitching smile.

His wife, Mara, had expressed concern that he had allowed their daughter too much freedom.

"She'll grow up to be a wild child," she had said worriedly.

Tom smiled indulgently as he watched her play in their garden and dismissed Mara's concern. There was more than one occasion when Mara would call him in the middle of a conference or a lecture to complain exasperatedly about the havoc their little daughter had caused in the home. Even at a young age, Kate was notorious in her own right. Then her mother, his wife, died in a tragic accident when she was five years old. Tom had tried to be both father and mother to her as he brought her with him to distant planets in the course of his work, determined to keep her by his side. So Kate was handed over to a series of nannies but none of them lasted long, for Kate grew uncontrollable and rebellious. She refused to eat and was delinquent in her studies. In the end, he had to send her away to a boarding school in Paris where she might learn a little self-restraint. The initial novelty of attending a school filled with kids her age soon turned into tearful pleas to return home. But Tom stood his ground and insisted that she could only come back for the holidays. Fortunately, Kate learned how to channel her destructive passions into music and dance. It came as no surprise to Tom when she told him that she wanted to follow in her late mother's footsteps – to be a professional dancer. She was Mara's daughter through and through.

That summer, she came home a different person – more matured and composed, almost grown up in her attitude.

It was 0400 hours as Tom sat up on his own bed, frightened by a dream. He was fraught by restlessness. _Should he get up, should he not, what is happening?_

He looked out of his bedroom windows: there was absolute stillness and silence, except for crickets chirping down by the river and a light flickering from a boat moored nearby. Tom closed his eyes but then they fluttered open again, he glanced up at the ceiling and finally, exhausted, fell back asleep.

In the morning, Tom, groomed for the day, walked down the marble stairs, observing the buzz of activity outside the lawn. The great lawn was infested with workmen, planting stakes, unrolling a huge canvas tent, gardeners fashioning topiary and adding landscaping of their own and crews setting up platforms.

"Good morning, Professor." Stuart opened the doors to the terrace as he passed by.

"Good morning, Stuart."

"What's going on outside?"

"Miss Kate is organizing a birthday party for you, sir," came the reply.

Tom smiled complaisantly as he continued on into a dining room where his seventeen year old daughter, Kate, was seated at a table laden with cereals and fruits and coffee. She was dressed in a pink tracksuit and her hair was tied up in a simple ponytail.

"Good morning, Dad," said Kate, rising to kiss her father on the cheek.

"Hi, honey."

"How's your first night back in the _real_ world?" she teased.

Tom poured a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. "It feels good to be home."

Then he gazed at the going-on outside which were increasing in intensity.

"I hate parties," Tom mumbled.

"Calm down, Daddy, you'll see, you're going to love it," his daughter laughed.

"Isn't it enough to be sixty-five without having to be reminded of it?"

"No. It's your birthday, Dad. Will you relax? I know it's going to be a big deal day –"

"How do you know?" he interjected lightly as Kate made a cheeky face.

"I know because I love you, Dad," she replied.

Tom eyed his daughter suspiciously. "So you're not doing all this just to hide something from me, are you?"

"Of course not!" Kate was indignant.

"How's Cal?"

Tom loved it when he threw her a curve ball question and she glared at him.

"He's, err… well I think," Kate stammered valiantly for an answer. "He's coming to dinner this evening. Why don't you ask him?"

"I thought you were in love with him, not that I'm prying into your affairs." Tom gave her a warm smile.

Kate shrugged. "Then don't… I'm a big girl now, Dad. I can take care of myself."

"Incoming communication from Starfleet Academy, Professor," Stuart said, interrupting the cheerful banter between father and daughter.

"Oh, I'll take it in my study. Thank you," replied Tom as he rose to answer the call. "We'll talk about this party of yours later, young lady."

Kate groaned as he stepped into his sanctuary.

A visual lit up the screen as Tom switched it on. Spock's striking features appeared.

"Good morning, Tom."

"Spock," he replied. "I hadn't anticipated that you'd call so soon."

"I apologize for my timing, Tom," Spock reported. "The Kobayashi Maru has encountered a few anomalies in its memory banks. I have re-written parts of the code but I wish to discuss it with you before implementing it."

_Aha, I should have known better than to leave at this crucial time…_

But his health had demanded it. His condition hadn't improved since the last heart attack in December but he managed to delay his rest until the simulator program was launched. His doctor almost threatened to inform his family if he delayed his vacation any longer. Suddenly, a thought came to mind. "I was wondering if you'd like to come over to my home in Connecticut. We could discuss the coding then."

"I do not wish to intrude."

"It's no intrusion. It'll just be me and my family. I hope you'll stay for a few days at least. The implementation can wait."

Spock appeared hesitant, eventually he said, "I will see you this evening."

"Good. I'll send for the amphibicopter to pick you up at 1800 hours."

Tom ended the conversation and sat back, pleased with himself.

*****

The amphibicopter carrying Spock flew over an expanse of river, up the bank to a massive lawn running up to a great, classic Hudson River manor house; the country estate of Tom Watson. He could see the mists hovering over the treetops, small boats and humans in a distance as the very last rays of the Terran sun was setting over the wide expanse of river. Spock held his breath at the amazing sight.

As the amphibicopter set down in its roped-off landing area, an android walked towards it and opened the door.

"Good evening, Mister Spock. Professor Watson is expecting you. Please come this way."

Spock disembarked and followed him as they make their way through the maelstrom of unfinished tents, platforms and topiary flowers. Spock moved solemnly, observing the mess and noting the android was an X-400 model, typically used in middle to upper class households.

The android led him through wide marbled corridors lined with paintings to a huge wooden door. Music and laughter could be heard on the other side. Opening the door, the android ushered Spock inside the brightly lit room.

It was crowded with guests, old and young alike, dressed in formal attire. None of them noticed him at first. Their attention was focused on a blindfolded young woman in the middle of the room. She was wearing a soft sleeveless purple gown and her long dark hair tumbled down her shoulders. A young man was turning her around in circles. After ten turns, he released the woman and everyone grew silent and avoided her searching hands.

"This is such a silly game," the young woman said.

"Be a sport and stop complaining," the man teased.

The woman moved toward his voice. Hurriedly, he backed away, flanked by his peers. They laughed.

She kept grasping at thin air in frustration. "Calvin Harrison! You'll be sorry you made me do this," she hissed.

More laughter rang out when suddenly Spock was pushed into the blindfolded woman's grip.

"Aha! I have someone," she declared. "Am I finished?"

"You have to tell who it is."

The woman touched Spock's face uncertainly. He grew uncomfortable, affected by her soft caresses. Brief bursts of emotion and thoughts came unbidden to his mind from hers. He sensed her nervousness, her delight at the unknown face, impressions he quickly suppressed, and sought to block it out. The young man watched jealously from the sideline.

"At least make a guess," one woman taunted. The rest of the group laughed again.

"I don't know. Hmm, curious ears," she whispered as her fingers touched Spock's large pointy ears.

Spock could take no more of this as he reached up and took hold of her hands. "Pardon me, Miss... They are having a laugh at your expense."

Immediately, she took the kerchief off to reveal a stunning beauty. Spock tried to compose himself as he realized that he was staring at Tom's daughter, Kate.

"Forgive me, I didn't know… who you were." Her large blue eyes stared back.

"I... I am looking for Professor Watson," he said.

The young man moved in between Spock and Kate, pushing her behind him. "We haven't heard your name yet."

Spock squelched the irrational abhorrence he felt towards this brash young man. "Unless your name is Thomas Julian Watson, you should not worry over mine," he said icily.

The man grabbed Spock's collar and threatened him."You need some manners, alien."

"Cal, stop it!" Kate cried out.

"There will be no violence in this house!" Tom's voice boomed as he emerged from the crowd. He went over to his daughter to assure her and stood beside his student.

"My friends, this is Mister Spock of Vulcan. He is my student and my guest," he said. "I asked him to come and he's going to stay with us for a few days. Isn't that right, Spock?"

"That is correct."

The response did not seem to sit well with Cal but he managed a smile. "It appears that Mister Spock has forgotten his luggage."

"I have not forgotten… I simply do not have any," Spock replied.

"That could easily be arranged. A couple of suits, some shirts, ties, underwear, shoes… Stuart could take his measurements off what he is wearing tonight," Tom said smoothly.

Disbelief rippled through the guests as they spoke in hushed tones. Now, they were even more intrigued by this Vulcan in their midst. Not relishing the attention, Spock told the professor, "I must ask you to pardon my intrusion upon this private affair. I do not wish to take up your time further, Professor. I wish to be excused..."

"Very well, we'll talk in the morning. Stuart will show you to your guestroom," Tom said as the android came to escort him out. "I'll have him deliver some plomeek soup to you."

"That won't be necessary. I've already had my sustenance. Good night, Professor," Spock said in a civil manner and nodded to the other guests, eyes lingering a little longer on the professor's daughter as he turned to leave.

He followed Stuart up a grand staircase that stretched to all main floors of the house. His guestroom, located at the end of the hallway on the west side, was luxurious compared to the stark conditions of his room at the Academy.

"Bathroom...shower...towels–" Stuart explained all the items in the bedroom. "...Chair, lamp, bed, wardrobe –"

Spock nodded.

"If there is anything you need, Mister Spock –"

"I won't."

"I will need to measure your clothing as instructed by the professor. If you could kindly leave them outside the room, I will return them in the morning. Good night, Mister Spock." The android turned around and closed the door softly behind it.

Spock sank down on the edge of the bed. He had not expected to intrude into his host's party. The earlier incident had forced him to realize just how much he had relaxed his mental disciplines since living in this generally non-telepathic society.

Once more, his thoughts strayed to the professor's daughter, Kate. She had not known that he was a touch telepath when she had unwittingly rattled his emotions. Generally, he avoided contact with human females except when it came to studies, lab or fieldwork. It was not that they were unattractive -- they were far more distracting than their Vulcan counterparts. Human females were warm, open and more aggressive. Contributing to the problem was Spock's own ambivalence about the attention even in the Academy. While generally repulsed by Earth's vastly different male-female social customs and freedom of expression, there was a part of him that was flattered and intrigued, nonetheless. He'd never been the focus of such interest on Vulcan. Spock found himself wondering if he dared to explore these alien customs – he was after all half-human.

"It is illogical to pursue this train of thought," he chided himself as he reigned in his emotions.

At this, he sat down to meditate.

*****

Tom noticed that Kate's eyes were still on the door where Spock had exited, her face reflecting her irritation and bewilderment, as well as a tinge of exhilaration.

"Who _is_ he?" she breathed, with that ominous note of subdued hysteria in her voice.

Tom decided to wait until later to explain the presence of Spock in their home. He hadn't expected the hostile reception from Cal and his friends. Perhaps they were only protecting Kate from the unknown.

It was late at night and Tom found it hard to sleep. Kate, Cal and her friends had gone to a nightclub in town so they would not be back until dawn. Tom's stomach growled noisily as he got up from his bed and headed downstairs to his fully automated kitchen. He sat down at the utilitarian counter, opened a jar of peanut butter and was spreading in generous chunks of bread.

"Good morning, Tom," said a familiar baritone voice.

Tom looked up and saw Spock standing in front of him, still wearing the Starfleet uniform. The Vulcan made no noise as he approached.

"Hungry?"

Spock shook his head. "May I sit?"

"Of course."

Spock noticed the peanut butter jar and asked, "What are you eating?"

"You mean this? It is old-fashioned, good ol' peanut butter," Tom explained and then realized that the Academy used a sequencer to make their food in the cafeteria. Spock could not have seen the real thing. "Want some?"

Spock nodded. Tom scooped a spoonful, offered it to Spock. "Don't worry…It is vegetarian."

The Vulcan swallowed it but he has not yet found a comfortable way of masticating the substance, his mouth and tongue went every which way. "It is agreeable," he finally said, putting down the empty spoon.

"Glad you liked it," Tom replied. "I'm sorry about the incident last night. I should've prepared my guests for your arrival."

"No need for apologies, Tom. I'm used to the stares," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Well, I hope I can make up for my _faux pas_. Is there anything else you need while you are here?"

"I could use a place to work and test my coding," he said.

"You can use my study," Tom suggested albeit with a little disappointment. "No one will disturb you in there. I was hoping you could take some time out to explore your surroundings. You must realize that in striving for excellence, all the hardship seeking fulfillment in the pursuit of knowledge and doing your utmost to come up to your father's expectations will not win you acceptance amongst your fellow shipmates if you bury yourself with work. Will you be at peace hanging on the fringes of society?"

Spock stared at Tom unblinking. "I am who I am," he said after a long silence.

Tom shook his head. "You are who you make yourself to be. It doesn't have to be a choice between two worlds, two cultures. I hope that one day you will come to realize this."

"Is this your effort to gain me acceptance amongst Humans? By bringing me here?" he demanded. Tom sensed him chafing beneath his immaculate uniform.

"I'm not a saint, Spock. I asked you here purely out of selfish reasons," Tom replied with a grin. "I'd like you to be here for my sixty-fifth birthday bash."

If Spock was embarrassed by his outburst, he did not show it. "I noticed the unfinished construction outside your front lawn."

"That is my daughter's doing. She insists on making a huge fuss about it."

Spock raised a fascinating eyebrow.

"Well, I'll see you in the morning," Tom said, hiding a yawn. "Good night, Spock."

"Good night, Tom."

Tom smiled as Spock appeared the next morning wearing the clothing that he had requisitioned for him – a white shirt with dark pants and canvas sneakers. There was an awkward pause as Kate noted his presence in the dining room with glazed fascination. Finally, Tom broke the ice, "Good morning, Spock. I trust you had a good rest last night…"

"Yes, I had. Here are the proposed changes to the coding for the memory banks," Spock said as he passed the data pad to Tom.

"Thank you, Spock. Will you join us for breakfast?"

Spock nodded stiffly as he took a seat at Tom's left, acutely aware of Kate's appraisal.

"I believe you've met my daughter, Kate," said Tom.

Spock was looking at her when he replied, "Yes. I had the honor of making her acquaintance last night."

"You certainly made quite an impression last night. Dad tells me you are from Vulcan, Mister Spock. What a curious name you have! Is there any more to it? Like Han _Solo_, Luke _Skywalker_ or Zaphod _Beeblebrox_?" she said lightly, leaning closer.

Spock turned to Tom with a raised eyebrow.

He shot a look at his mischievous daughter. "What she means is a family name or clan name to go with Spock…"

"My full name is un-pronounceable by humans," he replied drily. "So I would rather be known as Spock."

"Is that so?" Kate huffed in annoyance. "Are you saying that humans are _incapable_ of addressing you properly that you had to make concessions?"

"That is not what I said."

"No, it was what you meant!" Kate said petulantly.

"Mister Spock comes from a very distinguished clan in Vulcan. His ancestors were the founders of Vulcan as we know today," Tom hurriedly added, hoping to dispel the tension crackling the atmosphere.

"Aha! Another royal snob. I don't think I can have a proper conversation with someone who obviously think we are the inferior species," Kate huffed as she stood and gave a perfunctory kiss on Tom's cheek, ignoring the Vulcan. "I'm out for the rest of the day. See you later, Dad."

*****

The sound of the door opening indicated that Kate was back. Tom was sitting on the terrace overlooking the Hudson River and he motioned to her to please sit beside him on the bench, she quietly acquiesced.

"I've been waiting to talk to you all day," Tom admonished gently.

"I'm sorry I behaved badly at breakfast. I've never really met a Vulcan before at least, not one that is my age," she muttered as she slipped her hand under his arm. "I found Spock's behavior very annoying this morning."

"I don't think Spock meant to offend us by simplifying his name."

After a moments' silence, she asked, "Dad, will you tell me more about these people? Are they always so stand-offish and cold?"

"Vulcans pride themselves on their lack of emotion and their machine-like "logic" which has saved them from a violent and war-like past."

He added, "They were the first alien race to acknowledge us when we acquired warp technology. History dictates that their first words to Zephram Cochrane were "Live long and prosper". Hardly stand-offish, I think. They are brilliant scientists and mathematicians, almost single minded in their pursuit of knowledge. Apart from that, nothing much is known about their culture and traditions, except that their life is steeped in the teachings of Surak and governed by logic. They maintain a very simple lifestyle and are vegans."

Not wanting to romanticize the notion, he said, "I'd like to think of them as 'onions'…"

Kate stared at her father in surprise. "What do you mean by that?"

Tom chuckled. "I mean layers. Onions have layers. Vulcans have layers too… under all that cold logic, I think Vulcans like Spock feels emotion very deeply but he's just restricted in the ways that he can express it ."

"What a terrible price to pay for peace," she murmured.

"Why is _he_ here? ... in our house?" Kate wanted to know. "You've never invited any of your students over before."

"This one is special…" Tom said with a twinkle in his blue eyes.

"Hmm, if he means that much to you, I'll make peace with Spock. Perhaps if I could make dinner tonight and apologize to him," she said with excitement. "Now, where did you keep all those Vulcan cooking recipes?"

Tom laughed. "I have no idea what you're talking about. By the way, you mentioned that Spock was 'another' royal snob. Who was the _other_ royal snob you met?"

Kate was taken aback by her father's astute observation. "Nothing ever gets past you, Dad."

"I _am_ your father," Tom said good-naturedly.

"I'll tell you all about it another day. Now, I need to prepare dinner!" said Kate as she jumped up and hurried to the kitchen.

*****

That evening, Kate had taken upon herself to cook a vegan dinner. The dining table was soon filled with bowls of lettuce, butterheads, cucumber, bean sprouts, tomatoes, apples and a variety of herbs. But Spock had chosen to stay in the study to work without explanation or apology. Tom had spoken to him earlier and he came out looking grim. "He's not coming to dinner."

"What's wrong with my cooking?" she demanded in that ominous tone. Kate was visibly affronted.

"There's nothing wrong with your cooking," Tom said, valiantly spearing the greens piled on the plate with a fork. "Nothing at all."

"He hasn't even bothered to come and see what it is."

"Spock was busy with the coding. He is a very diligent boy…"

"Maybe if I asked him personally," Kate offered. "I'm sure he needs rest and something to eat."

Tom shook his head. "Leisure is not something a Vulcan understands."

"How awful!"

"Kate, let's finish dinner… It's been a long day," Tom said gently.

"I'm not hungry," she mumbled, almost in tears. Snatching her own untouched plate off the table, she rushed to put away the pots and pans in the kitchen.

When Kate had gone to bed, Tom sat for several hours staring into the empty hearth in the living room, trying to think what to do for the best. Toward midnight and reaching a sudden decision, Tom took out a plate of leftover vegetarian pie from the refrigerator and knocked on the door of the study.

Spock had been working on the coding all day. Several data pads were scattered all over the dark oak desk. He quickly got to his feet at Tom's unexpected intrusion.

"I've found a way to improve the Kobayashi Maru's response time by 5.4 seconds," he said but Tom held up his hand.

"I didn't come in here to check on you. I brought some food," Tom said. "It's vegetarian pie."

"I'm not hungry," Spock answered flatly.

"Very well, Kate spent the whole evening preparing this for you. I just thought you should know."

Spock looked up at him suddenly, his face inscrutable. Then reaching out his hand, he took a spoonful of the pie and swallowed its contents without another murmur of protest.


	3. Friends

Chapter 3

Spock wandered down the hallway from the study at 0400 hours, past several modern sculptures, a Venetian tapestry and a miniature Ming vase along the way. He made his way down the stairs passing a Bonsai garden with a trickling fountain and koi pond. In the living room were pictures of Tom's family dating to the early twentieth century. He studied their faces -- there was a pioneering strength in their visage... a stoicism and power. Then he came across a newer photograph of a lovely woman. She had an uncanny resemblance to Kate. _She must be Tom's wife_, he mused.

Just beyond the garden was a mini studio with glass paneled walls. Suddenly, his sensitive Vulcan ears picked up the lilting notes of the piano drifting from the room. It was too early for anyone to be awake at this hour. He stepped closer and saw Kate dressed in a black leotard, her long hair piled up on her head and soft shoes moving gracefully on the wooden floor, rising to the tempo of the music. He watched her with intensity as the music aroused strangely urgent and compelling, almost primitive urges, stripping him bare.

The soft yellow light traced every curve of her body and a thought came to him that he hastily pushed away. After a while, the urgent desire ebbed away, leaving him calm and cold once more, entirely in control of his body. Lust was only a rush of blood, an animal instinct that he could contain with his mind.

She was fire, he was ice.

*****

While Spock observed her, Kate was totally unaware of him. Her eyes were closed and her movement intricate and physically demanding -- tilted battements, lunges, rond de jambes in plie and under curves, the music driving her body and soul as she danced.

In the end, she leaped high into the air and landed gracefully, finishing with a body roll and pose. Pleased with her workout, Kate stood up and reached for the towel and was startled when she saw Spock's reflection on the window.

"Oh, it's you," she muttered, gathering her wits.

Kate met him in the doorway. "What are you doing here?"

"Why aren't you resting at this hour?" Spock came back with a question.

"That's none of your business, Mister Spock. I asked you first."

"I was working in Tom's study until I came out about 10.5 minutes ago," Spock replied.

"You must have something really big going on with my father –"

"Big?" A raised eyebrow looked almost comical and cute on Spock.

"My father is not the sort to keep secrets from his family. He never once mentioned you and here you are… You appear at his side out-of-the-blue, stay at his house, eat with his family, it's practically a first," she told him. "Getting snubbed for my culinary skills was also a first… for me."

Spock straightened his back. "I didn't mean to offend you by not appearing at dinner. I'm not quite at ease with humans. Sometimes I prefer doing - uh - what I do, and I don't seem to have developed –"

He paused.

Kate waited. "Yes --?"

Changing his tone, he said, "I have many tasks to perform, and that alone takes up all of my time."

_Was there a hint of self-pity somewhere in there?_ She wondered.

"I dance to get the edge off… It helps me to sleep," she found herself answering his earlier question. "…which I will do now. Goodnight, Mister Spock."

"Goodnight to you, Kate."

Kate wanted to step out while Spock anticipated the wrong direction -- they almost stepped into each other. As she took a step in the other direction, so did Spock, again they almost collide.

"Shall we dance?" she asked in jest.

Spock was completely puzzled; finally, allowing her to pass.

"I think you want to go to the west wing. Through there…" Kate indicated down the hallway, in the direction of his room.

Spock noted the direction for a moment.

"Thank you."

As they both parted ways, Kate snuck furtive looks at Spock across the garden and was surprised that he turned to look back at her too. Embarrassed, Kate quickly walked away.

*****

Kate went ahead with the birthday preparations without any mention of Spock while the Vulcan remained sequestered in the study. Florists, builders and chefs fought for her attention as they rushed to complete the venue in time for the birthday bash.

"Dad, here's the guest list for the evening," she had said, handing him a data pad. "Is there anyone else you might want to include? I think everyone is in the list – your old schoolmates, Academy instructors, golf buddies, even our old neighbors from San Francisco."

Tom was impressed by the effort she had put into his birthday bash. "I was hoping to celebrate this year with a bunch of close friends and family," he said almost wistfully.

"We've been doing that every year. I want this year to be special… for you," she insisted, hugging her father.

"When is Mark coming back?"

"Oh, he said he'll be here on Friday… apparently, he handling a complicated legal case in the UK right now," Kate told him.

Then the door bell rang and Stuart appeared, holding three boxes of cake. "Miss Kate, the packages from La Scala have arrived."

"Thank you, Stuart. I'll take it from here," she said.

"Dad, I ordered some samples of cake from a renowned New York patisserie, La Scala. I know you don't like chocolate so I ordered orange, made from real Seville oranges…Lemon, on a mille-feuille crust and good old vanilla, with angel food and some maroons shavings thrown in. What do you think?"

"I don't like cake. Period," Tom said with a sigh. This was all a little overwhelming.

Kate looked crestfallen. "A birthday isn't complete without cake."

"Kate, I don't want you to wear yourself down with unnecessary worries," he said firmly. "With or without a party..."

But his daughter did not seem to hear him as she took a dainty piece from each cake and fed it to him. "Dad, I've been planning this party for a month now. Everything is going according to plan. Now, which cake will it be?"

Before Tom could answer, there was an incoming communication for Kate. "It's Master Harrison," Stuart said.

"Why is he calling me?" Kate muttered as she answered the call in the hall.

Tom could not help over-hearing Kate's animated conversation with Cal, trying to make sense of her present relationship with the son of Bill Harrison, CEO of the largest media company on Earth.

"_What did you say? …A party at your place? Hmm, I love surprises Cal."_

"_Yeah, sure… I'll be there in an hour."_

"_See you later."  
_

Kate returned to her father with a quizzical look on her face. "Cal's having a party at his estate in New Hampshire. He's invited me over."

Handsome, charming in an arrogant way, intelligent and exceedingly wealthy, Cal had all the qualities that a woman would look for, Tom mused. "Do you love him, Kate? Do you love Cal?" he suddenly posed the question to his daughter.

"Relax, Dad. I'm only seventeen," she chided. "I'm not about to run-off and marry anytime soon."

"Well, you two seem to spend a lot of time together. I like Cal, he's a nice guy but at the same time I want you to be swept away, be deliriously happy. Or at least leave yourself open to be."

Kate frowned. "Dad, are you ill? Cause I've never heard you say what you've just said to me."

"I'm perfectly fine, Kate," he assured her.

"You just spooked me a little there," she indicated with a sigh of relief. "I guess I'll need a really big wave to be swept away, wouldn't I?"

Tom laughed.

"Hmm, is Cal's invitation exclusive? I was wondering if Spock would be interested in accompanying you to the party," said Tom, thinking aloud. "He needs to get out more."

"You want me to babysit Spock?" said Kate incredulously.

"I'm sure he is capable of taking care of himself."

"Are you kidding me? Cal nearly beat him up a few nights ago and you want him to come along," Kate reminded him. Tom became aware of Kate's heightened interest in Spock as her face flushed at his name. So far, she had avoided any reference to him in their conversations.

"Vulcans are stronger than humans. I would be more worried for Cal, if I were you."

"Oh, and I thought you were going to say he was invincible and his only weakness was kryptonite," said Kate flippantly. "Actually, Cal didn't say I couldn't bring a guest…as long as he keeps out of trouble."

Tom wasn't sure that Spock would stay out of trouble but he was sure that Kate's indifference was only a façade that concealed something deeper. When he brought up the trip to Spock, he seemed amenable to the arrangement.

*****

The Harrison's estate in New Hampshire was huge, encompassing undulating green hills and valleys spreading far and wide. Cal's father, Bill Harrison had built a futuristic villa on top of a hill overlooking the magnificent valley. The outdoor pool was filled with young people frolicking in the cool water as loud music blasted from high-powered speakers.

Cal looked down at the party scene from the balcony of his villa –the outdoor pool was crowded with his friends, dancers and show people, models, artists, musicians, predominantly young people of all colors, shapes and sizes. He had been a patron of the arts for a while… that's where he had met Kate.

_Ah, my wild and uncontrollable Kate! _he mused.

Kate had had a string of boyfriends before she met Cal. She had just got back from her holiday in Greece and had tired of her latest lover, an unknown actor whose skills were rather limited to pleasuring women. Sparks flew the instant they met at a friend's party some years back. The attraction was evident as they could not tear their eyes off each other – he had never seen such an exotic beauty. Kate had found him to be charming and devilishly handsome. He also happened to be one of America's most eligible bachelors –_– _a catch every woman would want for herself_. _ But Cal didn't want any girl. He had wanted Kate Watson.

On her sixteenth birthday, he had whisked her off to the French Riviera and they had made love in the back seat of his hover car. Theirs was a torrid love affair which lasted a few months until she was found unconscious in her bathroom in a suicide attempt. Kate had slit her own wrists in a drunken, drug induced hallucination and Cal had rushed her to the hospital.

They barely managed to save her. Cal had decided to send her for treatment in a private clinic in Switzerland. He could have dumped her after that episode but he realized that he couldn't. After her recovery, Kate became distant. She wanted to see other people but they kept coming back to each other. There was something about her that he could not identify, was it lust or something more?

"What is the heir of the Harrison Empire doing here all alone?" a low and sexy voice purred.

Cal was distracted when a lovely platinum-haired woman had sidled up next to him. He stared at her – she was wearing a white bikini top, highlighting her ample cleavage and blue denim shorts. A gust of cold wind blew and she shivered. Her nipples grew hard from the cold and protruded over the smooth bikini top.

"What is your name?" he asked.

"I'm Michelle," she answered coyly, batting her long eyelashes. "We met at the art exhibition in Cannes last year."

Ah yes, he remembered her very well and art was not part of that memory.

"I could stay here and accompany you if you'd like, Cal," she suggested, batting her eyelashes. It was obvious what she wanted from him as she pressed her body against his.

Cal suddenly spotted the Watsons' hover car pull up in a courtyard of the villa. Two androids rushed to the car and open the doors for them. Some of Cal's guests stopped in their tracks, and double-take as Spock emerged from the vehicle.

_What's he doing here with Kate?_ Cal thought irritably.

"Later, Michelle..." he said to his companion, pushing her away as he walked down to meet the newly arrived guests.

He eyed the beautiful Kate Watson, who was dressed in a simple pink camisole, dark Capri pants and thong slippers. She looked fresh-faced and healthy after she had recovered from her drug abuse last year. Kate looked up and saw him and the girl.

"Kate!" Cal planted a kiss on her cheek as he came down to meet her. "Glad you could make it."

Then turning to the Vulcan, he said, "Mister Spock, I wasn't expecting you. Welcome to my _humble_ abode. Let me show you around first."

The villa was a beacon of modernity—glass walled, automated with a thoroughly integrated computer system that regulated and maintains every aspect of the house, including its energy in and out. Bill had made the house to function totally off-grid with sunlight used to illuminate every inch of the house.

"Explain how do you illuminate the house at night?" Spock was curious.

"Patented fiber-optic tubes – they also act as dimmer switches to keep rooms from getting too bright," Cal replied as he gave them a tour of the place.

"My dad also installed an environmental-friendly designed water system. Water is collected from the atmosphere and stored inside of a closed system--purified and re-circulated. Although the outdoor pool presents challenges, atmospheric moisture collectors ensure that the mansion needs no outside water source," he added.

Cal turned to observe Kate and Spock – Kate looked bored while Spock, if he had been impressed by what he had seen, his expression was neutral. Out of curiosity and concern for Kate, Cal had had Spock's background checked -- his Academy records were impeccable and his father was a Vulcan Ambassador. He began to wonder if Spock was a rival for Kate's affections.

The rest of the home was relatively conventional--well, conventional for a billionaire. All the guestrooms were on par with luxury suites of a hotel. There were several meeting rooms for business as well as several levels that were devoted to entertainment. Cal brought them to the atrium at the villa's core, an expansive dining room which opened out to an awesome balcony overlooking the beautiful mountains to take advantage of the spectacular sunrises and sunsets.

"I'm hungry… what's for lunch?" Kate inquired.

*****

Kate made her way to the poolside bar and was intercepted by an athletic young man, dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts.

"Hey, Kate!"

He hugged and kissed her full on the lips. "We missed you."

Embarrassed by the intimacy in front of Spock and Cal, she pulled awkwardly away from him. "Josh, I missed you too," she teased her high school friend. "Where are Akumu and Lizzie?"

Then she saw her two other friends waving wildly at them. She waved back, smiling broadly.

"Kate! Come join us!" Josh said, pulling her along.

"We thought you weren't going to show up…" Lizzie said, sipping her cocktail drink. She was wearing a garish pink bikini which clashed with her red hair.

"Yeah, you've gotta try the pool… it's awesome," Akumu, her African friend insisted.

"Who's your cute friend?" Lizzie's roving eyes looked Spock over.

"Oh … Spock is a guest at my house," Kate was unsure of whether he was a "friend". "Spock is from Vulcan."

"Vulcan!" Josh exclaimed. "You're far from home, Spock. Are you here on a social visit or with some cultural exchange program?"

"He's a student at Starfleet Academy in San Francisco," Kate explained but her friends had little interest in science or space exploration. They merely nodded.

"Tell me, Mister Spock," Lizzie said, linking her arm with his. "Do you like swimming?"

"I don't swim…Water is a scarce commodity on Vulcan," he told her blandly as he extricated himself from her.

"Maybe, you'd like a drink…" Cal suggested. "We have beer, wine, whatever you want."

Spock shook his head. "I prefer tea."

Everyone was stunned for a moment.

"Yes, we do have tea…" Cal signaled the android servant over. "Please get this gentleman a cup of Earl Grey."

"Yes, sir..."

Spock said, "I would like to see your greenhouse, if you don't mind?"

"Sure… just don't wander too near the perimeter fencing," said Cal as they watched Spock wander away on his own.

Rolling her eyes, Lizzie turned and whispered in Kate's ear. "What a dreadful cold fish…"

"Apparently, they are emotionless," she whispered back. "It's in their nature."

"It's a shame," Lizzie lamented. "He's got a nice tush… and very sexy ears."

Kate laughed. "Lizzie!"

"Seriously, don't you want to jump him?"

"_NO_," Kate emphasized, glancing at the Vulcan. "I don't want to sleep with him."

Lizzie's eyes widened as she waved her empty glass. "Then I'll have another stiff drink to drown my disappointment… you coming?"

When Kate returned, she found Spock had returned from his garden tour. He was looking quite lost in a world where atoms and science didn't matter. He was watching a group of people dancing; their bodies caressing in slow motion, totally in control yet uninhibited.

"In our group... you have to trust people... not be afraid of expressing yourself... to use your body…Sexuality is a big part of it... A lot of the dancers have multiple partners, male or female…" Kate said as she sat down beside him.

Spock digested her words as he tilted his head ever so slightly towards her. "I have observed that Humans enjoy engaging in brief couplings and that copulation between Humans that have no previous history together is most intriguing," he said clinically.

_He spoke as if he was observing lab mice_!

"Then your _observation_ of the human mating rituals is grossly inadequate, Mister Spock," she spoke huffily as she stood up and walked away.

Kate couldn't find Cal anywhere. Josh was totally pissed drunk while Akumu and Lizzie were busy making out on the couch. In one corner, a group of young people were sniffing substances and getting high. Shuddering from the memory of her own experience, Kate quickly walked away in the other direction.

Suddenly a door to one of the rooms opened and a young woman that Cal had been talking to earlier came out, adjusting her hair and clothes. She looked at Kate with a languorous smile, and walked away. Kate stared, shocked and speechless, as she disappeared around the corridor. She pushed open the door and found Cal sitting on the bed, naked.

"What is going on, Cal?"

"About what?" he avoided her question as he dressed.

Kate approached the bed, unnerved.

"What have you been doing with her?"

"Nothing that you wouldn't do…"

Kate was paralyzed by the humiliation of having caught Cal having sex with another woman. "You're right… I've no business knowing who you sleep with," she said coldly and exited the room.

*****

He found her in the entertainment room lying on large velvet floor cushions and listening to some digital media from his selection, oblivious of his presence. Cal snuck up behind Kate and put his hand around her tiny waist in an act of possession, not intimacy.

"Do you mind?" she snapped, moving away from him.

"I know you're upset, and I don't pretend to know why," he murmured in her ear.

From behind his back, he pulled out a black jewel case. "I intended to save this till after your father's birthday party. But I thought tonight might be appropriate..."

"What is it?"

Kate slowly opened the box. Inside was a diamond studded necklace in all its glory. The perfectly cut stones glittering with scalpel-like inner reflections.

Her eyes widened in astonishment. "Oh, Cal... Is it —"

"Diamonds? Yes it is…"

"It was once worn by Princess Diana of Wales…"

"It's... it's overwhelming," she managed.

He gazed at the image of the two of them in the mirror. "It was made for royalty. And we are royalty."

His fingers caressed her neck and throat. He seemed to be disarmed by Kate's beauty. His emotion was, for the first time, unguarded as he pulled her closer till she was flushed against his chest.

Kate's eyelids began to flutter and close as she responded to his touch. He let his hands wander from her shoulders, breasts and down her hips.

"I've desired you ever since I saw you. There's nothing I couldn't give you. There's nothing I'd deny you if you say you'll be mine, Kate."

Kate's eyes snapped open, the mood dissolving into thin air. Breaking free of Cal's arms, she said, "Cal, I'm sorry. I can't accept this gift."

"I hoped that you might someday," Cal was insistent.

Kate could not bear looking at him as she said, "I… I have to go now."

"Can't you stay a little while longer?" Cal was disappointed.

"No, I've to some… last minute things I need to sort out for my father's grand celebration," Kate muttered as she shoved the gift back into his hands.

Unconvinced, Cal caught her hand. "She meant nothing to me!"

Kate was silent as she looked away.

"I did what you told me to... see other people. I'm only going to be young once.... What did you think I was going to do...? You can't expect me to wait for you to make up your mind. I'm not that strong. Kate, this is my life…"

"Let me go, Cal," she glared angrily at him, wrenching her wrist from his grasp.

"Kate –"

She left without looking back.


	4. Outing with Kate

Chapter 4

Spock noticed the change in Kate's mood when she came out of the entertainment room and Cal had stormed off the other way. Something must have happened between them. He had seen how volatile human relationships could be at the Academy -- many of them barely lasted one semester. He had to admire their resilience though, bouncing back with vigor and hope as they pursued someone new. Humans tend to rank their emotions higher than logic when selecting a mate.

"Spock, shall we?"

Kate was looking at him and waiting for his response. He nodded and promptly followed her.

The trip back to the Watson's country estate was fraught with raw tension. Kate sat quietly for the whole of the journey, staring out the hover car window in brooding silence. Spock welcomed the silence as he closed his eyes and kept his own counsel.

"Have you ever regretted doing something you wished you hadn't?" she suddenly put a question to him as she exited the hover car.

"No… it would be pointless to dwell on past actions," Spock replied.

Kate hesitated for a moment, shrugged as if she had a thought she didn't want to share, then headed up the stairs. She was trudging a bit and Spock sensed it. "He has hurt you…" he said.

She shook her head. "Please. We don't need to talk about Cal…"

"I'm sorry." Spock apologized for bringing up the subject but Kate waved it off.

"That's okay."

"What's okay?" Spock inquired.

"Just a manner of speaking… Never mind, I'm tired. I'm going to bed," she said and left him standing at the foot of the stairs.

*****

Kate pulled on her silk pajamas and brushed her long hair. Her heart felt heavy as she sighed. Her phone beeped by her bedside and on seeing Cal's number flashing on the view screen, she switched it off angrily. Finding him in bed with another woman had hurt her more than she cared to admit. Tonight, she had almost given in to Cal but something held her back, something about Cal that didn't seem quite right.

She knew that Cal had had many lovers – it should not have distressed her. In fact, Cal had angrily reminded her that it was _HER_ choice to end their relationship. Kate was torn between her love for dancing and being with Cal. He would never permit her to pursue a career she had always wanted and Kate could not imagine being a trophy wife, being kept in a gilded cage forever. She dreamed of dancing on all the famous stages where legends like Isadora Duncan, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Margot Fonteyn, Rudolph Nureyev, Martha Graham and contemporary dancers like Marie Okada and Tom Ayling danced. Perhaps she would never find the kind of happiness that her mother had found with her father. Slowly, her thoughts drifted to her beloved mother. Her kind face always showed compassion and understanding.

"What should I do?" she whispered sadly and hugged her pillow close. "Will I ever find someone who loves me for who I am?"

The house was quiet in the mid-morning when she finally came out of her room. Stuart was pruning the indoor plants with a pair of garden scissors.

"Stuart, where is my father?" she asked the android.

"The Professor has gone to town to visit an old friend."

"Thank you. Stuart. You may return to your work," Kate said.

"Yes, Miss Kate."

While on the way to the kitchen, she glanced in the direction of her father's study and wondered if Spock was in there. She knew her father had kept a lot of books and reference materials in his study so it was no surprise where Spock chose to spend his time. She walked up to the door and tapped it softly. There was no answer so she decided to let herself in, curious to find out what he had been doing all this time.

_It's so strange in here_, she thought. In the middle of her father's desk were coils, wires and something which looked like an antique radio – an early twentieth century invention. Her knowledge of science was somewhat perfunctory, but she recognized the apparatus that had been in the family for generations and that it had been broken.

_What is it doing in Spock's hands?_ She wondered.

Then, she heard the door slide open. "Miss Kate."

She felt her pulse quicken as she recognized Spock's voice. She turned around and smiled, carefully avoiding eye contact.

"Hello, Spock," she said brightly.

He was standing at the doorway with his hands behind his back. "Did you want to see me?"

She noted a hint of pique in his voice, feeling like the little girl who was caught with her hand in a cookie jar.

"N…No, err… I … was…" she stammered, looking for a reason or excuse for her presence. "…looking for my dad."

"Your father is not here," Spock stated the obvious.

"Apparently, so… I should leave you to your work now," she said hastily and retreated to the door.

"My hobby, actually," he corrected her.

Kate turned around in surprise.

"I found this antique 20th century receiver device in the back of your father's study. He had graciously allowed me to fix it in my spare time. I studied Earth's Engineering History in my first year at the Academy and I am familiar with the workings of the thermionic valve," Spock explained. "Stuart has rendered valuable assistance in procuring the parts for me."

"Then I won't disturb you further," said Kate as Spock's explanation seemed beyond her comprehension.

"Kate," he suddenly called to her. "Would you be interested in an excursion to the New York Metropolis?"

She was speechless – the taciturn Spock had approached her of his own accord. "I… I would be glad to show you around," she managed to say.

His reaction was a slight upturn of his lips. "Is fifteen minutes sufficient time for you to be ready? I shall wait for you in the foyer."

Kate changed into a light cotton dress and comfortable walking shoes. She brushed her long hair and stared at the mirror. _Should I let my hair down or up?_ she frowned as she let it down. W_hy am I so concerned about how I look to Spock? He probably won't notice._

But Spock did notice – for a brief moment, she could see the admiration in his eyes. However, it disappeared as soon as he turned to enter the hover car. Thinking it was an illusion, she shrugged it off.

They visited some of the sights in New York Metropolis, a new city built after the ice caps had melted because of the greenhouse gases, and the oceans had risen to drown so many cities along all the shorelines of the world – old Amsterdam. Venice. New York. Forever lost.

Kate tried to answer Spock's questions regarding the places they had visited. She was pleasantly surprised that Spock showed a keen interest in Earth's music and art as he studied each work/piece carefully -- he was particularly interested in a desert painting by one of the contemporary artists.

"Does Vulcan have music and poetry?" she inquired.

"Yes. Vulcan has a rich history of music and poetry. The earliest recorded work is ten thousand years old," he told her.

Kate was impressed by his knowledge of the Vulcan arts as he told her of the times when his ancestors were fierce warriors and how from the ashes of war, music and poetry were born; works exalting the brave, celebrating the victory and remembering the fallen...

_Surely there must be some romantic works – works that celebrated beauty, love, joy and sorrow? _she mused.

He had neglected to explain that part to her, as if he had consciously edited it out but Kate didn't press further.

"Do you play any musical instruments?" she asked.

"I play the Vulcan lyre. It's a string instrument," came the reply.

"I've never heard the sound of a Vulcan lyre before," she said whimsically.

Spock turned to her; his eyes seemed to pierce her soul. "Some day you will..."

He uttered those words with a conviction that made her pulse quicken and a warm feeling coursed through her. Flustered, she looked away and stammered, "Shall we check out the Pottery section?"

As they were about to exit an art museum, she overheard someone call out to Spock. "My husband, isn't that Spock, Sarek's son?"

A Vulcan couple came forward holding up their hands in a Vulcan salute. "Greetings, Spock."

Spock stiffened – he seemed to recognize them as his fingers parted in a similar salute. "Greetings, Soran… T'Len. This is Miss Kate Watson, a friend."

Kate smiled and held out her hand. Soran and T'Len chose to ignore it and nodded slightly to her before turning to speak with Spock.

"What are you doing here?" Soran inquired. "Your father was with us on the starship, Seleya when we docked at San Francisco. Did he not inform you of his arrival?"

Spock raised a bushy eyebrow. "No, he did not."

"Why is that?" T'Len asked.

In a strained voice, Spock replied, "My father and I have not spoken in 4.5 years."

"It is most unfortunate," Soran said smugly. "None of his sons have decided to follow in his footsteps."

Kate sensed the tension between Spock and the Vulcan couple. _What had caused Spock to sever all ties with his father?_ She wondered.

"How is your son, Stonn?" Spock finally asked and changing the subject. He did not wish to dwell on his father.

"Stonn is doing well -- he was offered a place in the coveted Astrophysics Department on the Vulcan Science Council," T'Len replied, nodding proudly to her husband. "It is an honor for our house to serve Vulcan."

"Indeed. After all, Stonn had come in _second_ in all the pre-qualification examinations set by the Science Academy in my year."

Soran's eyes blazed. "If you hadn't turned down a place at the Science Academy, you too would be serving Vulcan instead of wasting your time here."

Kate could see that Spock was struggling to maintain his cool demeanor and that he resented his predicament, and was not above being sarcastic. "I am exploring my options at this moment," he said icily.

"Indeed," Soran said as he threw Kate a disdainful glance.

Kate bit back a protest – she didn't like the way Soran was insinuating that they might be involved. But Spock would not confirm nor deny this.

"So you decided to join Starfleet to be a subordinate to humans?" T'Len sneered.

"I will report to whoever is my commanding officer," Spock replied with barely concealed restraint.

Sensing Spock's anger, Soran turned to his wife. "We have another engagement… am I right, T'Len?"

"Yes, my husband," T'Len responded by crossing her fingers with Soran. "It is time to leave. Live long and prosper, Spock… in whatever you do."

Spock did not bother to reciprocate as they turned and walked away. Kate noticed that he had gripped the banister so tightly that the metal bar had twisted out of shape. "Spock, are you all right?" she became concerned.

After a long moment of silence, he turned to her and said, "I must apologize -- my people do not greet each other by touching hands."

"That's okay, Spock. I'm more concerned about you," she said. "My father will understand if you wish to return to San Francisco to meet your father…"

"That won't be necessary," he cut in harshly as he exited the museum in long strides.

After that, Spock did not seem interested in any exhibits or sights of the metropolis. She could see that his thoughts were far away.

As she passed a boutique in a shopping mall, a sleeveless deep red gown on display distracted Kate – it had delicate sequins cum lace sewn around the bodice and layers of light material flowed from the waist. She did not have anything special to wear for her father's party and she would love to try on that dress on display.

"Spock, could we step inside for a while?" she asked.

He nodded automatically.

Kate immediately requested for the gown. The salesperson nodded and promptly brought it out for her. "This just arrived yesterday. Would you like to try it on?" she asked.

"Yes."

Kate liked the way the gown fitted her snugly and the layers of soft had accentuated her curves. She felt like a princess as she smoothed out the layers of her gown in front of the dressing room mirror. After she had paid for her purchase, she found Spock standing by the display window, deep in thought.

_We all have our own demons_, she sighed.

She suddenly wondered about Vulcan females – are they as cold as Spock? How do the Vulcan males treat them? Obviously, there must be some kind of attraction for procreation to happen. Does Spock have a mate waiting for him in Vulcan?

Spock was such a private person that it would take a lot to earn his trust and confidence, she mused. Her father seemed able to penetrate that wall of silence with limited success and it took him many years to do that. If she could somehow cheer him up, then an idea came to her.

Kate brought him to see the magnificent sunset on top of a cliff; a sheer rock wall that rose high above the sea level located just a few kilometers from the metropolis. Here, the ocean views were incomparable as the very last rays of the sun was setting over the wide expanse of ocean, the light catching Kate and Spock as they stood at the precipice, and the melodic percussion of waves tapping the rocks was calming. "It's lovely out here, isn't it?" she said, taking a deep breath. "Welcome to Liberty Bay."

"Indeed," he replied, contemplating the view.

"My mother used to bring me here a lot when I was young. She said that the sound of waves crashing on the side of the cliffs calmed and inspired her," said Kate with a wistful smile. "She would dance around me, like this…"

Suddenly, Kate took off her shoes and started dancing for him. There was no need for costumes or a stage. There were no rules; her movements relaxed, flowing like the rolling waves, carefree like the wind and the music playing in her mind.

"This is my dance routine for my entrance application to the National Conservatory in Cologne," she said breathlessly. "They will be coming to New York next week and I want them to notice me."

"It would be impossible for them not to notice you… your talent," Spock quickly corrected himself.

Kate almost stumbled -- his meaning not lost to her. "I believe you just gave me a compliment," she teased.

When he remained impassive, she stepped closer to him. Kate guessed how she could have looked to him: cheeks flushed, breasts heaving from the physical exertion and her mouth parted ever so slightly. Spock turned his eyes to hers. Kate's heart skipped a beat as she could have sworn there was something more in those enigmatic eyes than he would care to admit.

"Thank you, Spock," she whispered, taking a deep breath.

Spock quickly looked down and she thought his awkwardness quite endearing. "We have to go now," she said, looking to him for an indication of what to do next.

But neither of them moved.

"Don't we?"

Her question made Spock almost involuntarily, smile. Kate took the opportunity to step back from him and walk to the hover car. Her heart was beating wildly and her head feeling light – this was not what she had expected being with someone like Spock!

Leave it unsaid, she thought.


	5. Closer

Chapter 5

The party preparations were in full swing -- colored lights were hung on trees and tested, tables were set and platforms were raised for the stage and music speakers. A five-piece band played a few riffs and made sound checks as the day progressed. In the midst of it all, an amphibicopter landed in a clearing nearby as the passengers disembarked.

"Dad!" a familiar voice exclaimed.

Tom was sitting on the terrace observing the cacophony in the front lawn. He immediately stood up from his chair as he recognized the tall, blond haired man who had just disembarked. He had brought a young lady with him.

"Mark, you made it!"

"I would never miss this for the world," his son said, hugging him. "Dad, I'd like you to meet Dr. Helen Ross."

Mark brought his guest forward. She was about Mark's age, with green eyes, curly brown hair and a freckled face. Tom was struck by her beauty and grace.

"Nice to meet you, Professor," she greeted him with a warm handshake.

Then Tom noticed a solitaire diamond ring on her finger and affectionate looks exchanged between them. It took a moment before he put two and two together. "Are you two engaged?"

Mark practically beamed. "I wanted to break the news to you personally but you guessed right...I proposed to her last week while we were on Jupiter Station. "

"My son is a real lucky man," Tom remarked as Helen blushed. "Welcome to the family."

Mark looked around and wondered, "Where's Kate?"

Suddenly, a scream echoed from the hallway and Kate practically launched herself at her brother. "Mark!"

Mark approached his little sister with arms open wide. "Kate! You're growing more beautiful each day," he said with admiration.

"Flattery won't get you anywhere, mister!"

"Well, it worked on some ladies," quipped Mark as he introduced Helen to Kate.

"Don't take him too seriously," Kate said to her.

"I won't," replied Helen.

They laughed joyously as the group headed into the house. The living area was filled with laughter and merriment as the family got together. Kate was teasing her brother and his fiancée mercilessly about their upcoming wedding.

"_Tell us more about yourself, Helen?"_

"_How did you two meet?"_

"_Have you set a wedding date yet?"_

It felt like Christmas or Thanksgiving all over again as Tom sat back in his armchair, reveling in the warmth and camaraderie. Then he noticed Spock passing by and called out to him.

"Spock! Please come in… I want you to meet my son, Mark and his fiancée, Helen."

The Vulcan came in and bowed politely. "Greetings, Mark … Helen."

Tom overheard Helen whisper to Kate, "He is quite a looker. Is he a Vulcan?"

Kate giggled and nodded.

Mark came forward with a bright smile as his fingers formed the Vulcan "_ta'al_" sign. "Greetings, Spock."

Spock responded in kind.

"Spock is a student at the Academy and he's here for my birthday party," Tom explained. "Do join us, Spock."

He gazed directly at Tom, unsure if his presence was required but Mark had already pulled up a chair for him. "Please… we would like your company."

Spock sat down next to Tom.

"I love visiting Vulcan. The city of _ShiKahr_ is most impressive," Helen exclaimed. "It's amazing to see a city built over artesian wells and through the ingenious use of solar power, water was easily pumped to all parts of ShiKahr through a complex web of underground viaducts. I've never seen such greenery in a desert! If we could duplicate their technology, we could build cities over the Sahara!"

Tom noticed that Spock stiffened at the mention of his home planet – it probably dredged up painful memories for him.

"Helen is a biologist. She's been to lots of places, mostly for research," Mark explained. "Her tour of duty on board the USS Nixon just ended a few days ago. Actually, she is thinking about a teaching position at the Academy."

"Ooh, it must be exciting to live on a starship," Kate enthused.

Helen laughed. "Well, it was fun at first but after a while, hurtling through space in a tin can isn't so exciting. Space travel is really one part being bored stiff and one part being terrified out of your mind."

"If you are going to apply for a teaching position at the Academy, I would be happy to put in a good word or two for you," Tom offered.

"Thank you, Tom." Helen smiled gratefully as she reached out to squeeze Mark's hand.

Kate said, "It's truly amazing how you two met… you two practically live different lives…"

"It must be fate... What do they call it, "Kismet"?" said Mark with a mischievous wink. "I like to think it was fate. What do you think, Helen?"

Helen blushed. "Well, truthfully, if I hadn't been asked to assist Mark in building his case – it was a class action suit against a powerful mining consortium, I'd still be on a starship somewhere…"

"Well, I hope you have a wonderful time with us, Helen," said Tom. "You both deserve a rest before dinner…I have to leave for my annual checkup so I'll see you all in the evening."

"Is everything all right, Dad?" Mark asked worriedly but Tom brushed it aside.

"Of course, son. It's just a routine thing. Nothing to worry about."

At the hospital, the doctor gave Tom an injection. It was for his chest pains. So far he was able to hide his deteriorating condition from his family but from the doctor's expression, Tom knew that it won't be long before they found out about it.

"Thanks, Ben... My birthday's tomorrow and I don't want to disappoint my guests," Tom smiled weakly.

The doctor shook his head. "I hope this injection will give you the relief you seek. There's nothing much I can do for you now."

"How long have I got?" Tom asked his old friend.

"I'm sorry, Tom. You'd be lucky if you have another few weeks," he replied grimly.

_A few weeks_, thought Tom. It was time to put his affairs in order and say goodbye to his friends and family.

"I'll see you at the party tomorrow then," said Tom.

Ben nodded. "Sure, Tom... and take care."

*****

Midday sunlight was streaming into Kate's room as she sat tentatively on the bed, feeling restless. Then, she crossed to the huge armchair and decided to read an e-book. After five seconds, she closed the data pad and turned on the digital television instead. But she was not paying attention to any of the channels as her mind began to wander. Frustrated, she shut it off and then stood up to turn on the hi-fi but nothing inspired her and she quickly lost the desire for music. She was antsy and didn't know what to do. Alone and bored, Kate decided to wander downstairs.

She tapped the door to the study lightly and waited for a response. Spock appeared at the doorway, regarding her for a moment.

Kate's heart began to beat with anticipation. "Am I bothering you?" she asked, feeling a little stupid at the moment. _Of course, I am! What am I doing here?_

However, Spock pondered the question carefully as if it were a complex equation. Then he replied, "No, you're not."

"May I come in?" she asked.

Spock moved aside for her to enter the study. "Please…"

"The last time I came in here, this place did not look like my father's study," Kate mumbled as she stood in the middle of the room.

"I did not mean to monopolize your father's study," said Spock grimly.

"Oh, I didn't mean that!" she said, flushing crimson. "I… It was just a comment."

Spock shrugged and returned to the antique radio on the desk, fiddling with the hunk of metal and wires.

Kate was intrigued as she moved closer to have a look at the radio. "Will it work?"

Spock appeared offended by her question. "It _is_ already working…. All I need to do is press this switch."

When he did, the device came alive with a soft humming sound as the glass valves lit up. "I just need to turn this dial to locate the correct analog frequency," he said, focusing on tuning the radio. "However, I will not detect such transmission as all frequencies are digital now."

"You'll never know until you tried," she whispered, fascinated by the warm lights emitted by the glass valves.

Spock nodded and proceeded to turn the dial slowly. It seemed like their little experiment would be a failure when they suddenly heard a faint crackling sound of classical music coming from the old speakers – someone somewhere was transmitting analog signals and they found it.

Kate exclaimed. "It works! We did it! I mean… _you_ did it."

Spock frowned at the improbability of it all but he too was excited about the discovery in his Vulcan way. "If I can just magnify the strength of the signals," he said and proceeded to tweak the circuits.

But the vacuum tubes had become too hot and the circuits were too old, suddenly, sparks began to fly and the tubes shattered. Kate screamed. Spock immediately pulled her away to protect her from the sparks. It was all over in a few seconds – the radio was reduced to smoke and charred circuits. Stuart came in and promptly extinguished the fire. He turned to stare at Spock and Kate holding each other.

"The fire has been extinguished, Mister Spock."

It took a while before Spock and Kate became aware of their closeness, the electricity of friction and they moved ever so slightly apart...

"Thank you, Stuart," Spock said, avoiding Kate's gaze. "I will clean up the mess I made here."

Stuart nodded and left the room.

"Are you all right, Kate?" Spock asked finally.

"Yeah, just a little shaken that's all." Kate mumbled shyly. She was amazed by Spock's lightning reaction that had saved her from danger.

"I apologize for my carelessness and ruining your family heirloom," said Spock.

"Oh, don't worry. Dad won't miss it that much…" Kate muttered as she brushed away the debris from her clothes.

"Ouch!"

He turned to her, suddenly concerned. "What's the matter?"

"It's just a small cut," she said as she tried to hide her bleeding finger.

"Let me see," he said but she adamantly refused.

"No! It's only a small wound," she added.

"Please," he said as he gently took her hand and examined her wound. One offending piece of glass was embedded in the palm of her hand. "Do you have a first aid kit?"

Kate nodded. "It's in the kitchen."

They walked to the kitchen in awkward silence -- Kate took out the gauze while Spock cut a piece of band aid.

Carefully, he applied the pressure on her palm and removed the offending shrapnel with a pair of tweezers. Kate watched with baited breath as he cleaned and bandaged the wound with utmost care. The warm pressure he applied sent tingles of awareness right through her body and her breath became shaky.

"Thank you," Kate muttered as she quickly removed her hand from his and looked away to gather her thoughts.

Then she noticed a greenish substance had stained the bandage. Kate rubbed it between her fingers -- It was icky and slimy. "What is this?"

"Vulcan blood," he told her as he turned to leave.

"You're hurt!" Kate insisted. "Wait!"

He stopped in his tracks as she grabbed his sleeve. She took his hands and examined them – there were many tiny cuts, almost impossible to see -- he must have got them while fixing the radio. It must have hurt like hell.

"It was not caused by the explosion," Spock informed her, looking ill at ease with her closeness. "Please do not concern yourself."

They were inches apart, holding hands as dark eyes met blue ones – a powder keg of unexploded emotion until Spock moved to head up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" she asked in confusion.

"To my room…"

Kate's heart missed a beat. "To bed?"

"No. My meditation is overdue."

"Then will I see you at dinner?"

"I will be there." He excused himself with a brief nod and climbed the stairs.

*****

Tom was most concerned when he noticed the bandage on Kate's hand. "What happened to your hand?"

His daughter was studying the bandage with curious fascination, caressing it as if it was the most precious thing she owned. Shrugging off his concern, she said, "Oh, it was nothing. There was an accident in the study."

Tom's eyes widened with shock. "Accident? What kind of accident?"

"It was my fault. If I hadn't fixed the antique radio, Kate would not have hurt her hand," Spock said as he appeared at the doorway, dressed for dinner.

Kate stood and gazed at him with a slight smile – there was some kind of unspoken understanding, a truce between them. Tom ought to be pleased that Kate was beginning to feel comfortable around Spock but there was a lingering doubt about this new development.

"Dinner is ready, Professor," announced Stuart.

As they exited the living room, Tom said to Kate, "May I speak with you for a moment?"

"Sure, Dad…" Kate glanced briefly at Spock before turning to her father.

"I'll go straight to the point, Kate… What's the nature of your interest in Spock?" he asked.

Kate averted her eyes as she mumbled, "I'm not sure what you mean, Dad."

Tom took his time before answering, "The looks you've been giving each other… I know when something's about to happen but, may I raise a caution flag here?"

Kate nodded. "Of course…"

"I don't think this is something that you might want to get into… Spock is a Starfleet cadet. He will be going away for a very long time when he's assigned… I just don't want you to get hurt," Tom said plainly.

His daughter grew silent and it killed him to see her that way.

"What are you thinking, honey?"

She shrugged. "Nothing…"

"When you say 'nothing' that way, it usually means something," observed Tom.

"Dad, I don't really want to talk about it now," she said with a sigh. "Shall we go for dinner? I'm hungry."

Tom let it go. Kate would come to him in her own time.

Helen and Mark joined them at dinner, lifting the mood considerably – Mark was regaling them with stories of his travels and court cases. As dinner progressed, Tom clinks his glass with a desert fork and stood up. Everyone at the table was all attention.

" I - uh - want to thank you all for coming…my family," Tom began. "Mark, Kate and the soon to be members, Helen –"

Tom glanced at Spock and stopped.

"I'm so happy when we can get together like this -- I mean I know you all have busy lives –"

"Look who's talking," laughed Kate.

"Yeah, speak for yourself," Mark chipped in.

"I know it isn't easy for us to meet up like this. I've something to say..."

Tom paused and everyone was waiting for him to continue. "Anyway, I was saying that it's good to be home again," Tom admitted, lifting his wine glass in a toast.

"Cheers…" they all replied and drank to the occasion.

He had come so close to telling them about his failing health. The words had been on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't force them out of his mouth. Mark was getting married and Kate was on the threshold of adulthood. As much as it hurt him to lie to his family, he couldn't tell the truth. He couldn't let his health become an obstacle to their happiness. Just as he thought things couldn't get any worse, Cal Harrison had appeared unannounced at their home.

Tom was surprised to see him. "Cal, I didn't know you were coming for dinner."

"I hope I'm not intruding," said Cal, putting on a charming smile as he greeted Mark and Helen.

"No, not at all… Please join us," said Tom as Stuart brought an extra seat for Cal.

Kate looked dismayed. "Hi, Cal…"

Cal came over to Kate and kissed her lightly on the lips, Spock observing them with palpable anxiety. Kate mumbled something in response and asked Cal to sit beside her. Everyone ate silently but looks were exchanged and glances averted. Tom noticed Kate and Spock looking at each other and Cal observing them.

"I would like to have a slice of vegetarian pie," Spock requested as Stuart served them dessert.

Kate's head swiveled in his direction in surprise.

"Would you like the pie cold or re-heated, Mister Spock?" asked Stuart.

Spock focused on Kate briefly, as if there was nobody else in the room and replied, "Cold."

"It's a special recipe kept by my mother's family for generations," Kate muttered, a flush crept on her cheeks as she basked in his attention.

Stuart returned from the kitchen with a slice of the pie and placed it in front of Spock. Kate's eyes followed Spock's every move as he cut a piece of the pie and put it in his mouth.

"Do you like it?" she asked nervously.

"Yes."

"Is this a state secret or are we being excluded just for the fun of it?" Cal asked in annoyance.

"Would you like a slice of pie?" Spock regarded him carefully.

"No, I prefer my pot roast," he replied in a huff.

Tom tried to steer Cal's attention away from Kate and Spock but he sensed the irritation and jealousy in the young man.

"How is your father, Bill?" Mark asked.

"He is well… Currently, he's on a business trip to Japan," Cal replied. "They are in the process of developing some interesting new technology, something to do with sub-space transceivers."

"That's interesting," Tom was impressed. "Care to enlighten us?"

At this point, Spock appeared to focus on the conversation.

"I'm sorry. It's classified but what I can say is that the project is funded by Starfleet," Cal said, carefully avoiding the issue.

"Will you be joining your father's company when you graduate from Harvard?"

"That's a foregone conclusion, Tom. My father needs someone to carry his company to the next century," said Cal proudly.

Thankful that dinner was finally over, Tom quickly suggested that they adjourn to the living area. Cal got up and pulled Kate aside. "Kate, you left something behind when you came to my place."

Seeing her confusion, Cal fished out a velvet case from his breast pocket. "You left _this_ behind."

Kate paled at the sight of the diamond necklace. "Cal…"

"I hope you'll wear it to your father's birthday party tomorrow night," he said lightly. "Our Kate should be the most beautiful girl at the party, don't you think so, Tom?"

Tom nodded, too stunned to think. He threw a questioning glance at Kate but got no reaction from her. She was visibly upset while Spock appeared distant.

"I must be going now, Tom. It's been a long day. Good night, everyone…" Cal said as he headed toward the foyer and front door.

Kate followed him out.

*****

"Cal, what are you _really_ doing here?" she demanded.

"What? You have not been returning my calls and Stuart said you went out with _him_ yesterday," he glared at her accusingly.

"Did it not occur to you that I don't want to answer your calls?" she flashed angrily. "How dare you come here and make a scene of the necklace in front of my father!"

"Kate, I know you're upset. I'm sorry I fucked up, okay? But I don't like what I saw in there. I don't like the way he looks at you and talks to you," he said.

"Sorry, but I like the way he looks and talks to me and vice versa. Okay?" Kate replied evenly.

"No, it's not okay. I thought we had a good thing going here…"

There was a long silence as neither knew how to continue.

"Well...I'll see you tomorrow night," mumbled Cal as he put on his coat.

"Yeah... Goodnight Cal."

Cal walked out the door and Kate turned to find Spock at the far end of the foyer, he had been observing them. She was shocked, embarrassed, pleased, conflicted -- an instant and wide spectrum of emotions.

She walked up to him.

"How long have you been standing there?" she demanded.

"I don't like the way Cal spoke to you. But I feel better about it now because of the way you spoke back," he replied.

"My relationship with Cal is none of your business," Kate snapped as she brushed past him and ran to her room.

**Author's Note:** Thank you all for following this story so far. Hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters (coming soon)!


	6. The Professor's Big Day

Chapter 6

That night, Spock dreamed that he was standing in a dimly lit labyrinth with passages that led to different directions. He looked around and all the passages seemed to lead to nowhere. It was possible to solve the maze mathematically. Spock made a note of if as he proceeded down one path. As he walked, he began to hear strange scratching noises –he was being followed but each time he turned around, he saw nothing but darkness.

_Fear is illogical_, he reminded himself but he did not like this uncertainty, this doubt. Quickening his steps, Spock was determined to find his way out of the maze. He seemed to be walking on indefinitely as the walls closed in on him.

Spock woke up a little breathless and perturbed. _What could it mean? _He wondered.

With his dreams carefully filed away in his mind, Spock changed into his civilian clothes and stepped out of his room, nearly bumping into Kate in the process.

"Hi! We really must stop meeting like this," she said with a smile.

"Indeed," he replied with a hint of tenderness in his voice. "How is the wound on your hand?"

"Oh, I think it's healing very well," she replied, showing him the closed wound. "Spock, I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have ripped you because of Cal. It was rude and uncalled for."

She seemed uncomfortable speaking with him in the hallway and moved to the balcony where they would be alone. "Cal and I have a history and it's complicated," she confided in him.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to," Spock replied.

"Yes, I do," she insisted. "I don't know why ... it's a weird kind of feeling, a feeling of being swept away, not knowing where I'll be ... It's frightening and exciting, happy and sad all rolled into one." Kate stepped closer as she looked up at him. "May I kiss you, Spock?"

He did not agree nor object to her request. Sensing his reservation about the prospect of being kissed, she went on, "I really want to…"

Placing her hands on his shoulders, she pulled Spock down and kissed him on his lips. Spock enjoyed the sensation of her soft lips on his and the emotions that stirred within him. He had to summon all his mental strength as he sought for control not to sweep this beautiful woman into his arms and ravish her. The anguish at the thought of acting on impulse was overwhelming. Finally, she broke the kiss with a small sigh.

"I …I have to go now...the party's starting in a while," Kate said with a hint of reluctance yet full of hope of things to come.

He watched her leave and a sense of foreboding fell over Spock, a realization that he was passing through some barrier, a point of no return. Spock had found himself in unexplored regions of feeling and passion, he was intrigued by what was happening to him and yet at the same time, terrified by it. If he allowed himself to partake in this; he would be putting who he was at great risk. "I am a Vulcan," he reminded himself. As he stepped away from the balcony, he heard the soft click of a door closing and it came from the direction of Tom's bedroom.

_Did Tom see us?_ he wondered.

Later that day, Spock found Tom in the living room. "I wish to speak with you before the party tonight," he said quietly.

"Of course… we can talk here," Tom suggested.

"I wish to return to the Academy tomorrow at the earliest possible hour," he informed Tom.

With a sigh, Tom said, "All right, I will make the necessary arrangements for the amphibicopter to fly you back to San Francisco tomorrow morning."

"I appreciate your gracious hospitality in allowing me to stay in your home," Spock said.

"You're very welcomed, Spock. It has been my pleasure… and Kate?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Explain."

"Are you planning on telling her that you're leaving?"

There was a long pause.

"No, I thought it would be best that she did not know," he finally replied.

"I'll be the judge of that!" Tom snapped irritably. "After all, I'm her father."

"With all due respect, Tom," Spock urged. "It's between Kate and me."

"Damn well it is!"

Spock stiffened. "There are no ulterior motives for my leaving. My presence here is no longer required."

"Bullshit! I may be an old man but I'm not blind…"

Spock knew what Tom was referring to – he had seen the kiss on the balcony earlier.

"Vulcans are incapable of lying, Tom," he stated firmly.

"But they're not opposed to taking the easy way out, aren't they?" Tom challenged. He took a moment to compose himself. "It's my daughter you're talking about here, not some stranger. You owe her an explanation. Tell her you're not interested in a romantic relationship, tell her something! She is young. Her broken heart will mend. She will find joy in someone else. She may not think so yet, but it will pass. Don't leave her forever wondering what could have been. Don't make your choice her burden."

Spock turned around abruptly and left Tom without further argument.

*****

Two hours before the party, Kate prepared a luxurious bubble bath. After mixing scented oils and perfume into the water, she promptly stripped off her clothes. The warm bubbles felt good as she sank blissfully into the tub. Resting her head on the edge, she closed her eyes and thought of the kiss with Spock. His mouth was closed and his lips were dry and chaffed. Physically, he was just touching her lips. It excited her because she had sensed his inexperience -- Spock had no knowledge of how to kiss a woman, his actions or lack thereof and the very sense of that aroused her.

Emerging from the bath and feeling refreshed, she put on the special evening gown for the party. Kate gazed at the mirror and breathed deeply, satisfied with her appearance and composure. Her hair was tied in a loose updo, exposing her smooth neck and shoulders, lips were coloured in bright red and eyelashes lined with mascara. Kate felt infinitely optimistic that nothing would spoil her evening. Then she saw the velvet jewellery case on the dressing table – would she want to wear the necklace tonight?

She opened the case and caressed the stones. The diamonds felt cold to her touch. Wearing them would symbolize Cal's possession of her and she felt trapped. Suddenly, she heard a soft click from her door. "Hey, beautiful…"

Kate swung around in surprise –Cal standing in her room and he looked dashing in a black tuxedo and bow tie. She registered the intimacy of having him in her bedroom without invitation. "Cal, what are you doing in here?" she asked warily.

"I didn't find you downstairs so I guessed you were still here…" Cal was staring at her with a crooked grin.

She thought she could read him but it was impossible to know what he was thinking at that moment.

Cal sauntered over, coming behind her and drew her in his arms, nuzzling her moist hair. "Hmmm, I love the smell of roses…"

"Cal…" She tried to push his hands away but he hardly flinched. He proceeded to take the diamond necklace from her hand and put it around her bare neck.

"Kate, you're so beautiful…" he whispered roughly in her ear.

She held her breath as his hands smoothed over her shoulders and down her arms. Kate sensed the lust that lurked like a ravening wolf in his voice. Her heartbeat quickened when his hands daringly dipped slightly beneath the opening of her dress.

Kate stood stiffly without responding to his caresses. Rebuffed by her coldness, Cal stopped and demanded with irritation, "Do you find me so revolting that you don't want to touch me? Ever since we came back from Paris, you seem to drift further and further away from me."

"That's not true…I just think that this is not the appropriate time or place for this," she chided him as she readjusted her gown and composed herself.

"Shall we go downstairs then?" he inquired with resentment as he held out his arm to her.

"Yes, we should."

*****

In the last moments of sunset and pre-party minutes, a procession of guests was winding up to the Watson's manor.

Kate, accompanied by Cal, walked past a group of waiters to the terrace where she commanded a view of the event on which the curtain was just about to rise.

Guests were milling about and emerging from the crowd Kate saw Spock, standing alone by the fountain. She held her breath -- he did look handsome in his Academy uniform, as on the first day they had met. He must have sensed her presence as Spock gazed up towards her. A thrill of excitement filled her as she made a hasty excuse to leave Cal.

They proceeded to a rendezvous that had not been prearranged but which they intuited. Kate wove through the guests, stopping here and there, excited greetings and chatter floated in the wind, _"Hey, Kate!", "You look great"_…

Spock moved to meet her, his graceful, unfailing steps carrying him speedily to a destination he was not certain of, but where he knew he would find Kate. They met in the rose garden, the party behind them and the river flowing in front of them.

"Spock…"

As she was about to reach him, her brother, Mark suddenly appeared. He looked at the two of them curiously and said, "What's going on here? C'mon sis, you're needed."

Mark took hold of Kate's arm as he turned to Spock, "Can it wait?"

But before Spock could answer --

"Glad to hear it!" interrupted Mark. "Let's go, Kate. Dad's going to make a speech …"

He marched her off towards the stage leaving Spock behind, as the music erupted behind them, an up tempo dance tune, a lilting and catchy melody enveloped them all. The curtain had risen on Tom Watson's 65th birthday party.

The guests had formed themselves into a huge audience in front of the stage as the band struck up a "Happy Birthday" tune. Tom, dressed in a smart black tail coat stepped onto the stage with his children, Mark and Kate. Then an enormous 3-tier cake was unveiled with 65 lit candles. Tom's eyes widened and then laughed.

"Kate, this is too much!" he told his daughter in jest. Kate merely smiled.

"Blow the candles, Dad."

He paused over the cake and blew the candles out in a few puffs. The audience erupted in applause and cries of "Speech! Speech!" could be heard. Tom tried to demur but the request became loud and rhythmic, he held up his hand, nodded and quieted the crowd.

Tom said in jest, "I thought I was going to keep a low profile tonight..."

"No!"

"Speech!"

"My daughter was right. This is a glorious night, every face I see is a memory. It may not be a perfectly perfect memory --sometimes we have our ups and downs -- but we're here together, and thank you for coming tonight to celebrate this day with me."

Tom saw Spock in a distance and paused for a moment.

"-- And I'm going to break precedence tonight and tell you my one wish --that you would have a life as good as mine, where you can wake up one morning and say 'I don't want anything more'… Sixty-five years - don't they go by in a blink?"

Tom hesitated, overcome with emotion as he waved to the crowd and stepped away from the stage. There was a thunderous applause that grew into cheers as the music resumed with another dance tune. Tom wrapped Mark in a tight embrace, holding his son close for a moment before they were separated by a surge of well wishers. In the maddening crowd, Tom saw Kate -- she was beaming with happiness. Then he excused himself and walked towards her.

"Would you like to dance with me, Kate?"

Her eyes lit up as she said, "Oh, yes –"

He started to lead her to the floor but stopped suddenly. "If you don't mind dancing with an old fogey like me…"

"Oh, Dad, you're not old. You'll never be old," she gushed shyly.

He took her in his arms and they danced away to an old Platters tune of "Only You".

"Where did you get these guys?" asked Tom, referring to the live band. "Nobody plays such classics anymore."

"Oh, I have my sources," she winked. "Believe me, it took a while to find this gem."

"I want to thank you for all this," Tom told her. "Sometimes, I wished I had more time for you and Mark. You both seem to grow up so fast. I –"

Kate quickly hugged her father. "I know. I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, sweetie."

As the music came to an end, Tom said to her, "I just want to let you know that Spock will be leaving tomorrow. He's going back to San Francisco."

"He didn't say anything to me," said Kate, the fire in her eyes seemed to fade.

"He asked me not to. But I thought you should know."

Kate nodded and soon they were joined by Mark and Helen, and the rest of the guests. Tom and Kate parted as they danced with other people.

*****

On a grassy knoll not far away, Spock observed the party from the fringes of the event. His eyes were on Tom and Kate . It was a special moment of admiration mixed with a little regret as they moved gracefully on the dance floor.

At the party, he had recognized a few guests from Starfleet HQ – they were from the top brass and peers of Tom Watson. He proceeded to meet with them.

"Greetings, Admiral Forrest, Admiral Gatica… Colonel Danning," Spock said.

"Spock!" they recognized him immediately.

"I didn't expect to see you here," Admiral Forest commented.

"He is Tom's favorite student," teased Gatica. "We're impressed by your work on the Kobayashi Maru. Tom did credit much of the success of the simulation program to you."

There was a little lift on Spock's lips. "I'm gratified that the program has achieved its objective."

"I would say it exceeded our expectations… So far, no one has passed the test, including our existing Starfleet command personnel," Danning said.

Admiral Forest nodded. "Do you know where you will spend your internship? Have they assigned you yet?"

"Not yet. Starfleet will only notify us in the last month of the summer break," Spock replied.

"Hmm, the USS Enterprise could use Spock as a Science cadet," Gatica mused.

Spock knew that the USS Enterprise was the Federation's flagship, the latest addition to the existing fleet of ships. He watched its launch live at the Academy together with the rest of the students. Every cadet dreamed about being assigned to that ship which was fitted with the latest warp technology but only the best cadets would be chosen. Spock had calculated that only two percent of potential applicants would be considered for internship on that vessel.

"I am honored," Spock said.

Then he saw Kate walking towards him -- a shimmering wraith in a sea of tuxedos and frothy gowns. She held his attention as she exchanged pleasantries with the admirals and colonel, smiling sweetly.

"Kate, you look beautiful tonight," Admiral Forest beamed.

"You're too kind, Uncle John," she answered the admiral. "I must thank you for taking time off your busy schedules to attend my father's birthday party. I hope you are enjoying yourselves this evening."

"Yes, we are. The food and wine is excellent," Colonel Danning said.

"I see you have met Spock… Surely, you're not grilling him about Starfleet, are you?" Kate feigned a mock surprise.

"Not at all, we value what he has done for Starfleet so far… He is our first Vulcan Starfleet cadet and I'm sure he'll be a fine officer one day."

"Then gentlemen, if you don't mind, I would like to borrow your very fine student for a dance," she said, looking at Spock.

Spock raised a Vulcan eyebrow.

"I do not dance," he told her simply.

"But you wouldn't want to embarrass me by turning down the request," she added, noting that they were being observed.

"Starfleet matters can wait," Admiral Forest hastily added. "Anyway, we've yet to speak with your father and catch up on old times." Then turning to Spock, he said, "Do send our regards to your esteemed parents."

Spock bowed politely as the men departed from their group. Family matters would have to wait till he got back to the Academy.

"I am agreeable to a walk," he indicated when they were alone.

Kate smiled. "I was afraid you wouldn't ask."

It was a beautiful night as they walked side by side in silence, away from the crowd. The moonlight cast a silvery glow on the trees and in a distance a faint sound of the hooting of an owl could be heard.

"Tell me, Spock, how come a man as attractive as you, intelligent, well-spoken and reticent in the most seductive way, is all alone in this world?" she asked.

Spock opened his mouth to respond but in the end said nothing instead.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry since you don't want to tell me. So let's leave it a mystery. That's the way you want it, isn't it?" she apologized after sensing his discomfiture.

"Yes, it is," he said softly.

They continued walking. "Dad tells me you will be leaving tomorrow morning."

"That is correct."

"Are you planning on saying goodbye?"

He stopped, turned to her as his eyes wandered to the diamond necklace –a reminder that Kate belonged to Cal. A deep irritation rose within him. "There can be no logical conclusion to such an act," he told her coldly.

Kate looked hurt by his nonchalance.

"Sometimes, I wonder if there is a heart in there…"she said sadly. Her words had stung him though he did not show it.

"I have a heart…," Spock said slowly. "It is here."

He gently took her hand and placed it on his side.

Kate gasped as she felt the strong beating of his heart. He stilled her trembling hand as she looked up at him, azure seas meeting desert sands.

Whilst Spock was careful not to intrude into her private thoughts but allowed himself to feel her emotions, the very experience that went against almost everything he had ever been taught, everything he valued. These human feelings of wonder, apprehension, joy and sorrow felt strange and yet familiar.

"There's so much I want to know about you," she murmured sadly.

Spock released her hand. "I'm sorry… truly, sorry."

A tear slid down her cheek. He studied it curiously.

Spock reached out and wiped the tear away with his finger. "Your face is wet…"

"I wish this night would last forever…"

"That thought is illogical."

Kate took a deep breath to regain her composure. "I must get back to the party…I had a good time tonight, Spock."

"As have I…"

At that she turned and walked back to the party. It seemed the logical thing to do -- there was no other way to end this.

He walked purposefully to his room to collect his belongings when he heard angry voices in the hallway. Those voices belonged to Cal and Kate – they appeared to be arguing about something. He saw Cal come up behind Kate and take her arm.

"You will never behave like that again! Do you understand?" Cal warned.

She jerked her arm away from his grasp. "You don't own me, Cal! I will see who I want and do what I want…"

Then she stormed away, and he went after her, disappearing into one of the rooms.

The sound of crashing china and a woman's screams alerted Spock that Kate was in danger. He tried to open the door but it was locked from the inside.

He was overwhelmed by a rage so all consuming it eclipsed all logical thought. The door tore away easily from its hinges.

Spock saw Kate trying to fight off Cal. Her dress was torn as they struggled. Cal had pinned her onto the sofa and tore away at her clothes, ripping silk and lace. Kate screamed again.

He clenched his jaw and squeezed her arm viciously, forcing her to look at him. "I will not be made a fool! Is this in any way unclear?"

Spock moved with a dreadful, measured calm toward Cal as he said, "You will desist from hurting her."

Cal turned on Spock with a murderous look. "Buzz off, alien freak! This is none of your business!"

Spock stepped forth, outraged and grabbed Cal by the shoulder. Cal cried out as he crumpled to the floor, unconscious. He turned to Kate and wanted to reach out to examine her bruises. "Kate, are you all right?"

"Don't touch me!" Kate cried out, her eyes filled with fear and aversion as she scooted as far away as possible from Spock.

He flinched from the remark. "Kate, I would never hurt you," he insisted. "Why—"

Tom and Mark had heard the commotion and came rushing in. "What's the matter? Kate! What happened here?"

"Dad… " Kate whimpered and ran into her father's arms, sobbing wildly. "Cal tried to hurt me and Spock, came to my help… Is he… is he dead?"

Mark bent down and checked Cal's pulse. "He's alive…" he said, casting a doubtful look at Spock. "We'll send him to the hospital, just in case."

"Yes, do that and see that he's okay," Tom said with a sigh.

Helen came forward with a shawl and wrapped it around Kate, covering her nakedness. "I'll bring her back to her room."

"Thank you, Helen."

Spock registered the fear and shock in the faces of the people around him – it didn't matter that he had saved Kate's life but that he had perpetrated a heinous act of hurting a human being. Spock stood tense with clenched fists behind his back, but, maintaining a semblance of calm, he said in a strained voice, "My presence here has caused you and your family trouble. I ought to go now before it's too late. There are other options for transport --"

"I've never heard such absurd drama… And there was plenty of it this evening. We'll talk about this later," Tom said hotly as he would to an errant son.

To his surprise, Spock did not argue but acquiesced in uncomfortable, meekly obedient silence as he returned to his room. The crowd parted warily for him to pass. Tom knew that no rest or sleep would come to the boy till he got back to the Academy but he was too tired and irritated to think right now.


	7. Farewell

Chapter 7

**Author's Note**: I made some amendments to improve the story flow and re-posted this chapter. Thanks for your patience!

*****

Tom bade goodbye to the last of his guests and made his way up the stairs to check on Kate. He heard quiet sobs coming from her room. Tom came in and sat beside her bed. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, Dad… I ruined your perfect party," Kate muttered, her eyes turning red from tears that spilled down her cheeks.

Attributing her anguish to the incident earlier, Tom said grimly, "Cal had no right to hurt you like this. If Spock hadn't gotten to him first, I would have killed him with my bare hands."

Kate sat up and looked at him in surprise. "Dad, it was my fault… I was behaving badly … I was upset that Spock was leaving… one thing led to another…I didn't mean for it to get out of hand."

Tom had had a suspicion about his daughter's ambivalent feelings for the Vulcan from the beginning and she had refused to admit them until now. However, he had not anticipated the extent of Kate's inner misery that Spock's determined reserve and cold correctness provoked in her.

"Dad, I wish Spock didn't have to go away," she said tearfully. "Is it something I said? Something I did?"

He sighed. "No, honey, you didn't do anything wrong. Spock just doesn't feel the same way as you do… in fact, I don't think he could show it," said Tom, hoping that she would understand that her happiness lay elsewhere.

"Perhaps you should focus your attention on what you know and love -- dancing. I heard that the New York Conservatory needs part-time instructors for their summer dance camp for children. You will be dancing all day probably, so it's a huge bonus if you are in shape already and have enough stamina to endure such long days when you start your own classes in the fall," Tom suggested. "There you will meet other like-minded dancers with similar dreams and ambitions."

Kate's teary eyes widened. "You really think so?"

"I know so," Tom replied confidently. "You'll be so much happier, love. Promise me you'll think about it."

She nodded as she lay back down on her pillow. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

As he was about to switch off the lights, he caught sight of the diamond necklace lying in a corner of her room. Kate must have carelessly thrown it away. Tom picked it up and mumbled, "By the way, this necklace doesn't suit you. I'll send it back tomorrow."

"Thanks Dad."

As he sat in his favorite armchair in his bedroom, Tom felt a little sad to see Spock leave so soon and partly relieved that his departure would provide some reprieve to the emotional chaos that was inadvertently created in the past few days – Kate falling for a fantasy inspired by the mystery of an alien being and Spock the agony of experiencing what it was like to fall in love. It seemed like Spock's natural defense to bury himself behind a wall of silence and retreat into himself when something bothered him. His response confirmed the unease which had held Tom since the first day – his lingering glances in her direction and the way his eyebrows seemed to perk up whenever her name was mentioned. He did not speak of his feelings to Tom – how could he?

Tom had taught Spock everything he could about coding and computers. There was nothing more he could teach his student. That was before his heart attack. As his old heart beat towards the end of its usefulness, a nebulous discontent grew within him as if he had one more thing to bequeath his favorite student. A final assignment -- there would be no books, manuals, journals or reports this time. He had wanted Spock a glimpse of his life, not as a mere professor but as a man.

In hindsight, Tom knew he had made an error – he had not counted on Kate's reaction to Spock. Through her eyes, it was easy to see and understand the allure of Spock, his sensitivity and nuance behind every gesture and arched eyebrow though his face betrayed no emotion. Tom sighed. In his quest to educate Spock, he had sacrificed his own daughter's feelings. He did not feel proud of his wisdom as a father or teacher now.

Spock was already waiting in the front lawn when the amphibicopter arrived the next morning. He was leaving just as he came but with a small bag of clothes that Tom had requisitioned for him and had insisted that he take it with him.

"Tom," Spock regarded him stiffly.

"Spock, I didn't thank you for helping my daughter last night," he began. "That was quite a punch you packed on Cal Harrison."

"It's called the Vulcan nerve pinch," Spock explained. "It renders the human unconscious for a few hours."

Tom nodded. "Nevertheless, please accept my gratitude for what you've done for Kate."

"Your gratitude is noted but unnecessary… I too would not want to see her hurt in any way."

"You're a good person, Spock. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise," said Tom and he could see a hint of a smile on Spock's pale face.

"Please send my regards to Mark and Helen… and Kate."

"I will let them know…See you in the fall."

"Live long and prosper, Tom," Spock said, raising his hand in a Vulcan salute.

He did likewise. "Live long and prosper, Spock."

Picking up his bag, Spock walked towards the amphibicopter. Instinctively, he looked back, and was surprised to see Kate at one of windows, following him with her eyes. _Goodbye Kate_, he whispered to himself as the amphibicopter lifted off.

*****

He had turned to look back at her, across the lawn, one final time. His face was passive, unreadable, and yet she could sense that he was thinking of her.

"Keep going. Please…" Kate murmured to herself as she leaned against the window. She dare not think of the consequences if he had stayed. He was just another guy -- she had so many men before, so why did he affect her so? She had been the cool one, calling the shots in any relationship but with Spock, she was lost.

Sighing, she returned to her bed and tried to get some sleep.

Four weeks later, Kate attended her first dance audition. She had missed an earlier audition as she had felt she was not ready. She had been distracted by Spock's sudden departure.

The selection committee from the National Conservatory of Cologne, was seated in a row in front of the stage – faces looking somber, bored and unsmiling. Kate took her place in the middle of the darkened stage as the music started. She had been training hard for this – this was her moment of truth. Staring up at the empty rows of seats beyond the committee, she allowed the memories of the ocean and the crashing waves on steep cliffs fill her with pathos and lost love as she danced. The committee sat up and took notice of her as well as the other dancers.

Kate screamed with delight when she received her letter of acceptance to the prestigious conservatory two weeks later. Her dreams of becoming a dancer were beginning to come true. Immediately, she ran to her father with excitement.

"Dad! It's from the Conservatory… I did it!" she squealed. "I'm going to Cologne."

Tom was in his study when his daughter flew in with the letter in her hand. He took off his reading glasses and smiled at her. "Congratulations! You deserved it," he told her so.

"Oh, gosh! There's so much to do… I haven't even told my friends about it," she said happily. "Tonight, we're definitely going out to celebrate!"

"I'm glad and relieved," he said, his voice rough with sadness. "The past few weeks haven't been exactly easy for you."

Kate bit her lower lip and nodded as she knew what he was referring to – her infatuation with Spock.

"I'm fine now, Dad," she tried to sound cheerful.

"Come here, sweetheart," Tom said as she sat on his knee, like she did as a child. "You were always the wild one, unpredictable and stubborn. Perhaps it was because your mother died when you were so young and I didn't know how to deal with the loss of your mother and caring for a growing child... I want you to know that despite my shortcomings, I love you. That you've given a meaning to my life that I had no right to expect, and that no one can ever take from me."

Kate was growing concerned. "Dad?"

"Please," he wanted to continue. "Promise me something. I don't want you to ever worry about me. I want you to go to Cologne and be the best you can ever be. If anything should happen, know that I'm going to be fine and everything's going to be all right -- and I have no regrets."

Frightened, she couldn't summon an answer.

"And I want you to feel that way, too," he looked intently into her eyes.

"I love you, Daddy –"

Tom smiled. "That's why it's okay."

They drifted into silence as they held each other.

"No regrets?"

"No regrets," Kate replied with a brave smile.

"It's a good feeling, isn't it?"

They regarded each other with a long pause; reaching an understanding. Unable to stem the tears from falling, he hugged his daughter, holding her very close for a long time. When they parted, she looked at him worriedly but he just smiled and nodded. He didn't release her until she smiled back.

"Run along now and be a good girl… Daddy needs his nap," Tom said to her.

"Okay, I'll see you later, Dad."

After she had gone, Tom returned to his desk and pulled out three data files from his computer – they had contained Spock's proposed changes to the Kobayashi Maru code. As usual, Tom could find no fault in his thought processes. He just needed to send the data files over to Spock at the Academy, so that he could implement them.

Tom had begun to say goodbye to his family and friends; each in their own time. Kate had been the most difficult to let go and then, there was Spock. Tom's finger trembled as he clicked the computer and sent the files to his favorite student. His final assignment had come to an end.

He got up from his chair and turned on his hi-fi – the sweeping melody of Ravel's _Bolero_ filled the study. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his chest, his heart struggling to cope and he collapsed to the floor. He didn't want to make an ungraceful exit by dying on the floor so using all his energy, Tom managed to haul himself into his chair and closing his eyes, he immersed himself in the music, his heart pumping steadily slower and slower.

"Goodbye, Kate," he whispered. It was so peaceful here…

*****

Kate turned to see her father once more before exiting the study. Something about the sight of her father sitting in the leather chair, looking frail and old; saddened and at the same time frightened her as she returned to her room. Soon, the excitement of going to a new school overcame the sadness as she went about informing her friends and making arrangements for a celebratory party. "Yeah, we should celebrate!"she said eagerly over the mobile phone. "Uh uh… I'll meet you guys at the Indigo Bar at nine. Bye!"

It was 1900 hours and the house was unusually quiet when Kate came down the stairs, dressed for the party. The familiar strains of her father's opera music that filled the house in the evenings were absent.

In a pained reflex, Kate rushed to the study. It was dark and she hesitated, "Dad?"

Kate halted in her steps as she saw her father sitting very still with his eyes closed. He could be sleeping or maybe, something else. She knelt beside her father and touched his cold hands.

"No…no…no…Daddy…NO!" she wept hysterically, hugging him. "Daddy, wake up! Don't leave me!"

*****

Spock's computer blinked, indicating an incoming message. Noting that the message was from Tom, Spock promptly read its contents. As usual, Tom had made a few notes regarding the proposed changes to the Kobayashi Maru, including one curious note about possible contamination by hacking.

_It is highly improbable yet not impossible_, thought Spock. _The person would have to be a computer genius to be able to bypass the multiple firewalls_ _that were put in place._ _If there was such a person in the Academy, I have yet to meet him/her._

He opened the data files and proceeded to upload them into the main simulator program. While waiting for the program to load, he decided to walk to the cafeteria for some tea. The campus was quiet during the summer holidays – Spock found a seat in a corner of the cafeteria, sipping a strong herbal infusion of chamomile and mint tea. Then he spotted Professor Martha Kalomi entering the cafeteria. She was the head of the Botany Division, a nice elderly lady with short red hair and freckled face. Taking her coffee from the vending machine, she looked around for a familiar face. When she saw Spock, she smiled and made her way to him.

"Is this seat taken?" she asked.

Spock half rose from his seat and said, "No, please join me."

"Thank you… Spock, that's your name isn't it?" said Martha as she sat on the chair opposite him.

"Yes, it is."

"I'm surprised to see you here. Don't you have somewhere to go for the summer?" she inquired.

"I was at Professor Watson's home in Connecticut a few weeks back," he informed her.

"Professor Tom Watson?" she suddenly stopped and turned pale.

"That is correct."

"Haven't you heard the news?" she gasped.

Spock was intrigued. "Specify, please."

"Tom had fallen into a coma last night in his home. The doctor said he could go any moment. It's terrible," Martha told him.

Spock was silent and shocked by the news.

"He was such a nice man. We will all miss him when the semester starts," she added softly.

"Excuse me, Professor Kalomi. I must return to the computer lab," he said, standing up and nodded briefly to her.

"Yes, of course."

For some time, he just stared unseeing at the computer lab floor.

*****

On the 20th day of July, 2154, Spock received news that Professor Tom Watson had died without regaining consciousness. His family was by his side at that time.

"_Unable to compute sub-routine…"_

"_Illegal operation…"_

The program beeped incessantly as Spock tried to find the source of the problem. He had tested the program before sending it to Tom for his review. Why did it not work this time? he grumbled as he checked the data files for the fifteenth time. Tom had sent him three data files; two of which uploaded without any glitches, except the third file which seemed to throw out errors. Spock was struggling with his grief and a faulty file. It put a strain on his concentration that he almost gave up. Then he noticed a sub-routine that was not supposed to be there.

Did Tom put it there?

It was a video file which seemed to be protected by a password. It was not in Tom's nature to send encrypted messages to him. Spock carefully extracted it from the program. A growing sense of anxiety began to build as he stared at the flashing password box. He paused for a while, running various password combinations that Tom might use with his mind. It was a private message meant only for Spock. Therefore, the password would be something that only Spock knew.

Staring at the keyboard, he typed in K-A-T-E.

Spock held his breath when he saw Tom's smiling face appear on his computer's view screen. He then realized how much he had missed the old professor.

"_Spock…_

_I put this into the Maru code so that only you will be able to find it. By the time you read this, I will be dead and gone. Yes, I have a heart condition and the doctor told me I wasn't going to live much longer. Every living thing must die – what makes us different from the plant or animal is our ability to love and form relationships that would last even after we've gone. _

_What is love? You must wonder -- multiply it by infinity and you will still have barely a glimpse of what I am talking about. I loved Kate from the moment she was born, and I love her now, and every minute in between, and what I've always dreamed that she will find a man who will discover her and she will discover him, who is worthy of her, and has the grace and compassion and fortitude to walk beside her as she makes her way through this beautiful thing called life. I know I will never meet that man but for now, I've never heard her speak of any man as she spoke of you. _

_Kate is still very fragile and I'm afraid that she would not recover from the devastation that my death would do to her. I know you care about her. She will need you now more than she will ever know. I hope you could grant me this last request… Be her friend as you have been mine._

_Goodbye, Spock and thank you."_

Spock stared at the blank computer screen as the message ended, his shoulders sagging. Tom must have made this video file before he went into a coma and that knowledge pained him.

"You don't know what you're asking of me, Tom…" he said aloud in his room.

Ever since he returned to San Francisco, his had tried not to think of Kate and buried himself in his studies and field work. He had been busy preparing for his cadetship on a training vessel, hoping that the distance would ease the longing and pain. Now, memories of Kate came flooding back, slipping through the mental barriers he had erected. Kate had an older brother, why would Tom want him in the picture? Spock wondered fretfully. Neither Tom nor the video clip offered him any answers.

_No_, _I cannot do this… I WILL not do this._

It would only wreck his carefully structured life. He didn't need distractions. Spock had refused to analyze his feelings for Kate -- it was illogical and a waste of resources as the result would be inconclusive. But now, Tom's request had forced him to reevaluate his decision. Spock tried to meditate, staring at the Vulcan lamp and reminding himself what it symbolized -- the lamp's taming of the flame, a chaotic, destructive force, served as a metaphor for the Vulcans' control of their emotions. Agitated by his inability to concentrate on his meditation, Spock went to lie down on his bed.

"I am in control of my emotions," he reminded himself as he closed his eyes and drifted into a deep sleep.

_In his dream, Spock saw a young man sitting on a rock, smiling at him. He scrambled up a meadow of green grass towards him. "Tom?" _

_Tom looked amazingly youthful; his hair was a darker shade of brown, his blue eyes twinkling and there were no wrinkles on his face. "I've been waiting for you, Spock…Let's take a walk," he suggested as he always did when he was alive.  
_

_Spock looked inquiringly at Tom as if to say "Shall we?"_

_Tom nodded as Spock turned with him, setting off together up a gentle slope. As they reached the top of the hill, Tom's steps slowed, Spock slowing with him. To his surprise and chagrin, Tom had begun to age, his features morphing into what he looked like in Spock's memory._

"_I'm getting a little dizzy, I can feel my heart pumping…"said Tom, clasping his chest._

_But Tom just continued on up the hill, with Spock in step with him._

"_Should I be concerned?" asked Spock, stopping to check on his professor._

_Tom stopped with him. "Not at all… You have questions for me." _

_At Spock's look, he shook his head. "There's no need to be shy about it. I'm dead," he joked._

_Spock hesitated. Even in death, Tom still maintained his sense of humor._

_"What does love feel like?" The words spilled out of his mouth. It took him a moment to realize what he had asked._

_Tom smiled. "Love feels good. It makes you feel more secure, happy and light."_

_Spock shook his head. What he felt for Kate did none of those things. But then he was a Vulcan. Why should any strong emotion make him anything but wary? _

"_Tom, I don't know if I can do this," he said at last. "I don't know if I feel this love for Kate."_

"_Love isn't all about emotions, it is also trust, responsibility, taking the weight, for your choices and feelings and spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love… Do you understand?" Tom explained to him. "That is why I chose you because I trust you."_

_Spock was humbled by the faith Tom had in him – as a Vulcan, yes but as a human…_

_Sensing his doubts, Tom said, "Love is not perfect, in fact far from it… It's the journey that makes it worthwhile. Think about it."_

_Tom smiled faintly and taking a deep breath started walking on alone._

_Overcome with anxiety and pain, Spock called out to him. "Where are you going?" _

_He turned to Spock with a quizzical look. "Hmm, I'm not sure but that's not where you're going," said Tom, looking ahead. "Goodbye, dear friend."_

_Spock watched as Tom disappeared over the crest of the hill into the blinding rays of the rising sun._

When he woke up from his sleep, the Vulcan lamp had died out, leaving a sweet smell of incense in the room. Spock couldn't be sure if it was really Tom or his sub-conscious need to see his professor. Determined not to let him down, Spock contacted Professor Kalomi. "Good morning, Professor. Do you have information on Professor Tom Watson's memorial service?"

****

The pain was raw and the wound fresh in her heart. It was raining heavily that day during the funeral, as it always seemed to do on such occasions. Since her father's death, Kate hadn't said a word, keeping mostly to herself. Her father meant the world to her and now that he was gone, Kate felt lost and alone. So all consuming was the emptiness in her heart that she could no longer feel any emotion. Mark gave the eulogy at the memorial service attended by hundreds of friends and relatives. Everything went by like a hazy dream for Kate – the flowers, the condolences and blurred faces. The fresh flowers were bruised and splashed with mud as the coffin was lowered into the gaping maw in the ground, next to her mother's tomb. Tom had chosen the final resting place for his wife after many, many months of searching. He had decided on a garden cemetery nearby their estate; its many stately trees imbued the landscape with a uniquely well-timbered inheritance or 'green cloak', with collections of trees arranged along, and set back from path edges. The natural woodland setting was perfect for the likes of her beloved parents – it was quiet, peaceful and beautiful.

There was a cold wind that blew through the cedars, making her shiver as she pulled her coat closer. Kneeling down, she placed the flowers that they had bought earlier on the ground. The moment her fingers touched the fresh dirt, her calm composure cracked as tears began to fall. Kate mourned her father. Beneath a black umbrella, her brother, Mark held her arm in a protective grip as she leaned against him for support.

She took a deep breath to calm herself and a sudden gust of wind made her look up. Just beyond the path edge, a solitary figure stood wearing a long hooded robe. _Spock!_

Her heart fluttered with mixed emotions. She became light-headed and swayed slightly.

"Kate, you should go back to the house and rest," Mark told her gently. "I will settle what needs to be done here. Go with Helen."

She nodded and as they were leaving in the hover car, she turned back to look at Spock but he had disappeared. It must have been an illusion… _I must be going crazy_, she thought.

"What's the matter, Kate?" Helen asked but she just shook her head, preferring to press her face against the window and watch the rain falling outside.


	8. Secrets

Chapter 8

_And we too - will it not be soft and kind, _

_That rest from life, from patience, and from pain, _

_That rest from bliss we know not when we find, _

_That rest from love which ne'er the end can gain? _

_- Hark! how the tune swells, that erewhile did wane! _

_Look up, love! - Ah! cling close, and never move! _

_How can I have enough of life and love?_

By William Morris

*****

"I could not find any words that conveyed the meaning of my father's life as this poem could…" Mark said as he read his father's eulogy under the rain. "He was a man who loved life..."

There was a large group of friends and family present at Tom's memorial service, huddled under a sea of black umbrellas – he was much loved amongst his friends and family. Spock honored his professor by wearing a full Vulcan ceremonial robe as he walked across the wet lawn towards the gathering.

From a distance, he saw her standing together with Mark, dressed in an austere black dress and hair tied up in a ponytail. Even in mourning, Spock was struck by her loveliness -- Kate was lovelier than ever in her grief. She was holding a bunch of white lilies in her trembling hands. He saw tears had rolled down her pale cheeks as she wept. Spock was conflicted as he could not comfort her -- knowing that she was so close yet so incredibly far away. He never felt the distance so acutely as he did now. His eyes followed her as she walked away with Helen to the hover car.

As the group started to disperse, Spock decided to make his presence known and approached the grave of his beloved professor. He stood at the edge of Tom's grave and paid his last respects. Mark recognized him immediately.

"Spock! I'm glad to see you. My father would have wanted you to be here, with us," said Mark kindly. "Things have been rather chaotic here with the memorial service and all. Where are you staying currently?"

"I've not decided yet," replied Spock.

"You could stay at our house," Mark suggested. "We have plenty of guestrooms."

"I'm uncertain if Kate is agreeable to such an arrangement."

"Oh, she won't mind!" scoffed Mark. "Don't worry about it."

*****

Kate was up and about the house dutifully engaging those who came to pay their condolences. She was keeping herself busy so that she would not have time to dwell on her own sorrow and sinking into the depths of despair. Mark had been a pillar of strength for her, handling all their family's finances and legal issues while she did what she knew best-- she saw that coffee, tea, cocktails and cakes were served at the wake. Kate was talking to a neighbor when her attention was suddenly diverted to the front door. Standing right behind Mark was none other than Spock! So she was not hallucinating after all – he was here. Spock was here and the rest of the world seemed to dissolve into nothingness. She drifted to the middle of the room, towards Spock.

"Kate."He came to her.

"What are you doing here?" she found herself asking him.

"I came here for you," he replied, unaware of how the words had affected her.

_No, no… don't say that, please… _

Kate stepped back as tears sprung in her eyes. "I wish you hadn't. I wish you hadn't come here at all. Excuse me…"

Mark was about to inform her that Spock would be staying at their place but she ignored her brother and ran up the stairs to her room. Numbly she groped her way to her bed and sat down. She had just begun to get her life back together, putting memories of Spock behind her when her father suddenly passed away. The tragedy had brought him back, throwing her emotions into chaos.

It was late at night and Kate made her way to her father's study as if driven by some unseen force. She had been afraid to enter that room, afraid of re-living the memory as she stared at the door. Kate did not hear his footsteps, but she was aware of Spock's presence just behind her, like some great black specter.

"Go away," she sniffed, her voice hoarse from too much crying. She closed her eyes, as if she didn't see him he wouldn't be there. _Leave me alone…_

"He was a friend of mine," Spock said softly. "...and also a father I never had."

Kate sobbed and began to shake uncontrollably. "I… I found him in there… he was asleep… he looked so peaceful…"

Spock turned her around. "I'm sorry for your loss."

She didn't know how or when she had fallen into his arms, seeking comfort. Suddenly, Kate was filled with regret and humiliation, betrayed by her own weakness as she pushed him away, lashing out angrily. "I don't need you…I want you to leave! I want you to stay out of my life!"

Kate knew that she had said a cruel thing but she didn't want him to see her that way – pathetic and needy. Spock looked confused by her mercurial mood swing. He reached out to her again but she backed away. "No! Just… just leave me alone," she stammered and left him.

Spock didn't leave immediately like he did the last time. Mark had asked him to stay at their house for as long as he wished, much to her chagrin. She wanted to be alone, to mourn her father and Spock's appearance had thrown her off balance. Now all she wished for was to get away from him. If he wanted to hang around the house, she decided that she would go out with her friends. Picking up the phone, she called Lizzie.

About an hour later, Kate saw Josh's hover car arrive at the front of the house. Josh, Akumu and Lizzie poked their heads out of the vehicle and called out to her. "Kate! Hurry up… let's go."

She quickly picked up her jacket and stepped out of her room. As she walked out to meet her friends, she noticed Spock standing nearby. Kate regarded him suspiciously.

"What's the deal here? Are you going to breathe down my neck from now on?" she demanded.

He was staring down at her, his face the same blank mask that so often troubled her. "I don't understand," he said.

_Spock was certainly trying her patience!_

"I'm not a child anymore. I won't break…I don't need you to hold my hand," she scolded.

Spock appeared intrigued by what she had said. "Are you going somewhere, Kate?"

"In fact I am… I'm going out with my friends. Why don't you go fix something or invent a warp engine somewhere?"

"That would be illogical. The warp engine has already been invented," he countered.

Kate wanted to laugh at how absurd their conversation was becoming. "You're impossible, you know that?"

"I've been called worse," he admitted.

"Spock, I don't have the time… I'm feeling fine. My friends are waiting…I have to go," she insisted as she swung out the door.

A loft elevator opened depositing Kate, Lizzie, Josh and Akumu along with a bunch of people into a large dance floor at a swanky club called the Apocalypse. The name itself described the place accurately – its Gothic design with stark angles, creeping shadows, dense and airless, a random tangle of steel and concrete, self-generating, almost subterranean in its aspect... as if hell had erupted through the floor and kept on growing. Perched high on the ceiling, stone gargoyles gazed down from their shadowy perches, keeping monstrous watch over the dance floor below. It was crowded, the deejay was spinning a fast number and people were pressed together, having to shout to talk. Scantily clad girls twisted and writhed in a hypnotic dance on elevated pedestals, promising pleasure and gratification.

They climbed a steel spiral staircase to an exclusive glass-walled room overlooking the dance floor.

Josh told them, "I'll get the drinks..."

Kate glanced towards the bar. Josh was flirting shamelessly with a young blond waitress at the bar—he must have said something to her as she laughed heartily and gave him a hug. Suddenly, a familiar voice called her name. Kate turned and recognized Cal immediately. "Oh, it's you…"

Then she turned to Lizzie who smiled nervously at them. "Lizzie, did you set this up?" she asked in astonishment.

"Sorry, love… Cal wanted to see you again so we thought this was a great way to meet up," she confessed sheepishly.

"I don't believe you guys," Kate said with disappointment. She was about to get up and leave but Cal held her hand.

"Kate… please, it was my idea. I went to Lizzie for help," he told her. "I missed you. Please don't go yet."

She reluctantly sat down. Josh had returned with two bottles containing a strange pink liquid and glasses. As he poured the contents of the pink bottle into the glasses, he said, "The bartender over there said this is their newest import – premium Andorian fire whiskey. Try it."

"Actually, it tastes quite good," Cal added as he lifted a glass and took a large gulp.

Frowning, Kate tasted some of it and immediately went into a coughing fit as the liquid burned her throat. Pushing the glass away, she sat back in her seat sullenly.

"I swear it tastes much better with each gulp," Cal laughed and emptied half the contents of the bottle into his mouth. "It's a shame to waste it."

She leaned forward and took another gulp of the vile liquid. Strangely, it was beginning to taste much better than the first time. Hmm…and she took some more. As if on cue, Lizzie and Akumu decided to check out the dance floor while Josh went back to the bar counter.

"I'm sorry about your father. I only heard the news this morning…You were everything to him, Kate. Your father loved you," he began.

"Cut the crap! What is the _real_ reason you wanted me here?" she demanded impatiently.

Cal took the remote control and changed the settings for the room – now it was aglow with soft lighting and the sounds from the dance floor muted for privacy.

"I wanted to tell you I made a mistake...I'm sorry. A day doesn't go by that I don't regret it...it's not the way I felt...I shouldn't have hurt you that day...I came because I hoped I could have another chance," he begged.

She spluttered disbelievingly. "You've got the nerve…after all you've done!"

Kate turned away wondering for the hundredth time why she had remained in the room with Cal. She still hadn't forgiven him for hurting her.

"Cal, it's too late," she told him plainly.

But he refused to listen and pressed on. "No, it's not too late. I know you still feel something for me and I still care for you… Kate, I know you feel sad and confused right now but I urge you to at least think about it."

Kate was amazed by his earnestness – Cal did not beg for anything in his life. Maybe he was serious this time … maybe she still felt something for him. Did she really love him or was it only gratitude she felt? She couldn't be sure, it was all so confusing but she knew one thing for certain -- in the past Cal had been there for her when no one else had. Cal had even gone to the extent of bribing the boarding school officials so that her father would not know the real reason for her prolonged absence to treat her drug addiction. Kate had lived with that lie since then. She hadn't had the heart to tell her father the truth. In the end, she sighed. She was willing to give Cal the benefit of doubt. Not wanting to dwell on the issue any longer, she nodded mechanically. Cal didn't notice her weariness as he grinned.

"You'll never regret this, I promise," he said, reaching out to hold her hand. Kate felt his tenderness and was strangely comforted by it. The past few days had been extremely difficult for her. She had cut herself off from everyone who knew her father, pushing them away, fearful of the sadness that each memory evoked in her.

Suddenly, Lizzie stumbled into the room, interrupting them as Kate hastily removed her hand from Cal's.

"So are you back together again?" Lizzie teased.

"Definitely," Cal replied with casual confidence as he gazed at Kate but she looked away and said nothing.

"That's… that's wonderful," declared Lizzie.

"I need a drink," Kate said, changing the subject as she downed the entire glass of fire whiskey. Then she turned to Lizzie and said, "Let's dance."

Lizzie delightedly led her to the dance floor. There they started to dance in a very sensual way, skin touching skin. Kate didn't care how much of the pink liquid she had consumed, as long as it numbed the senses and made her oblivious of everything else. The steady beat of the tribal music was magnified tenfold by the effects of the alcohol, willing her to sway and move to the ancient rhythm. There was a sluggish throbbing in her head that seemed to extend to her whole body as she welcomed the blissful darkness that overcame her.

Kate felt her body sinking into the bottom of the ocean alone, the air diminishing from her lungs. Gasping and choking, she pulled frantically at the weeds as if it would keep her afloat. She was going to drown!

_Help! Help!  
_

"_Kate…"_

"_Dad?" She could recognize that voice anywhere. _

_Kate opened her eyes and found her father sitting on the edge of her bed. There was no water or ocean -- only Kate and her father. "Dad, is it really you?" _

_Those unmistakable blue eyes and handsome smile was all Tom Watson as she hugged him, tears falling fast. "I missed you so much."_

"_I missed you too, honey," he whispered softly in her ear. Kate smiled joyfully. _

"_I don't want you to go away… There's so much I want to tell you…" she confessed with all her heart._

"_Shh… I know everything now. There are no more secrets," he said kindly. "You have to let go now, Kate… Let it all go."_

_She was puzzled by his words. "What do you mean, Dad?"_

_Her father looked sad. Then suddenly, the scene dissolved in a swirling mist and disappeared._

"Dad!" she gave an anguished cry as she woke up with a monstrous headache and a vague memory of the night before. Kate realized that she was lying on a huge bed in unfamiliar settings and it was already morning. _Where am I?_

Suddenly, she felt cold and realized that she was naked under the sheets. She remembered she had been drinking with her friends at the club. They had danced and stairs…she didn't remember climbing any stairs. All she remembered was a soft bed and hands touching her all over. The sheets smelled of sweat and sex. Reaching between her thighs, she felt stickiness that could only mean one thing--drunkenly and openly, she must have slept with a total stranger! Feeling sick in the stomach, Kate stumbled into the bathroom and threw up.

"Feeling better? Let me help you…"

A voice whispered from behind her as gentle hands pulled her up from the bathroom floor. She recognized Cal's voice. He led her to the edge of the bed as Kate consciously tried to cover whatever little dignity she had left with thin sheets. Cal gave her two shots of aspirin and handed her a glass of water. "For your hangover," he said.

Kate took the glass gratefully and drank like a camel. The ordeal had made her incredibly thirsty. "Where am I?" she asked.

"You're in my villa," said Cal as he sat beside her.

"What…what happened last night?"

"You passed out at the club," he replied simply. "I brought you back here."

"Did we have sex?" Kate wanted to know if it was Cal that she had slept with.

"Kate, there's an explanation to all this," Cal began haltingly. "Last night, you were so drunk that you were ranting and crying and needy… then we started kissing and I couldn't help myself."

She listened silently even though she had no recollection of everything that Cal had just told her.

"Please don't take this the wrong way… You wanted me and I wanted you. We were meant to be together," he said convincingly. "Haven't I always been there for you?"

He was right.

"Come here," said Cal as he pulled her into a hug.

Kate muttered, "I feel so alone."

Cal pulled away in surprise and tipped her chin with his finger. "Hey, you have me, remember?"

Kate sighed and closed her eyes. "I don't know ... I don't know what to think."

"Just think about us. Think about what we meant to each other, the times we had together, how wonderful they were."

She nodded, trying to clear her alcohol addled thoughts.

Then he stood up. "I'll be leaving the country for a business meeting in Australia. My father wants me to oversee a project there. He said it's a good way to start for someone like me who has no practical experience…"

_What? Why? _she despaired._  
_

Then Cal knelt in front of her and made her look at him. "Kate, I want you to come with me. We'll go to Australia, you and me, away from all this gloominess. My father has a vineyard there. We'll have a fresh start. I really want you with me."

There was a long silence as Cal waited patiently for her to make the next move.

"When are we leaving?" Kate finally asked and he smiled.

*****

Spock strode down the empty hallway in the middle of the night. Kate's brother, Mark had some urgent business in New York and had gone away for the week.

"I feel bad about leaving Kate at this time," Mark had admitted with a sigh. "She's been through a lot."

"Please do not concern yourself over Kate's welfare. I will be here to watch over her," Spock told him.

Mark shook his head. "I'm really sorry. This is asking too much of you. I'll be back as soon as I can."

The time waiting for Kate to return from her outing became a meaningless void, and anguished waiting. It seemed that he could do nothing but sit and stare at the chronometer. It was nearly noon when he heard the hum of a hover car coming up the driveway. Immediately, he went to the front door and opened it.

He could see that Kate was sitting in the hover car with Cal Harrison – Cal was saying something to her but he could not hear them. Cal's hand then lifted her face and stared into her eyes in a moment that seemed to last for eternity and then, slowly, uncertainly, he brushed his lips briefly against hers. When they drew apart, she smiled briefly at him. They got out of the car and were startled to see Spock standing in the doorway with his arms folded.

"Mister Spock, I didn't know you were staying here," Cal said with a grin.

"Indeed," he replied severely.

Cal turned to Kate who was standing next to him. "Well, Kate was in good hands and she had a great time, didn't you Kate?"

But Kate said dully, "I think you should go now, Cal."

"Okay, sweetheart… I'll see you soon," he replied, giving her an affectionate hug.

Spock's fists clenched as he watched Cal drive away from the house. Internally, he cried out at the cruel clarity of that intolerable vignette right before his eyes. His mind was still reeling with shock. Spock racked his brains as to how to move forward – even a complex matter –antimatter fusion formula was easier to comprehend than human emotions. He could understand if Kate wished to be with a worthy young man so passionately in love with her. Cal was anything but that!

"What the hell are you doing to me?" she demanded, eyes blazing angrily at Spock.

"I was waiting for your return," he replied coolly.

"You're starting to become my worst nightmare! Just stop, okay? I don't need you!" she shouted rudely, shoving him away needlessly as she made her way into the house.

His logical side told him to abandon her and return to San Francisco. She had made it crystal clear that she didn't want him around. Yet, his human instincts told him that Kate was only putting on a brave front but inwardly she was like a child crying out in the darkness, spiraling out of control and lost without her father. He couldn't just leave her like that – his conscience would not permit it.

Spock made up his mind to see this through for Tom's sake. The rest of the day passed rather peacefully as Kate had confined herself in her room all day. Spock was about to return to his room to meditate when he noticed Stuart had brought Kate's tray of food back to the kitchen untouched. Stuart commented that he had knocked on her door twenty times but there was no answer. Sensing something was amiss, Spock immediately rushed to her room. He turned the handle and found that it was locked. Turning to the android, he said,"I need the security code."

Stuart obliged and unlocked the door, allowing Spock access to Kate's room.

"Kate?" he called out.

In the darkened bedroom, he saw Kate's dress that she had worn earlier and two empty whiskey bottles on the floor. The shower was running but he couldn't see her or hear any movement in the shower stall. Then entering the bathroom he found her on the shower floor, naked with one hand clutching one knee to the chest and the other hand holding a newly opened bottle of liquor, oblivious of the pelting water. She was going into hypothermic shock. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her gently. "Kate?"

She looked up at him momentarily, eyes red from crying. "You're all wet," she muttered.

Her sour breath reeked of alcohol -- she had been drinking excessively. Spock immediately shut off the shower and carried her out. Removing the bottle from her hand, he wrapped her limp body in a thick bathrobe. Kate was an emotional wreck as she curled up in a foetal position on the bed. Spock instructed Stuart to bring a jug of water and a glass. Then he fed the water to Kate -- she needed fluids to flush out the alcohol from her system. Kate spluttered and choked in protest but she was too weak to fight him.

"Get some sleep," he suggested as he drew the covers over her shivering body. Kate was still for a moment.

"Daddy, I'm so sorry… I want to let go but I can't …" she began to mumble hysterically, as if fighting some unseen beast.

"What was it that you can't let go?" Spock asked but he wasn't getting a coherent reply from her.

Against his better judgment, Spock placed his fingers on the meld points on the side of her face and prepared to delve into her thoughts, experiences, memories, and determine the cause of her nightmares. He was aware that this technique would violate her privacy and could be potentially harmful under such circumstances but he had not prepared for the sensory overload that assailed him as Kate's past flashed by, moving forward and back in time –

_Kate dancing in front of the selection committee…_

_Kate, as a small child sitting on the floor while her mother danced around her…_

_Kate, dressed in a sweet uniform, preparing to enter a boarding school…_

_Kate, standing with her father at the edge of her mother's grave on a rainy day…_

_Kate with various men, some he recognized – Josh, Cal, Akumu and some he didn't… in a spectacular array of sexual positions…_

_Kate sniffing prohibited substances, consuming excessive amounts of alcohol and getting high…_

_Kate kneeling down and weeping on her father's lap…  
_

Then he came across one particularly disturbing memory – it was blurred, disconnected, distorted by many voices … she was sitting in a white-tiled bathroom, staring blankly at the bloodied razor as warm red blood ran down her hands and stained her nightgown. And Cal's frantic voice was calling out to her…

Spock was drowning in the black abyss of her tormented soul until he broke the connection. Exhausted, he stumbled back and just stared at her now peaceful sleeping form. His hands were trembling and his breath shaky. It would take a lot of mental discipline to reign in the emotions he had felt during the mind-meld.


	9. A Fair Game

Chapter 9

The joining of minds had severely drained Spock's energy, leaving him in a weakened state. In his brief contact with Kate's mind, he discovered a totally different side of her – a dark side that her father never knew. Tom would have been devastated by this truth. Spock had heard him describe Kate as his golden girl; beautiful and immensely talented. She was going to be a great dancer like her mother. Kate must have taken great pains to conceal her other life from her father and now, the guilt was tearing her apart.

Spock found her sitting in the living room with her knees drawn up beneath her chin. She was barefoot and wearing only a red bathrobe which revealed her slender legs – the same robe that he had put on her the day before. She looked up at him but did not move from her spot.

"I'm sorry for disrupting your solitude. I shall leave now," Spock said and made to leave.

She gave him a queer look.

"No, Spock," she said with a sigh, "Please… I wish to speak with you."

Spock nodded and sat on a chair opposite to her. Suddenly, he realized, he did not know what to say to her. Yesterday's incident was not to be discussed – he did not wish her to know about the mind meld. The silence deepened between them and he noticed that Kate was waiting for him to speak.

"Are you well?" he said finally.

"I haven't slept so well since my father died," she admitted with a wistful smile. "It's very strange...It's probably got to do with the dream I had last night and you were in it somehow, though I have no idea why."

Her admission perturbed him. The mind-meld must have left some remnant of his presence in her memories. Spock remained silent.

"Spock, I'm sorry... I'm sorry for the things I have said and done," she said with amazing equanimity.

"There is no need to apologize. You have done nothing wrong."

Kate shook her head. "I was cruel. I pretended that your feelings were irrelevant... My father meant something to you too."

She turned away, looking out the window. He patiently waited for her to speak again. "Cal has asked me to go away with him," she told him. "And I have accepted his invitation."

Spock paused. If he was shocked by her decision, he did not show it. It seemed like she had already made up her mind.

"When will you be leaving?" he inquired.

Kate looked at him, sensing his concern. "Day after tomorrow…"

"Are you not going to the Conservatory?"

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter anymore…"

_It doesn't matter? Why is she giving up?_

Spock was annoyed and frustrated by the way she was callously throwing away her life as if it was inconsequential. There was no logic in her decision.

"Is this what you wish? To be with Cal?" he found himself questioning her decision although he had no desire to hear the answer.

A strange expression crossed her face. For a second, it seemed that she was looking for a way out as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Have you considered …that there are other alternatives?" he suggested, "... that Cal is not the only option you have?"

"I cannot live a life with maybes and what ifs… at least, I made a choice," she said resignedly.

*****

_I stopped believing in fairy tales a long time ago… somehow, I don't think that I'm destined to live happily ever after…_

Kate wanted to tell Spock that she was too tired to fight Cal's determination any longer but doubted that he would understand. She just wanted the decision taken out of her hands. Lizzie had commented that it can't be all that bad to allow a man to take care of her and Cal was so eager to resume their relationship that it became the only way out that she could see.

Her brother, Mark had opposed her decision at first. He felt it was too hasty a decision and he had considered Cal a terrible choice for a lover, echoing Spock's reaction. She had to assure him that it was entirely her choice and Cal had not forced it upon her. In the end, he too relented but told her firmly that she could always call him or Helen if she had want of anything.

_Everyone is so nice to me…if only they knew who I really am_, she sighed sadly.

As she packed her suitcases to leave, she moved about her room automatically -- focused on her task, refusing to take in any sign or memories that might hinder her. As Stuart took the suitcases from her bedroom, she walked slowly down the staircase to the door. She paused as she took a final look around her father's house -- one of the throw pillows had fallen off the couch. She replaced it and took a moment to look about her. Then slowly, she walked to her father's study and pushed open the door. Streaks of sunlight had filtered through the large windows illuminating the room. Her father's study had remained untouched – his books, his favorite chair, his music collection. It was as if she could still feel his presence among them.

"I'm going away, Dad," she said softly, as hot tears streaked down her cheeks. In her pain, she felt him – a whisper in the warm air, caressing her as if to say, _"It's all right… I love you."_

At the appointed time, one of Cal's luxury hover cars arrived to pick her up. She sat silently as the vehicle weaved its way through traffic towards the transport terminal where Cal would be waiting for her --They were to fly to Sydney on Cal's private jet. Suddenly, her cell phone beeped with a message telling her that Cal was going to be late and that she was supposed to meet him at the villa. Kate frowned at the abrupt change of plans. Then, turning to the driver, she said, "Could you send me to the Harrison villa instead?"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied and keyed in the coordinates to the villa.

*****

Spock could not sleep a wink since Kate told him of her decision to be with Cal and intense meditation did not assuage his terrible disappointment. Lonely and lost without her father, Kate clung to the only person who was there for her – Cal Harrison. They had shared a secret – a past that Spock became aware of through the mind-meld and Cal's insidious influence on her was slowing choking her will to live. Kate was letting go of her promising future. Spock could not think of a reason why Cal would want Kate.

Spock tried to make sense of his unease, but he couldn't. He even considered the possibility of convincing Cal to abandon the idea of taking her away, though he knew the probability of that succeeding was less than one percent. A slim probability but one percent was enough to make Spock get up from his meditative position on the floor, grab his coat and disappear into the night.

The trip to the Harrison villa took longer than expected as he sat pondering the consequences if Kate found out that he had gone to see Cal. Spock's arrival was received with guarded looks from Cal's bodyguards, who were armed with phaser pistols. "I wish to see Mister Cal Harrison," he told them.

The guard called the villa and allowed him in. Then Spock was escorted to a waiting room, which was tastefully furnished with carpets, lounge chairs and a fully stocked bar.

"Wait here," the burly bodyguard ordered as he knocked on the door at the end of the waiting room.

Spock noticed that the door of the games room was slightly ajar. A beautiful woman was bending over Cal with an arm draped around his shoulders as she watched his hand. They appeared at ease as they whispered to each other and giggled. It was clear that Cal could have any woman he wanted but why did he single out Kate?

Cal appeared to be winning at the gambling table as his chips were steadily piling up. The bodyguard stepped up to Cal and whispered something in his ear – Cal scowled as he angrily waved him off.

The bodyguard came out to Spock and said bluntly, "Mr. Harrison will be with you shortly."

Spock nodded and stood patiently waiting for Cal to come out. Exactly 1.3 hours later, Cal announced a short break from the game and strolled out to meet him.

"Mister Spock, this is indeed a surprise. To what purpose do I owe the pleasure of your presence today?"

"I came here to see you regarding Miss Watson," said Spock.

Cal grinned as he strode towards the bar. "Kate? Does she know you are here?"

"No, she does not."

"Drink?" asked Cal as he poured himself a shot of whiskey into a short glass.

"No thank you. I came here to ask you to reconsider your decision to take Miss Watson with you," he said gravely. "She does not know what she is doing."

Cal was amused. "What makes you think that she is not willing to be with me? Has she confided in you?"

"She couldn't…she is indebted to you."

"So she has told you about our past," Cal said with a sinister smile.

"Yes, it has come to my knowledge," affirmed Spock. Cal need not know how he had obtained this information.

"I see," Cal pondered his words as he sipped his potent drink. Spock eyed him warily.

"I have a confession to make to you, Spock. Do you want to hear it?" Cal said casually, slipping an ice cube into his drink.

"No."

Spock was not in the mood for idle banter.

"Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. I don't love Kate… I just want her so that you or anyone else can't have her. Didn't think I'd notice you, did you? I know you desire her by the way you look at her and the way you speak with her – it's practically oozing out of your Vulcan hide! You don't fool me. You want her. But you can't have her. She belongs to me now. She is mine!"

Spock was taken aback by Cal's brutish and possessive behavior. Kate was not an object to be owned and discarded at whim! She did not deserve this!

"What will become of Kate when you have no longer use of her?" he demanded, eyes flashing.

"What does it matter to you?" Cal mocked him. "Are you going to be there when she falls apart? There's not a damn thing you can do about it."

Spock fought back an ugly image of ripping off Cal's head with his bare hands. He was stronger than Cal – death would be too easy for a bastard like him. Spock's shoulders slumped in defeat as Cal's cruel remarks rang in his ears.

"I think you know the way out," Cal said as he returned to the games room, leaving Spock alone.

_There must be something I could do_, he thought furiously. Cal's betrayal would surely devastate Kate but would she believe him? It was his word against Cal's. Still, Kate had the right to know the truth. Her future and her happiness were at stake. He knew that Kate was on her way to the transport terminal. _If only there was way to delay Cal…_

Spock's thoughts were interrupted by peals of laughter coming from the games room. His attention was again diverted to the gambling table and the players -- there was a young long-haired Asian male, a regal looking blond woman and a fat Latino gentleman who was perspiring profusely. They had been steadily losing their chips to Cal in a fascinating card game.

Stepping closer to examine the game they were playing, Spock also studied each person's reaction as the cards were dealt to them.

*****

As Kate arrived at the villa, the guards quickly let her in. "Where is Cal?" she inquired impatiently.

"In the games room, Miss Watson," the butler replied. "This way, please."

She pushed through the doors to the games room and was confounded by a tense silence in there. All eyes were focused on one gambling table -- the table where Cal and Spock sat hunched over cards. She saw that Cal was perspiring as he spread his cards on the table.

"Two pair," he said.

Spock exposed his last card. "Three aces."

There were murmurs as the dealer gave the winnings to Spock, adding them to the extraordinary pile already in front of him. Kate was confused – _what was Spock doing here? What the hell was going on?_

Kate made her way to Cal but was stopped by one of his bodyguards.

"Looks like you won all my money and my brand new car today," Cal said lightly but from his tone, she could tell that he was seething beneath.

"There's one more thing you could stake," Spock said quietly.

Cal's lips tightened as he studied the faces of his bemused guests. "I think you didn't hear me right. You cleaned me out. Besides, I'm late for my appointment," he said.

Spock turned and looked toward Kate. "For Kate… If I win, she stays."

Kate bit her lip, choking off a cry, expecting Cal to protest instead, his eyes gleamed bright.

"What? You've just won my new car and now you want my girl too? I've always suspected you had a thing for Kate… How much are you willing to stake for her?" he demanded.

Spock pushed all his chips into the middle of the table. "Everything on the table..."

The crowd around them gasped, but Kate, burning with anger and shame barely heard them.

"Cal…" she spluttered but he ignored her. Spock's gaze flickered towards Kate, acknowledging her presence but gave no indication of his intent.

Cal was determined not to lose this round. Coiled and dangerous, he said tightly, "Deal."

The card dealer cut the deck and dealt one card each, face down. One card each, face up – a three of hearts for Cal and a two of diamonds for Spock. As Cal and Spock tipped the edges of the hidden cards, everyone pushed closer, their excitement palpable.

Then the dealer deftly flicked two more cards off the deck – ace of hearts for Cal and four of clubs for Spock. A pattern was beginning to form as the dealer revealed each card – four of hearts for Spock and five of spades for Cal. The last of the cards slid off the deck; four of diamonds for Cal and two of spades for Spock. The guests were busy speculating what the hidden card was.

"_Cal's got a straight."_

"_No, the Vulcan's got two pairs…"_

Kate's eyes darted from one player to another. Cal seemed well pleased with the cards in his hand while Spock displayed no emotion.

"There's still time to walk away," Cal said with a grin.

Spock shook his head, staring intently at Kate. "No, I'm… in the game."

"Very well," the dealer announced. "Gentlemen, please reveal your cards."

Swiftly, Cal flipped his final card; Two of hearts – a straight. He then stood, knocking over his chair in eagerness to scoop up his winnings. Without a word, Spock turned over his hidden card: two of clubs, a full house. He had won.

The crowd erupted with cries of delight and clapping of hands but Kate was too distraught as she stood frozen on the spot. She closed her eyes tightly. _This isn't real_. _This must be a joke…_

Then Cal drew her close and patted her ass. "Be a good girl and show Spock a good time… He won you fair and square. You're welcomed to make use of any room in the villa," he snickered.

"Cal, what are you talking about? We're supposed to go away today," she told him but he looked away.

"Didn't you see what happened, honey? I've got to honor that bet," he said coldly. "If I don't, what will my friends think?"

Her eyes bore holes into Cal. "How dare you? How dare you do this to me?!" she hissed and abruptly fled the room.

She had never been so humiliated in her life – the lascivious looks the men gave her and the gossiping women were too much for her to bear. They had stripped her naked and put her on an auction block, mocking her with stares that seemed to shout: _Slut! Whore!_

In desperation, she saw her friend, Lizzie among the guests and went to her. Lizzie would help her get out of this predicament. "Lizzie, I'm so glad to see you," Kate cried out in relief but her friend stepped back and mocked her.

"Kate, my _friend_…so you got your wish at last," Lizzie said haughtily, brushing her off.

Kate was confused. "What? What do you mean?"

"You finally got to fuck the Vulcan," she accused her. "If you wanted him so badly, you didn't have to put up a show for it! Now, everyone knows who you really are, bitch!"

Dumbfounded, Kate watched her friend stomp away furiously. _Even she thinks I'm a loser…_

An angry sob tore from her throat as Kate ran away from the villa, away from Cal and away from Spock. She had walked and walked for miles, wiping away angry tears and trying to make sense of what had just happened – why did Cal betray her like that? They were supposed to go away together, renew their estranged relationship… Cal had loved her, didn't he?

Her feet ached from all the walking as she limped to the side and sat down on a rock, rubbing her ankles. These shoes weren't made for rough use – the straps had dug into her flesh and made it sore. It was getting dark and there was no passing vehicle in sight. Anything could happen on a secluded highway like this. Then she saw a set of head lights approaching.

*****

Spoke had won, for now, it seemed, yet his win was a hollow victory that was filled with nothing but shamed despair. He knew Cal was going to spoil everything, deliberately making the bet a flesh trade and ripping his noble efforts to shreds. Remorse gnawed at him as he watched angry tears that had fallen down Kate's pale cheeks. He couldn't let her go -- he couldn't let Cal take her away. What a grim farce this had become!

A brand new hover car rolled out in front of him, the Phoenix Model 3.5 – it was the latest luxury model for hover cars. It had a sleek silver body and was equipped with advanced automotive technology. However, the interior was decorated with Cal's vulgar taste for style. This vehicle was meant to impress the ladies.

"This belongs to you now, Mister Spock," the butler handed him the key card.

One of Cal's guests, who was waiting there with him commented, "I wouldn't play you for all the money in the world. You just ruined a man tonight."

"Indeed," he replied tightly.

The cash and hover car did not mean a thing to him -- all he cared about was Kate. Jumping into the vehicle, he quickly thumbed through the operating manual, started the car and sped off into the night. The floodlights of the hover car scoured the highway for Kate. He had to find her -- she could not have gone that far.

With the aid of the hover car's night-vision mode, Spock eventually found her on a secluded stretch of the highway, far from prying eyes. Hushed sobs could be heard, mingling with the chirping crickets and sounds of the night.

"Kate, it's not safe out there. Please get into the vehicle."

"I'm not going anywhere with you," she spat out venomously.

Spock saw the pain in her teary eyes as she stiffened. He couldn't bring himself to look at her accusing stare.

"Kate…" he tried again.

"No, don't call me or speak my name!" She shook her head and stepped away from the car. "If you hadn't forced Cal's hand, he wouldn't have humiliated me in front of his friends."

He said, "I'm sorry I hadn't considered your feelings. Please get into the vehicle and I'll explain everything."

Kate pondered her options; either she could stay here and be mauled by some wild animal or go home where she would be safe and have a nice warm bath. In the end, her common sense won over as she reluctantly stepped into the hover car. She folded her arms and scowled. "You may have won but I'm not going to sleep with you."

"I'm not asking you to," he told her.

"Is this how you treat Vulcan women? Treat them like chattels to be bought and sold?" she demanded, still mortified.

"No," he replied, thinking of his mother. "We treat our women with the greatest respect. I did it because it was the only way for Cal to release you."

"Release me? What are you talking about?" Kate's voice reached a feverish pitch.

Taking a deep breath, Spock revealed the truth. "You feel obligated to him –he had saved you before. When you were sixteen, you nearly died. That gratitude has made you vulnerable to Cal…"

Kate was speechless. Then her eyes narrowed with suspicion. "How did you know? How did you know about my past?"

"A Vulcan mind-meld – a joining of minds," he stated and then paused. "I used it on you… that day when you were drunk and acting strangely… I had to find out what was hurting you."

"You had no right to pry into other people's lives! This is my life, it's not perfect… I've made bad choices in the past. And I don't need your damn permission either! You! Cal! I don't need anyone to tell me how to run my life!"

"I know," he said, bearing the brunt of her frustrations. "I'm not usually that impulsive, except…"

_When it matters to the people I care_, he wanted to add but a red blinking light on the vehicle console caught his eye – its proximity sensors had picked up another hover car tailing them at about ten kilometers.

"I believe we are being followed," he suddenly said.

"Computer, specify object," commanded Spock.

"Computing in 7 seconds…The object is a Lex 5500, vehicle registration number H0101CAL. Owner's name is classified," the console reported.

Kate stared at Spock. "Who is following us? What do they want?"

"There is only one way to find out," he answered as he swerved the Phoenix off the highway into a country road. The Lex did the same.

Gripping her seat, Kate asked fearfully, "Do you know where you're going?"

"No."

The Phoenix was twisting through the lonely countryside, along a lake as Spock increased the vehicle's speed in an attempt to evade their pursuers. The other hover car gave chase but it could not match the speed of the Phoenix. Suddenly, the console alarm sounded, flashing red.

"_System overload… system overload…"_

Spock tried to regain control of the Phoenix but the manual override had jammed. The Phoenix slammed into the side rail -- the impact caused it to flip and plunge into the lake. Kate screamed in terror as they were thrown from their seats. Water started to seep into the hover car through the cracks on the windscreen, as it began to sink into the murky depths.


	10. Revelations

Chapter 10

Kate blacked out momentarily but the cold water seeping into the passenger compartment jolted her awake. She saw Spock slumped against the hover car's control panel -- he was unconscious and blood was oozing out of his forehead. Their hover car was completely submerged and still sinking. There was not much air left in the compartment.

"Spock!" she shook up hard but he gave no reply.

_This cannot be happening_, she thought furiously. _I'm not going to die like this!_

She knew that all hover cars were equipped with oxygen canisters and a flare gun in the emergency kit under the seat. With the flare gun securely attached to her belt, she seized the canisters and put one on, breathing deeply while helping Spock with his. Then pushing Spock aside, she reached for the emergency eject button which was under the console. After a few seconds of frantic fumbling, she managed to press the emergency button and the doors automatically exploded outward. There was no time to lose. Hooking one arm under Spock's, Kate swam for the surface. It was an intense struggle for survival – Spock was dead-weight against her small frame. Her lungs were on fire as she barely made it to the shore. Both collapsed on the muddy bank in exhaustion. The other hover car was nowhere in sight. They were alone. Then, pointing the flare gun upwards, she fired one bright flash into the night sky.

Kate turned to her companion. "Spock?"

Spock was still unconscious. Frantically, she pressed her ear on Spock's side to hear his heartbeat. The faint thumping of his heart told her that he was still alive.

The paramedics that arrived at the scene immediately attended to Spock and Kate as they rushed them to a county Hospital. Kate only suffered minor bruises and bumps –nothing serious. But Spock sustained more extensive injuries – a concussion, cracked rib and a broken arm. He was too weak to be transported to Starfleet Medical where they had the proper facilities to treat Vulcans, so they sent someone over – a stoic looking Vulcan physician with gray hair and a wrinkled face. He performed a scan on Spock and whispered urgently to the medical team. Without further delay, they wheeled Spock into surgery.

Kate was hovering worriedly outside the surgery room until a nurse requested that she return to her bed. The nurse was right -- there was nothing she could do for Spock now, as she reluctantly returned to her allotted room at the hospital. The room mirror's reflection showed her eyes were swollen from crying and exhaustion, and how pale she looked. Settling into her bed, Kate tried to get some sleep.

Her mind kept wandering back to the last moments before the hover car crashed. They had been arguing and Kate regretted the angry words hurled at Spock. All he ever did was to be nice to her. Why, oh, why would he even bother? Kate had never in her lifetime, had to be responsible for anyone but herself. Now, there was Spock.

_If he dies, I will never be able to forgive myself_, she thought sadly.

Then Kate heard a faint knock on the door, waking her from her fitful slumber. "Kate –"

Mark and Helen came soon after the hospital contacted them. Mark reached Kate's side first and hugged his little sister. "We were so worried about you," he said with a sigh of relief.

"It… it was an accident. Our vehicle crashed," she told him.

"I'm glad you're all right," said Mark. "What about Spock? I heard he was with you."

"I… I don't know. He's been in surgery for the past five hours and they won't tell me anything," Kate blurted out fretfully.

Mark nodded. "All we can do now is wait and hope for the best."

Then one of the doctors that had followed Spock into surgery, appeared at the door. "I just want to let you know that Mister Spock is going to be all right. He is still heavily sedated but his bio-signs are encouraging," he said with a smile.

Kate felt an enormous burden being lifted from her as she squeezed her brother's hand. "When can we see him?"

"Soon… He needs his rest," the doctor informed them.

They had put Spock in a special intensive care unit. Kate practically had to beg the nurse to let her see him. In the end, the nurse relented and allowed her one hour a day. Slipping silently beside Spock's bed, she noticed the large bandage on his head, chest and arm sling. He appeared to be in a deep trance-like sleep, quiet and inert. Kate laid her hand gently on his – _please, wake up, _she pleaded silently, blinking back tears. _I'm so… so sorry. I didn't mean the words I said…I will do anything, ANYTHING if you could just wake up!_

As the days passed, she began to grow more agitated and distressed. The Vulcan doctor had refused to explain Spock's condition and had shrouded his treatment in secrecy. One day, Kate came to visit Spock and she noticed a tall and elegant woman in his room. It happened quite by chance -- Dr. Samak was speaking with her in hushed tones. Then he bowed respectfully and took his leave. The woman had pushed the hood of her cloak back on her shoulders, revealing her striking blond hair and lovely human face. _Who is she?_ Kate wondered.

Cautiously, Kate entered the room and said to the woman,"Hi ... I'm sorry to interrupt you. Are you here to see Spock?"

The woman hastily brushed tears away and looked around at Kate. The graceful wave of her hand and beautiful clothes indicated that she was a noble.

"Please come in," she said kindly. "What is your name?"

"I'm Kate… Kate Watson."

"Amanda Grayson, wife of Ambassador Sarek," she introduced herself. "Spock is my son."

Suddenly, Kate felt dizzy, as if the air was being sucked out of the room. She couldn't believe that Spock's mother was a human!

"Mrs. Sarek, it's a pleasure to meet you," Kate said, unsure of what to do. In the end, she bowed slightly with deference.

"Please, call me Amanda. We can dispel with the formalities here. I've been told that you are a regular visitor. Shall we talk in the private room next door?"

Kate could only nod in agreement.

"Kate… may I call you Kate?" Amanda began as she made tea.

"Yes, please."

"Tea?"

"Yes, thank you."

Lady Amanda was the epitome of a perfect hostess, probably honed by years of experience as an ambassador's wife. "I was told that you saved my son's life," she stated. "I wish there was a way I could repay this debt of eternal gratitude. He means so much to me."

"There is no need… the debt has been repaid. Spock saved my life too," replied Kate in retrospective. If it hadn't been for Spock's interference, she would not have seen Cal for who he was.

Lady Amanda found this piece of news interesting. "He is lucky to have a friend like you. He was very much a loner on Vulcan," she said."Tell me, how did you know my son?"

"My father taught at Starfleet Academy. He was Spock's professor," Kate revealed. "And Spock spent a few days at our house in Connecticut."

"Indeed!" Amanda's eyes widened with surprise. "Spock never tells me these things in his letters, except for a few perfunctory greetings and informing me that he is well. I would very much like to meet your father someday."

"Both my parents are dead," said Kate quietly.

"I'm so sorry… I meant no disrespect."

Kate shook her head. "None taken… I'm glad you are here. Spock will be happy to see you."

Amanda moved to the window and stood staring blindly out of the window, pulling herself together.

"It's tough being the wife of a Vulcan and the mother of a Vulcan. For four long years, I've not been allowed to see Spock, except for a few brief encounters like this one. I never told my husband, but I know he knows, although he had never asked questions. Not that he needed to…"

"I was aware that there was some kind of estrangement between Spock and his father," observed Kate, as she recalled the day at the museum.

Amanda sighed. "Sarek never forgave him for joining Starfleet. He knows how stressful it is to me but he is so stubborn! And so is Spock, for that matter… sheer Vulcan obstinacy!"

Her outburst caused considerable discomfort to Kate as she sipped her tea in silence. Kate could only imagine the pain Amanda was going through now. Sensing her disquiet, Amanda smiled ruefully, "I hope you'll continue to visit Spock. He's going through a Vulcan healing trance that will allow him to recover. Although he cannot respond, he can still hear you."

"Yes, I'll try."

*****

Amanda had spent most of her time beside her comatose son and Kate came in almost every day to check on them. They had settled into a comfortable routine and Amanda got to spend time with Kate. She often wondered if Kate and Spock were seeing each other – they had been together when the accident happened but she was sure that he would never compromise his bond with T'Pring. The breaking of his betrothal would be looked upon with a fair amount of scandal to the House of Surak. But Spock had had a mind of his own as shown by his unorthodox entrance into Starfleet, in fact, Amanda would not be too concerned if he chose Kate. She seemed like a nice girl, she thought.

On the morning of the twentieth day, she noticed Spock's fingers twitching. Amanda knew he was waking up as she immediately called Dr. Samak. Amanda was always uncomfortable by the violence of waking up from a healing trance but she knew it had to be done.

"Mother?" His voice was raspy but it was the most beautiful thing she had heard!

She held out her hand. "Oh, Spock, you are awake, at last!" she softly said.

They touched hands in ritual greeting, looking lovingly into each other's eyes, searching each other's face. "I did not expect to see you here, Mother."

"I got a message from Dr. Samak, "Amanda explained, "so I left home at once."

"Does Sarek know?"

Amanda nodded. "Don't worry about your father. My time is with you, Spock. You must get well. Your father's needs would have to wait…"

*****

It was not until the following night that Spock requested to see Kate. A whole bunch of emotions swirled within her when she received a call from Amanda – he had awakened from his sleep. Kate rushed to the hospital and met Amanda in the private waiting room next door to Spock's. To her surprise, Dr. Samak was also present.

"Kate, we need to talk. There is something I must tell you before you see Spock," she began haltingly.

"What is it?"

"The concussion has… damaged a part of his brain that controls his emotions," Dr. Samak explained.

Kate was devastated. "You mean, he… he's brain damaged?"

"Dr. Samak has assured me that it is only temporary," Amanda quickly added. "That is, till his brain cells are fully regenerated… In the meantime, he will be able to express all sorts of emotions from euphoria to depression."

"And that is _not_ a good thing," Kate surmised from the way the conversation was going. _This is ridiculous!_

Amanda turned to Dr. Samak and spoke quietly to him. The doctor nodded and excused himself from their presence. When he had gone, Amanda held out her hand to her. Kate took it as they sank down on the couch together.

"Kate, I know what you must be thinking but please, understand this… Being half human, Spock is caught between these two worlds of cold logic on the one hand and human emotionality on the other. He chose to suppress his human side by embracing a philosophy, a way of life that is devoted to logic. Losing this ability means losing what he is and who he is."

Kate drew a sharp breath and remained silent as Amanda continued, realizing the gravity of her words.

"Humans like you and me have grown up feeling comfortable with our emotions, even revel in them. But with Spock, there is no way of knowing how he would react to those emotions. And one of these emotions concerns you. I think he likes you. Call it a mother's instinct…," Amanda said with a smile. "After all, he did call out your name when he stirred from his healing trance."

Trembling, Kate could not meet Amanda's eyes. Once, she had longed for Spock to reciprocate her feelings and was rebuffed by his Vulcan rigidity. Now, his injury had opened the floodgate to freely express his feelings to her. What irony!

_No, it didn't mean anything_, she shook that thought away._ Spock probably was just reliving the last moments of the accident. She was with him so naturally, he would call out her name. He didn't really have feelings for her._ _Could he? _

"I sense doubts in you…But you do care about him, don't you?" Amanda asked, interrupting her thoughts. She reached out and touched Kate's cheek, lifting her eyes to hers. Kate sighed and nodded.

"I'm glad. My son's happiness is very important to me. Whatever you choose to do next, he will be who he is – a Vulcan," said Amanda, comforting her with a hug. "Yet, perhaps it won't be as bad as you think, child."

Kate swallowed a lump in her throat. Satisfied that she had composed herself, Kate approached the door to Spock's room. She hesitated as Amanda's words echoed in her head – "_he likes you"_. At that moment, she felt like a diver standing precariously on the edge of a dizzying cliff, contemplating a plunge that was totally beyond her courage. Whatever she did, there would be no turning back.

Having decided that Spock's recovery was the most important thing to her right now, Kate knew what she had to do. If he needed her to be by his side, she could live with herself after this was over. Taking a deep breath, Kate pushed through the door.

Spock was lying on the bed. He opened his eyes and looked up at Kate with perfect lucidity. "Kate…" his voice deepened, as she came to his bedside. He didn't look any different, except that the bandages had come off.

"Spock…"

His lips were upturned into what could be construed as a smile! He was smiling at her! It was quirky and endearing at the same time. She had to suppress the urge to reach out and touch him.

"I could hear you in my sleep, in my dreams. Yet somehow, I was unable to reach out to you," he sighed.

Kate began to feel worried. "I'm here now, Spock. Are you well? Should I call the doctor?"

Spock shook his head. "There is something you should know. That night, I knew I was going to win," he admitted.

She stared at him curiously. "Why do you say that?"

"If you considered counting cards a way of cheating…"

"Oh, Spock! I don't believe you," she admonished with a laugh. "You cheated!"

"You're not angry at me anymore?" Spock asked, sitting up on his bed.

"No…" Kate gave a little smile. "I couldn't even if I wanted to."

He let out an anxious breath he had been holding. "I didn't want you to go with Cal," he whispered. "I didn't know how to tell you that he was just using you."

"Spock, I know that Cal is a jerk now and I'm sorry for not believing you," she said with a shaky breath.

"You saved my life."

Biting her lower lip, Kate fought back the tears in her eyes. "Thank you for not giving up on me," she whispered brokenly.

Spock reached out to hold her hand. "Stay with me, Kate."

Blushing at the double entendre, she mumbled a yes. Spock still didn't release her hand as if he would lose her the minute he let it go. A sudden wave of loving tingly sensations washed over her, leaving her breathless with its intensity and she realized that it was from Spock. She had forgotten that he was a touch telepath. They could communicate their thoughts and feelings – there was nothing she could hide from him.

Then, they had a long talk about her past and the guilt of concealing it from her father. Through the mind-meld, Spock only saw glimpses of that life and she felt compelled to fill in the gaps. She was not sure if Spock understood the magnitude of his generosity – his empathy and willingness to understand and get to know her. It was a liberating feeling.

Kate and Spock continued to see each other at the hospital – there were no ringing bells, no endless blue skies...just, two people lingering along the corridors, in the middle of the lobby, in the hospital park...It was the simplicity of being together that made their budding relationship real and poignant.

*****

It should have hurt, the part of his brain that was damaged, but it didn't. Dr. Samak had explained the effects of the concussion to him – he would be unable to control his emotions.

"It is only temporary," the doctor assured him. "I've designed a series of treatments and tests to determine your progress. However, you will be required to remain in the hospital until you are fully recovered."

"My cadetship will commence in two months. Will I be fit for duty?"

"Yes, your injury will be completely healed and will not impede your performance," Samak replied.

Spock's feelings were an untidy jumble as he stared hard at the hand mirror he had requested from the nurse. He tried to smile, a simple upturn of the lips mimicking his mother and was amazed by the bundle of nerves and muscles he never knew existed on his face! He then tried a few more expressions; a frown, a wink, a grin, even a pout – they were disjointed and awkward as they did not correspond to his emotions.

"My son, is something the matter?" Amanda asked when she came in.

Spock shook his head as he put down the mirror. He was grateful that his mother was here, he liked the way she hugged him close for a long time. For the first time in his life, he could smile for her.

His mother gave him life so it was natural for him to love her – they were warm, fuzzy feelings. However, his feelings for Kate were not so defined. For someone so accustomed to science and equations, the numbers just didn't add up and it bothered him. Could a mix of wonder and terror, desire and disgust, being pulled in opposite directions be 'love'?

He had been spending almost all his time in the hospital with Kate and he found that he enjoyed her company. She seemed to have grown up, taken responsibility for her actions and gained control of her life once more. Her father's demise and the hover car accident must have had a profound effect on her. Spock realized that he was beginning to see the real Kate, the Kate that her father had envisioned her to be. And he was pleased with what he saw.

Spock often wondered if Tom had foreseen the consequences when he invited Spock to his home. Kate was a very attractive young woman and in the recent weeks, he discovered that she was also caring, understanding and humorous. She seemed to have inherited the very qualities of her father that Spock admired. It was her persistence and unmistakable knack for reaching through to his human essence. She had made him feel. She was everything he was not -- while he was rational and logical, she was driven by her emotions. He was a scientist, she was a dancer. Two people who were polar opposites of each other yet complement the other like the pieces of a puzzle. He arrived at this conclusion quite logically -- she was the element that he had been missing in himself.

But how would he express all these to her?

*****

"Listen to this… there is a leaked report that the latest Phoenix model is unstable at over 400kph. The hover car maker is withdrawing all its units from the market," Kate read from the latest news podcast. She looked up at Spock who was resting on his bed and reading a computing journal. He seemed pensive about the news – she knew he was thinking about their crash earlier.

Suddenly, his eyes grew steely. "It is possible that whoever pursued us in the Lex had knowledge about this flaw."

Kate edged closer to him. "Do you think that it was a deliberate act? That someone wanted us killed?"

"A theory nonetheless… The authorities have found no clues to indicate it was intentional."

"But you have your suspicions," Kate said. A little snake of fear began to twist and writhe in the back of her mind – why were they followed? Did the other hover car deliberately pursue them? Even though the hover car's operating system had failed, was there someone responsible for it? All the while, she thought it was just an accident.

Spock sat up and gently tucked a stray hair behind her ears. "It is illogical to dwell on what ifs, Kate. Consider it a mere thought, nothing more," he told her.

Kate eyed him, unconvinced but she accepted his argument.

Later that evening, they went for a stroll in the park. Spock was telling her of his experiences in the Academy -- his classmates, instructors and things he found oddly curious about humans. It delighted Kate to watch him describe the most mundane things with a sense of wonder as if she was seeing the world through his eyes.

Then they came to a curious scene by the fountain – a group of elderly people had gathered to celebrate a man's birthday. His hair was white and his face wrinkled as he blew the candle on the cake. They were basically having a good time, chatting and eating together, oblivious of the curious stares aimed their way.

"They are residents of this hospital," one of the orderlies told Spock and Kate.

"They look happy," she observed.

"Birthdays are causes for celebrations," the orderly explained. "They know they may not see the next one."

"A place to live out the rest of their lives," added Spock. "Here, everything is peaceful, quiet and beautiful. Here, a person does not have to shoulder the burdens of society or live up to the expectations of others."

Mournful strains of a violin began to fill the air as their attention was focused on the group again. One of the elderly men had taken out a violin from his case and began to play. "I know that music," Kate exclaimed with excitement. "It's the tango. I never thought I would hear it of all places, in this park."

Kate watched avidly as the elderly folk paired up and started dancing on the lawn. Suddenly, she saw the 'birthday boy' come up to them. He had the familiar fire and spirit for life that reminded her of her own father.

"May I have this dance?" he asked Kate in a delightful and charming way.

"Oh, I barely know how to dance the tango...I'll only embarrass you with my clumsiness," Kate replied nervously. "I don't even know your name!"

"My name is Adrian. I will lead you." He sounded calm and assured. Kate didn't want to embarrass him further and agreed. She turned back and noticed Spock watching her as Adrian put his arm around her waist and led her away.

Kate turned to Adrian and said nervously, "By the way, my name is Kate."

"Relax, Kate. Lean into me and bring your ear toward me as if I'm going to tell you something. Don't think with your feet. Let your body talk to mine," Adrian told her with a smile.

The first few steps were awkward but Kate learned fast. She could tell that Adrian was pleased with her progress as they twirled and moved their way among the dancers. Her partner was a talented dancer and he had made certain subtle changes in his style to suit her movements. Soon, Kate was dancing fluid, graceful and elegantly on the lawn even other dancers stopped to watch them.

When the music ended, everyone clapped. Kate thanked him for a wonderful experience.

"No, I wish to thank you," said Adrian. "You made my birthday meaningful."

"You're most welcomed," Kate replied and lightly kissed his reddened cheeks.

A tear ran down her cheek as she watched Adrian walked back to his friends. Then she noticed Spock looking curiously at her. "It's just that he… he just…" she couldn't say her father's name without tears springing from her eyes. But Spock finished the sentence for her.

"He reminds you of your father. Yes, there was some similarity."

Kate nodded and smiled. "Shall we continue our walk?"

"Yes."

"I have not seen a person perfectly in tune with her physical body as you are," Spock explained as they linked hands. "It was gratifying to watch you dance today."

Blushing at his compliment, she said, "Thank you, Spock. I didn't think you'd notice."

Spock's eyes darkened a little as he pulled her closer. "I noticed you a long time ago -- that night at your house if I recall correctly."

The revelation surprised her and she was pleased. Spock appeared reluctant to let her leave as their evening came to an end. The physical attraction was tangible and electric as they gazed at each other.

"I have never known a woman's love except my mother's. I had considered the kisses from a woman as something to be tolerated prior to more intimate relations, and a payment to be bestowed afterward," he admitted.

She laughed. "You make it sound like an equation."

"Shouldn't it?" he wondered out loud and turned away, seemingly frustrated. "Please pay no attention. I'm not myself."

Kate touched his cheek and gazed earnestly into his eyes. "I know you are trying to express yourself, not in the most romantic way but I understand it is not easy for you. These emotions confuse you," she said resignedly. "We'll just have to take it one step at a time."

Spock suddenly said, "Kate, I wish to kiss you, very much."

Surprised, she looked up at him and saw not a Vulcan who was afraid of being touched, but someone who wanted to reach out to her.

And the two of them move into a tentative, heartfelt kiss. Her heart was pounding, her palms were sweating and her cheeks were in flames as he returned her kisses this time and his tongue played with hers, but didn't dare to take control. When they finally parted, Kate leaned against Spock's strong chest for support as her knees nearly gave way from the intensity of it all. The steady thumping of his heart contrasted with her own erratic heartbeat. This was definitely not a schoolgirl crush -- it was much deeper and satisfying as she drew comfort in his arms.

"I have to go now," she murmured, reluctantly leaving his embrace. "Visiting hours will be over soon."

"You will come again tomorrow and the day after," he said eagerly. "… and every day after that?"

Kate laughed softly as she caressed his cheek. "Yes, of course I will, Spock."

*****

Spock had his arm around her as they lay together under a canopy of trees in the park. The days were starting to get colder as the green leaves were starting to turn to gold – autumn would be upon them soon. Her head was nestled in his chest as she munched on an apple. He barely kept his eyes off her as he ran his fingers through her long hair. Kate sat up and stared curiously at him. "What is it? Is there something on my face… my hair?"

He smiled indulgently. "No, my dear… You face and hair is perfect. I want to remember all of you; your face, your eyes, your smile and your lips…"

"Spock, you've no shame!"

Giggling like teenagers in love, Spock pressed her back against the grass and kissed her passionately. Kate could only pull him closer and surrender to his insistent lips. She felt the strange sense of belonging whenever she was in his arms. She had felt so happy the past few days that she never wanted them to end. Why would Spock want to be with someone like her? There were lots of girls at the Academy who were smarter and prettier than her. She was just… Kate.

_No, I can't_… Insecurity began to set in as she pushed him away.

Spock was surprised by her sudden change of mood. "What is it? Did I make you uncomfortable?"

She shook her head. "No, in fact… I liked the way you kissed me. I liked it a lot," Kate confessed guiltily.

He stared at her. "There is something you're not telling me… what is it?"

Kate stood up and hugged her chest. "I just feel like I'm getting a little... out of control every time you're near. It's frightening. I'm having these feelings that I hardly know what to do with. I... can't seem to... stop them now," she said, the bitterness in her voice belying her words. "I'm seriously in danger of falling in love with you, Spock. I have made bad choices in the past and despite it all you still want to be with me. And I so want to do this right, be the perfect girl for you and not disappoint you."

Tears came unbidden to her eyes as Spock came over and wiped them away with his finger. "I do not want a perfect girl. I want you."

She gaped at him.

"I want to believe you, but I can't," she whispered and turned away miserably. "When you're fully recovered, you may not feel the same way."

His hand suddenly reached for hers.

"Kate, don't go…" An anguished plea came from him and her heart began to pound furiously.

She tried to shake off his grasp but instead he pulled her closer until their faces were merely inches apart.

"Please…don't say anymore," she pleaded, not wanting to hear the words that he would utter.

"I love you. My ability to control my emotions will not change what I feel for you."

"W…what did you just say?" she stammered.

"I love you, Kate…I loved you from the moment I saw you," he confessed as he hugged her and buried his face in her hair.

Tears welled in Kate's eyes as she felt his deep pain and longing. "Oh, Spock… you don't know how long I've waited to hear you say it."

Wordlessly, he took her face in his hands and kissed her full on the lips, pouring his emotions into that kiss which she neither encouraged nor resisted. She tasted the salt of tears, knowing that they were tears of joy.

*****

**Author's Note: ** We are about half way through the story. I hope you liked it so far. The next chapter will be rated as Spock and Kate take the next step in their relationship. Happy reading!


	11. No Need for Goodbyes

Chapter 11

*****

**Author's Note**: This chapter is rated for a reason!

*****

"I am sorry, Mother, but much as I am pleased to see you, I cannot go." He paused, moved by the deep disappointment on Amanda's expressive face.

Spock looked away, unable to face her pleading eyes. What could he do? Of course, he longed to return to Vulcan, but he could not return to their family estate if Sarek...

"Your father will not begrudge you if you returned to Vulcan for treatment. I will not forgive him if he did," Amanda said angrily.

He looked at his mother and she saw in his eyes a look of such bleak misery and words failed her.

"Mother..." He swallowed hard. "Mother, please hear me out...I shall only return if and when Sarek asks me to do so. I'm in the capable hands of Dr. Samak. Sarek knows that."

"Can I not convince you otherwise?"

Spock shook his head. "Mother, there is nothing more you can do for me here. Return to Vulcan. Your husband needs you now."

Amanda nodded and then smiled. "Does Kate have anything to do with your decision to stay?"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "She is a part of it," he admitted.

"Good, I like her too but have you considered how this would impact your betrothal to T'Pring?" she questioned. "I had opposed this bonding a long time ago but your father insisted on it no matter how hard I tried to convince him otherwise. He wanted you to be brought up based on strict Vulcan traditions."

Silent, Spock could not provide an answer.

Amanda reached out to touch his cheek lovingly. "My son, know that the bond is not permanent. It can be broken," she told him. "Don't let it be an obstacle to your happiness."

They touched hands, palm to palm, for the last time.

"Peace and long life, Mother."

"Farewell, my son," Amanda managed a brave smile, "I shall wait for your return and when you do, perhaps, you will be less a Vulcan and more a human."

His mother left for Vulcan that very night and Spock was beside himself, staring blindly at the window of his room.

He remembered when he was five years old; he had come home stiff-lipped and anguished when the boys teased him that he was not truly Vulcan. The years of subtle insults from rivals had planted doubt in his mind that he would even experience the _pon farr_ mating drives, the years he had suppressed his emotions in pursuit of logic. He had been reminded of his humanity all his life.

Spock had never considered nor even asked how it was that his own parents had gotten together. The contemplation of such a subject was simply too uncomfortable. His own situation was different from his father's – Sarek had been a widower before meeting his mother. Sarek was free to choose any woman he wished and was not tied by any bond as Spock was. Spock resented this predicament and he was not prepared to let Kate go either. _Where is she?_

Through their interactions, Spock discovered an affinity to her – they both rebelled against the expectations placed on them; he by his father and she by her upbringing. They both lived privileged lives that dictated the straight and narrow paths that they should take. Kate had hidden her rebellious life whereas Spock had been outspoken about his. He doubted that the quarrel with his father would be resolved anytime soon. With Kate, he needn't make a choice who he wanted to become. He was Spock – Vulcan, human, warrior, scientist, lover, son and Starfleet officer. He needed Kate now more than ever – needed her comfort, her love that would erase all these doubts away. Then he sensed Kate's presence in the doorway. He turned around and went to her.

"Spock, I saw your mother. She was leaving for Vulcan. Why didn't you go home?" asked Kate softly.

"My home is here with you," he replied, pulling her into his embrace.

"That is your emotions talking, Spock."

"It is the truth," he stated.

That evening, they lay together silently on the bed fully clothed, simply content to be with each other. Dr. Samak had informed Spock that he was now able to gain full control of his emotions, yet somehow he didn't miss it. Spock was wide awake, staring at the ceiling.

"Tell me about Vulcan, Spock?" she asked suddenly. "What it looks like… the colors, the smell, the sensations… "

"I'll could let you have a glimpse of my home world… if you allow me to perform a mind meld on you," replied Spock. Kate nodded as his fingers touched the meld points on her face.

_Vulcan! _Spock closed his eyes and let his longing for his home world take hold of his mind with images...sensations...the red sand dunes in the Sas-a-Shar shimmering under the giant sun, the hot smell of sand and rock crushed by his boots as he trekked alone in the desert, a source of water bubbling softly in the oasis, sweet-smelling blossoms in his mother's garden… All this, he shared with Kate.

When he ended the meld, her eyes were still closed. "Kate?"

"It's beautiful… to be able to see your world through your eyes," she murmured as her eyes gazed into his. "Thank you."

"Someday, we will see it together," promised Spock.

Kate sighed as she unexpectedly brushed a lock of hair away from Spock's forehead. With a flick she had rearranged his hair. He blinked, a little embarrassed, but having liked it as she kissed him.

"Stay with me tonight," he murmured.

"That's what I want more than anything," she said relaxing a little. "I don't know why I'm so tired all of a sudden but visiting hours…"

Spock smiled, hiding a small yawn as the meld had drained both their energies. "It's been a long day. Go to sleep, my love. I will explain everything to the nurse tomorrow."

And they both drifted blissfully to sleep.

The next day, Spock was told that he could be discharged from the hospital. Dr. Samak had returned to San Francisco and he had a few more days before his cadetship on board the starship Enterprise. He intended to spend every minute of it with Kate.

As the bubble lift descended to the ground floor, Spock could see that she was waiting for him in the lobby, wearing a dark green dress. Her hair was done up just the way he liked it – luxuriant locks cascading down her back. She had made an effort to look beautiful for him that day. It made him stop and admire the lovely vision.

"I see your lady is waiting for you. She has been here a half hour ago."

Spock turned and noticed an elderly man standing nearby.

"She does not belong to me," he gently corrected the man.

"But you stare at her as if she were the only person in this big room…"

Spock raised an eyebrow, intrigued by the man's observation.

"You shouldn't keep her waiting any longer," he said with a wink. Spock nodded and proceeded to meet Kate. She was staring out the window, unaware that he had arrived.

"Have you been waiting long?" he inquired.

"Not at all," she replied with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

Kate was an extraordinary woman and the past few weeks spent with her were amazing. He had secretly studied her from his side of the bed as she slept last night, her soft hair framing her serene face, the curve of her shoulder, the inner curve of her was young and totally trusting. Her presence had filled him with contentment.

They hurried away together and had a wonderful time – they stopped by a café, watched a movie and visited a bookstore, doing things that couples do. Across the bookstore, Kate noticed a wedding was taking place at a church. Spock stepped up to the window and observed the scene too.

"It's a wedding," she elucidated. He sensed a pang of separation as her lovely mouth quivered.

The bride and groom exited the doors under a shower of confetti and well wishes from friends and relatives. They seemed so happy. Vulcan marriages were seldom with fanfare and celebrations – it was a private matter, attended only by the head of the clan and one or two close friends. If Kate were his bride, Spock was certain he would shout it from the top of Mount Seleya and declare his love for her even if it sounded illogical. That thought startled him -- It was the first time he had ever considered spending the rest of his life with someone.

"What are you thinking, Spock?"

"How privileged I am to be with you," he replied, making her blush. Turning back to the wedding group outside, he said, "Vulcan marriages are arranged when the children are young. Our partners are often chosen by our clans…"

Kate paled as she stepped away from him. "What? Are you saying that you have a… a _mate_ in Vulcan?" she stammered.

"It is the Vulcan custom," he explained.

"And you thought it opportune to bring this up now?" she demanded furiously. "I can't believe you would do this to me!"

He knew she was hurt as she fled out into the street.

"Kate –"

The sidewalk was filled with people but Kate was nowhere to be found. He searched through the street, poking in and out of storefronts, looking across the street. Through the crowd of people, he saw what looked like a city park on the opposite side of the road. He decided to cross to it.

Still, he couldn't find her and sat down dejectedly on the wooden bench overlooking a lake. It was a lovely day -- sunlight was dancing on the water and the cool breeze caused ripples in the water. He could see young and old couples walking hand-in-hand, kissing and sharing moments together. Spock did not intend to withhold this information from Kate. He just didn't know how to explain this situation to her.

He looked up and was surprised to see Kate standing a few meters away from him – she had also come to the lake. Kate looked so sad and so lost in her thoughts that she did not notice him.

"Kate!" he called to her and with a few quick strides, he was by her side. He grabbed her hand as she was about to leave. "Please, there is so much that I need to say to you… If I had a choice, I would not have accepted the arrangement. My feelings did not matter. That's the world I was raised in. I only know what I have been taught," Spock insisted. He could see that she was struggling to understand him.

"Does she have a name?"

"Yes… T'Pring. We were bonded when we were seven years old – our minds were linked by a Vulcan priestess. We would be joined when I experience the _pon farr_. Even we, Vulcans do not speak of it ourselves. It's a condition that strips the mind of all restraint and control. It is at this time that the male must have sexual contact with their bondmate, or else face insanity and death."

Kate's expression turned from anger to concern. "When will this happen to you?"

"I don't know… I'm not sure if I would even experience it, after all, I'm half human," he tried to convince her. "Kate, I want to be with you… I choose you."

"Even if it means dishonoring your clan?" she asked doubtfully.

"It had crossed my mind… My bond with T'Pring is not permanent, this arrangement can be voided. I shall speak with my mother…"

Kate hurriedly put her hand to his mouth, preventing him from continuing this train of thought. "Don't say such things… things you may regret one day," she muttered. "We'll deal with it when the time comes, okay?"

Spock's hand reached up and held hers. "If you wish…"

"I want to know everything about you," she said with a little sigh. "Promise me, there will be no secrets between us."

_It was an acceptable request, _thought Spock as he nodded. "No more secrets."

*****

Kate knocked on the door and entered Spock's room in her father's house – there were some incoming messages for him. One was from his mother and the other from the Academy. Spock was in the bathroom, in the shower and the bathroom door was slightly ajar. His clothes were laid on the bed with his bag beside them and she noted its simplicity – they were mostly earthy colors of brown, black, grey or blue and they smelled so wonderfully Spock. Kate smiled indulgently as she placed the data pad on the bedside table. As she turned to leave, her eyes couldn't help roaming toward the bathroom door. For a moment, she paused to listen to the sound of the water as it hit his body. In her mind, she pictured a muscular, firm body and how the water cascaded over his body and legs. Shaking away the erotic image in her head, Kate took a deep breath and walked out, closing the door behind her.

Kate was in the kitchen preparing for dinner when Spock came in with a fresh change of clothes.

"Do you require any assistance?" he asked as he approached her.

"Help cook?" chuckled Kate.

"Yes."

Kate laughed as they stood side by side and she handed to him a stack of carrots and a knife. He stared at the knife as if it were a primitive object.

"Here's how you use it, Spock." Kate showed him how to do it.

It was a peculiar sight, just the two of them as four hands side by side, cut and chopped the ingredients. Occasionally, Kate's hand would brush against Spock's as it reached for something on his side and Spock's hand would gently touch Kate's waist as he reached around her for a potato. There was intimacy in the way they behaved, being absolutely comfortable in each others presence.

Spock placed two fruit juices on the counter top as Kate handed him plates from the shelf, their fingers only barely touching. During the dinner, they had talked about the things they wanted to do and places they wanted to go over the next few days.

"Kate, I will leave for my cadet cruise on board the starship Enterprise when I return to San Francisco," he told her. "I will be away for a year, 367.5 days to be exact."

"When are you leaving?" she tried to sound neutral.

"On Sunday, 0700 hours… I'm scheduled to rendezvous with the crew at Starbase 1 and board the Enterprise on Monday at 1600 hours. Kate, are you upset that I'm leaving?"

He saw her distress but Kate was determined not to be an obstacle to his chosen path.

"No, of course not... I'm happy for you. You have worked so hard to get this far. You have your stars and I have my stage," she replied, shrugging off his concern. "We have a lifetime to spend together. What is a year compared to a lifetime?"

Spock nodded but she doubted he was convinced. Anything could happen in a year – a new love, a sickness or even a fatality could separate them forever. She dared not think of its possibilities.

After the dishes were put away, Kate and Spock walked hand in hand in the moonlight. The cool night air made her shiver.

"Are you cold?"

Kate smiled weakly. "A little…"

Instinctively, Spock drew her closer to him as they sat on a bench and watched the stars that night.

"There are millions of stars up there," she murmured. "How would I ever know where you are in that incredible maze?"

He took a moment to study the clear skies. Kate's breath was caught in her throat as he held her hand and guided it to a cluster of stars to the east. "Pick a star on the horizon and follow the light, I will be there."

She was trying hard not to cry but the incredible distance between where he would be and where she would be, terrified her.

"It's… it's so far away. I feel as if I already miss you," she alleged sadly, turning to hug Spock tightly.

*****

Since that night, she had not said a word about their impending separation or what they were going to do about their future. Instead, she had allowed him time to reacquaint himself with his meditation and learning the Vulcan techniques herself. She even appeared more restrained in her affections toward him. Suddenly, he became nervous as doubts began to appear– nothing made sense at all, his emotions were tossed in every direction. What had made her so distant?

They had just returned from a performance at the New York Conservatory – it was supposed to be a musical comedy but there were tears in Kate's eyes. Her thoughts were far away and it tore him to pieces that he could not comfort her. She had retired to bed early. That night, it had started raining and the winds were howling outside. As he watched the rain splattering against his bedroom window, he was reminded of his aversion to wet and cold environments. Spock could find no peace. He did not like this uncertainty, this doubt...this unfulfilled desire and needed to see her, to hear…

He had to know where they were in this relationship – an assurance that this was all not just a passing fling. Spock almost barged into her bedroom in his haste to see her. But Kate suddenly opened her door as if she had been expecting him. "Spock –"

*****

She was curious, almost skeptical if a human could have sexual relations with a Vulcan. But Spock's parents were a testament of that possibility. Even then, Kate was still uncertain of whether Spock wanted to share physical love with her. They were lovers in every sense except that.

Alone in her bedroom, Kate stared at her image in the full-length mirror in the hall without seeing it. She had put on a lacy silk nightgown, which barely covered her body. In her mind she tried to picture Spock hands touching and caressing her skin and that sensuous image increased the wetness between her legs. She shuddered involuntarily. That and coupled with the thought of Spock's imminent departure was a potent mix that knotted in the pit of her stomach as she sank down on the edge of her bed, unable to breathe. In the past few days, she had tried to distance herself from Spock, hoping that their parting would be easier. Instead, it had made it worse. What if this was their last night together?

Panic and longing drove her towards the door, intent on seeing Spock. But when she opened the door, he was already standing there. "Spock!" Kate faltered, words eluded her.

Spock was looking at her with an eerie intensity. She could tell he was shocked and perplexed as he gazed fixedly at the lacy nightgown. Stillness hung between them, and the longing swirled up inside Kate's heart as her fingers reached out to caress his cheek, the tenderness of the touch made him close his eyes. His skin felt hot to her touch and Kate sighed as she leaned in and kissed his lips.

His hand went around her waist and drew her closer, deepening the kiss. He kept her pressed against him while his right hand supported her head during the increasingly aggressive exploration of her mouth. Kate closed her eyes, trying to cope with the flood of sensations. Her hands had left his hair and they were now gripping his shoulders as though she was afraid she might fall.

She felt a wave of cold air when Spock abandoned her mouth, their foreheads touching.

"I know I have to go but I have this inexplicable desire to stay…" Spock's voice was edgy and trembling with emotion. "I do not wish to part from you."

"Neither do I," she murmured, caressing his handsome face.

Kate didn't have time to regain her composure because Spock's kisses trailing down her neck were making the heat between her thighs become unbearable. Kate moaned loudly and held on to him even tighter when his mouth focused on a spot on her neck, beneath her left ear. His lips and his teeth were teasing her skin, making her shiver. She could hear his heavy breathing revealing an arousal equal to hers. With a gallant sweep, he carried her to her bed and lay her down gently on the soft sheets like a prized possession. Kate raised her arms and pulled him closer. He reluctantly obeyed as her hands started unbuttoning his shirt and her fingers trailed adoringly through his chest hair. Then he proceeded to take off his shirt as Kate's gaze swept over his firm chest and biceps.

Her own hands were shaking when she began to untie the ribbons on her nightgown. He noticed it and moving closer, his long deft fingers loosened the garment, pulling the silky material down her body while Kate wriggled her body to release the fabric. When her chest was in the air, he exposed her breasts from the flimsy enclosure of her nightgown and swept his thumbs over her hardened nipples. He did not stop sliding her nightgown off her, but the movement slowed almost to a standstill on her hips. After that, Kate's world seemed to swivel into a dream-like trance. Every nerve ending in her body came alive in the most extraordinary way. She had never been pleasured this way before.

_Kate…_

In the haze of erotic excitement, she dimly recognized the deep voice in her mind. _Spock…_

Pleasure was overwhelming her worries as hands that touched her resumed their downward trajectory and his kisses followed. Soon, the lingerie covering her body was just a memory, lying discarded on the floor.

*****

Soon they were both naked in bed. Spock participated hungrily; exploring every inch of her body, delighting in her sighs and moans but has no knowledge where it would lead. His movements were instinctive, the smell of her hair and skin, the shape of her fingers, odd things about her seem to interest him. A moan escaped her lips; their reactions to each other were intuitive and spontaneous; even though Spock had no knowledge of how to make love to a human woman.

His inventions and responses in lovemaking were so real that the exchange of thoughts and emotions between them began to build. Kate spread her legs apart and was startled by the feel of his hardened flesh pressed against her warm center. He sensed her insecurity mixed with awe as she tried to bring her legs together.

_I'm afraid, Spock…I've... I've never been with a Vulcan before...  
_

_You need not be afraid of me…Trust me…_

Nodding, she relaxed her body and allowed Spock to lead. Kate clutched the sheets, moaning in ecstasy as he pushed inside her, moist folds welcoming his girth. With her eyes clenched firmly shut, she began to rock back and forth, creating friction with each thrust. Through the joining of minds, Spock could feel what was happening to her body and he became more certain of his actions. He could feel the tension in her body was building up onto a plateau of sexual ecstasy and the orgasm that ensued as she grabbed his shoulders and cried out in the throes of passion, her body quivering around him. Spock's control was long lost, the powerful contradiction of terror and passion was transmitted to Kate when he hit his own climax.

Spent, they lay in silence, their minds were no longer one. Both became aware that they had together made a journey, swept away in a stream of events they had created; and they didn't care about the consequences. Spock held her tightly, clinging to the warmth that he would not feel again for a long time. The thought of separation from Kate was almost too much to bear, the pain too intense.

He could not sleep and he knew Kate couldn't either as she gazed at him before easing from his embrace.

****

Leaning forward she kissed him deep, then left his mouth to work her way down his body. "I want to feel you, all of you," she whispered. It was purely physical as she paid attention to every inch of him, burning the memory into her brain.

Reaching between his legs, she discovered that his erection was huge but not unlike that of a human male. Tentatively, she feathered the tips of her fingers across it -- the skin was as soft as she had imagined. Kate watched with fascination as she caressed the tip with her index finger, the head turned a deeper shade of green. Kate wasn't sure, but she thought it swelled even more.

"Kate …" he could barely speak as his hands were clenched; his face had an expression of pure torture on it. "What are you doing?"

"Call it curiosity," she purred.

Spock probably never had a woman pleasuring him before. Taking pity on him, Kate slowly took his length in even as his hips bucked. She held it there for a while as Spock took deep, gulping breaths, doing his best to control his actions. When he had sufficiently gained some measure of control, Kate began to move, running her tongue along the bottom, creating suction with her mouth. With slow, languid bobbing up and down his thick shaft, her tongue swirled over the velvet skin.

Her hand wrapped around his erection and pumped him with firm strokes as she continued to tease the head with her mouth, sometimes bobbing back down to take him all in. He was so close she could feel it …

"Kate!!"

Spock grabbed her with both hands, lifting her effortlessly and pushing her down on the bed once more, burying his erection in her to the hilt as he came violently. He kept her pinned under him until he could catch his breath once more. "I've never felt pleasure that way before," he panted.

"Did I please you?"

Rolling over to her side, he kissed her gently. "Immensely…"

Together they lay in each other's arms while watching the first rays of sunlight filter into her bedroom.

*****

She rose quietly, wrapping a robe around her naked body and walked to the bathroom. Spock heard the sound of the shower being turned on. At last, the bathroom door clicked softly open and shut.

Kate came over and sat beside him. He stroked her arm, gliding his fingers along her shoulder and down to her fingertips, distracted by the feel of her skin.

"I won't be coming with you to the transport terminal," she said, breaking the silence.

He looked up sharply. Her eyes, which had been so full of torment the previous night, were now serene, almost otherworldly, in their new found peace.

"Why?"

"I'm not that naïve. I know I don't possess the courage to see you get on that shuttle…"

"Kate –"

"You don't have to ask me to wait," she said suddenly.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I don't?"

Kate shook her head. "There is no need for goodbyes. I will be here. Just promise me one thing… will you promise to come back to see me in 367.5 days, even if you no longer want to be with me?"

This new Kate was trying hard to smile but then blinked back tears. She had asked for nothing but a promise to return to this very house in one year's time. Spock was convinced that his feelings for Kate would never change as he said, "I promise …"

As they waited for the hover cab to arrive, Spock held her hands, marveling at her slim fingers. "I never told you my name," he murmured.

Kate looked up at him as he bent down to whisper his name into her ear.

"I love you, Spock. I won't forget," she said.

"I love you, Kate," he whispered fiercely, so much conveyed in those tiny words. Maybe because there was a chance that he could lose her; lose the woman he loved.

*****

Kate sat staring out the window of her transport to Cologne, Germany. Being with Spock for the few precious weeks made her realize more than ever how much he had meant to her. Spock was on his way back in San Francisco – their time together now a memory. He would soon be up there amongst the stars and she would go on to become a dancer. They were two individuals whose lives were so vastly different that it would seem impossible that they could fall in love. But love would not obey expectations. Its mystery was pure and absolute.

She remembered once Spock had asked her why she chose dance as her career. Kate could not explain what came to her so naturally as if she was born to dance.

Spock had frowned in incomprehension.

"Do you believe in the spirit, the soul of a living being?" she had asked.

"Yes, Vulcans call it the '_katra'_."

"Then you believe that there are some things that even science cannot explain, what motivates a living being, is it just mere brain impulses or something more? The thing which draws us together… I believe you would not be attracted to me if I were anything else."

The Conservatory was abuzz with students as they registered for their classes. Kate was busy with her own class schedules and tutorials. Then she passed a digital notice board and noticed that someone was looking for a sub-tenant. Her GPS unit showed that the apartment was within walking distance to the Conservatory so Kate decided to check it out.

She finally stood at the door of a quaint looking building of ten floors, sandwiched between a café and an office block. The street was empty at 2100 hours. Kate pressed the buzzer repeatedly but no one answered. She almost resorted to bang on the door when a young lady with short cropped hair emerged, throwing her a nervous look. "What do you want?" she asked in a heavy British accent.

"Are you looking for a sub-tenant?"

"Yes, come in."

"My name is Kate Watson," she introduced herself.

"Bridget Potter… I'll show you around."

Kate liked the place -- her room was modestly furnished with a window overlooking the busy street below.

"What happened to the previous tenant?" she asked out of curiosity.

"Failed to pay the rent so I booted _him_ out," Bridget replied dully.

"Oh," Kate tried to hide her surprise. "In that case, I'll take it."

"Fine, you look like a decent girl. I have a few ground rules…"

That was how Kate became housemates with Bridget, a fellow student at the Conservatory. After settling into her new lodgings, Kate's heart ached as she began to miss Spock. A day or two would pass and with each thought of him, a task would present itself like a life saver, pulling her further and further away from those summer days. There has not been a day since that she had not thought of him. They were no longer two people, but one, bound together as tightly as two people could be.


	12. Life Goes On

Chapter 12

The orientation program on board the USS Enterprise went smoothly; its captain, Christopher Pike, had given the cadets a brief introduction of the ship, First Officer Number One explained the detailed functions whilst Yeoman Kelley showed them to their quarters in Deck Nineteen. There were three other cadets with Spock – Tanaka, Miguel and Davis, all of them were top students in their field at the Academy. As part of the orientation, the cadets were given a tour of the ship's main sections – Bridge, Engineering, Sickbay, Science, Recreation and Cafeteria. The USS Enterprise was impressive in its class, much more than Spock had anticipated from his detailed research on her. As the ship disembarked from Starbase 1, the cadets were told to report to the various section heads for their assignments – Spock to Science, Tanaka to Engineering, Davis to Navigation and Miguel to Sickbay.

Spock's presence on the Enterprise drew curious stares from his shipmates -- they had never met a Vulcan cadet from the Academy. Although, he enjoyed good working relations with the people in his department but to the others, he was austere and aloof. He rarely joined in their recreational activities, except for the occasional tri-dimensional chess game. Spock was amenable to this environment and guarded his privacy jealously.

It was the almost intolerable longing for her that first few days on board the Enterprise. Spock was not sure if he could function normally and focus on his assignments without thinking of her. Time dragged in the artificial light of the starship. It was her lovely face and beautiful voice that kept his legs moving on over swamp and rocks, one after the other. Her promise to wait for him, her request of him to come back to her that kept the fire in his heart from going out on the coldest of nights. It was that kiss he tasted in every moment of every day that stopped him from being put in the ground bloody and broken during an expedition, the kiss that left open the doors to everything, all possibilities, hope when there was none and love in the harshest of circumstances.

The chronometer showed him that there was another 300.2 days to go before he would be reunited with his lover. Would she be waiting for him as promised?

*****

The last dance session for the day had ended. Kate was utterly exhausted as she went to the changing room with the other girls. She was packing her shoes when she overheard some girls chatting loudly in the changing room. One voice was distinguishable from the rest – Natalia Petrova, the most popular girl in her academy. She was chatting excitedly about the party tonight at the Chasers Club, a member's only establishment in town.

"_I simply love parties and Cal bought me a pair of diamond earrings just for tonight!"_

"_Natalia, you're such a lucky girl to have Cal Harrison…he's so rich, you can have anything you could ever want!"_

"_So true…_(giggles)…_I can't wait to meet him tonight."_

_Cal was here!_

Kate's heart stopped as she almost dropped her bag. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop on them but the thought of seeing Cal here in Cologne infuriated her.

She disliked Natalia from the first day – the Petrova girl was a spoilt brat who happened to be a famous child star. Everywhere she went hordes of reporters and photographers followed. The girls in her academy practically worshipped the ground she walked on and she was never seen without a millionaire boyfriend/ lover tagging along. She and her cohorts were known to make life miserable for an unsuspecting victim with the age-old ritual of college bullying. Natalia was influential by far and her word was law. It was no surprise that Cal Harrison soon wound his way into her life – they seemed made for each other.

As she was walking back to her apartment, Kate made a mental note to avoid Natalia and Cal at all cost. Suddenly, she heard a man's voice calling her name and turned around to look. It was Kevin Delaine, a French Canadian senior at the conservatory with wavy blond hair and enigmatic green eyes. She discovered, quite by accident, that he played the piano and stayed in the apartment just above hers. Many times, the strains of the piano would draw Kate from her room to the balcony where she would sit quietly to listen to his beautiful music. She had never heard anyone play like that before. They had bumped into each other on occasions – in the hallway, in the lift or at the entrance of their apartment block. It was Kevin who approached her first. She did not know that he had noticed her on campus.

He was breathless, as though he had run all the way from class. "Kate, wait for me!" he shouted excitedly. "Where are you going in such a hurry?"

"I'm going home," she replied with a smile.

"I didn't see you this entire week and I was wondering if anything had happened to you," he revealed.

"I was just busy with my assignments," said Kate.

"Um, do you want to grab a bite or something?" he asked. "There's a café just down the road which serves the best coffee…"

Kate stared at him in astonishment. His sincerity and simple request had caught her off guard. After much thought, she apologized, "I sorry, I can't…I'm very tired."

He smiled nonchalantly, but she could see he was disappointed. "Perhaps another evening then… I will call you soon."

"Yes, that would be nice," she said. "Good night."

Kevin wished her good night and she could feel him watching her as she walked up the stairs. The first thing that Kate did when she opened her room door was to check her incoming messages on her computer. One particular message blinked at her and she recognized it immediately – Spock. He had sent her messages from all the places that he had been –strange worlds with strange names that existed only in her imagination. Spock's letters seemed to paint beautiful, multi-hued pictures that glowed in her mind. She would often read and re-read them a few times over, immersing herself in a world of wonder.

"You've got yourself an admirer!" a voice interrupted her thoughts. Kate looked up and saw her apartment mate, Bridget Potter standing next to her. "So who is this guy?"

She merely shrugged it off but Bridget was determined. "Come on, tell me. I noticed how you seem to spend hours on the computer every night -- I'm your best friend and best friends tell each other secrets."

Kate wondered when did Bridget Potter become her "best friend" – they only got to know each other when they shared the apartment. Anyway, she did not dispute the declaration.

"All right, Bridget," she relented with a laugh. "I'm only going to tell you that he's a Starfleet cadet."

"Ooh, you have a thing for men in uniform! So, are you in love with him?" she demanded.

Kate nodded as she smiled indulgently.

"I knew it!" Bridget declared triumphantly. "I knew it from the moment you ignored all the other guys on campus. The Delaine boy has been making moony eyes at you since he met you but you didn't even give him a chance!"

"Kevin's a friend, that's all," protested Kate.

"And friends got to eat sometime, don't they?"

Kate's eyes narrowed. "Did you try to set me up with Kevin? That's funny… because he just asked me out."

Bridget shrugged and Kate's jaw dropped. "Oh, err… I was only trying to help. I have a soft spot for lovesick puppies."

"Bridget Potter! You are so dead, you hear me!"

Kate chased Bridget around the living room and tickled her mercilessly as they laughed, kicked and screamed.

That night, Kevin's playing was filled with melancholy as if all the grief in the world was condensed through those soft vibrant notes. Sitting in her usual spot at the balcony, Kate found herself listening transfixed to the sad music. Tears came to her eyes as she stared up at the infinite night sky, thinking about Spock and the distance between them.

"Have you come here to listen too?" Kate whispered, hastily wiping away her tears when she noticed Bridget.

Bridget nodded her head, sitting beside her. "You don't know how lucky we are to be able to listen to Kevin play like this – away from everyone. There was always a crowd at his recitals… it's impossible to find a seat. They're hailing him as the most outstanding young concert pianist to emerge this century."

Kate was surprised that Bridget had been following Kevin's progress so closely. She had never spoken so highly of anyone before. "I think you like him. Why don't you ask him out on a date, Bridget?" Kate threw her a challenge. "You have my full support."

Bridget deadpanned. "He's not my type. Anyway, he only has eyes for you, doll."

"So what's your type?" Kate was curious.

Avoiding her gaze, Bridget quickly said, "I'm not having this conversation… I'm going to bed now. Good night."

"Good night," Kate said as she turned to gaze at the stars again. "Good night, Spock… where ever you are."

*****

That night Spock came to her in a dream – _they were standing together on a mountain, gazing at the red valley below. The sun was blazing hot and the dry winds blew. "Where are we?" she asked Spock, almost breathlessly._

"_We are on Vulcan…This will be our home," he replied. "My family has lived here for generations. I'm the last of the descendants of Surak and it is my duty to carry on the family customs and traditions. Stay and be my wife, Kate…our children can grow up here and learn Vulcan ways. All you need to do is say, yes."_

_At that moment, she hesitated. She couldn't be a Vulcan, she would if she could but she couldn't. She could not live in a society where the expression of emotions was frowned upon. Though, she might be free to come and go as she pleased, but in all essentials, she would be a prisoner, living in a cage, surrounded by invisible bars. She wanted to be with Spock but not here, not like this…_

A loud knock on the door interrupted her dream. Bridget bounced into her room all bright and sunny as she drew open the curtains, letting in sunlight. "Get up lazy bones! I made pancakes for breakfast."

Kate groaned in protest, the dream still lingered in her mind like poisonous perfume, sending shivers down her spine. _You're thinking too much_, she chided herself.

The rumblings of her empty stomach prompted her to wander to the kitchen for some food. There was orange juice, eggs and pancakes on the table. Before she could pick up her glass of juice, a car suddenly sounded its horn to attract their attention. Bridget flew to the balcony of their apartment and squealed with delight. "He's here!"

"Who's here?" Kate asked as she saw Bridget waving at a car below.

"It's Tyrone, my date…" said Bridget as she picked up her bag and rushed out the door. "I'll see you later on campus. Bye!"

Before she could blink, Bridget was gone. Kate chuckled at her flightiness. When she heard a knock on the door, she thought that Bridget had forgotten her keys again.

"Just give me a minute," Kate shouted and ran to open the door expecting to see her housemate, but found Kevin standing in front of her.

"Kevin!" she gasped and blushed furiously when Kevin stared open-mouthed at her tousled hair and morning face. "I...I wasn't expecting to see you," stammered Kate.

"Good morning, Kate. I just saw Bridget leave in a hover car. I happen to have a class at 0900 hours this morning and was wondering if you would like a ride to campus," he offered. "But I see you're not dressed yet."

Kate paused for a moment but decided his company would be appreciated. "Just… just give me twenty minutes. I'll meet you at the lobby."

When she came down to meet Kevin, he was holding two cups of coffee in his hand. "Latte or cappuccino?" he inquired with a big grin.

"Latte, thanks." Kate enjoyed the aroma of ground coffee stirring her dull senses as she sipped the hot beverage.

"What time is your class starting?"

"I've got Classical Ballet at 1000 hours," she replied as they headed towards his hover car. "I'm in no hurry."

Kevin beamed. "Good."

They took a slow scenic route by the lake to campus and in that time, Kate managed to find out that he had a piano recital next weekend in the campus' Music Room. She hinted that she might be interested in attending the recital with Bridget. Kevin was happy to oblige by giving her two free tickets.

"Thanks Kevin. This is my stop. I guess I'll see you later," she said, getting out of his hover car.

"Yeah, see you later."

Turning around, Kate jogged up the path and straight to her class. Her instructor, a stern no nonsense Russian by the name of Miss Somova made an announcement during the class, "The Conservatory has been requested to perform at the Winter Arts Festival in Berlin and the directors have decided to stage the classic "Les Sylphides". Some of you may know about this classic ballet production – it's a very demanding yet delicate piece. Auditions for various roles will be held tomorrow for those who are interested in participating in this event."

The excitement was palpable among the students and Natalia was already proudly announcing to everyone that she would get the titular role. Bridget made a face and said, "What a load of crap!"

Kate just smiled.

"Aren't you going for the audition?" Bridget asked.

"No, I don't think I'm ready for that kind of stardom yet," replied Kate.

"Well, you won't know unless you tried," countered Bridget. "You could be a natural."

"All I know is that I'm hungry... let's go to the cafeteria," suggested Kate as they rushed to join in the lunch crowd.

"Excuse me, ladies," called Kevin as he weaved his way towards them. "May I join you?"

Kate looked up from her tray and smiled. "Sure!"

"The excitement around here is quite infectious – everyone is talking about Les Sylphides' auditions, don't you think?" he observed.

Kate and Bridget merely nodded.

"I'm will be playing the piano for the audition. Are you girls going for it?"

"No, but we'll probably hang around to watch the seniors and pick up some tips along the way," Kate said with a wink.

Kevin grinned. "Great! Uh, guess I'll see you around."

"Yeah."

Bridget gave a tiny wave and a sigh as Kevin bounded off to his class. Unbeknownst to them, a pair of eyes watched the whole scene and smiled viciously.

*****

If it hadn't been for Bridget's incessant nagging, Kate would have gladly skipped the audition and stayed at home. She only agreed to go with Bridget because Kevin would be there. They sat on the benches and watched the auditions from afar. Students of various ages danced in front of the selection committee, hoping to be included in the winter production. The corps de ballet was magnificent -- backs were strong and pliant, heads carried high on long necks. Each dancer exuded elegance and glamor.

"Well, Well, Well, isn't this a surprise?" Natalia's shrill voice invaded their space. "Are you both auditioning for a role?"

Natalia had come prepared for her role -- glitter make-up,her hair was tied up with ribbons and adorned with flowers while her face was painted creamy white and she was wearing a lovely pink tutu.

"No, we're here to observe," replied Kate.

"Yeah, can't wait to see you make a fool of yourself up there!" teased Bridget.

Natalia's eyes were blazing angrily while her friends scowled at them. "This is only a formality… of course, the title role will be mine!" she huffed and swept up to the stage when her name was called.

Rolling her eyes, Kate thought she would not stand a chance against the better seniors. Bridget was laughing uncontrollably when Natalia danced, which was neither delicate nor graceful.

"Oh, I thought I was watching the Nutcracker!" she was bent over the chair as tears rolled down her cheeks. It was quite unkind but Bridget didn't like Natalia at all and loved it when she messed up. Natalia glared as she stormed past them after the audition.

"I never had such a good laugh until today," Bridget told her. They were about to leave when suddenly, Kate's name was called.

"Katherine Ashanti Watson!"

Kate spun around in surprise. Extending her hand upwards, she said nervously, "Err, yes… that's me."

Miss Somova glowered. "Why aren't you changed? Do you expect us to wait for you?"

"What? But… but I wasn't … I didn't put in my application to audition for any part!" she protested her innocence.

"Well, I have your application form here," Somova stated, holding up a form.

Kate didn't know what to do. Suddenly, Bridget pulled her away from the bench and whispered urgently, "Come on, Kate. You won't want to keep them waiting."

It was a part for the ensemble cast, a minor role. She had seen some earlier performances but she was not prepared for this. Kate quickly changed into her leotards and leggings and stumbled onto the stage. Some girls who were standing behind the stage giggled. She glanced around the nearly empty stage and saw Kevin's assuring smile. Kate was very nervous as she danced with technical proficiency -- but it was bloodless, without any real distinction or passion... She got nods from the selection committee-- but no kudos...after all she did the best improvisation she could in such a short time. Bridget managed to get hold of the alleged application form and spotted Kate's name and signature had been forged by someone. Immediately, Natalia came to mind – her anger and vengeance was written all over that piece of paper. How else would she have known that they were there for the audition?"

The results of the audition came a week later… she had got a part as one of the ensemble cast and practices would start in two weeks. They had just returned from Kevin's recital at the Music Room. The first thing she did was to relay the news in a hurriedly composed message to Spock.

_Oh, I wish you were here Spock. I missed you so much!_

Spock hadn't replied to her message and it bothered Kate. _Two weeks!_ She fumed. Would it be so difficult to send her a message or a congratulatory note… maybe he did not think it was that great an achievement compared to the discovery of new alien species and strange new worlds?

But it was a great achievement for her – surely he knew that. It had hurt her.

One evening, as she reached the apartment, Kevin, Bridget and a bunch of familiar faces jumped up in unison. "Congratulations, Kate!"

She was touched by the kind gesture. There were food and party streamers all around the room. Everyone took turns hugging her. She really needed to boost her sagging spirits especially after the snub from Spock. She mumbled her heartfelt thanks.

"You looked so down and out these past few days that Kevin and I decided to throw this party for you," said Bridget.

"And the best part is… Petrova didn't get the role she bragged about!" Kevin added and suddenly, Kate began to feel a little sorry for her.

The door bell rang as Kate turned to open the door. To her surprise, Natalia Petrova and her minions were standing outside her apartment. "Is this a party? Why wasn't I informed?" Natalia demanded as if it were her privilege to know such things.

Before Kate could answer, Bridget had stepped in between them and warned, "Natalia, you should mind your own business and go before I make you sorry."

"Hiding behind a friend now are you now? Are you afraid of us?" she sneered.

"No I'm not afraid of you," Kate said calmly and stepped from behind Bridget. "What do you want?"

"I don't know what you did to get the part, you scheming bitch but I won't have you upstaging me like that," Natalia snapped.

"I just did what I was supposed to do. I didn't mean to _upstage_ you," she argued. "Anyway, you didn't audition for any minor roles. I got in because I did."

"Well, they were wrong! I'll speak to the board and convince them to give me the role instead of you," Natalia spat vengefully.

"That's not fair," Bridget shouted.

Natalia pushed her back roughly. "Who are you to say what's fair, Miss Potter?"

Bridget wanted to retaliate but was held down by Kate. "No, Bridget. Let it go."

She could tell Natalia had expected a confrontation but she refused to stand up to the challenge. Kate hauled Bridget away from the door before she clawed Natalia's eyes out.

"Why didn't you fight back?" Bridget insisted when Natalia was gone. "You were better than Natalia in terms of technique and prettier by far."

Kate covered her ears shutting out the noise as she muttered, "I don't want to hear about it, okay!"

Locking herself in her own room, Kate wanted to be away from Bridget, Kevin and everyone else. She buried her face into her pillow and wept miserably. "That bitch! That mean fat bitch!... I wish she would break her legs and never dance again!"

When Kate turned up for practice that evening, she was told that her role in the assemble cast was surreptitiously taken over by Natalia Petrova. The committee had been immensely apologetic for their "mistake" but Kate knew otherwise. Natalia had had to have pulled some serious ropes to get her role. Kate was now relegated to being the understudy to the lead dancer, Tara Carmel, which meant that she would never appear on stage and could only watch from the sidelines. Natalia smiled triumphantly at her as she joined the corps de ballet on the stage.

Three months had passed and the gala opening night of Les Sylphides was only one week away. Kate enjoyed her hectic routine of rehearsals early in the morning and late at night – she learnt her role diligently and even became fast friends with Tara. The academy had packed the costumes into large trunks and shipped the props, musical instruments and backdrops to Berlin in preparation for the performance.

The dancers were put up in a comfortable hotel near the auditorium and judging the way Natalia conducted herself on the red carpet, with the reporters and paparazzi, anyone would think she was the star of the show. She even insisted that the digital marquee had her name included as one of the "stars" of the performance, much to the annoyance of the other dancers. It was at that press night that Kate had bumped into her ex, Cal Harrison.

He had flown all the way from New York to support his new lover, Natalia Petrova on her gala night. Kate stiffened when their eyes met across the room. She was about to walk away when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Kate, you never used to be this shy when we were together," he said with a suave voice. "Are you here alone?"

_I'm not shy, I just want to get away from you_, she thought angrily.

"You should be with Natalia, not wasting your time with me," she said coldly.

Cal stepped closer. "Is that a hint of jealousy I hear?"

Kate was horrified. "I can't believe how conceited you are. I happen to be here with someone. Excuse me!"

Sweeping past Cal, she hurried away towards the cocktail bar. Then she noticed Kevin had just come in through the main doors. Sidling up next to him, Kate slid her arm through his as he turned to her in surprise.

"Kevin, I'm so glad to see you. I'm feeling unwell. Could you accompany me back to the hotel room?" she stressed, laying her head slightly on his shoulder.

"Are you all right?" Kevin frowned. "Do you need a doctor?"

"No, I just need to lie down a bit," she said as she watched Cal out of the corner of her eye. He was all looking quite annoyed and frustrated. "Can we leave now?"

"Of course..."

She followed Kevin back to the hotel. She could feel his eyes on her, questioning what she was doing. But he didn't ask for the better part of the journey, which relieved her. As they reached the hotel, Kate began to feel guilty for lying to Kevin. "You should be returning to the party," Kate informed him softly. "I will be fine."

Kevin sensed something was amiss. "What's going on Kate? Who's that guy with you earlier?"

Kate's eyes widened in amazement – Kevin had noticed their brief encounter at the party.

"His name is Cal Harrison, Natalia's current beau. He's also my ex," Kate explained.

"Wow, I didn't know you both have a history."

"Well, we're so over now and he can have Natalia for all I care…I just want to get as far away as I can from him."

Kevin stepped back away for her. "So, the headache was a ploy…basically, you used me."

Her face flamed. "I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. If he thought that I was with someone, he would leave me alone."

"I see."

Now Kate wished the ground would open up and swallow her so that she would not have to face Kevin. "I understand if you're angry with me, Kevin…"

He seemed to be thinking about something. "Now that he knows you're with _me_ – should we carry on this charade while we're in Berlin?"

That thought hadn't occurred to her. "But, Kevin… you don't have to, I mean… "

"I want to help," Kevin insisted as he held her hands. "If this is what it takes, I'll do it."

_It didn't have to mean anything…it's not like I'm cheating on Spock_, she thought and agreed to the arrangement.

Tara, the star of the show, had suddenly taken ill on the gala opening night – the doctor had confirmed that she would be too weak to perform that night. Kate was helping out with the costumes of the other dancers when word came that Tara was incapacitated. She was stunned by the sudden twist of fate that had propelled her into the title role, a role that Natalia had coveted. The curtain would be going up in an hour as they rushed to get Kate ready. The producers were fuming. "They came to see Tara Carmel! Not some unknown girl!"

It was too late to cancel the performance now. Five minutes to curtain time and Kate was sick with nervousness.

"Kate!" Kevin called to her, grinning excitedly.

"Kevin, what are you doing here?" she was happy and bewildered at the same time. "You're not supposed to be here."

"I just wanted to wish you good luck," he said as he gave her a peck on her forehead. "Wow them!"

Then he was gone. She knew Kevin would be watching her from the musicians' pit and she felt calm once more. Kate was determined not to disappoint him. As the music started, Kate was ready to face the world's acclaim.


	13. Missing You

Chapter 13

The Enterprise's long range scanners detected a Class Five neutronic storm a few light years in length. The storm, a beautiful purple ribbon-like phenomenon was saturated with radiolytic isotopes. The first Enterprise NX-1701 had encountered a similar storm and Captain Archer had to evacuate his crew to the ship's maintenance shafts running the length of each warp nacelle, which was the only adequately shielded area on the ship. This ship was flying through a similar storm. Although it was sufficiently shielded, Captain Pike didn't want to take any chances with the effects of the storm on the ship's controls or its effects on the crew so, all non-critical systems had to be shut down while the crew was confined to their quarters.

It would take another five days before the ship was clear of the storm and normal communications restored. Spock sat at his desk, making notes on the scans conducted by the ship. These reports would be compiled and sent back to Starfleet Command.

As he waited for the reports to be compiled, he remembered Kate's message as he pulled it on screen. It was typical Kate's style, full of clumsy gaffes and muddled sentiments, written straight from the heart. He had composed a congratulatory message to Kate but the contents did not convey how he had felt, so he did not send it. That was before the ship entered the ion storm, exactly 1.75 months ago. Now it was probably too late.

*****

As the curtain fell, the entire auditorium was at its feet, their rapturous applause ringing in her ears. Kate smiled and waved to the crowd as she took her final ovation. It was her third successful performance. The months of hard work learning her role as the tragic 'La Sylphide' had paid off. The crowds loved it.

"_What a success!" _

"_Let's celebrate!" _

"_Good job, everyone. Happy Christmas and see you all after the New Year!"_

Champagne bottles popped and drinks were passed around as the stage lights went out. Kate was utterly exhausted as she made her way to the ladies' dressing room. It was crowded with people, costumes and props. Kate sank down in front of a mirror in her own room -- the reflection she saw in it was of a young and confident dancer. Natalia's threats could do nothing to her now. Then she noticed a bouquet of pink lilies on her table and a note, neatly written in her name. She picked up the note and opened it –

"_A splendid performance as always. Love, Kevin"_

Kate smiled as she put down the note and hurriedly changed out of her costume. The cast was going out to celebrate at a club nearby. Then she heard her name being called out. "Someone looking for me?" she wondered as she put on her robe and came out from behind the curtain. It was Cal.

She was startled that he was there... and not altogether pleased about him showing up.

"Cal, what are you doing here?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"I thought I'd come by and visit you… you were mesmerizing on stage. Congratulations!" he said, smiling as he ambled over.

He came close to her but Kate shifted away. Cal caught her arm and pulled her gently to him.

"I could put in a good word for you with the dance company of your choice," he murmured, sighing into her hair. His manner was charming, and for just a moment Kate thought that if she went along for now, it would be easier to get rid of him later.

Kate shook her head. "I'm happy where I am."

"It's a big world, Kate and you will look good in it," he said. Then eyeing the slinky sequined red dress on the counter, he asked, "Hot date?"

"That's none of your business, Cal," Kate replied impatiently as she pushed him away and walked over to pick up the dress. She knew that under the dress was a pair of scissors and she didn't like Cal's tone of questioning. She picked up the scissors together with the dress and held it to her chest, concealing it.

Cal's mood darkened. "Is he your lover?"

"I don't know who you mean?"

"That boy, Delaine… is he your new lover?"

"If he is, it is only important to me. I've gotten over you. I suggest you do the same and get on with your life," she said flatly.

"Now, Kate…" he began to advance towards her. Kate's fingers curled around the handles of the scissors and wielded it at him.

"Stay away from me or I swear I'll hurt you!"

Cal was surprised by her threat. "Oops, I was just fooling around," Cal joked. "No need for threats."

"Get out!" Kate cried, barely under control.

Cal backed away, turning white with anger. "Sure… Okay… Just relax. I'll leave but there's one thing you should know…I caused the Phoenix to crash!" he hissed.

"What??" Kate's eyes widened with shock. Cal knew she would react to the news, that she would remember the incident.

"Yes, I knew about the flaw in the design long before it was published. I sent my men after you and Spock," he boasted, like the vain boy that he was.

"You nearly had us killed, you… horrid, evil bastard!"

Kate felt like hitting him and wiping that smug look off his face.

"Get out, Cal. I never want to see you again!"

After he had gone, she quickly locked her door and put away the scissors. Kate doubted that he would disappear from her life altogether but she knew Cal better than any of his newly minted lovers. She knew him as a vain, vindictive and a greedy liar. She also knew that he was a coward, hiding behind his father's wealth. Unlike his other lovers, Kate could not be bought by his money or his influence. He had no hold over her anymore.

Kate changed into the dress and let her hair down – tonight, there was more than one reason to celebrate. As she started to brush her hair, she suddenly remembered her computer that she had left behind in Cologne. She had intentionally switched it off in childish anger, refusing to see anymore messages from Spock. It had been idle for almost two months now. Suddenly, she felt torn as she sat motionless, caught between the two worlds – one where she was a star and the other an ordinary girl in love. Spock had been correct in his suspicions about the Phoenix crash. She shuddered to think what he would do if he knew Cal was behind it.

"Kate, aren't you coming with us?" one of the girls asked.

"Um, yeah…"

Kate did what felt good at the time. She ran to be with her friends. While waiting for their transportation to arrive, she saw Cal and Natalia arguing loudly across the street. Natalia was in one of her royal hysterics as Cal angrily drove away.

"Wow, did you see that?" Kevin commented as he stood next to her, observing them.

"Yeah."

"Pity the reporters missed it," he quipped. Kate shrugged. Natalia would probably hook up with another millionaire boyfriend by the New Year.

Kevin had been fiercely and absurdly protective of her in Berlin. They spent a lot of time together, went almost everywhere together and even had their meals together. He even arranged private practices for her to prepare her for her role on stage. Kate wanted to tell him that he was over anxious; anyone would think that she would break if she fell down. His 'omnipresence' kept Cal and other admirers at bay, of which she was grateful to him.

At the party, Kevin pulled her away to the dance floor. She threw her head back and laughed as Kevin swung her around. He was smiling, one minute the only emotion was happiness, and the next it was undercut by something else, something far deeper. He held her gaze for a moment and then, slowly, uncertainly, he bent down and brushed his lips briefly against hers. When he drew away, she was stunned. Perhaps, her senses were deceiving her, but there were times when Kate began to wonder what Kevin really wanted from her by agreeing to the charade. Times when she almost believed…

Kate broke away from his arms as she muttered, "This is a mistake…"

"Kate –"

"I'm sorry if I had misled you in any way…"

She turned to leave but Kevin held her arm. "Kate, I'm in love with you!" he declared earnestly.

"Please Kevin… please, don't say that!"

"Why?" Kevin demanded, but a realization dawned on him. "You don't love me. There is someone else, isn't there?"

Kate nodded as she avoided his piercing gaze. "Yes, there is someone else… and I love him very much," she muttered. "I am sorry."

It had hurt to think of Spock and she had inadvertently hurt a dear friend. Kevin's grasp fell away as he turned and walked away into the maze of party people. The next morning, Kate was told that he had already checked out and had left the hotel on his own. She could only hope that he could forgive her for making him believe that she could love him.

*****

"Happy New Year!"

On the Enterprise, the cafeteria was packed – the crew laughing and talking and eating. Many of them were wearing odd shaped hats and carrying noisemakers, embracing and throwing confetti and streamers wildly. Most of them were completely inebriated as they counted down to the New Year. Captain Pike noticed that his most promising cadet had left the cafeteria early and stopped him in the hallway.

"Spock!"

Spock instantly stopped and turned around. "Sir."

"At ease, cadet," the captain said with a smile. "Spock, why aren't you at the party with the rest of the crew?"

"It is a curious Earth custom that during this time of year, humans imbibe in alcoholic beverages and sing _Auld Lang Syne_. I have had the opportunity to participate and observe this rather peculiar behavior and now would like to return to my quarters," Spock informed him with both hands behind his back.

"Yes, it would seem peculiar to you but it does lift the crew's morale… makes them feel a little closer to home," Captain Pike explained. "Tell me, don't you have any celebrations on Vulcan?"

"Vulcans have evolved beyond that," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Well, good night, Spock."

"Good night, sir."

The next day, Lieutenant Banning, the Chief Science Officer strode into the lab. "The captain has requested for volunteers to collect rock samples from the planet below," he said. "Spock, you're with me. Suit up and meet me at the transporter room."

"Yes, sir."

*****

It had been a wonderful week in New York – she got to spend Christmas and New Year's with her brother and his fiancée. Being home again made Kate sentimental, everywhere she looked reminded her of Spock. It was as if she were to close her eyes, he would suddenly appear in front of her. She really missed him.

"Excuse me, Miss Kate. A package for you from Starfleet," Stuart announced as he held out a brown package for her.

She held her breath… _Starfleet… Spock…_

Her hands were trembling as she took the package from Stuart. "Thank you, that would be all," she mumbled distractedly.

Kate opened the package carefully and picked up a round metal object and a recorded message from Spock. As she turned it on, Spock's warm baritone voice filled her lonely heart with tenderness --

_My dearest Kate,_

_By Earth's custom, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year… The crew of the Enterprise also celebrated this occasion with gift exchanges and a party at the cafeteria. It was therefore appropriate that I made a gift for you. If you press the red button on the side of the object, it will project a three dimensional image of what would be the closest replica of a neutronic storm. I've had the opportunity to witness the storm up close and I was taken by its beauty. During the five days of solitary confinement in my quarters, I studied the particle reactions that created this awesome but deadly phenomenon in space. Each particle colliding into another, forever transformed. You would have wanted to see it. _

_Please accept my belated congratulations on your successful debut on stage. News of this kind has unfortunately reached the Enterprise late. It is illogical but I wish I could have been there. It is always a pleasure to watch you in your element._

_Yours,_

_Spock._

A tear slid down her cheek as she held his message to her heart – feelings of love, guilt and a myriad of contradicting emotions swirled within her. How could she have doubted him?

Spock's gift projected a three dimensional image of a dancing spiral of colors, a storm within a bottle. Each tiny particle reacted to Kate's touch as it bounced off her fingers and fizzled into multi-colored hues. He was right – it was beautiful.

Kate suddenly wished to see his face, feel his lovely eyes on her once more. It would be another four months before he completed his cadet cruise. She could hardly wait to be reunited with her lover again.

*****

With the start of the New Year, Kate was beginning to settle down as a student once more, her cell phone rang one morning as she was putting on her makeup. She quickly finished the last corner of her eye before looking down to an unfamiliar name on the screen.

"Hello?" she began when she answered chirpily.

"Katherine Watson?"

"Yes, that's me. Who am I speaking with?"

Something in his tone made her freeze - she couldn't even say why, it was just instinctual.

"I'm Captain Pike of the Federation starship Enterprise. I wish I could make your acquaintance under better circumstances," he said quietly, somberly. "Something's happened to Cadet Spock…"

He sounded afraid, and upset.

"Wh… what?" she whispered, her voice trembling.

"The Lady Amanda had mentioned that you should be notified. It took us a while to locate you. I guess you're pretty much the closest thing Spock has to a family -"

She begged frantically, "Please tell me what happened?"

She heard him swallow a lump out of his throat. "Three days ago, Spock was on a routine expedition to an uninhabited planet, and… the team got attacked, and -"

_Three days! Spock has been missing for three days!_

"Is he alive?" she stammered.

Captain Pike sighed. "We think so. They killed two of my men, but we didn't find any sign of Spock. We think they captured him. Maybe ransom… we don't know. I've got our ships searching for him, but there's really no telling -"

Kate's hand dropped slowly down to her vanity as the captain's voice became a noisy blur. She stared at her reflection, her mind blank - or maybe it was really just filled with far too many emotions, all coming and going too fast for her to feel them.

"We will find him," Captain Pike promised.

"Thank you, Captain," said Kate as she ended the call.

This couldn't be happening. This _wasn't_ happening.

_He's fine, I'll go to class and see him when he comes back -_

Somehow, her mind seemed to have convinced itself that her mantra was true, for a while at least, because the next thing she knew, she was unlocking the door to her apartment but didn't walk out. She silently dropped her bag to the floor of the entryway, and began wandering aimlessly through every room of the apartment. She finally sat down at the kitchen table, and slowly picked up some little crumb of salad that she had made last night. She was still numb - definitely numb this time - just staring at the crumb. And in the next moment, without warning, the truth of the situation slammed into her with such force that she felt like it was going to crush her. She began crying uncontrollably, gasping for air as tears streamed down her cheeks and into her lap.

"Kate?"

She looked up at Bridget with tormented eyes.

"What's wrong? What's happened to you?" said Bridget as she approached her.

"I got a call from Starfleet…He's missing," she sobbed, hugging her housemate. "Spock's missing!"

*****

_Enterprise -_

He wasn't sure where the thought had come from, but it was the first thing that went through his mind when he became conscious.

The second was the sensations of pain as he became fully awake again. He had a horrible migraine and every muscle hurt. But he forgot the pain instantly, when a sack was yanked off of his head to reveal a bright light shining on him and yellowish creatures surrounding him. One of them was saying something he couldn't understand.

_This could be an execution.._. _Without his communicator, he would_ _not be able to make contact. _

_Kate…_ He would never see his beloved Kate again. His thoughts focused around Kate as the alien beside him continued his tirade, alternating between memories and images of her and the harsh reality that he would not be able to fulfill his promise to her.

The alien finished his speech, and Spock was cut off from any further thoughts or fear as a crude staff slammed into the side of his head.

*****

Kate stared down at her cell phone, half tempted to contact Starfleet again, as if somehow the situation would change, but the other half of her was just too emotionally exhausted. She knew it wouldn't change. Spock had been missing for two and a half months, and two and a half months since she had been truly calm, relaxed or happy.

She didn't understand how she had managed to keep going this long. The many fears that troubled her in the beginning when Spock went for his cadet cruise had only intensified. It always came with a crippling fear that he was dead, hurt, in pain, that she would never see him again. That fear was wearing away at her, a little more each day, and at this point, she wasn't sure how much of her spirit was left.

Being worried was to be expected as space expeditions had its risks and dangers, but it shouldn't be so unbearably devastating. But nonetheless, here she was, ten weeks and two days later, acting like she had lost him. Kate froze, repeating that last train of thought over and over again in her mind. The thought had come to her of its own accord - it was the last thing she would ever have expected to cross her mind, but nonetheless, there it was, staring her in the face and daring her to contradict it.

She thought back for a minute, remembering how she had been feeling and acting since the moment Captain Pike broke the news. She was constantly worried, thinking about Spock every waking moment, she couldn't bear to feel this way much longer.

Bridget tried to cheer her up – even suggesting that they go away together, see the world. She couldn't bear to watch Kate spend her life moping.

"Oh…oh… let's go, Kate," Bridget beamed excitedly. "Spain is beautiful this time of year. We made plans, remember?"

She could not remember whether there were any such plans but she did notice that Kevin and Bridget had somehow gotten close. Once, she had seen them kissing in the hallway and felt happy for them. Bridget finally admitted her feelings for Kevin. They seemed made for each other. At least, some part of Kate's life had been resolved whilst the rest of it fell apart. Kevin was waiting for them in the hover car.

"Thanks for the offer but no… I just want to stay at home," she decided as Bridget groaned in disappointment.

"No, Kate," she insisted. "I won't go if you don't go… You can't hide in here all day. Look at me Kate…"

Bridget made her look directly into her eyes. "You've got to face the fact that he may not be coming back. But you are still young -- you have a life ahead of you!"

"I… I can't…" Kate stammered as fresh tears started to fall. "Just leave me alone! Everyone I love seems to die. I'm cursed, Bridget! Cursed!"

Bridget shook her hard until there were bruises on her arms. "Get a hold of yourself! We're going out, right now."

She knew that her friend meant well but no matter where she went, it wouldn't have made a difference.

*****

The Enterprise was tracking all ships that crossed the Calderon galaxy where Spock and three other Enterprise men were kidnapped, when it encountered a rogue Orion ship. It wasn't long before the Enterprise's photon lasers disabled the warp drive of the Orion ship as it tried to escape.

"Captain, the Orion vessel has surrendered," his tactical officer, Lieutenant Garetski reported from his station.

"Prepare for boarding, Mr. Garetski," Chris Pike commanded.

"Yes, sir."

When the vessel was secured, Chris decided to see it for himself. His initial suspicions were confirmed that this was no ordinary cargo vessel - it was a slave ship.

"This way, sir," Garetski said as he led Chris to the holding area.

"The missing crew? Are they on board?"

"Yes, three of them accounted for. The medical team is with them now."

When Chris entered the dimly lit cargo bay, he had to hold his breath as the stench of rotting carcasses assaulted him. He counted about ten slaves chained and huddled in a corner.

"You are free to go. You are no longer slaves. My men will ensure you will be returned to your home planet," Chris told them.

The news spurred some discussion among the slaves as one by one, the security crew untied them and led them out of the cargo bay. Then Chris saw a skinny man with dark hair and torn clothing standing with the Enterprise medical team.

"Spock?"

*****

Kate couldn't take it anymore. Three months was her breaking point. She literally woke up one morning, feeling absolutely nothing. A few days back, she still did the things that needed to be done – attend classes, tutorials, submitting assignments. But she was only going through the motions, like a zombie.

She wouldn't say that she had given up hope - she hadn't - but… the truth was, if she was really honest with herself, the most likely scenario was that he was dead, and had been for a long time now. If his captors had any intention of releasing him, why wouldn't they have done so already? There had been no word of his whereabouts. Of course, no one knew what had really happened to him, wherever he was, but the logical conclusion of the information Starfleet _did_ have was not good. That was all Kate had now - some illogical mix of realism, and a tiny spark of optimism that was barely surviving.

And today was the worst. After a long, restless and completely useless night of sleep and nightmares, she woke up and decided that she just couldn't take it anymore. She woke up late, and only a few minutes after waking up, she found herself standing with her cell phone in her hand. She ran her thumb over the buttons slowly, and sighed. She had hardly gotten any calls lately. She only kept it on now because she was waiting for _that_ call, and hoping that it would bring good news. But that waiting was doing her more harm than good, and only left her disappointed and afraid as each day went by without _that_ call. So Kate sighed heavily again, and turned it off.

She didn't go to class that day - amazingly, it was the first time she had not done so in these three months. She just put on a plain, casual outfit, no makeup, got out of her apartment and started walking. She didn't go anywhere in particular, just leaving her legs to decide where to take her. Eventually, she found that she was tired. As she slowly returned to a conscious state of mind, she suddenly realized that she had been walking for over three hours, but still felt as if she had only left her apartment only minutes before.

There was a small but elegant café in the middle of the town -- a dozen or so small tables, modern art prints on the walls, and a flat-screen TV on the wall, showing the program of the day, but Kate didn't really pay attention to any of these when she came in. As she waited in line behind two people, she felt her rational, responsible self resurfacing, chiding her for turning off her phone. Reluctantly, she pulled it from her purse, and turned it on as she made it to the front of the line. Once she had ordered her double-shot expresso, she was surprised to see a message on the screen. As she carried her coffee away from the counter in search of a table, her phone announced that the single message had been sent at 0938 hours that morning.

"Miss Watson, this is Captain Pike. We found him… Spock is alive -" Kate barely registered the sensation of the cup slipping from her hands, and the piercing sound when it shattered on the floor. "- we found him! He's okay. Please contact Starfleet Command."

For a moment, Kate was frozen, breathing fast and feeling like her heart was about to pop out of her chest as she tried to wrap her head around the message. Her shock was over almost instantly, her mind suddenly sharply focused as it had not been in three months. But her joy was short-lived. There was still a part of her that did not dare to hope, and demanded proof before she could finally let it go. She immediately rushed back to her apartment and contacted Starfleet.

As Kate stared at the screen, at the face of the man she had feared was dead for three months, dehydrated, exhausted, with plainly visible cuts and bruises, her heart was finally allowed to feel again, and every last bit of love and fear and hope and joy and sorrow and pain and now absolute happiness were released and filled her whole being all at once, with the most amazing intensity she had ever known. She finally could not contain the emotions, and laughed in elation as a tear rolled down her face.

*****

"Kate."

The familiar voice sent another wave of joy and love through her. "Spock, oh Spock -" she smiled as his handsome but ragged face appeared on screen. "I'm so sorry, I would have been home earlier but I turned my phone off - oh, _stupid_ - I just found out - I'm sorry, I -"

"Kate," Spock said, and she could hear the smirk in his voice, "You're not making sense."

She stopped immediately, blushing. "Sorry." She fell quiet for a moment, letting everything sink in. She was just so unbelievably grateful, and overwhelmed by the sudden change that she had feared would never come. At that thought, her happiness ebbed ever so slightly, and the old fear and pain that held her captive for three months took its place. "Spock…" she whispered, feeling tears well in her eyes again. "Is it really you?"

She saw a tiny upturn of his mouth on screen, millions of miles away. With a voice as quiet and serious as hers had been, he replied, "Yes, Kate. It's me."

She felt a wide smile spread across her face. "Are you okay?"

"Well enough," he sighed. "Nothing serious."

Kate's earlier tears of joy returned and she began laughing and sobbing quietly all at once.

"Kate, are you crying?" he asked with a kind humor.

"Oh, shut up!" she laughed back. "I'm allowed to cry when I find out you're not dead." She was quiet for a moment as she wiped the tears from her cheeks, and let her emotions slowly settle back down. She sighed, her voice lowering again. "I'm so glad you're all right, Spock… you have no idea…." Her voice shied away in fear of what could have been.

"Kate?" he whispered, as if to make sure no one in the world heard him but her. "I'm fine. And I will be back."

She took a deep, somewhat shaky breath to calm herself and slow her heart, and with a smile said, "Can't wait."

"Me neither." She could tell from his voice that he was smiling, too. "And Kate?" He seemed to hesitate, but only for the slightest of moments. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too, Spock."

She said goodbye and ended the vid call. Still smiling, she brushed away the last few tears with a little sniffle, and sighed heavily.

Kate lifted her head, seeing a world that was brighter and clearer, and full of hope than she even remembered it could be. She looked all around her, taking in every sight and savoring it – it was good to feel alive again.


	14. Coming Home

Chapter 14

After Spock had been rescued, he had a debriefing session with his superior officers; Chief Science Officer, Lieutenant Banning and Captain Pike. He had given them a detailed account of what had happened on the planet and the session concluded that Spock had examined all of his options and exhausted all possible alternatives given the circumstances. He had done what had been necessary to preserve the lives of his fellow shipmates.

_How could that be possible? _he thought as he read a copy of the report. A fellow crewman had died because of him and he had killed a living being with his bare hands in a fit of murderous rage. Images of the dead men kept flashing in his mind. Meditation had helped but had not eliminated the guilt.

His nightmares were always the same – echoes of cruel laughter and terrifying, shapeless beings taunting him, _"You can run but you cannot escape…"_

*****

There was no end to the brutality and bestiality of the Orions. Being captured as slaves, Spock and his shipmates were subjected to torture. There were other aliens among them who had suffered the same fate – females were carried off screaming from their holding cells and never seen again. Stories of rape and murder were rife. Their captors turned the act of murder into a sport – using slaves as target practice. There was unspeakable evil within the walls of this ship.

One day, their captors came to Spock's holding cell and wanted to take him away. The other Enterprise crew members protested vehemently until their leader whom they called Viman shouted, "The one who protests will take his place!"

Lieutenant Tanaka then stood up and said, "I'm the senior officer. Take me!"

Viman gave him a disdainful look. "You are injured, therefore useless for target practice."

By that, Spock knew how he was going to die. None of the Enterprise crew dared to come forward until Ensign Nunez said, "Take me instead. He is just a boy. If you want a challenge then take me!"

Spock protested, "No, you chose me. I will not accept any replacements!"

A crooked smile appeared on Viman's green face as he looked between the two of them. "This Human is right. You are too young, Vulcan. So maybe, it's time for you to watch and learn!"

The crew tried to prevent Spock from being taken away but was outnumbered by the guards. Viman ordered his men to take both Nunez and Spock to the place called the Arena. There, Nunez was given a weapon to defend himself as two of his men tracked him down in a maze of containers and obstacles. Like vultures they descended on Nunez – he never had a chance. Spock was forced to watch this terrifying disrespect for death and dying, this regression in evolution while being restrained by guards. He saw Nunez was overcome by the blood thirsty Orions. One of them rammed a weapon into his chest and fired. Nunez's body went slack as blood oozed out… he was dead.

"No!"

A fierce revenge burned within him as Spock broke free from his restrains, throwing one of the guards against the wall and broke his neck. Before the other guard could react, Spock grabbed a stone and smashed his skull with it. Then he felt a jolt of pain on the back of his head as he collapsed in semi-consciousness. Viman bent over him and said, "You learn well, Vulcan… soon, I will train you to become what your ancestors really were; warriors and killers!"

Viman's cruel laughter rang in his ears as he cried out in agony. _No, no, no…._

*****

Each time the nightmare came, he awoke in the middle of the night, short of breath and trembling with unexplained emotions. What he saw on that ship would forever haunt him but his superiors seemed to treat it like a harmless glitch in a computer program that might or might not again cause a problem. In the end, he sought out Doctor Boyce. The doctor had assured him that he was not alone. Everyone, including the captain had gone through what he had experienced.

"The captain deeply regretted what you have just gone through... No cadet deserved to endure such cruelty as you did," Dr. Boyce explained. "You did what you could, Spock."

"Vulcans have an ancient ritual to repress memories and emotions associated with it. It's called the _fullara_," told Spock. "Is there such a procedure for humans?"

Dr. Boyce shook his head. "Memory altering procedures are illegal on Earth. Humans learn to deal with the memories and move on. That's what you need to do too."

But Spock wasn't sure he wanted to experience the horror and guilt again.

The captain informed him that he had apprised his parents and Miss Watson of his condition. Spock then expressed his desire to speak with Kate.

"That could be arranged," smiled Chris.

As he hit the 'end transmission' button, Spock found himself missing the sound of Kate's voice already. He briefly entertained the idea of calling her back again, but decided that, as much as he wanted to, it would be pushing it. But still… maybe his perceptions were a little off, on account of being in captivity for three months and suffering the indignity of being sold to an Orion slave ship, but he could think of no more beautiful sound in the universe, even better than he had imagined in his dreams and memories of her. He imagined her face, feeling some indescribable happiness stir in him again as he did. Maybe she would look even more beautiful than he remembered, too. But the Kate Watson that he saw on the vid screen in Captain Pike's ready room was not the Kate he recognized – the shadows under her eyes were so dark from crying and lack of sleep that they looked like black bruises, her cheeks sunken as if she had aged ten years in three months.

Spock was torn by this knowledge of the pain that inevitably lay ahead of her if he was assigned to a starship. The endless anxiety, fear and terror would crush her -- she would be destroyed body and soul. He could never live with that.

The USS Enterprise finally docked at Starbase 1 three weeks after the Orion incident – it was the end of Spock's cadet cruise. The crew was chatting excitedly as they carried their duffel bags and belongings to the airlock. The ship was due for repairs, to restock and transfer crew before heading out again. In the meantime, the cadets were to report to Starfleet Academy upon completion of their tour. A yeoman had informed Spock that Captain Pike had requested a last minute meeting with him.

He guessed the purpose of the meeting – he had been offered a position in the Science Division on board the Enterprise and he had turned it down.

Spock had surmised that if he remained at the Academy, he could eventually take up a teaching position. On a more personal note, he wanted to be with Kate and the Orion incident cemented his decision. Satisfied with his reasons for rejecting the offer, Spock pressed the doorbell to the captain's ready room.

"Come."

As the door slid open, Spock stepped in. "Captain, you requested to see me?"

"Please take a seat, Spock," Captain Pike gestured for him to sit in the chair in front of him. "I presume you know the reason why I called you in."

"Yes."

"I don't usually get rejections for a chance like this, unless it is really important," Captain Pike informed him. "This ship, like its crew has its share of knocks and bruises. Spock, you have demonstrated courage under fire and unflappability in the face of serious problems and danger. These are the very qualities I look for in my crew. You will be an asset to this ship."

"I have noted your commendation to Starfleet Command but I must decline the position of Science Officer. I wish to remain on Earth for a while."

"I understand you need time to recover from the Orion incident. Starfleet has many career options for a person of your caliber. But is this what you want? To stay on Earth? An opportunity like this does not come easily," Captain Pike paused for effect. "The Enterprise will be going on a five-year away mission to the outer edges of the Neutral Zone. There will be danger and adventure in undiscovered territory. It would be an understatement if I said I need you and your expertise. Please reconsider your decision. I will not put your rejection letter on file yet. The Enterprise will be ship worthy in a month and I hope you will be on it."

"I will think about it, sir," replied Spock.

As the shuttle craft headed for Earth, Spock had thought it out logically – the official survival rate for any space expedition was 75% in a known territory and that probability diminished as starships venture out into the unknown. Starships could be destroyed by natural disasters or lost in battles; starships could also lose its crew to disease or contamination. He was not afraid of the unknown – they were merely waiting to be discovered. Fear was un-Vulcan yet if he were called to active duty, he had much to fear. The dread he felt was for Kate, his beloved Kate – left alone and lost in the world, waiting and grieving for him.

Spock had been firm on his decision to remain on Earth but why did Captain Pike's words still troublds him? Was there a greater calling -- a calling that demanded an equally terrible sacrifice? He had been contented to spend the rest of his life peacefully on Earth with Kate. Let others answer the call to glory. He was not the stuff that heroes were made of.

*****

After many agonizing months of waiting, Spock was finally coming back to her. He had informed her that he would arrive in Connecticut at 1700 hours in the evening. Kate was thrilled. Her mind began to race with a list of things she should do before tonight -- there was dinner to prepare, wine to celebrate and perhaps a few hours at the spa for a massage and manicure. She wanted it to be the perfect day.

Early in the morning, she drove to the nearest grocery store and picked up a bottle of wine and a bag of grocery. Dropping them off at the house, Kate was about head for the spa when she noticed a hover car come up the driveway. As the passengers came out, she recognized that they were Kevin and Bridget – she knew they had planned to visit New York Metropolis during the summer break and they had come to visit her. Kate ran down to meet them.

"I'm so glad to see the both of you," she gushed, hugging them happily.

"Kevin and I decided to drop by and see how you were," Bridget said, smiling in return.

"I won't forgive you if you hadn't," laughed Kate.

"You look so much better now … I dare say, Kevin, she looks even more radiant today," observed Bridget and Kevin wholly agreed. "Come on, spill the beans! What's going on?"

"He's coming back today… he's finally coming back," said Kate as Bridget squealed with delight.

"Oh, I'm so happy for you… what's going to happen? What have you planned for tonight?"

Kate grinned widely. "Actually, I'm planning to cook this evening."

"Lovely!"

"You are welcomed to join us, if you have the time," Kate offered but Bridget quickly turned it down.

"We could never intrude on the both of you," she said. "You will have so much to tell each other that you won't want us around to distract you. By the way, I love your house… do you mind if I have a look around?"

Kate smiled. "Of course, please feel free to wander."

As soon as Bridget had gone off for a tour of the premises, Kevin finally broke his silence. "Kate, may I have a word with you, without Bridget?"

Surprised, she said, "We could talk in the garden, if you want."

Silently, he offered his arm to her and she took it, falling into pace with each other. He was tempering his longer strides to her steps. They walked in silence for a few moments until they came to a shady tree.

"Kate, the thing between us was never resolved. It must have surprised you that Bridget and I got together so soon," he said gently.

"The time we had in Berlin was special," said Kate but added quickly, "…between friends."

"I never told Bridget about us. I don't think she would understand," he said.

"You were only trying to help a friend. Friends look out for each other. Bridget knows I would never hurt her, ever."

Kevin suddenly stopped and turned to face her. "I like Bridget a lot… she's kind, funny and caring but sometimes, I wonder if there was anything I could have done or said that would make you change your mind…"

Stunned, Kate stumbled back. "No, I don't think so."

With a sigh, Kevin said, "Very well… I just needed to know."

"I'm really, really sorry," said Kate.

"Should we head back to the house?" Kevin asked lightly, sensing her distant tone.

"Yes, Bridget will be looking for us," Kate replied.

The couple bade goodbye and promised to keep in touch. She looked up at the chronometer and decided that she would skip the spa and started to prepare dinner.

Kate untied her apron and studied the food and tapers she had carefully arranged on the table. She considered herself an exceptional cook and she had gone all out this time, preparing all her vegetarian specialties. She had placed a large bowl of salad in the middle of the table, mixed up a bowl of mashed potatoes matched with gravy she had made herself. Her special vegetarian pie that Spock had a weakness for sat waiting in the kitchen.

While preparing the salad, she had accidentally cut herself while chopping the vegetables. The bleeding finger was bandaged but an uneasy feeling came over her as she looked up at the chronometer. It was already 1630 hours. Maybe he was delayed.

She figured that she might be overreacting. It was just going to be the two of them having dinner anyway. The food she had prepared would be enough. Then hopefully after they had eaten, they could talk some more…then after that, maybe everything would just fall into place.

Satisfied by her work, she hurriedly took a shower and changed into a white halter-neck dress that she had bought for this special occasion. Spock could be coming up the driveway any minute now as she sat down in the living room and waited for him.

It was getting harder and harder to face the evening alone. Kate tried not to let Spock's conspicuous absence get her down, but still caught herself casting longing glances at the door every so often.

"Where could he be?" she whispered to herself as time passed. It was 2100 hours. Still, there was no sign of Spock.

She went back into the dining room and checked on the food. The salad looked unappetizing now and the lettuce was already turning brown. Kate sighed as she began heating the soup on the stove for the second time. The heat licked at the bandage on her finger and made it hurt more and she quickly pulled her hand away. Nursing her aching hand she sank in a nearby dining chair.

_Spock, where are you?_

From the balcony of her house, Kate watched the moonlit sky. It was a warm spring's night and she had been having this odd feeling all day. Her heart was troubled – why hadn't Spock showed up as promised?

_Please, please tell me where you are tonight…_

The house began to feel oppressively quiet as Kate ventured out to the balcony. She hoped to find answers in the stars but they told her nothing. A sudden gust of wind blew and she shivered from the cold – she had forgotten to put on a sweater. Kate sensed someone was watching her and scanned the surrounding area but there was no one there. Sighing, she shrugged off the sensation and went inside. Wiping a stray tear that had fallen down her cheek, she drew a cushion into her chest as if it was her only protection against the pain, and closed her eyes. Then she heard the doorbell ring and her heart quickened. Kate waited against hope as Stuart opened the door. Suddenly, Spock was standing there in the flesh, looking tired and weary from the journey and Kate lost all restraint.

They grabbed each other furiously. For these few moments, all worries and fears were gone. As he kissed her, he murmured, "I missed you so much, Kate."

She laughed through her tears as they continued to kiss. Then Spock swept her into his arms and carried her upstairs to bed.

In a dream-like sequence, Kate felt hands removing clothes; hands touching a naked shoulder, a breast, the curve of a waist; lips kissing a neck, a cheek, a shoulder, and lips. But soon their passion intensified, making up for the time they were apart; groping, grasping, gasping and fondling, they contrived to denude each other, and, in a fever of sexual hunger, she screamed in consummation and exhaled a long, deliciously shuddering sigh as she sank softly down into Spock's embrace. For a moment, she rested her head on his chest, eyes closed in feline contentment.

*****

Spock had arrived at Kate's place before the appointed time and while he stared at the winding path that led to her house, a familiar ache rose in his heart. He had never stopped thinking of her even though he was millions of light years away. During those lonely nights on the Enterprise and during his captivity, he would draw her out from the farthest reaches of his mind and basked in her voice, touch and kisses.

Then Spock hesitated -- he was not the same person that she knew a year ago. Viman, the Orion had showed a side of him that could potentially be violent and destructive. He could control the beast within him but it would be a matter of time these suppressed emotions were teased by an enemy until they erupted, destroying the façade of control he had worked his whole life to construct. Kate knew and loved the placid and cool Spock. She had no idea about the savage tendencies that lurked beneath. Could she love this thing that he had become? It kept him from walking up the path to her door. For hours he debated whether he should leave and let things be.

A shadow moved and there she was, standing on the balcony. Kate looked radiant, more beautiful than he had ever seen her before. She was wearing a white dress that clung to her body and her dark hair cascaded down her bare back. Kate was looking out into the night sky and was oblivious of his presence. The room light was on and the curtains fluttered softly in the wind. There was a certain sadness touching her beautiful features. Suddenly, his worries seemed frivolous. He had forgotten that she had suffered too. Nothing that had happened to him could ever be her fault. He should not allow her to suffer like this and he longed to tell her that he had come home at last.

The night hadn't turn out quite the way he imagined -- the feelings he had kept locked when he was on the Enterprise burst the moment he saw her. Feelings of desire, lust, love, happiness and the all irrational need to possess her overcame his logic. Kate had always been a passionate woman, but her behavior last night was beyond passion. She was wild with need for him, as though she had to have all he had to give, all he was, that night. At last, they lay in bed, clothes strewn on the floor and bodies entwined after hours of kissing, touching, and exploring each other in intimate ways.

In the stillness of night, Spock lay on the bed with one hand behind his head and the other cradling Kate's soft sleeping form. The nightmares have returned but this time it was tinged with a soft hue and not as intense. Spock turned away and rose from the bed. He quietly put on his clothes and cast a glance at Kate before walking out and closing the door. Sleep tonight was utterly impossible. While he wasn't physically exhausted, emotionally he felt drained.

He stood alone in the living room, staring emptily at the embers in the fireplace. Then he became aware of another presence in the room and looked to the doorway where Kate was standing, wearing only a white silk shirt and nothing else. Spock noticed how attractive she was, standing as she was, framed in the doorway, backlit by the dim lights of the deserted hallway, suddenly sensuous, even voluptuous. His eyes feasted on the swells of her body as she sauntered up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck playfully.

"Why are you up, Spock? Couldn't sleep?"

"You made dinner," he said, tearing his eyes away from her luscious lips to the cold food on the table.

"Yeah," she said in surprise. "Are you hungry?"

Spock shook his head.

"What's going on?"

"I cannot explain it. I seem to be lost in space and time," he said with a slight shrug.

"Lost?" she asked in confusion. "What happened out there, Spock?"

Spock gazed at her concerned face and shook his head. "There are horrors out there that you need not know, evil that even the mind could not fathom…"

Kate's shoulders slumped as she released him, disappointed that Spock had refused to let her into his thoughts.

"I may not know of the horrors you've experienced but I know that it has scarred you…You lost a part of yourself out there," she muttered sadly.

She was ready to share his pain but he did not want to burden her further with his guilt. It would only increase her anxiety for him. How could he tell her the horrors he had seen on the Orion ship? That he had killed a living being with his bare hands? He was a scientist, not a murderer!

"Spock?"

Kate wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Spock looked up and faced the beautiful woman by his side. Never in his entire life had he felt such complete acceptance. Rather than take offense at his attempted rebuff, she simply ignored it and offered what comfort she could. Spock closed one hand over hers and squeezed it gratefully.

It was enough.

*****

The next morning, Spock and Kate were in the dining room having breakfast. Kate was talking cheerfully as she ate while Spock sat back, sipping his tea as he watched her intently and thinking of their future. He had seen the letters from various dance companies neatly stacked up on the kitchen counter. He wondered what was in them. He knew that Kate had attained celebrity status amongst the dance community since her triumph on stage.

"Those are offer letters from a few dance companies," told Kate. "They are keen to sign me up after I graduate."

"Have you decided on what you want to do?" asked Spock but she brushed it off.

"I have a few ideas but I don't want to bore you with random thoughts. What's important now is that you're here. Do you have any plans for today? We could have a picnic at Liberty Bay," she suggested.

"The idea is agreeable," he replied. Spock had wanted to have a serious talk with her but decided that it could wait.

"Great!" Kate jumped up from her seat, smiling. "Let's get packing. If we're lucky, we may still find a nice picnic spot."

They were sitting together on a blanket, enjoying the warm sun, sea breeze and watching human families playing games with their children and their pets. Here, it was peaceful, beautiful and perfect. Suddenly, Spock felt this overwhelming need to confide in Kate, longed to be a part of what was good and decent in this universe again.

"When I was captured, my greatest regret was that I could not fulfill my promise to you," he said softly, staring at a tiny insect clinging to a blade of grass in front of him. "I thought I would never see you again."

"But you're safe now… You're here," said Kate.

"There were five of us… only three came back," he muttered bitterly. "His name was Tony Nunez… Ensign Nunez. He was from Engineering. I did not know him personally. He was just another face on a big ship but it is because of him, I am here… and his wife and son will never see him alive again!"

Kate's frown deepened. "I don't understand."

"Ensign Nunez saved my life. He took the shot that was meant for me. I should have died on that ship, not him…"

A gasp escaped Kate's lips as she hurriedly placed her hand on his mouth, silencing him. "Please don't say anymore… "

"I have killed with my bare hands!" he cried out, looking away, disgusted with himself. "I killed the guards that captured and tortured us!"

"You didn't have a choice, Spock. It was either you or them," she told him. "And I'd rather have them killed than you."

"Kate, nothing can change the fact that I've taken life," he said quietly. "I'm afraid of what I've become."

"You're still Spock, the person I love," Kate declared, drawing him into a soft kiss. "And a good person…You feel that way because you have a conscience and a heart. There is hope for you, Spock. Think of all the good you can do by being alive."

They held on to each other as Spock drew strength and comfort from Kate. Suddenly, a colorful ball landed near Kate's feet -- she looked up and saw a little girl, about five years of age, running up to retrieve it. Kate took the ball and returned it to its owner.

"Thanks," the girl muttered gratefully and gave Spock a curious look. "Hi, who are you?"

"I'm Spock…"

"You're not like us," she commented innocently.

"No, I'm not," Spock affirmed the statement.

The little girl's eyes grew wide with amazement. "Why are you here?"

Spock looked at Kate and turned to the little girl. "I'm a visitor to your planet," he replied.

The girl appeared satisfied with the explanation and ran back to her family. Kate was gazing at him with a dreamy smile. "I didn't know you're a natural with kids, Spock."

He felt a tight knot in his chest. Her eyes were hinting at the possibility of a family and children.

"Do you plan to have children, Kate?" he asked.

"No… I mean yes, but not yet. Dancing is my life and I want to concentrate on that right now," she said blushing at the question. "Why do you ask?"

Spock swallowed a lump in his throat. How could she understand that hybrids like him belong nowhere? He was a stranger to his father's people and his mother's – he was too human to be Vulcan and too Vulcan to be human. There was also the possibility that he could not have children.

"A logical decision…" He added hesitantly, "Someday you will want a family and children… I want to be with you but I'm uncertain that I will be able to give you what you seek."

"You mean you can't have children?" Kate was horrified.

"Theoretically, it is not possible for a human and Vulcan to have an offspring. My conception and birth was not natural and my mother took a great risk even with Vulcan's advanced medical knowledge… Kate, I want you to prepare for the eventuality that we may never have any children."

*****

Kate pictured the family of five playing catch nearby, only it was she and Spock with their own children – adorable babies with dark hair and pointy ears. The dream began to slip away with Spock's revelation. Could she live with that? Could she live without Spock?

She was too preoccupied with her thoughts that she hadn't noticed that Spock had stood up and walked a little distance from her. He was silent, withdrawn as his eyebrows creased in a deep frown. He was every bit affected by this cruel reality as she was. A part of her yearned to say 'yes' but the other part refused to part with the wonderful dream. There was always the possibility that in the next few years, some medical advancement could give them hope. But she would not allow herself to think beyond the now.

Taking a deep breath, she went to him. Kate took Spock's tightly balled fists, loosening the fingers until his hands lay open in hers. "It's you I want, Spock. Nothing more…"

He tipped her chin so that she could see her twin reflections in his dark eyes. Then his eyes misted, blurring her reflections, making them one. Suddenly, he pulled her into a crushing embrace. "Kate –"

Another threshold had been crossed that day as they held each other and watched the last of the sun's rays set beyond the horizon. On their way back from Liberty Bay, Spock quietly inquired, "Will you come with me to San Francisco next week?"

She looked at him quizzically.

"It is my graduation …"

Kate reached out to hold his hand, giving it an affectionate squeeze. "Oh yes, of course, Spock. I'd love to."

That night, while she slept, Spock had been awake. Although, his nightmares have lessened, he had encountered another obstacle, one that was fundamental to his relationship with Kate, one that could ultimately tear them apart.

He had seen them in her thoughts – at first, he took no notice but Kate had carried with her those childish fantasies of alien beings to adulthood, perhaps due to her father's influence. The emotions between human and Vulcan could never be pure – he had seen how his mother had suffered and made allowances for his father in a world so vastly different from hers. Whether they sought out their demons or salvation, the other would always remain just that; menacing, alien and apart. Kate was a girl with beautiful aliens in her head, flattered by his attention, confused and alone, trying to create her own life. The love that she felt for him was tinged with misconceptions and her own needs. Each time a barrier was torn down, a few would crop up, separating them. There was a possibility that the novelty of dating an outsider would wane and she would yearn to be with her own kind again.


	15. Graduation

Chapter 15

Kate stared at the huge Starfleet logo hanging on the wall of the Academy entrance with its Latin words, "_Ex astris, scientia_" -- "from the stars, knowledge". This was where her father had spent his life teaching and living up to its ideals. Nine hundred cadets would graduate on May 26, 2254, many of them were in his class. She felt as if she had made a journey back through memory lane – her father's old room in the academia which was full of shelves and books, his desk and chair. She remembered being in that room, sitting on his lap as he read his journals and made notes. Everywhere she looked, memories of her father lingered. Now her father's room was no longer there. All his belongings were sent back to Connecticut after his death. The room belonged to another professor now.

"Kate?"

She turned around to see Spock approaching her, holding a brown box. He had gone to collect his stuff from a designated locker. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"Yes, it's just that I never thought I would come back here. I haven't stepped into this place since my mother died…" she said wistfully. "It brought back many memories."

"I didn't know it would upset you," he said but Kate shook her head.

"I'm fine, Spock," she smiled, indicating to her head and heart. "My father is right here and here. He'll always be with me. Now, will you show me the cafeteria? I heard the food there is excellent!"

Spock flinched slightly, making Kate laugh out loud.

The graduates and their families filed into the Starfleet Academy cafeteria for breakfast before the ceremony commenced. Meals were taken inside a graceful granite building whose arched ceilings, wide open windows, and natural lighting gave it a futuristic feel. Spock and Kate were seated in a corner with their trays of food. The stream of visitors to their table was constant as they congratulated Spock. Kate found that Spock was fairly well known among the instructors and his peers, especially the ladies. She felt a little disconcerted about the attention.

"Katherine! Katherine Watson, is that you?" a shrill voice called out.

Kate looked up and saw a lady in her fifties, waving her hand at her. She waved back thinking the lady looked familiar but it was almost 15 years ago that she hardly recognized anyone now. The woman approached the table and Spock half rose to greet her.

"Professor Kalomi, it is agreeable to see you," he said formally.

"Mister Spock," she smiled and turned her attention to Kate. "I see you have a guest – you must be little Kate, Tom's daughter. Oh, you look so much like your mother!"

"I'm sorry. Do I know you?" Kate asked uncertainly.

"We used to be neighbors on campus. I'm Martha Kalomi. You used to play with my daughter, Leila in our backyard pool," she said, sitting down with them.

"Err, how is Leila? What is she doing now?" Kate asked, her mind still struggling to put the pieces of her childhood together.

"She will be enrolling in the Academy in the fall," Martha said proudly. "Leila's going to be an botanist, like me."

"I see…"

"I'm so sorry to hear about your father, Kate. He was a good kind man and excellent instructor," Martha commented. "How are you coping?"

"I'm getting on with my life," Kate replied, smiling shyly at Spock.

Martha noticed their furtive glances. "So how long do you plan to stay in San Francisco? Where are you staying?"

"I'm staying at the Promenade Hotel for a few days."

A rumbling chatter echoed within the cavernous room until a clear, forceful voice, coming from a balcony above the main dining-room floor, quiets them. "Attention, graduation class of year 2254! The ceremony will begin tomorrow at 0900 hours, so please be punctual."

"Kate, please do come and visit if you have the time. Leila will be delighted to see you again," said Martha.

"Um, sure…"

Martha bade them goodbye as Kate sighed with relief. "That was really awkward. I have no recollection of the Kalomi family and I doubt Leila will remember me," mumbled Kate.

"Indeed," said Spock. "Shall we return to the hotel?"

"Yeah."

They stayed at a hotel which faced the iconic Golden Gate Bridge – it was fairly cozy suite with two separate rooms; each room had a large bed and a bathroom attached. Spock placed his box in the middle of the living room and sat down while Kate changed out of her formal attire. She was curious as to what Spock had in the box as she sat down beside him. "What do you have in there?"

His belongings included files, data pads, some computer discs and a few odd looking scientific devices. Spock answered all her questions regarding the devices with a simplicity that neither patronized nor bored. Then Kate noticed a triangular musical instrument by his side. "What is this?"

"This is a Vulcan lyre," explained Spock. "Here, take it."

"Are you really sure you want me to play this, Spock? I might break something that you can't mend," she said nervously as she carefully held the instrument.

"Yes," he agreed gravely. "I think you might well do eventually. No matter…It's a risk that must be taken."

Kate wondered whether he meant the lyre or something else entirely. Plucking the strings of the lyre, she was captivated by its sound – she had never heard of such distorted chords. Handing it back to Spock, she said, "Here, play something for me."

Softly at first, Spock began to play the lyre and sing in Vulcan. Kate was mesmerized by the haunting melody, transporting her to a place in her dreams. Though she did not understand the words, she was almost in tears when the song ended. Spock was watching her intently.

"It was beautiful and sad," she murmured. "What do the words mean?"

"It's an old heathen love song, a song of a man praising his lover's qualities and his hope to be bonded with her at the appointed time and place."

"How romantic!" Kate exclaimed in surprise. "I never thought Vulcans were capable of such poetry."

"It's one of the last known published works in Vulcan… almost three thousand years ago. In our quest to save our race from total annihilation, the Vulcan arts had been an inadvertent victim. The pursuit of logic caused a dearth in artistic creativity and imagination," explained Spock. "It is illogical to dwell on the past… would you like to revisit the sights and sounds of this city?"

"Yes," she replied, with slight surprise that Spock had planned out their evening.

They had a marvelous time exploring the city at night. As they were about to hail a hover cab back to the hotel, a group of young men stumbled out of a nearby bar, obviously too drunk to walk properly. Spock recognized them by the uniforms they wore – they were Starfleet cadets and he automatically stiffened at the sound of the first crude shout.

"_Hi there… pretty lady! Are you looking for a good time?"_

"_That's right, we're going to be shipped out soon and are lonely and in need of female companionship!"_

"_Shut up! Can't you see that she's with a date?" one of them argued._

"_Come on, let's go somewhere else…"_

"_No… maybe, the lady wants to join us… A couple of guys are definitely more fun than just one...who's that… a Vulcan? Why don't we ask her?"_

Spock quickly told her to get into the hover cab to avoid a confrontation. Kate obeyed without hesitation as the young men swaggered towards them. She turned back at the group and saw them laugh at their hasty exit. When they were safely out of sight, she found Spock tense and livid – his perfect evening had been ruined.

"I'm sorry the evening had to end this way," he said icily.

"Oh, it's not ruined at all," she replied. "I'm glad we got away. They were probably just having a good time before being shipped out into space."

"Their choice for amusement is deplorable and unbecoming of a Starfleet officer."

Kate was surprised. "I'm sure you have had your share of bar room brawls during your time at the Academy."

Spock looked affronted. "I have not!"

After that, he ignored her for the remainder of the journey, staring out the window in a brooding silence. When they returned to the hotel, he went straight to his room. Both of them knew that something had gone out of the evening. Kate hadn't meant to demean Spock by associating him with the bawdy behavior of the other cadets.

She knocked softly on his door and apologized, "I'm sorry, Spock. Can we forget the last few minutes and remember what came before?"

The door opened slowly as Spock appeared. "It is I who should apologize for my rudeness," he said softly. "Sometimes, I have trouble accepting what you humans have come to acknowledge as normal."

Kate reached up to touch his cheek. "You're so perfect that you frighten me sometimes," she admitted.

He clasped her hand with his. "I assure you that I'm flawed in many ways. It has been a rather long night, we should retire early."

"I understand… Good night, Spock," she said, a little disappointed by his rebuff.

"Good night, Kate."

She reached out and kissed him lightly on his lips and returned to her room.

*****

After taking in a commencement speech from the Federation Vice-President, and after tossing their caps in the air in the stadium, the newly minted officers would scatter to various colonies, starbases and starships.

Starfleet's newest warriors -- some pulled by patriotism; for others, a truly radical form of rebellion. Somehow, they held onto an inspiring, clear-eyed idealism or maybe a self-preserving denial. Everyone was optimistic about what lay ahead. Spock's mother had sent him a congratulatory message and wished him the best. "Your father and I are proud of you," she had said but he knew his father was anything but proud of his achievement.

There was much pomp and military ceremony at the Graduation Ball and it unnerved even the most patient of Vulcans. Kate didn't attend the ceremony, stating that she was tired and had stayed back at the hotel. Spock would have much preferred to return to the hotel and be with Kate than attend the event. Starfleet must however, dress up the pride of the fleet and parade them out for the bureaucrats. As soon as it was polite, Spock left the party and returned to the hotel.

When he opened the door, he noticed the lights in the suite were turned down low, the artificial fireplace burning brightly and there was soft music playing in the background. _What was Kate up to?_

Spock's eyes followed the trail of scattered rose petals to Kate's door and stopped, taking in the sight of Kate wearing one of his tunics. It hung off her frame two or three sizes too big and it just barely covered the swell of her bottom. Lust and desire coursed through him when he realized she was nude underneath.

"Good evening, Ensign Spock."

He walked tiredly towards her when she opened her arms. She teased him terribly with her kisses. He growled and buried his face in her neck nipping at the sensitive skin behind her ear. She sighed in ecstasy and held onto him tightly. Spock slid his hands up to her hips and tugged at the fastenings of the tunic, letting it slip from her shoulders to the ground.

"You are so beautiful," he murmured as he admired her nude body in the firelight.

Putting a hand out for him she led him towards the bedroom and beneath the covers. Spock looked at her and understood that she was giving him full permission to explore whatever he wanted. Hesitantly, he knelt between her legs and slowly, massaging the length of her legs with long languorous strokes, from her upper thighs down to her ankles. Then he focused on the feet, kneading her heels and toes. He peppered her legs with kisses from the back of her knees to her inner thighs. Kate was making soft keening sounds as he tentatively spread her legs further apart. He could see that she was sexually aroused. Spock paid attention to her body language with every caress he experimented. His lips settled on the right hipbone, which he guessed it was her least erogenous spot in the whole area. His mouth slowly ventured away from that relatively uninteresting zone to the place where she wanted to be touched.

Kate gave a cry of approval, arching her back as he slipped a finger inside her moist folds. The softer his touch, the more powerful was her reaction. However, when his mouth replaced his fingers, everything changed. The harder he sucked at her, his tongue lapping over her pulsating nub, the more passionate was her reaction. Her body started trembling and an explosive orgasm hit her. Kate was still throbbing wildly as he offered constant stimulation, riding wave upon wave of ecstasy.

"Spock, I want you," she begged with lust-filled hysteria.

"Soon, my love," he whispered back.

*****

Kate thought she would pass out from the intensity of his ministrations. Still recovering from the sexual high, Kate watched dazedly as Spock got up and undressed. His uncanny coolness surprised her but his erection strained painfully against the fabric of his pants.

'Control,' she thought impatiently. 'He seems so infuriatingly in control.'

The smell of sex hung heavily in the air when he returned to her bed. In perfect harmony, they moved, mouths crashing in a desperate kiss, a slick taste of her on his lips. His hands traveled from the meld-points on her face to fondle her pert breasts. Pleasure, like warm liquid chocolate spread all over her body and pooled between her thighs. Kate unconsciously wrapped her legs around his waist, begging him to take her. She closed her eyes again and allowed her body to be transported in another dimension by the sheer delight of the steady friction as he pushed inside her with one solid stroke, filling her completely. Kate rocked against him and called out his name as she came many times over.

Spock came soon after, spilling into her, emptying his entire soul into this slim vessel beneath him.

*****

In the dimly lit room, Spock nestled his head to her breast. Gently stroking his hair, she said, "Spock, I hear that Vulcans have a longer lifespan than humans…"

"That is true…the average Vulcan can live up to two hundred years," he explained.

"That's a long time."

"Yes, it is."

She paused and Spock sensed that something was bothering her. He waited for her to continue.

"Spock, when I die… will you take another companion?"

"It is to be expected."

Kate suddenly sat up on the bed and drew her knees to her chest. "I wish I could live that long so you'll love only me," she muttered with a sad laugh. "By then, I'll be so wrinkled and grey you won't even want to look at me."

Spock admired her smooth naked back and firm posterior. She was beautiful -- he could never think of her any other way. "The fact remains that I will live longer than you and I will have other partners," he said gravely. "That does not mean that I will feel the same way about them as I feel for you."

He moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "Kate, you'll always be my first and only love," he whispered into her ear.

Alluding to her whimsical fantasy, he added, "And perhaps, you'll be tired of me in two hundred years."

Kate turned to him and smiled. "With nights like this, I'll never be tired of you," she teased him.

Spock raised an eyebrow as Kate pushed him back down on the bed, laughing elatedly as she straddled him, warm and eager to continue where they left off. Such was his Kate, the untameable tempest of passion so strong that it swept him away.

*****

Kate stretched languidly on the bed the next morning, feeling completely loved as she propped her head on one elbow, watching her lover move around in the bathroom. The thought of him shipping out in a few days did not evoke so much of anger, or hurt, not of resignation, but of acceptance... that this was what her life would be, if she decided to be with Spock -- moments of joy punctuating the loneliness of the years ahead. Or maybe not.

"Good morning, Kate," Spock said, interrupting her thoughts.

"Hi. You're up early."

He sat next to her on the bed, dressed in his Starfleet uniform. "It is already 1100 hours," he pointed out to her.

Kate groaned in protest – she hadn't realized it was that late. "I just want to lie here all day and not move," she said lazily, burrowing deeper into the covers.

"I have a matter to sort out at Starfleet Command," he said as he sat next to her. "A vacancy has just opened up at the Academy. They need an instructor for Computer Programming and I believe I have the requisites necessary to fill that post."

Her eyes lit up. "Spock, it's wonderful! That means you will stay here… on Earth!" she proclaimed happily.

_And with you, Kate,_ he thought. "It won't take long. I'll be back in one hour."

"Good, I will meet you in the hotel lobby in one hour," Kate whispered as they kissed.

*****

Spock went to Starfleet Command with the sole purpose of submitting his application for this post. He was about to complete his submission when he heard his name announced over the intercom. Commander Nogura, the Chief of Staff had wanted to see him.

"Ensign Spock," Commander Nogura said, gesturing to the chair in front of him. "Congratulations on your graduation yesterday. Please have a seat."

When Spock was seated, the Commander continued, "I have been following your progress closely. Have you decided on your assignment, Ensign?"

"Not yet, sir… I believe all Starfleet graduates have till the end of the month to make a decision. Has anything changed?"

"No, nothing has changed. It surprises me that you didn't take up Captain Pike's offer for reassignment to the Enterprise immediately. You're not seriously thinking of a ground assignment, are you?"

"Why not? The Academy needs qualified instructors," countered Spock.

"True," Nogura agreed benignly. "It would have been what your father would have wanted for you."

Spock's eyes narrowed. "What has my father to do with my choice of assignments with Starfleet?"

"I'll be honest with you, Spock. I received a rather scathing letter from the Ambassador blaming Starfleet for the gross mishandling of your incident with the Orions. We managed to avert a diplomatic row… Your father had made it very clear about Vulcan abhorrence to the use of weapons in space missions, despite our assurances that the Federation ideals were upheld in all our missions. He did not want you to be assigned on a starship."

Spock seethed inside but kept his expression neutral in front of the Commander. _How dare Sarek interfere with his career?_

"As a father, I can understand where Sarek is coming from but I also know that you are capable of making your own decisions. Some people are meant for ground duty, and some should be out there in space. Your qualifications are better suited for missions. Think about it, Spock."

"I will," he replied tightly.

"Fine," Nogura responded. "I'll look forward to hearing from you."

Spock walked out of the commander's office still clutching the application papers for the instructor's position at the Academy. It was an outrage that his father would go to such lengths to engineer his career with Starfleet! As he was about to leave the Command premises, still deep in thought, he overheard a few officers discussing amongst themselves.

"_Have you heard about the USS Lexington?"_

"_Yeah, five crew members were killed when their ship was attacked by a Romulan cruiser…blasted a hole in E Deck."_

"_It's just tough luck… They probably didn't know what hit them."_

The Enterprise would be heading in the direction of the volatile Neutral Zone. The ship's crewmen would be relying on his knowledge and experience as they venture into the unknown, crewmen whose faces flashed across his mind and names he remembered. Had he deliberately abandoned them?

*****

While waiting for Spock, Kate decided to have a drink at the bar. It was nearly noon and she came face to face with Kevin Delaine.

"Kevin, what a pleasant surprise," she said as she gave him a hug. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Wow, Kate. You look fabulous," he said as he kissed both her cheeks.

Kate blushed at his compliment. "Thank you. What are you doing here?"

"I'm doing volunteer work with a children's charity this summer," he told her. On seeing her puzzled look, he continued, "The Little Angels' Foundation is having a charity performance right here in this hotel and I'm playing for them."

"That's wonderful! Is Bridget here with you?"

"No, she is visiting relatives in Iowa," Kevin stated. "I gather you're not here alone."

"I, um… I'm waiting for someone. Please have a seat and tell me about your project," she said. They were chatting animatedly about Kevin's charity reach-out project until a voice interrupted them.

"Kate?"

She was so engrossed with her conversation with Kevin that she had forgotten that Spock had appeared by her side.

"Oh, let me introduce my boyfriend, Spock…Spock, this is Kevin Delaine. He is also a student at the Conservatory and an accomplished pianist," she said, grinning widely. "Spock is a Starfleet officer."

Kevin shot her a look of surprise. "Kate, this is _him_? I thought he was… I didn't know… you didn't…"

_Shut up! Oh, Kevin could be so tactless at times…_

"Yes, Spock is a Vulcan," she quickly added, scowling at Kevin.

"Pleased to meet you, Spock." Kevin finally got the message as he held out his hand but Spock ignored it. Instead, he lifted his hand in a stiff Vulcan salute. Kate sensed a certain coldness in him. Like rivals eyeing her as the prize, the men stood sizing each other at the bar. Sensing that all was not going well, Kate attempted to diffuse the situation.

"Kevin's here for a charity performance. Isn't that nice?" Kate beamed with pride.

"Indeed," Spock replied curtly.

"I never thought I would bump into Kate here. I guess I was lucky," he commented, giving Kate a smile.

Spock looked at the both of them suspiciously. "Vulcans do not believe in luck."

There was an awkward silence then, Kevin muttered that he still had some things to do. "By the way, if you're interested in helping out or attending the performance, the show is tomorrow night."

"That would be impossible. Kate and I are returning to Connecticut in the morning," Spock returned stonily, his tone perhaps slightly more harsh than his norm as he edged a step closer to Kate. "Have you forgotten Kate?"

"I'm so sorry… I must be enjoying myself too much to notice," said Kate apologized. "Anyway, good luck to you."

Kevin waved at them as he disappeared through the side passage. When he had gone, Kate turned around and glared at Spock. "What was that all about?"

"That was your friend, Kevin Delaine," he replied evasively.

"No, I meant the way you acted around him…"

"I was being pleasant," he protested.

"You were rude and downright uncivil! He is a good friend and you behaved as if you were going to snap his head off!"

Spock glared back. "You would like to think that he was just a friend but that is not what he thought of you!"

"Really? Did you read his thoughts?"

Kate was thrown by his next statement. "I do not need to read his thoughts! I can tell by his body language and by the way he speaks to you that that he desires you. And you desire him too…"

Before she could think, her hand landed a hard slap on Spock's cheek. "How dare you!"

Kate stomped out of the bar angrily, avoiding the worried looks of the other customers. She was shaken by Spock's observation of them; she had tried not to think about Berlin and their kiss. Kevin belonged to Bridget and she belonged to Spock – Kate refused to allow Spock to cast doubt into their tenuous friendship. Hadn't she given herself to Spock, devoted her time to his pursuits, even to the point of abandoning all hope for a family and children? What more did he want of her? Wasn't her love enough?


	16. Heartbreak

Chapter 16

Not wanting to return to the hotel so soon, Kate found herself in another bar frequented by Starfleet personnel called the Ruby Bar. It was a typical country and western joint that played honky tonk music. At a far corner, some customers were playing pool.

Kate walked up to the counter and told the fat bartender,"Vodka lime, please."

This brightly lit joint was alive with music, laughter and goodwill. However, Kate was feeling glum – she just had her first lovers' quarrel with Spock. It was nothing to be proud of. Her fiery temper had just made things worse.

"Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards?" a stranger asked as he took a seat next to hers at the long bar. She immediately recognized him as one of the drunken cadets that she and Spock had encountered the other night. Close up, he was rather good looking with smiling blue eyes and light brown hair.

But Kate was not in the mood for conversation as she threw him a look that told him to leave her alone but he chose to ignore it.

"You get back your farm, your pickup and your girl. In that order…" he drawled and laughed at his own joke. "Doctor Leonard McCoy, ma'am..."

"Kate Watson."

"Can I buy you a drink, Kate?"

"If you want," Kate shrugged, emptying her glass of vodka lime.

"Vodka lime for the lady," he said to the bartender. "So Kate, what's your story?"

"Are you implying that I lost something, Dr. McCoy?" she inquired. "For your information, I did _not_ lose anything."

"Call me, Leonard, please… What is a pretty girl like you doing here alone?"

"It's my business," she told him firmly.

"Well, this place gets kinda crowded if you wanna be alone," he commented. "I'm a good listener."

Kate reminded him. "I'm not one of your patients."

"I'm sorry… I just can't help it," he apologized. "I guess it's becoming a habit for me."

They looked at each other solemnly for a beat, then burst out laughing. As the night wore on, Kate and Leonard found they had a lot to say to each other. Their conversation ranged from current events, to Starfleet, to their lives. Leonard told Kate about Starfleet Medical and Kate told him about her performance in Berlin. Kate found the conversation with the ebullient doctor quite refreshing. The realization caught her off guard, leaving her feeling confused. Why couldn't she easily bridge the gap with Spock? Even though, Spock had become knowledgeable of human customs and behavior, he would always be a stranger to her.

"I don't suppose you might be interested in a nightcap at my place?" Leonard suggested.

Kate smiled and politely declined. "Gosh, look at the time. I should be getting back now. Thanks for the conversation and the drinks."

"It's my pleasure."

Kate dialed a cab. "Yes, I'd like a pickup: Ruby Bar. Thank you."

She rose from the bar to get her coat.

"Are you sure you can make it back to the hotel?" he asked, noting that she had consumed five shots of vodka lime that evening. Leonard actually sounded genuinely concerned.

"Yes, thank you for asking. This is not my first time in a bar. I'm perfectly capable of getting myself home," she replied with a smile.

"I've no doubt about that. You're a pretty amazing woman, Kate. Whatever that was on your mind, don't worry… it will work itself out," he told her.

_I wish I had your confidence…_

Kate pondered his words carefully and looked up at him. "Good night, Leonard."

He smiled. "Good night, Kate."

She returned to the hotel room and stared at the closed door that led to Spock's room. Kate sighed -- she didn't know what to say to him. Feeling a headache coming on, she went straight to her room to lie down.

*****

The door to Kate's bedroom was slightly ajar when he decided to see her. But she was asleep in her bed, facing away from him. He came in and stood at the bed's edge. He wanted to reach out to wake her but then balled his hand up into a fist and pulled it back. Spock turned abruptly and left the room.

Kate belonged to the world of spotlights and applause. He had to accept that there would always be young men who admired her. Kevin Delaine was disgustingly good looking, fashionable and talented. His sincerity shone out of honest eyes that were nicely set in smooth and regular features. He saw them -- the way Kevin watched her mouth as she spoke, laughed at her jokes and smiled at her, the intimacy of their conversation was evidence of an admirer. Spock tried to govern his irrational jealousy but he couldn't and Kate's refusal to acknowledge Kevin's intentions made him lash out and hurt her.

Spock could have left them alone but every instinct was telling him to rush into that bar and demand an explanation. Kate was not yet bonded with him and as such, did not belong to him. He paced back and forth in the lobby, every muscle and nerve stretched tautly. A part of him knew it was illogical to feel this way. Too long. He had to walk in there and make his presence known.

"_Really? Did you read his thoughts?"_

Kate's accusation had stung and Spock was put on the defensive. He did not mean a word he had said but it was too late. When she had gone, Spock just sat in the hotel room thinking about the mess he had made. His relationship with Kate and his career were at crossroads and he did not know what to do.

He wanted to be with Kate, more than ever but logic dictated that his first thoughts should not be of his own welfare, his needs but the good of the starship, its crew and the highest ideals of the Federation. There was more at stake than just personal glory – it was what he lived for. If he chose his career, then he had to let Kate go. Spock didn't want to saddle her with regret and sadness for the rest of her life – she needed someone to care for her, someone who would be there for her and Spock wanted to be that person but he knew he could not. For his own self-preservation and for Kate's future, he had to end their relationship even though he knew she was ready to forsake all to stay with him at last. Spock contacted Starfleet Command and confirmed his assignment on the Enterprise.

*****

_Parted from me and never parted, never and always touching and touched, I await you…_

_Spock found himself back on Vulcan -- sky, ground, all shades of hot orange-red. He was standing in an area marked out by stone structures which he recognized as the place of koon-ut-kali-fee. A wedding? Then he heard the jingling sound of bells signaling the arrival of the bride. It was not T'Pring, his betrothed behind the silver gauze veil – it was Kate!_

_Kate looked breathtakingly beautiful in a white-silver Vulcan wedding dress, her hair loosely tied up and braided in Vulcan style. She did not acknowledge his presence as she looked down. The Vulcan priestess instructed Spock to strike the gong. He hesitated before striking it, confused by the circumstances that had brought them here as the echo reverberated across the desert sands._

_Spock and Kate were made to kneel in front of each other and touched two fingers together. The priestess raised her arms and said, "What ye are about to witness comes down from the time of the beginning without change. This is the Vulcan heart. This is the Vulcan soul. This is our way. What have ye to say, Spock? Are ye ready to take this human woman as your wife?"_

_This is not real, he told himself. It was only a dream, a dream of a life that he wanted to share with Kate. _

_What would he say to her in a moment like this?_

_Taking her hand into his and ignoring the rehearsed vows, Spock lifted her bowed head with the other hand and stared into her startled eyes. There was no doubt that he desired her, loved her and the sacred scriptures of Surak did not adequately convey his feelings for the woman in front of him. It took him a while to gather his thoughts. Perhaps one day, he would be able to express the words that he wanted her to hear in reality.  
_

"_Kate, my beloved, my soul mate, t__oday my life begins," he told her. "Today I become a man. Today I become a husband. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself. Today I become accountable to you -- to our future, to all the possibilities that a marriage has to offer. Together, no matter what happens, I shall be ready for anything, for everything. Together, we will take on life, take on love. Today Katherine Ashanti Watson, our life together begins. And I, Spock for one cannot wait."_

_Then he looked at Kate-- there were tears in her eyes and her mouth quivered._

"_Spock…"_

Spock woke up from his lucid dream and was deeply moved by its images. It was a sign that even though what Spock and she had could not continue, deep down he still wanted and loved her. He had wanted for their relationship to work – they had been through so much together. Almost by instinct, he could sense that she had stirred from her sleep and recognized her silent footfalls on the carpeted floor next door. She appeared a little while later, with her suitcase packed and ready to check out of the hotel. Her expression was almost sad.

"Kate, I owe you an apology for my rather blunt and rude behavior yesterday towards your acquaintance...Mr. Delaine," Spock began hesitantly.

"Can I show you something?" Kate asked after a pause. When he nodded, she took out her cell phone and pressed the camera folder. She showed Spock the images of Kevin and Bridget holding and kissing each other, faces smiling animatedly at the camera.

"Kevin belongs with Bridget. They are the two most wonderful friends I have," she said. "You have no idea how much they had helped me through the months when you were missing. And no, I'm not attracted to him as you accused me yesterday. Even if I am, I'm not going to hurt you or Bridget."

Kate leaned forward and hugged him. "Do you believe me, Spock?" she mumbled into his chest.

He was silenced, numbed and made utterly hopeless by her revelation. Suddenly, he saw that his outburst yesterday had all been for nothing. In the end, he could only reply brokenly, "Yes."

She seemed satisfied with his answer as a smile brightened her face. "I think it's time we leave this place."

As the shuttle headed back to Connecticut, Spock did not know what to say to her. His words, which had seemed so real in his mind was caught in his throat and were lost as silence separated them. Back at Kate's home, whenever they spoke, they spoke of small things, each unable to discuss much that didn't feel like an effort. Sooner than later, they would have to talk about the bigger issues – their careers, their future, their relationship.

"I can't wait for us to start our life together," she suddenly told him as they settled into each other's arms. Her words struck him right at the heart and he looked away.

"Do you know that I can tell whether a couple is suited for each other just by watching them move on the dance floor?" she said, grinning widely as she reached for the remote and turned on the music.

"It is not logical," he told her. "I do not dance. I never dance."

But Kate just smiled. "Take off your shoes," she instructed as she slipped out of her own. "I'd like to spare my toes."

"How about sparing me?"

Kate stood firm as she shook her head, pulling him up from the sofa. "I want you to dance with me, Spock. I've always wanted you to dance with me… Resistance is futile."

Spock sighed, then pulled off his shoes and walked over to her. But he was unsure what to do with his hands.

"Just give me your left hand..."

And as she took his left hand with her right, she said, "Put your other hand on my waist, like this... and just feel the music… follow me."

Spock looked into her eyes and she smiled back. "See… you're a natural," she commented.

They moved slowly around the living room with Kate guiding him. "Hey, it's important to make eye contact with your partner," she said when she saw him look away.

"Anything else I should know?"

Kate blushed. "You might want to hold me closer," she suggested.

Both of Spock's arms encircled her waist drawing her closer to him as she put her arms around his neck. She pulled back a bit to look him in the eye. "Look at us... we are a team. A dance team, at least," she said.

Sensing that he was preoccupied with something, Kate looked up at him. "You're so far away, Spock. Something is bothering you. What is it?"

_Nothing ever escapes you, my love…_

Kate looked so happy and he did not want to spoil this evening. "Can we dance some more?" he asked half-heartedly.

"Yes, I'd like that," she replied as she laid her head on his shoulder.

Spock closed his eyes and allowed her warmth to comfort him once more. The night passed blissfully -- it was how he wanted to remember their last night together. By morning, Spock decided it was time to tell her the bitter truth. "Kate, we need to talk," he said as she came down the stairs.

They stared at each other across the room as Spock broke the news of his departure to her.

"Five years?" she echoed uncertainly. "Aren't there any starships that stayed close to Earth? Surely, you could be reassigned to one of them."

He knew what she was thinking – the three months that he had gone missing and the agony of waiting, hoping for a clue that he could be alive. He would spare her the pain.

"I am a Starfleet officer. My duty takes precedence over all other consideration. There are bigger things in this life than what I want and what I love," he told her plainly. "I'm asking you not to wait for me. I'm asking you to walk away, Kate."

She recoiled from him, and it broke his heart to see the horror in her eyes. Her trust was gone as was her belief in him and he hoped that she would save them both further pain by leaving. Yet she did not, nor did she turn from him.

"What are you saying? You're going to break up with me, aren't you?" her voice was shaky but clear.

Maintaining a blank expression, he said, "It's not logical for us to continue this relationship. I'm ending this so that you can have a life."

"My life is with you!"

"It is not the life you want. If you stay with me then I'm no different from Cal," he told her severely. "Your future is not with me."

Kate shook her head vehemently. "You think what's happened to us happens to just anybody? What we feel for each other? How much we feel? Some people search their whole lives for it and end up alone -- most people don't even think it exists and you're going to tell me that giving it up is the right thing to do?"

"We are the choices we've made, Kate."

"Surely, there must be another way!"

"There is no other way," he told her. "Our paths are separate."

Spock kept his cool with her emotional outburst. He knew then that if he could remain strong through this time, this brief moment then there was nothing that could do to break him. No threat of pain, torture, or death could move him. He felt as if he was invincible and, at the same time, like the human part of him had died. He started to leave and as he turned to go, he saw Kate looking at him, pleading with her eyes – _I don't want you to go! Please don't go…_

"Spock! You have a right to walk out that door but you should also know that I won't be here when you return –" she threatened wildly. "Spock, don't walk away from me! I love you!"

He kept on walking as he crossed out of the room silently closing the door behind him. A realization dropped like a stone shattering his calm – a realization that he would never hold her again, would never feel her gentle caresses, her feverish kisses against his skin, her body trembling beneath his. Her cries of love would never be for him again --

_I love you, Kate. I love you more than you will ever know. But it is not meant to be. We are not meant to be. So I leave for the farthest regions of space and I hope that you can find some peace here on Earth. There was no way to undo the damage that had been done this day. If I could not find it in my heart to forgive myself, you certainly could not be expected to._

_We are meant to lose the people we love, it's how we know how important they are to us…_

At last, Spock could be the Vulcan and officer that Starfleet needed.

*****

He was gone.

Kate just stood there, in the middle of the room. Time seemed to stop when Spock left her, his response still echoing in her ears, still echoing in her heart. She felt frozen, like a proud statue, beautiful yet deprived of all life.

"_We are the choices we've made, Kate."_

Suddenly, her legs gave out on her and she sank down in tears. In the darkened room, Kate sat holding her knees to her chest, too tired to cry anymore. She had no impulse, her soul vacant as she hung limp and lifeless in a void. She might have been like that for a day or a month. It might have been a century. It didn't matter anymore. There was only an absolute and all-consuming numbness, like her heart had stopped feeling to spare her any more pain, and now lay dead and useless inside her.

_Why? Why? WHY?_

Spock had been gentle and affectionate toward her, always ready to put aside whatever he was doing and devote himself to her interests. But there was a distance in his manner, an intrinsic serenity that always seemed to exclude her from his inner thoughts. Somehow the harder he tried to make her happy, the more convinced she became that Spock never really loved her. If he truly did, he would have fought for her and fought for what they shared. An aching sadness returned which she knew would never leave her. Perhaps in time, she would feel the sense of release and there would no longer be any bitterness, hatred or anger left.

*****

Christmas lights glittered above her in a decadent dig in New York Metropolis. The only reason Kate came back was because of her brother's wedding. Mark decided to hold the wedding reception at their house in Connecticut – it was decorated with fairy lights and the garden was scattered with rose petals and lavender. Tradition dictated that Kate should be one of the maids of honor and she accepted the role without fuss. Like an ice queen, she stood beautiful and cold as she watched her brother and his bride exchange their wedding vows. The newlyweds had gone off for their honeymoon, leaving Kate alone again. Seated at her dressing table, she stared at her reflection without seeing it. Suddenly, a magazine article caught her eye – it was a review of a new club in New York Metropolis. It was the place to be seen, a place where nobody knew her. Kate decided that she would go there.

Kate sat down at a table for one as the waiter poured a glass of champagne for her. All around her, she saw couples and families in love. Very much alone, a tear rolled down her cheek as she sipped her drink amid the polite clanking of cutlery and plates. Suddenly, she caught a glimpse of a man in a long robe, dark hair and pointy ears standing in the far corner talking to a group of people. Deep in her chest, she felt a spark of life suddenly return to her heart, reviving it from its pained death, and eager to make her feel again. She rushed towards the group and touched the robed stranger.

"Spock!"

The Vulcan turned around and gave her a curious stare. "Do I know you?"

He was not Spock, he was just another Vulcan. Embarrassed by her outburst, she mumbled a hasty apology and walked away. It had been two years since Spock broke up with her. Why did she still feel like he was coming back to her?

_Why does it hurt so much_? she begged, willing an answer from anywhere.

Kate stumbled out of the restaurant onto the sidewalk and suddenly, she stopped in her tracks, hypnotized by the passing people and hover cars, trying to think of why a reasonably sane woman would go about acting like the universe had just collapsed around her.

_He is not coming back…Let him go…_

Her mind had been telling her what her heart refused to believe. A surge of anger overcame her as she felt her grief recede, dispersing beneath the rage. Enough was enough!

She was not going to slide into nothingness and obscurity. She was going to stop pining for a lost love. So Kate did what Spock told her to... to live the life she wanted. After all, she was only going to be young once...

It was then that Kate set on a path to fulfill her life ambitions. At times, the fatigue was so great that her body cried, even in its sleep. There were times of complete frustration and daily small deaths as she grew as a dancer. Kate was as good as she was ever going to be. For five years after her graduation, she joined renowned ballet companies and she danced on stages everywhere... London, Prague, Vienna, Moscow… It was a glorious career. Then she moved around the world to learn new dances, gaining greater artistic freedom and even got involved in many theatrical works.

This was her life now -- a tumultuous crash of screaming, pushing bodies as her luxurious hover car arrived at the Royal Opera House in London. Arms stretched out, cameras flashing, microphones being thrust forward, a deafening cacophony, "Kate! Kate! Over here! Over here! This way, Kate!"

She stared out from the vehicle at the blur of hands and faces. Excited fans thrust forward to catch a glimpse of her, a mass chanting "Kate! Kate! Kate!" as she exited unto the red carpet. Her entourage and bodyguards accepted some of the items given by her fans. Kate waved graciously at the crowds and entered the opera house.

There were lots of people in her dressing room – designers, make-up artists, hairdressers and manicurists all abuzz with excited chatter. Hands were stacking flowers, good luck messages, cards and cables by the mirror. Through the blur and bustle, Kate moved with grace and calmness as she focused on her performance tonight.

*****

**Author's Note**: This is probably the hardest chapter to write. sigh!


	17. Iowa Adventures

Chapter 17

**Author's Note**: Guess who makes a guest appearance here!

*****

There was a loud buzzing sound as the iron gates to Kate's mansion swung open. Bridget Potter, now Mrs. Kevin Delaine drove her old hover car up the winding drive through heavily landscaped grounds. The mansion stood at the top of the hill. It was a huge as Bridget stared at the large wooden front door. She rang the doorbell and waited for someone to appear. After a few minutes, an android appeared.

"Bridget Potter to see Miss Watson," she said.

"Yes, she is expecting you. Come in, please."

She followed the android through a long corridor towards a room located at the back of the mansion. It was large and comfortable with plenty of seating, a bar, a wall of stereo gear and a projection booth. It was packed with people, props and video equipment. There was lots of activity, a general air of barely-organized chaos as music blared from speakers. In front of her were a group of three dancers, rehearsing an energetic dance number, directed by their choreographer. Sunlight threw them in a silhouette against the glass wall at the end of the room. A video cameraman circled them, filming the rehearsal, which appeared on a large-screen behind them. Bridget was impressed by the sheer elaborate set up, compared to her simple dance studio in London.

"Bridget!" a familiar voice called out to her.

She turned and saw the ethereal Kate Watson, superstar and her friend came rushing to her. "I was wondering when you might show up!"

"Thanks for inviting me here. I've never been to this part of Italy before," Bridget said with a smile as they hugged. "You have a beautiful mansion!"

"I was doing a performance in Milan and I just fell in love with this place. So I decided to make it my home," Kate replied. "Enough of me, how is Kevin and the kids? Gosh, I haven't seen them in almost a year!"

"Lisa and Ben are fine and they miss their famous aunt."

Bridget pulled her into a quiet corner of the room. "Kate, when you called me last night, you sounded troubled… what's going on?"

Kate suddenly laughed. "Did I? Well, nothing's wrong with me. I guess I was just feeling sentimental. Look, I've got to go… I have an appointment in five minutes. We'll talk tonight, just like old times. Promise?"

Bridget nodded.

"Great!" Kate exclaimed. Then turning to her assistant, she said, "Cameron, please see that Ms. Potter is well taken care of. She will have the Turkish room."

Cameron replied smoothly. "Of course, Kate..."

Bridget soon found out why it was called so – an entire wing of the mansion had been transformed into a Turkish harem! Clear, fresh water ran down blue marbled gulleys in the gardens, flowing to a white marble fountain that always spilled over. Every window was like a frame for a picture, they were designed to make a person stop, look and marvel. Every window frame was like white-work embroidery – the stucco was so fine, so delicate, like sugar-work by confectioners, not like anything real. Bridget was sure she would never tire of looking through the white stucco tracery to the view of the plain beyond, the Apennines, the blue sky and golden hills. Her room had luxurious floor cushions, a large antique bed with silk screens and an oval shaped mosaic-tiled sunken bath.

On fine sheets Bridget lay, half-drunk with sensual pleasure under the golden ceiling where the star-shaped openings admit dazzling rays of sunlight into the shadowy peace of the place. One girl manicured her toes while another worked on her hands, shaping the nails and painting delicate patterns on them. Another woman plucked her eyebrows and painted her eyelashes. Bridget felt like a princess, with all the riches of Turkey and all the luxury of the East.

Bridget was informed that there would be a party tonight and she was invited as Kate's special guest. She was given a pretty evening dress to wear and shoes to match. Kate always knew what suited her best as she put them on and walked out confidently to the party.

In the ballroom, the party was in full swing – it was crowded, smoky and noisy. Fireworks lit up the sky outside the windows and guests clapped. The guests were a mixed bag of upscale party-goers: women in party dresses, men in open shirts, mostly entertainers, models and actors. A Russian pianist was playing on stage while smartly dressed waiters worked the room with platters of canapés and wine. But Kate was nowhere to be found and it worried Bridget.

She finally found Kate huddled in a balcony chair in a secluded corner. The bright moonlight illuminated her as she looked out into the night. She was wearing one of her spectacular show gowns, her hair had been brushed, and her stage makeup had been applied. But tonight, she looked tired and less like a superstar.

"Kate?"

Bridget gave her a pitiful look. Tears were destroying her elaborate stage makeup. She hastily wiped them away with her hand. "Bridget," she attempted a smile but her voice cracked. She stopped and tried to compose herself. "I'm sorry. I'm a total wreck tonight but I'm glad you're here."

Kate got up from her chair and grabbed a hypo-spray from the table. Bridget stopped her before she injected it into her arm. "What are you doing Kate?" she said in alarm.

"Don't worry, Bridget. This is only a doctor's prescription… helps me sleep," Kate explained.

"…Since when?"

"I don't know… maybe the last three months or so… "

"You're heading for a nervous breakdown, Kate. Drugs won't help you," said Bridget gravely. "I want to take you away for a while, away from all these excesses."

Kate began to wring her hands agitatedly. "No, I can't… I have performances, interviews lined up…"

"Hey, look at me," Bridget said, drawing her face to hers. "You're drowning from all the pressure you put on yourself. You called me because subconsciously, you needed my help. Kate, come away with me…"

Kate stared at her and nodded with a sigh.

"Somewhere people don't know about."

She nodded again, agreeing.

*****

Kate sat in the hover car with Bridget as she drove to her mysterious destination. As their solitary vehicle hurtled along the road, Kate was overwhelmed by the silence and beauty of the scenery surrounding them – it was as if the earth and sky met with nothing in between. It was peaceful and quiet with farms and houses set far apart from each other.

"We're almost there," said Bridget, waking her from her nap.

Just beyond the rise was a breathtaking valley hidden from view only a few yards before. A large cattle ranch sat nestled in the valley, a few miles away. Kate was impressed. When Bridget said they were going to a place where people didn't know about, she had really meant it. Bridget still has an uncle and cousins living in Riverside, Iowa.

_No reporters, no photographers or fans_, Kate thought … _Cameron would have a fit!_

There were three men perched on various spots along the fence, watching the cattle as the hover car came to a halt in front of the house. Bridget jumped out and ran towards an elderly man with wispy white hair and smiling eyes. "Uncle Joe!"

"Bridget! How are Kevin and the kids?" he asked, hugging her.

"They are doing well."

"You've got to bring them over for Christmas… You know how your Aunt Mary misses them," Joe said.

"Yes, I will," Bridget promised and as the family gathered, she introduced Kate to them. "Uncle Joe, I want to introduce a friend. Kate… my uncle, Joe Peterson and his wife Mary, my cousin, Tim and… who are you?"

Bridget paused, not recognizing the fair haired stranger wearing a trucker hat and battered blue jeans.

"James T. Kirk … you can call me, Jim," he said with an air of breezy confidence as he shook hands with them.

"Jim is our neighbor… Remember the Kirk family?" Joe explained. "Jim is a Starfleet officer like his father was. Jim's on shore leave for a few days."

_A Starfleet officer!_

Kate was struck by his fighter-pilot cockiness and surfer-dude Zen. He was a contradiction to his surroundings yet so attuned to it. She had to suppress an urge to ask whether he knew Spock. It didn't matter anyhow, Kate decided. Spock was a part of her past.

"Yes, I remember now…We used to go swimming together in the river when we were kids," Bridget said as Jim blushed slightly.

"We had some very good times," he replied, flashing a smile.

"Come in… I know you all must be hungry after the long journey," said Mary.

Everyone gathered around the kitchen table. Jim, still wearing his hat, was eyeing Bridget and Kate with acute curiosity.

"Jim, take off the hat -- I'm not going to say it again." Joe swatted his head, part in jest and part serious.

Jim Kirk meekly obeyed as Mary put the last of the serving plates on the table -- pork chops, potatoes, gravy, peas, bread and a big bowl of mixed salad. As Kate reached out for a serving ladle she noticed everyone's head bowed slightly, except Jim's. He was watching her with a smile.

"Dear Lord, we are humbly thankful these gifts. For the blessings on our home, our family and our guests… Bless those that aren't as fortunate. Bless all God's creatures," Joe said in humble prayer.

"Amen."

Everyone began eating as Kate breathed a sigh of relief.

"Bridget here tells me that you're on vacation," Joe said, breaking the silence.

"Yes, that's right," she replied. Last night, Kate had left the mansion without telling Cameron or her entourage where she was headed. She would need to contact them later to tell them that she was all right. Kate was pleasantly surprised that they didn't seem to recognize who she was and was glad. To them, she was just Bridget's friend.

"Where are you from?" Mary asked.

"Connecticut… but I'm living in Italy now."

"Oh, Italy! I've always wanted to go there," Mary commented, exchanging a look with her husband as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"I suppose it can be arranged," said Kate to them.

Joe quickly changed the subject. "You know, we're branding here tomorrow. We just purchased new stock last month. If you two want to come by to watch or give a hand, you're welcome."

"Branding?" Kate's eyes widened as horrific images of cattle being tortured by a searing iron came to mind.

Jim chuckled. "I'll come and help."

"Uh, I have never... I think I'd just be in your way," stammered Kate.

"As long as you don't get in the way of the branding iron, it doesn't matter too much," Tim chipped in.

Kate smiled as she turned to Bridget, questioningly.

"It's like getting a tattoo, you know," Bridget said with a laugh.

Reluctantly, Kate nodded. "Okay."

That very evening, Kate managed to contact Cameron and told him where she was. He nearly blew his top when he heard her voice. "Where the hell are you?"

"Cam, relax... I'm fine."

"Just don't make this a habit, Kate. My heart can't take another blow like that again," he told her resignedly.

"Yes, I know. I'll be back soon. We'll keep in touch."

As she settled in for bed, Bridget asked, "How are you feeling, better?"

"Yes, very much and thanks for taking me away… I guess you can sense it when I'm in trouble," said Kate gratefully.

"Hey, what are best friends for?" Bridget quipped, lying on her bed. "Sometimes, I come here to get away from things, from life and just soak up the goodness of country living."

"I've never lived on a ranch before…"

"It certainly won't be your last," promised Bridget. "Things haven't changed much in this part of the country in over two hundred years."

*****

Early the next day, the air was starting to smell of scorched flesh. There was nothing but noise -- calves, separated from their mothers cried as they were moved out through a series of connected pens into a narrow chute, and then one by one into a holding pen. They were clamped and lowered sideways onto a table and given a shot, a yellow insect tag in one ear, branded, then sent back to their mother's. Friends and relatives from nearby farms came to help as well.

Kate and Bridget were standing by the railing, watching with a mixture of fascination and disgust. This was the way branding was done for almost two centuries. Nothing much changed around here. Jim moved in the feeder pen, waist deep in calves, moving them through the chute. He looked to Kate and shouted, "Hey, over there, you want to make yourself useful? Joe, I got you volunteers!"

It wasn't a question. Kate and Bridget realized, to their dismay that they had no choice.

Soon Kate lost herself in the experience, participating in the branding of calves. She was in the chute with the calves, shown how to hold the branding iron. Jim with his arms around her, showed her how to apply the brand. Kate was too frightened as she closed her eyes when the iron touched the calf's hide. The poor calf yelped for its mother.

"That's good... firm but gentle...It hurts but he'll get over it," Jim told her as she opened her eyes and saw her work. She smiled proudly.

Near the house, two long tables were pushed together to make one long one. A gentle breeze ruffled the tablecloth as everyone was seated for a meal. There was laughter and conversation as the women organized various plates of side dishes, wives getting to their children to sit still for dinner and filling their plates with food. The men were barbecuing at a large pit as Mary instructed Kate on the various sauces for the ribs.

Their faces were beautiful – people laughing and eating. Everyone was tanned and exhausted after a long day, but filled with life and eager to live it. The tables were covered with lots of food. Kate noticed that the communion at this table was as much a part of the ritual as the branding itself. Kate felt different --tanned from the sun, her body sore yet soft and vital, as if the artifice of urban life had been worn off.

"So how was your first day of branding?" Jim inquired.

"It feels liberating," she admitted.

Jim looked at her with a curious expression, and noticed she was shivering.

"You got too much sun today... " He took off his jacket and put it around her shoulders. "Here..."

"Thank you."

Then Joe picked up his fiddle and began to play a lively tune. One by one, the men led their partners around the fire and began to dance. Everyone was sitting around the campfire now. Another rancher was playing the guitar, singing along with Joe. They laughed when a lyric or a note that went wrong. Everyone was enjoying it.

Jim noticed Kate was by herself and crossed over to her side. He extended his hand and she hesitated, looking again to Bridget with Tim, then accepted the offer. His hand slid to her back as hers came to his shoulder. They began to move, their bodies closer than they had ever been.

"I hope you'll be staying a little bit longer," Jim said with a smile.

"I don't really know what Bridget has planned for me but I like it here. I think I'll stay for a few more days," she replied, feeling the stress lifting from her shoulders.

"Have you gone horseback riding before?" he suddenly asked.

"Yes, but it was a long time ago."

"Great! I could show you a few places in Riverside that are only accessible on horseback," he told her. Sensing her hesitance, he quickly reassured her. "Don't worry, it'll be fun."

She smiled back. Slowly, she leaned her head against his chest and closed her eyes, surrendering to the moment…

It had been a wonderful day.

*****

"Where are you taking me?" Kate grumbled.

She was annoyed that Bridget woke her up so early in the morning. Kate wanted to sleep some more after yesterday's hard work at branding calves. But Bridget had other ideas. "You'll see," she said mysteriously as they hiked up the woods behind the ranch.

"My uncle has a hunting lodge up here. I used to go there when I was a kid. If I know my Aunt Mary well, she has the place stocked up so we won't starve."

On top of a slight rise, surrounded on three sides by thick, rolling woods was a wooden cabin. Sloping gently down from the cabin was a broad expanse of lawn. Snow lay on the ground and in the trees.

"It's a perfect getaway," said Kate as they ran gleefully into the cabin and explored the surrounding area.

"I know my uncle keeps a stash of whiskey somewhere in here," said Bridget as she rummaged through the top of the glass-windowed cabinet. There were five bottles of whiskey there. "Here take one."

Bridget tossed one to Kate as they settled down by the fireplace after dinner. Kate reached for the bottle of Scotch and raised it to her mouth, drinking straight from the bottle.

"Remember the time when we played a trick on Natalia by switching off the water while she was in the shower?" laughed Bridget.

"Yeah, and she was so mad… her screams still ring in my ears," added Kate. "And then, there was the time when you caused a blackout in the auditorium so Kevin couldn't play that night…"

Bridget grinned cheekily. "It feels like it was just yesterday…"

"We had so much fun… we had so many hopes and dreams… how did we end up this way?" said Kate, taking another swig of the whiskey.

Sprawled on the floor cushions and staring at the ceiling, Bridget said, "I always knew that I would open my own dance studio and become a dance teacher. Marrying Kevin was the 'icing on the cake'. You were going to be a Starfleet officer's wife… and yet, here you are, rich and famous, every girl's dream idol and every man's wet dream!"

Kate laughed bitterly.

"They didn't tell me that being famous meant my life would be turned upside down with everyone clamoring for my attention every single minute. Sometimes, I wish…" Kate's voice trailed away as she sighed. _Regrets, all she ever had were regrets…_

"… that you weren't famous? Kate, stop saying you have no control over your life. If you hate your life so much, turn it around," Bridget insisted. "You've every right to live the life you want."

"It's not so simple."

"Yes it is. You can walk out anytime you want and the dance companies, producers and managers would be scrambling to have you back…"

Kate looked up into Bridget's face and tears started in her eyes. "I need my chaos, my hectic schedules, my fans… all of it is not going to last. More and more dancers emerge ready to take my place; younger, more beautiful, more talented…"

Shaking her head, Bridget said, "Okay. It's not my business but cramming your life with work will not make this fact go away. Now, I'm beginning to sound like your shrink… Seriously, you need a fresh perspective of your life. Do you want to be remembered as the star that died of an overdose?"

Bridget spoke of many things that night, some that she had meant to, some that she had not. She spoke of possibilities of famous stars like her could do; ideals and responsibilities. She spoke of goodwill, charity and tolerance.

Kate asked no questions and made no comment. It didn't take long before she noticed that Kate's empty bottle had rolled away from her limp hand. She was fast asleep, snuggled close by the fire. The long hike to the cabin and the whiskey did her in for the night. In the morning, Kate probably wouldn't remember a thing she'd said to her.

Bridget was beginning to understand that Kate was very lonely. She was surrounded by people but there seemed to be a great void in her life that she had been unable or unwilling to fill. Throughout her professional career, Kate had had a string of lovers and dance partners. The tabloids and gossip columns were filled with them. Not one of them lasted beyond a year. After all this time, she didn't think Kate had ever really got over Spock.

Resignedly, Bridget fetched a blanket and gently covered her friend. She then put out the light.


	18. A New Perspective

Chapter 18

The next morning, Kate received a call from Cameron, her assistant.

"Everything all right?" Cam's voice sounded concerned.

"Huh-huh," Kate replied. "You?"

"Yea, everything's fine. Nothing I can't handle," he paused. "I heard that the Cesar Odin, the dance director is looking for possible replacements for your part, the part of Cleopatra… Natalia Petrova has expressed interest… Honey, I hope you're not endangering your position here. The director is pissed that you've missed your rehearsals. I mean, the production company has got many dancers, but I only have one of you."

After a day of hard work and simple pleasures, Kate began to succumb to old anxieties and pressures.

"I will be back in a day or two," she told him and ended the call. On the porch of the hunting lodge, Kate sat sipping her coffee and deep in thought. She could not stay here forever even though she wanted to. There was a life waiting for her back in the city.

"Who was that?" Bridget asked as she came out with some hot stew.

"It's Cam… something's come up," Kate replied. "I need to go back to Italy."

Bridget stared at her and shook her head sadly. Later that day, they returned to the ranch. As Kate was packing her bags, she looked out the window and noticed Jim riding towards the ranch on his horse and leading another horse behind him. He looked up and saw her.

"Oh-oh," she murmured as Jim reached the house. _Is he asking me to go horseback riding with him? _

She stared at her unfolded clothes strewn on the bed and thought about what Bridget had said the night before. That life back in the city, she decided, could wait. Kate quickly ran down the stairs to meet Jim.

"Hello, Kate," Jim greeted her breezily when they met outside.

"Hi, Jim..."

"I was hoping that you would want to go horseback riding with me," he said as Kate gave him a skeptical look.

"Truth is, you'd be doing me a favor. My shore leave's up in a few days and I haven't got the time to attend to my horses and poor old Daisy here is feeling kind of left out..."

"Poor thing," said Kate as she gazed at the gentle chestnut mare. Tentatively, she reached out and patted Daisy's neck and the mare responded by nuzzling her face.

"She'd be grateful and she'd take real good care with you," Jim hinted.

Kate turned to him and smiled. The mare had won her over. "I'll go get my jacket."

At first, she was apprehensive about riding a horse after a long time but soon, her old lessons returned. She rode beside Jim across the pasture, absorbing the amazing scenery ahead of them – picturesque farms, trees and cattle dotting the landscape. Then she turned and noticed Jim looking at her.

"You look all right with Daisy. You want to pick it up a little?"

Kate nodded as Jim urged his horse into a canter. She responded to every suggestion without resistance. It was an incredible re-experience -- this great animal beneath her, the physicality and the surrender of letting someone else lead...

"You want to let it go some more?" Jim suggested.

She let herself go, losing herself in the experience. Jim broke into a full gallop and Kate followed suit. She let everything go -- her work, commitments, guilt, anxiety, all of it. Her only focus was the horse beneath her, and the man on the horse leading her.

They rode along the river, enjoying the sounds of nature and its beauty.

"I've seen you on the covers of entertainment news – it took me a while but you're the famous dancer, aren't you?"

"Depends on who you're referring to," she said evasively.

"Katherine Watson," he answered. "I went on a date with this girl from the Academy and she absolutely adored you. We even went to one of your performances in San Francisco – couldn't remember the name of the show though."

"I couldn't even remember it myself," she laughed.

They rode into the woods, along a stand of mulberries and pines. Jim was humming a strange tune until they stopped the horses to listen to the sound of the water, icy cold, rushing deep with melt water from the snows of the mountains.

"Would you like to see my place? It's not far from here," he suggested.

"Sure."

*****

A little less than an hour later they turned into a long path that took them up to a two-story wood-framed farmhouse set among a number of tall, broad-leafed trees, bushes, and a scattering of pine. The house stood upon foundations that appeared to be hundreds of years old. A homey, shaded porch stretched along the front face. Daffodils, tulips, and other colorful early spring flowers bloomed in neat plots out in front. A lovely lady in her fifties was attending to her garden when they rode up to the gate. "Mom," called Jim as he jumped off his horse. "I'd like you to meet a friend, Kate Watson."

The woman smiled. "It's good to meet you, Kate."

"Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Kirk…" Kate nodded a courteous greeting.

"Call me Winona. I hope you are staying for tea. Jim seldom has friends over to our home."

"Mom!" Jim protested.

Kate sensed their closeness and appreciated the bonding between mother and son. Winona ushered her to the cozy living room with a large fireplace while Jim followed his mother into the kitchen.

"Must be nice for you to take a few days off from your work, huh?" Winona said as she brought out a pot of tea and cookies.

"Well, I needed a break and Riverside has its charms," she replied, smiling at Jim.

"Jim tells me you are a professional dancer," Winona said calmly as Jim almost choked on his tea.

"Yes, that's true."

Winona appeared flustered. "Oh, I'm a little out of touch with the entertainment news."

Kate waved it off. "That's okay. Here, I'm just Kate."

Then she looked up at Winona's shelf of carefully arranged pictures -- Winona as a young girl on a beach somewhere, looking fresh and radiant; Winona and her husband's wedding photo; Winona with her two sons and a more recent picture of Winona with Jim at his graduation. It was a collage of images of a life lived well.

"You have a very beautiful home," Kate observed.

"Thank you," replied Winona, well pleased. "How's Joe Peterson's holding up for you?"

"It's fine. Comfortable. I still can't get used to how dark it gets around here, though."

"Next time, you could stay with us," Winona said innocently, while Jim appeared surprised and pleased.

"Um, that's very kind of you," Kate replied.

While clearing away the tray of tea and cookies, Kate was in the kitchen with Winona. "Did you always know this was the life you wanted?" Kate inquired.

"I fell in love with George. Being the wife of a Starfleet officer isn't for every woman. But if you care about each other, and you both want the same things, then you make sacrifices, you compromise. You work it out," Winona answered truthfully.

"I wanted that life once," Kate said thinking out loud.

Winona stopped and stared at her. "Something tells me it didn't work out."

Kate sighed. "No, it didn't."

Winona patted her hand gently. "You're still young… and your life has only just begun. One day, you'll meet that special someone and you'll know everything will be okay."

Jim's light cough drew her attention. "We'd better get you back before it's too dark."

"Oh, I didn't realize the time. Thank you so much for your wonderful hospitality, Winona. I hope we can meet again soon," Kate bade Jim's mother goodbye.

As they rode back to the Peterson's ranch, Jim confessed that he had overheard their conversation in the kitchen. "I don't know the guy who broke your heart, but tell me Kate… if you had the chance to turn back time, fix what had gone wrong, would you?"

Kate was silent for a long time. Then, she told him a story. "Have you heard of a story about the man who created a time machine so that he could travel back through time and save his lover from certain death? Every time he tried, he could not save her. She died again and again. Then he realized that he could not change the past, no matter how hard he tried… So the answer is no. I wouldn't change the past."

They had reached the ranch house near sundown and Jim helped her off Daisy.

"I know the ending of that story. The hero went into the future and found his happiness with someone new. I'm glad you don't want to change the past because your happiness lies in the future," Jim added.

Kate turned to go but Jim's hand caught hers. "Kate," said Jim with a husky tone.

She looked up at his handsome face and her heart skipped a beat. Stepping a little closer and placing a hand on his chest, she could feel his rapid heartbeat.

"Yes, Jim," she said looking at him intently.

"Are you currently seeing someone?" he asked.

"No, why?"

Jim took her in his strong arms and kissed her on the lips. She took his kiss, her mouth yielded to his urgent caress allowing him to taste her. His arms circled around her waist and pressed her against him. Kate was totally overwhelmed by his passionate overture. As the kiss ended, they looked at each other.

"You're a lovely woman, Kate. But you don't want me," Jim finally said.

Kate's look affirmed it. "I promised myself that I won't date another Starfleet man."

He was quick to hide his disappointment as he said, "Perhaps I can convince you otherwise…"

A sad smile appeared on her face. "I leave for Italy tomorrow morning."

Jim was surprised. "When did you decide this?"

"Today… That was before you asked me to go riding with you."

"Will I see you again?" The hope in his voice was too much that Kate couldn't look him in the eye.

"Yes, perhaps… I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Just a general, cover-all-bases apology," she said with a wistful smile. "Apply to all affected areas..."

Despite the interior chaos, her face was placid, controlled and remote. This was the Kate Watson she wanted to present to the world. _You don't want to know the real me, Jim_, she thought. _I don't even want to go there…_

"Good night, Kate," he said with an unsettled grin.

Kate smiled tenderly. "Good night, Jim."

The next morning, Kate had already packed her things and was waiting at in the front of the house as Bridget bit farewell to her relatives.

"Well, it was nice to meet you, Kate," Mary said, a little sad that they had to leave so soon.

"Same here, Mary… Thank you again for all your kindness," replied Kate as she gave her a hug.

She looked around and noticed that Jim was not here. He had known that she was leaving – maybe he didn't want to say goodbye. Sighing, Kate entered the hover car with Bridget. As the hover car was on its way to the transport terminal, she noticed a hover bike following them with flashing lights. Kate turned to look out the back window, looking back at the rider – it was Jim Kirk. He waved for them to stop.

"Stop! Stop the car…" Kate told a startled Bridget as she slammed on the brakes.

Jim, walking away from the bike with the headlights left on, was walking towards them. Kate got out of the car and began to move towards him. They met somewhere in the middle of the road.

"I came to say goodbye, Kate," said Jim as he reached out and touched her face. "I won't apologize for our kiss last night. Not for anybody."

"I won't ask you to," Kate said with a wistful smile.

He took her in his arms and they kissed. "Goodbye, Kate," he said, resting his forehead on hers. "I wish you happiness."

"And I wish you the same, Jim Kirk…"

*****

It was a night to remember. A host of preening, posturing members of society lined the marbled staircase to attend the premier of Anthony and Cleopatra at the Bolshoi Theatre. As her vehicle reached the red carpet, Kate came out in her spectacular gold designer gown, flanked by bodyguards and assistants. Up ahead, she could see the hubbub at the entrance: TV cameras, lights, photographers, arriving guests, two rows full of fans. The glare from the arc lights was almost blinding.

"Are you sure you want to be here?" Cameron asked in a strained voice. "After all, you did turn down the part."

"Yes, Cam… I'm sure," replied Kate smoothly.

Her request to attend the premier was met with much trepidation on Mr. Odin's part. Guilt was written all over his face as he immediately gave her free VIP passes to the premier and a private box. It was a publicity move – her star status would attract the crowds. Kate moved gracefully on the red carpet as she greeted her fans and other distinguished guests, who were excited to see her. Her withdrawal from the public eye and subsequent reappearance had fueled speculation that drove the media into frenzy.

Kate did not allow the distraction from the other guests to ruin her evening out. For the first time in years, Kate enjoyed being a part of the audience. The grand sweeping music score and the elaborate set designs and costumes made the performance a feast for the senses.

A thunderous applause erupted as the dancers came out for the curtain call. Natalia Petrova in her elaborate Egyptian costume bowed and smiled happily as she received a large bouquet of flowers from the conductor. The public had vindicated her – she was a great dancer and she deserved the crowd's appreciation. Kate felt neither jealousy nor resentment. Instead, she was humbled as Natalia looked up in her direction and blew her a kiss, mouthing the words 'thank you'. They were once bitter rivals in the competitive world of performing arts -- Natalia's fortunes had been in a decline over the years as Kate's fame continued to grow. Kate acknowledged her peace offering with a nod as their eyes met across the hall.

As Kate was about to leave the opera house, a tall black gentleman approached her.

"Miss Watson, if I may have a few minutes of your time," he began haltingly as her bodyguards held him back.

"Who are you?" Kate stared at him curiously.

"My name is Doctor Mahmoud Abedi. I'm from the office of the Surgeon General of Starfleet Medical. I've been trying to meet with you," he said with a nervous smile. "My…my credentials are in my breast pocket, if you'll allow me to take it."

Kate shot Cameron a questioning look but her assistant just gave her a non-committal shrug.

"I'm sorry. I did not know about it. It must have slipped my mind," she apologized and told the bodyguards to release him. "My hover car is just around the corner. If you'll allow my driver to send you back to your hotel, we could talk on the way."

Dr. Abedi then told her about this mass inoculation program that Starfleet has started for its Earth colonies all around the galaxy. Plagues had been known to wipe out human and alien colonies in far out places where medical aid was not readily available. The goal of the program was to allow celebrities to use their fame to draw attention to the importance of vaccinations. This could take the form of public appearances and talks, visits to troubled regions, which could draw attention from the media, and use of political access to advocate the Federation's ideals.

"Miss Watson, you are well-known on Earth and throughout the Federation and you possess all the qualities required of a goodwill ambassador. I have in here further information on what we do… please take it. If you agree, a Letter of Designation will be issued by the President himself specifying your terms and conditions," he said, handing to her a data pad.

"I'm really flattered by your invitation. I promise I will think about this and respond to you appropriately," said Kate, taking the data pad from the doctor.

Cameron suppressed a groan while Dr. Abedi sighed with relief. The hover car stopped in front of a hotel and Dr. Abedi got off. "Good night, Miss Watson. I hope to hear from you soon," he said, grinning widely. Kate nodded and waved goodbye as the hover car sped off.

"You cannot be serious about this?!" Cameron burst out as she switched on the data pad and began to read its contents.

"It is my life, my time, Cam," she gently reminded him. "I'll do whatever I think is best."

Dr. Abedi's words kept playing in her head as they reached their apartment suite. Starfleet – the name itself evoked mixed emotions in her. Her father had taught in its esteemed academy and lived by its ideals whilst the same institution had taken Spock away from her. It seemed that she could never escape its web of influence.

Kate briefly kissed Cameron good night and retired to her room alone. It had been a long night. She reached for the remote and turned on the volume of the music. The familiar orchestral strains of Anthony & Cleopatra began to play.

She gazed at her huge portrait above the fire place and innumerable other portraits, photographs and stills around her room – Kate at the height of her stardom, the pinnacle of her youth, her beauty immortalized. All of this would not last. Bridget was right -- it was time to rethink her life.


	19. Purpose

Chapter 19

As he walked out the hotel lift, Sarek's eyes automatically searched for her. He knew she was somewhere in this decorated courtyard. After all, this grand reception was to welcome her as a Federation goodwill ambassador. Sarek had shown interest when he saw her name on the invitation card – Katherine A. Watson, the woman that had captivated his son, Spock.

The rooftop reception was quite out of the ordinary but this was not a normal commissioning of the diplomatic corps. Miss Watson was a celebrity, hence the relaxation of certain 'rules'. Nevertheless, Sarek wore his formal Vulcan robe to the reception.

There were matching white benches and tables as well as a bubbling champagne fountain in the middle of the rooftop. Set around this roughly circular courtyard were a myriad of springtime blooms and buffet tables serving food and drinks. A light breeze made a soothing rustling sound that blended with the splashes from the fountain. Earth's moon shone brilliantly from a cloudless sky as tiny lights dappled the reception with soft light. No doubt this was all Miss Watson's whimsical idea – Starfleet would not have agreed to such a security nightmare. His embassy had inquired about the security of the event and was given the full details from Starfleet – no fly zones within a 10 kilometer radius from the hotel, security personnel at all entrances/exits and surrounding buildings and closed circuit cameras on every floor.

His long time aide, Solan had briefed him on Miss Watson's background – her late father was professor at Starfleet Academy and she had an impressive career as a professional dancer for her age. Even Starfleet admirals and their wives had been ardent fans of hers. No wonder they were bending backwards to accommodate her! There were just too many VIPs and dignitaries that he was overwhelmed by the many well wishes. He silently wished that Amanda had accompanied him – she was adept at such things. Sarek recalled his earlier conversation with his wife --

"_Why are you not attending the reception with me?" _

"_I'm not going, Sarek…"_

"_Are you not well?" _

"_I'm not going to help you interrogate the poor girl. That's the reason why you're going to the reception, is it not?"_

_Sarek was silent for a while. He could not escape his wife's close scrutiny – they shared everything, even their thoughts. He sighed._

"_I'm not going to interrogate her as you suggested."_

"_I know you have followed your son's career in Starfleet closely, but this girl is part of his past. She is no threat."_

"_She is a threat to our Vulcan traditions and the name of the House of Surak."_

_Amanda threw him a contemptuous gaze. "Our son had not requested that his bond with T'Pring be severed. He never even mentioned it to me. Your family's reputation is not in any way threatened."_

"_She still remains a threat, if Spock were to renew his relationship with her. From what you tell me, he was what you described as 'madly in love' with her."_

"_My husband, if our son were to renew his relationship with her, there is nothing you can do about it," said Amanda._

_Not if I can help it… _thought Sarek as he turned his attention to the reception once more.

Ah, there she was, standing amongst a group of dignitaries. She looked radiant and more beautiful than he had ever seen her in the file photos. She was wearing a flowing sapphire gown with diamond trimmings that glinted like sunlight off a blue sea. Her pale skin was accentuated by her dark hair that cascaded down her bare back in big wavy curls and tiny glittery flowers adorned her crown. Even Sarek himself was impressed by his son's choice. In a way, it reminded him of how he felt when he first set eyes on his wife, Amanda.

She was listening intently to one of the ambassadors. Sarek couldn't hear what he was saying, but suddenly Kate broke out in peals of laughter. The men laughed with her and one of them used the moment as an excuse to put his hand on her arm. She looked at him, and, for a second, looked as though she would move away. Instead, she smiled and turned her attention back to the others.

She fitted in so well. She looked so at ease with them, as if she had known them all her life. And the dignitaries, they seemed to accept her so completely. Not at all how he would have thought they would react to a celebrity in their midst. I think many were struck by her loveliness, but more so, they respected her for her talent.

"Is Miss Watson here alone?" Sarek turned to Solan.

"Miss Watson arrived with her entourage of bodyguards," he replied.

Sarek raised an eyebrow. _Did she think there would be a security threat?_

"Ambassador Sarek!"

One of the Federation councilmen had spotted him. "Councilman Denkov," greeted Sarek with a Vulcan salute.

"Glad that you could make time for this occasion," Denkov said with a wide grin. "I noticed you watching Miss Watson. Perhaps you want a formal introduction. Come with me."

The crowd parted as Denkov and Sarek made their way to Kate.

"Miss Watson," said Denkov. "May I present to you, Ambassador Sarek of Vulcan."

There was a flash of recognition in her eyes but her expression remained neutral. "Ambassador," she nodded with a smile, charming as ever…

Sarek gave a small, formal bow. "You have my sincere congratulations, Miss Watson."

"Thank you," she replied, unsure of what was coming

Sarek could tell from her body language she was not entirely comfortable with his presence. His son, Spock must have had mentioned their 'misunderstanding' to her.

"How is your wife, the Lady Amanda?" she inquired.

"She is… well. Thank you for asking," he replied, not wanting to discuss the reason for her conspicuous absence at the reception. "Have you been to Vulcan, Miss Watson?"

"No, I have not had the privilege of visiting your home world… I heard that it is a very beautiful place," she replied.

"Dry as a desert… and unbearably hot for my tastes," muttered one the guests and they all laughed.

"Indeed," Sarek tried not to take the statement as an insult.

"I always welcome a challenge," said Kate graciously.

"Excuse me, Kate… If you don't mind, I would like to introduce you to Admiral Nogura. He and his wife are avid fans of yours," one of the guests said, giving her his arm.

"Of course, I would like to meet them," she said as she took it. "Excuse me, Ambassador."

Sarek nodded briefly as she walked away. The guests were truly enjoying themselves, taking full advantage of the food and entertainment. There was free-flowing champagne and gallons of food to be consumed. Sarek tried to smile, tried to keep up appearances as he waited patiently to speak to Miss Watson in private.

Finally Sarek saw his chance to speak with her. She was alone by the buffet table, twirling her champagne glass absently, lost in her own thoughts. He began to move away from the company he was with, hoping that somehow, he would get to her in time, before she was whisked away. As he made to go to her, Sarek thought she saw his intention and, for a second, she seemed almost fearful. But, before his action was complete, Admiral Gardner cornered him and got him involved in some lengthy story and he lost track of her.

He approached her finally. Her eyes widened in surprise when he called to her. After several long, silent seconds she finally spoke, her voice cool, polite and detached.

"Ambassador."

"Could we go somewhere a little more private to talk?"

She looked surprised and bit her lip before answering. Finally she nodded and gestured for him to follow her. She walked over to a door and keyed it open. It was a small conference room. She moved to stand behind a chair and waited for him to speak.

"Ambassador?" She tilted her head to the side, looking at him expectantly. "Is there something you wish to speak to me?"

"Yes, I wish to speak with you about my son."

He saw her face harden slightly, but then the look was gone. She sighed. "Ambassador, if you are wondering if Spock and I are still in a relationship, the answer is no. It was over six years ago."

At this he realized that to some extent she still felt the pain of their parting.

"Has Spock told you about his bond with another Vulcan female?"

"Yes, he told me about it, only briefly…"

"Then you know that this our Vulcan way. The bond is sacred to us. It is less than a marriage but more than a betrothal. At the proper time, Spock and his betrothed would both be drawn to _Koon-ut-kal-if-fee_."

"Is there a purpose in you telling me all this?" she demanded, her patience growing thin.

"My son has this tendency to follow his emotions, despite his Vulcan nature," said Sarek. "If he wished to renew his relationship with you…"

"That is none of your concern, Ambassador!" Kate interrupted angrily.

"Would you bring shame upon the House of Surak?"

"It is neither my intention to defy your traditions nor to bring shame upon your family," she answered evenly. After a while, her face softened as she gazed sorrowfully at him. She sighed and placed her hands on the back of the chair she stood behind.

"Sir… Your son means more to me than you can ever imagine."

"Then you should spare him the difficult choice he would have to make…"

"You're impossible! If you're looking for some assurance then I'm sorry… It is not mine to give. Goodnight, Ambassador."

Kate stormed out of the conference room, leaving him alone. Sarek cursed himself for not listening to his wife. He had made things worse, as she said he would. He had not solved anything, except to alienate Spock further.

On the way back from the hotel, Kate sat quietly watching the buildings and people on the street as her vehicle whizzed by. Meeting Spock's father had been an emotional test of sorts -- she thought she had gotten over Spock but her encounter with Sarek made her heart heavy as she tried to hide her sadness. Sarek had hinted that Spock may want to renew their relationship. Was that possible? Had Spock spoken to his parents about her? Did she really want him back?

*****

"This vaccine will make you feel slightly drowsy, but not to worry. It's only a mild side effect."

Her first assignment as goodwill ambassador was wrought with nerves and jitters. Kate gripped the edge of her seat, as the ship's doctor injected a whitish serum into the back of her neck. She'd been told that this vaccine would neutralize any contamination of alien bacteria in her blood stream. The colony that she was visiting had just had a viral outbreak – she had been briefed about what to expect once they reached Matalas and was told that it was not going to be a pleasant sight. Kate mentally prepared herself for the worst.

The stars were going the wrong way and her quarters, though larger than most crewmen was claustrophobic. Kate was in a vile mood by the time the starship USS Aragorn reached the Matalas colony with medical supplies, blankets, and rations. She soon forgot her discomfort when she stepped out of the shuttle craft. It was an amazing sight --the land was red, that deep terracotta red. And the villages, displacement camps and compounds smelled of decay. As they proceeded to the Starfleet medical outpost on ground vehicles, she saw graves. There were graves everywhere --along the road, around the paths that they went, along the riverbeds, near every camp. It was an apocalypse.

_How could a virus wipe out the colony like that?_ Kate thought sadly.

"Dr. Alonso gave us instructions to land near the Starfleet outpost, just over the next hill. They will meet us there."

The sight that greeted them at the camp was a grisly one. Makeshift beds lined the narrow passageways as hundreds of sick patients wandered the halls with expressionless faces. Kate felt the grip of death on this place as they unloaded the vaccines. She never felt so overwhelmed with the feeling of helplessness before this. All her instincts told her to turn and run.

Her legs were like lead as she visited the infirmed. Then she came to the treatment room. A doctor was inside -- he was dressed in white overalls and his face was concealed behind a white mask. He did not look up when she entered as he administered the vaccine to an infant.

"Will you hand me the VF-10 vial?" he asked in a heavy Spanish accent, expecting her to comply.

Kate looked behind her and there were rows of vials with colorful tabs. Her mouth dropped open in astonishment. "I beg your pardon," she said hastily. "I don't know which one."

Suddenly, he stopped and turned to her. The scrutiny of those unblinking brown eyes behind the surgical mask made her very nervous. "Who are you?"

He spoke to her with an air of arrogance as if she had no business being there.

For the first time, Kate was lost for words. _What was she really doing there?_

"I'm Kate… Kate Watson," she stated simply.

He regarded her thoughtfully. "Well, Miss Watson. It's the vial with the red tag," he explained to her.

"Oh, of course…" Kate picked up the vial and handed it to him.

"Thanks. You must be part of the new team that arrived today… Please wait for me in the briefing room. I'll be done in ten minutes."

Kate nodded and left the room. Later in the briefing room, a tired but handsome doctor came in. She recognized him as the doctor in the treatment room. Without his surgical mask, she now saw his face clearly --messy ash-blond hair that stood at odd angles on his head and expressive light brown eyes hidden behind a pair of metal-framed spectacles.

"Good morning, everyone… I'm Doctor Sebastian Alonso, Chief Medical Officer of Matalas Colony."

Without further ado, he plunged into the specific details of the outbreak. Almost everything that he said flew above her head but Kate was impressed by his passion for his work. At the end of the briefing, the team adjourned for the day. As they were leaving, Dr. Alonso turned to Kate and said, "I'm sorry if I sounded rude just now. My assistant, Rachel just told me who you were. I've never met a goodwill ambassador before."

Kate waved it off. "That's okay. I'm not expecting any special treatment. I'm here to help."

"If I can understand the purpose of your visit, I should be able to come up with something for you to do. In the meantime, will you be free for dinner?"

Flattered by the attention and eager to learn more about this place, Kate answered, "Yes."

"I'll pick you up at six then."

Kate smiled as she walked back to her insubstantial wooden lodgings. She was waiting for him when he arrived, dressed casually. They had dinner at the dimly lit café on the ground floor – the mood was somber and their meal consisted of cabbage soup and bread. They chatted about many things on Earth and Matalas, their careers and how they were drawn to service with the Federation.

"I hope you enjoyed your meal, Kate. We don't have many luxuries here," he said wistfully.

"Please, Sebastian… I will eat as you eat," she insisted. "I'm impressed by what you do here, considering the insurmountable circumstances."

Dr. Alonso leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. He seemed to regard her words carefully.

"I lost five medical personnel to the outbreak. It wasn't easy. When I began to practice medicine I had no idea it would take me on journeys to other worlds. Every species I encounter allows me to explore a new physiology. At the moment, I find myself in the enviable position of keeping the colony alive. I have to keep reminding myself that we didn't come out here to play God."

"That's exactly how I felt when I stepped off the shuttle, brimming with enthusiasm. I came here to experience what it was like as a field operative so that I could go back and share it with others," she told him.

"But you didn't expect to see this…"

"No, I didn't…" Kate confessed. "I don't want to just talk about it, I want to do something more but I don't know how."

Dr. Alonso smiled. "Perhaps, we could help each other out."

It was a start of a life-long friendship. They worked successfully together on several humanitarian projects across planets and colonies, addressing pertinent issues such as poverty, starvation and civil wars. Even though some may not have known who Kate was, they were drawn by her friendly nature and deep compassion for their plight. Her humanitarian work did not impede her fame or her career as as her assistant, Cam had feared.

He could scarcely believe in the audience's reception of her performance. The full standing ovation lasted about ten minutes as Kate took her bow. Cam was weeping happily. "Kate, you were wonderful tonight," he gushed, brimming with admiration at her.

"Thank you, Cam… What is this?" Kate stared at the bouquets of flowers overflowing out of her dressing room.

"They are from your fans, Kate. There is no room big enough for all of them but I think you'd like _this one_…"

Cam brought a big bouquet of white lilies and a note to her as her hairdresser began to fuss about her. Kate picked up the note and opened it – it was from Dr. Alonso.

"Sebastian!" Kate gasped, jumping up from her chair. "is he here?"

"Apparently, I am…" The doctor flashed a big smile. "Kate, how are you?"

Kate laughed as she hugged him. "I didn't expect to see you so soon," she said happily.

"I love giving surprises," he said as he placed a chaste kiss on her cheek. He told her that he would be in town for a week before being posted to another assignment. Sinking unto the sofa next to him, Kate asked, "So where are you staying in London?"

"At the Hilton…"

"Will you dine with me tonight," he suggested. "I've got reservations at a new restaurant at the Canary Wharf."

"Yes, I can't wait to hear your stories," she replied.

Thereafter, they went out together – dining at quaint restaurants, went for plays and performances and strolled in parks. Everything was going so fast that she had hardly time to digest what had just happened. Kate believed she was falling in love with the doctor and she couldn't wait to tell her friend, Bridget.

*****

**Author's Note**: In case you were wondering where did Spock go, well, he will be back in a very big way. Stay tuned! I'll be updating with a new chapter everyday this week.


	20. Hope

Chapter 20

The sound of women's laughter came from the kitchen of Bridget Potter's suburban house.

"Do you think he is the one? I've never seen you so happy in a long, long time… too long if you asked me," said Bridget.

Kate shook her head. "I don't know what to think. I'll have to admit that he is handsome, kind, funny and perceptive…"

"Whoa! You don't have to tell me all that... I just want to know if he is a good kisser?" Bridget asked with a wink.

"Bridget! I'm trying to be serious here…"

"Well, when are you going to make your move?" she demanded.

Laughing, Kate said, "When I do, you'll be the first to know."

Suddenly, squeals of children interrupted their talk – Lisa and Ben, ten and six respectively, rushed into the kitchen to greet their mother and Aunt Kate.

"Good morning, darlings," Maddie greeted them jovially. "Look, we have a guest cook for today. She is baking her famous scones for you."

The children were delighted to see their famous aunt wearing an apron and donning oven gloves as they attacked the pastry with relish.

Kate said with a bright smile. "I've packed my famous scones and strawberry jam for your lunch today!"

"Yay!" the kids yelled.

"Hello, my favorite ladies," said Kevin as he came into the kitchen. He reached for his wife and kissed her. "Are the children ready? I've got an early appointment today."

"Yes, they are," replied Bridget fondly. "Will we be expecting you for dinner?"

"Yes, it's not every night that we have special guest at our humble home! In fact, I was thinking that we should go out for dinner… someplace nice," suggested Kevin with a wink.

"Yes, we should," Bridget joined quickly. "I happen to know of a new restaurant in town that serves excellent French cuisine."

"Daddy! Hurry up!" Lisa was calling loudly from the car.

"Okay, I'm coming!" Kevin responded. "French sounds good…I've got to go now. See you later."

Kevin was in such a hurry to go out that he had not heard his wife calling out to him. "Kev, you forgot your scones!"

Suddenly, Kate's cell phone beeped. The message came from Starfleet Medical – she was invited to accompany a team to Omicron Alpha. There was a human colony there in need of medical supplies and vaccines. There was also a medical research facility there which needed funds to advance their research on the planet's indigenous plants. The Omicron Alpha team consisting of two doctors, three nurses and two security personnel was to be headed by Sebastian. It would be a wonderful opportunity for them to spend some time together. Kate smiled and immediately accepted the invite.

*****

The team led by Dr. Alonso had traveled for days on foot into the snowy mountains of Omicron Alpha. It was not possible for the team to beam down to the settlement due to unfavorable weather conditions. For days in succession, snow came down in a relentless sheet that turned the ground into a quagmire and a death trap. The thermal weather gear kept them warm for most parts but their arms and legs were threatened with frostbite. Kate tried to keep up her spirits under freezing and cursedly wet conditions.

The group moved deep into the foothills. It was a much steeper terrain and the towering mountains near-by gave them protection from the fierce winds and snow. One of the transport vehicles got stuck in the muddy path as Sebastian rushed to the back of the group to assess the situation. Several men were trying to lift the vehicle from the mud.

"Our vehicle is stuck!" one of the colonists said.

"I'll help," he said.

Sebastian turned to Kate and said, "You go on ahead with the others. We'll manage."

Kate shook her head. "No, I'll stay and help."

Sebastian gently touched her cold cheek, his dear silly Kate. Part of him was flattered that she wanted to stay with him but the other was terrified of the danger that she had put herself into. He and a few men lifted the heavy medical supplies vehicle, while Kate inserted rocks under the wheels to give them traction. In the end the vehicle roared to safety. But the echo of the engines shook the ice loose causing an avalanche to descend upon the unsuspecting team. One of the team members saw the ice and debris and shouted, "Avalanche!"

They dashed for cover under a rocky overhang as ice and debris slammed into the path they were on. Suddenly, Kate's foot slipped on some shale. The path beneath her gave way, dragging her along as she screamed.

"Kate!" Sebastian wanted to grab her hand, only to see her fall.

"No, Doctor!" one of the men shouted. "It's too dangerous!"

Sebastian fought the men who restrained him. "Let me go! We've got to find her!"

"Calm down, doctor… we'll organize a rescue team and search for her when it is safe," they told him.

*****

Ice poured on her and branches snapped at her as she tumbled down the hillside. Her arms splayed wide to grasp any anchor she could find as the ice and mud carried her down the hill. Then there it was, she saw a fallen tree with its branches within reach. It rushed at her like a ton of bricks but she managed to hold on, digging her fingers into the frozen bark. The roar of the landslide disappeared and was replaced by deathly silence as she remained partially buried under the snow. She tried to shout for help but after a few tries, she gave up. Hours seemed to have passed in this icy wilderness and Kate was not sure if she could hold on any longer. She couldn't even feel her arms and legs anymore. Kate was growing very weary and all she really wanted to do was to slide effortlessly down into the welcoming oblivion.

Then she heard a flurry of voices and alien sounds did not seem to make much sense. Kate craned her neck with every ounce of energy she had to see who they were. Her blurred vision made out humanoid shapes with pale almond shaped eyes, staring intently at her.

"Help me," she blurted out painfully and fainted.

Kate plunged into a realm of nightmares, through which she was only dimly aware of beings tending her and a blurred shape that occasionally bent over to examine her, giving her words of encouragement. Each time, she heard that voice she had a vague impulse to hit its owner.

_Shut up and let me die!_

After many days of drifting in and out of consciousness, her eyes finally fluttered open as they adjusted to the harsh room lighting and focused on the man standing near her – it was Sebastian. Kate breathed air into her tired lungs and realized she was still alive. Pain was knifing through her chest with every breath she took.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Feeling better?" Sebastian asked kindly, his face was filled with concern.

Kate gave him a weak smile. "I guess so… felt like being rolled over by a truck," she admitted.

Sebastian patted her hand gently. "You were unconscious for ten days."

"Ten days? Why do I feel so tired?" she yawned.

"It's the medication… your body has just gone through a rough ride."

Kate noticed that her abdomen was covered with a large bandage. "Where am I? What happened to me?"

Sebastian seemed to hesitate for a while. "We found you about ten kilometers from the settlement. It was odd – you were not anywhere near the site where the avalanche had occurred. And it was impossible that you could have walked all the way to the settlement as you were badly injured – a piece of debris had pierced your abdomen, rupturing your liver. We had to rush you to the ER as soon as possible. You were coughing badly and burning with fever. I didn't think you would survive," he told her gravely. "It is miracle that you're alive."

"Where are they?" she suddenly asked.

"Who?" he frowned.

"The people who saved me…"

Sebastian stared at her in disbelief. "Kate, there was no one else."

"It can't be… you said that I was found near the settlement so there had to be someone or something that brought me here. I saw them… I'm not crazy!"

"We can talk later. You need to conserve your energy. I'll be here, as long as you need me," he murmured as he held her hand.

"You do believe me, don't you?" Kate demanded coldly.

"Yes, I believe you. Now rest and go to sleep."

Kate slept the entire day and when she woke up she noticed that Sebastian was dozing on the chair next to her bed. She smiled -- he had promised he would be here when she woke up. Her treatments were progressing well and soon she was able to get up from her the bed and walk a little. From her room window, Kate could see the snow pelting on the glass panes. Why would humans want to start a colony on this bleak and godforsaken place?

She was sure that humans weren't the only people in habiting this planet. None of the colonists have seen the beings that she had described. Maybe, she had been hallucinating after all but still, it didn't explain how she got to the settlement. Then she heard a little tap on her window – it didn't sound normal. Upon closer inspection, she could make out a figure, almost transparent in the snow peering curiously at her and the familiar almond shaped eyes. The figure retreated when it saw Kate coming towards the window.

"Please, don't go away," Kate whispered as she touched the glass pane. "I won't hurt you… "

The figure must have sensed that she meant no harm as it came forward slowly, long tentacle-like fingers touching the pane.

"Thank you for saving my life," Kate said, hoping that it would understand. "I know you brought me to my people."

Kate saw that the figure nodded and slipped away. "No, no… don't go yet!"

Then Sebastian stepped into her room and was surprised to see her near the window. "Kate, are you all right?"

"There is something out there," she told him excitedly. "I saw one – it came to my window and now, it's gone."

Before she finished speaking, Kate knew she had made a terrible mistake. Sebastian looked extremely worried, made her sit down and proceeded to ask her a lot of questions – was she having headaches and dizzy spells? Perhaps the weather was causing her to see things, perhaps she ought to see a specialist.

"In what? Psychiatry?" she muttered angrily.

Embarrassed, he looked away. "All I'm saying is that you have just gone through a horrific ordeal and it could have affected your mind. I'm worried about you. I could arrange for Dr. Spencer to have a chat with you – he has the necessary qualifications to treat you."

"No," Kate said stubbornly. "I know what I saw…"

One evening, as she was resting in her room, a loud alarm sounded and the security personnel scrambled to attention. Something has been spotted on the outer edges of the settlement and was heading towards the hospital. No one has been hurt but there was mild hysteria among the settlers. Sensing that something was wrong, Kate followed them to the front of the hospital where they armed themselves with phase pistols set to stun mode.

From the snowy distance, she saw a large group of humanoid creatures, very much like the one she had seen at her window. They were bigger, incredibly thin with tentacle like fingers and countless in numbers as they stopped within firing range of the phase pistols.

One of them stood out and spoke in perfect English. "I am Jormen, leader of my people. We come in peace. We are concerned about one of yours, the one you call 'Kate'."

"It's them," Kate said breathlessly. She wanted to go to them but was restrained by Sebastian. "Not yet," he cautioned.

"How do you know Kate?" the security chief demanded. He was not about to lower their weapons until he had answers.

"We saved her… She was found near our home in the mountains," Jormen replied. "She was… _broken_ and we could not heal her so we brought her to you."

_This tension is unnecessary! They mean no harm…_

Breaking free of Sebastian, Kate ran towards Jormen's people.

"Kate!" Sebastian cried. The security personnel armed their weapons.

Kate stumbled in between the weapons and the creatures who had saved her. "He speaks the truth," she told the doubting colonists. "They saved my life…Please lower your weapons."

Then the leader of the colonists, Dr. Spencer turned to the security chief and ordered them to stand down. He stepped forward to meet with Jormen. "We thought this planet was uninhabited. We didn't know that you lived here," he said.

"We have been observing you for a long time. It was only through Kate's mind that we learned your language. We would have continued our existence unnoticed but my son convinced me that it was time we made our presence known," Jormen explained.

"Well, I hope we will be able to help each other," Dr. Spencer said. "I apologize for the confrontation. Perhaps we can explain our presence on your planet."

Dr. Spencer then proceeded to tell Jormen about their research. The colonists and the Jormen's people made a pact of knowledge exchange and mutual co-existence. Kate was only glad that she had been right all along. Jormen's son was the one that that Kate saw outside her window. This curious and bright child had paved the way for closer cooperation between the two people.

It was almost late afternoon and she was supposed to meet Sebastian after his work. He brought her to see the climate-controlled garden at the hospital's west wing. It was an underground courtyard filled of luminous plants and an artificial waterfall. It was peaceful and quiet when they walked in.

"Do you like it?"

"Yes, it's very unique… one of a kind," she told him.

"This settlement was established because of these purple polyps, indigenous plants of this planet. They only survive underground in sub-zero climates. It has tremendous medicinal properties that our scientists have barely scratched the surface," Sebastian explained. "But with the help of Jormen's people, we will soon be able to learn more about these plants, thanks to you."

"Kate," his tone grew a little more serious. "There's something I want to say…"

When she gazed at him, she realized how tired and washed out he looked -- the blood-shot eyes and stubble on his face indicated that he had not slept in many nights. He looked rugged and raw. He gave her a small smile, one that did not reach his eyes, and her heart went out to him. She felt guilty for allowing him to suffer -- the nurses said he never left her side while she was unconscious.

"What is it, Sebastian?"

He paused, then taking her hand in his, he said, "I know we've been friends for a while now. I'm sorry I doubted you. We had looked for you for five days – we weren't sure if you had survived. You have no idea how glad I am to see you alive again. I realized then that I didn't want to lose you… I just want to say… very inarticulately that I love you, Kate. I want to marry you."

She was shocked by his sudden proposal and unable to reply as he took out a tiny box from his doctor's coat. In it was a solitaire diamond engagement ring encased in velvet.

"I bought this ring before we left Earth. I just didn't know the right time to give it you," he confessed. "I just feel that now is the right time."

Kate closed her eyes. An overwhelming tiredness pressed her down and she could not move. Their attraction had been subtle and masked in friendship but never brought up in their conversations. She had hoped that one day their relationship would blossom into something more. And yet, now that he has declared his love and proposed, she was struck dumb.

"Could we talk about this later?" she asked, wishing to avoid giving him an answer.

It was not the reaction that Sebastian had hoped for. "Yes, yes, I suppose you need time to think about taking the next step," he tried to mask his disappointment. "I hope you'll keep this ring with you until a decision is made."

Kate nodded as she slipped the box into her pocket. They didn't speak of the proposal again. She knew she would have to give him a decision soon. As she lay in bed thinking about Sebastian, she wondered why she had been so reluctant to move forward with their relationship, nothing beyond a hug or a peck on the cheek. For the first time in many, many years she had felt a sense of belonging, a feeling of being important in someone else's world and not an afterthought to be left, discarded in a corner somewhere when she was no longer of use, discarded by someone who had once professed his undying love for her.

*****

Kate and Sebastian walked slowly along the corridors of the hospital, allowing her what little exercise she could handle. She was always pushing her limits, and Sebastian was forever telling her to slow down. But Kate had wanted to get better fast, and sooner rather than later.

When she reached her room, she sighed tiredly.

"Are you okay?" The concern in Sebastian's voice made her smile.

"Just a little worn out…" Kate flashed him a smile that she hoped was the right level of wan bravery.

"Here, I'll carry you …"

He pick her up like a feather and entering the room, he eased her down on the bed and lifted her feet up, taking her shoes off at the same time.

"Better? Do you want some water?" Sebastian hovered anxiously.

"No, I'll be fine. Sit with me?" Waiting only a moment after he sat down, she said, "I've been thinking about your proposal and I'm ready to take the next step. Yes, I want to marry you."

Sebastian was very sweet as he hugged and kissed her. "I promise you won't regret it," he said happily. "We'll start the making plans for the wedding once we return to Earth."

*****

One day, Sebastian burst in excitedly with news of their departure. "We'll be leaving in two days. The USS Enterprise will be transporting us to the nearest starbase."

Kate froze when she heard the name of the starship. "Did you say the Enterprise?"

"Yes… why do you look so troubled?" Sebastian asked.

"It's nothing," she said, looking away.

"When we get back to Earth, you'll have the best medical care to ensure your full recovery."

Kate managed a smile. "I'm fine. We should be ready when they arrive."

"Yes, we should. I can't wait to meet Doctor Boyce again. He was my professor at med school," Sebastian said.

_Is Spock still on that ship? _she wondered as she began her packing.

_What do I say to him? How will I react after all these years? _

It had been ten years since she had spoken with him and the prospect of seeing him again did not bode well for her.

_Of all the starships in the galaxy, it had to be the USS Enterprise…_

She sighed. _I'll deal with it when it comes._


	21. Enterprise

Chapter 21

The USS Enterprise was on its way to Planet Risa -- it was a much needed break for the crew after the Enterprise had been called in to settle a border dispute between the Troyians and the Elasians.

_After what this ship has been through in the last three months, there is not a crewman aboard who is not in need of rest,_ Spock thought. Earlier this morning, he was made aware of the increased level of excitement and anticipation among the general crew as he took his usual cup of Vulcan tea in the ship's cafeteria.

While on the bridge, Captain Pike turned to his Science Officer and said, "Mister Spock, I did not see your name on any of the boarding lists. You have never requested for shore leave in all your years of service."

Spock deadpanned. "Someone needs to be on the bridge while the captain is away."

"I'll never understand you, Spock."

"I assure you that I am well and in no need for a rest."

"Captain, a message is coming in on the Starfleet channel. Priority one and urgent, sir," Communications Officer Simms reported.

"Put it on audio, Simms," said the captain.

"Yes, sir. Switching over now…"

The computer dictated the message. "You are ordered to pick up a medical team from Omicron Alpha and transport them to Starbase 11. Alter your flight plan to accommodate, by order of Komack, Admiral, Starfleet Command. Acknowledge."

"Lieutenant Simms, acknowledge that message."

"Aye, aye, sir."

"It seems that our shore leave will be put on hold." Then turning to his navigator, Captain Pike said, "Mister Lee, compute course and speed necessary for compliance."

"Laying in course for Omicron Alpha…" Ensign Lee responded.

Once his shift was over, Spock was summoned to the Captain's ready room. He arrived to find First Officer, Number One was having a discussion with the captain.

"Have a seat, Spock. Number One and I were discussing the guests' accommodations," said Pike.

The captain sat back in his chair and eyed him closely. "I just received the guest list from the settlement and I thought one of them might be of interest to you, Spock."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Indeed, sir?"

"Her name is Katherine Watson, a Federation goodwill ambassador. I believe you both know each other."

"Yes. Nine Earth years and three months," replied Spock stiffly. He was not particularly pleased with the fact that his personal life had been a subject of discussion.

"Excellent! I shall put you in charge of her well-being while she is on board. I think you both have a lot of catching up to do."

"Yes, sir..." Spock was not overjoyed at the prospect.

*****

In the transporter room, five beings materialized in a dazzle of molecules. Unused to this form of travel, Kate felt a little anxious and disoriented standing on the transporter.

"Captain Pike?"

"Ambassador… On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard Enterprise," Captain Pike stepped forward and held out his hand.

"Thank you." Kate smiled and shook hands with him.

"This is Number One, my First Officer and Doctor Boyce, my Chief Medical Officer."

"Pleased to meet you, Ambassador," Dr. Boyce shook her hand.

"The pleasure is mine, doctor," she replied. "I believe you are acquainted with Drs. Alonso and Mina."

"Yes, of course. I'm glad to see you are both still active in the medical corps," Dr. Boyce commented, shaking hands with them. "Yes, those were the fun days…"

"And this is my Science Officer, Lieutenant Spock. I believe the both of you have met before," Captain Pike introduced as Spock stepped out from the shadows.

"Ambassador," he said softly with a slight nod.

She was taken aback by his youth – he didn't look a day older than when he was a student on Earth. It was at once staggering and heartbreaking when she herself was already in her thirties. They looked at each other, unable to find the words to convey their thoughts.

"Mister Spock," Kate said finally, trying to muster all her strength to resist the temptation to run into his arms. "It has been a long time."

"Indeed," he replied gravely, still staring at her.

The tension crackling between the two former lovers went unnoticed by the captain and the others. "As soon as you're settled I'll arrange a tour of the ship. Mister Spock will conduct you," said Captain Pike.

"I would prefer to rest in my quarters, if you please," Kate said quickly.

"Miss Watson has just recovered from a serious injury. A tour of your ship would be too strenuous for her," added Sebastian.

Captain Pike looked surprised. "Of course… Mister Spock will show you to your quarters now."

"Thank you, Captain," Kate answered as she followed Spock out.

Sebastian slipped an arm around her. "Let me help you, Kate."

Kate gave him a radiant smile and did not argue. Spock turned around and stared at them – she could sense his curiosity from his penetrating gaze. Still she refused to acknowledge it.

"This way please," Spock said stiffly.

She didn't go far from Sebastian's side and pressed against him often as they walked slowly to her quarters. It was a big ship with many decks. Kate's quarters was located on the upper levels near Sickbay due to her special status as Federation Ambassador and her frail condition that could require immediate medical attention. It had belonged to a female crew member who had temporarily vacated it for her.

It was a typical room with four grey walls, a large window that offered the blackness of space, a side table and a bed. A shower compartment was located at one corner. Her belongings were brought in by the ship's quartermaster. "Got all your stuff, ma'am."

"Thank you."

Placing it in the deck he cast doubtful glances at a flustered woman in between two uncomfortable men. "Well, if that's all then …" He left as Spock nodded.

"I shall take a shower now," Kate decided, giving them pointed looks. All she wanted was to be alone but she didn't want to say it out loud. Two men – one from her past and one from her present together in the same room with her, it was getting too crowded and awkward.

"Guess I'll see you later then," Sebastian said with a warm smile.

"Ambassador," Spock said formally as he retreated from her quarters.

*****

After the door to her quarters had closed, Spock turned to Doctor Alonso and asked, "What happened to the Ambassador?"

"Suffice to say that she almost died on that planet," he replied grimly. "She's still very fragile. Dr. Boyce and I will be monitoring her while she is here. I shall find my way to my quarters. Good day, Mister Spock."

_She almost died…_

In his darkened quarters, Spock remained slumped in his chair. He was shaking from head to foot and he could not get his breath. It was as though he had lain in suspended animation for a decade and now awoke to the ravages of sheer longing and desire. He had known about Kate's rise to fame and stardom. Half of the crew on the Enterprise knew who she was, even Leila Kalomi had wanted to watch Kate's performance with him four years ago but he had steadfastly refused, stating an excuse about work at the lab. He had steeled his mind not to think of Kate but now that she was here, on the same ship, memories of her flooded back with staggering vengeance.

Spock took only a moment to recognize her – she was naturally older but she still had a dancer's posture, her head held high, always carrying herself with grace and one thing that would never change, were her unforgettable blue eyes.

If he could sit down and meditate, it could be possible to escape from the pain… the unimaginable pain that clawed at the very veneer of his calmness. He locked himself in his quarters for the next few hours. Suddenly, the communication link beeped. "Message for Lieutenant Spock…"

"Spock here," he replied with dull indifference.

"Lieutenant, you are requested to dine with the captain and his guests at 1900 hours," a yeoman's voice crackled over the comm.

"Acknowledged, Spock out…"

The occasion required a full dress uniform as he would be dining with a Federation ambassador. Leaving his quarters, Spock strode towards the turbo lifts. When the lift opened, his eyes were fixed on the lovely vision in front of him in the form of Ambassador Watson. He refused to allow himself to think of her as 'Kate', his former lover. The off-white blouse and dark pants flattered her slim figure; her hair was tied up in a loose bun and held together with ornament chopstick.

"Spock," Kate greeted him as he stepped into the same lift.

"Ambassador."

She smelled so good and having her so close sent his mind in a spin.

"You look… well, Spock," she commented, her red lips parting in a small smile.

_You look beautiful…_ he thought.

"And you, Ambassador…"

"There was a time you used to call me, Kate…" she whispered wistfully. Then she looked up at him.

Spock was unnerved to see her blue eyes wide and glimmering with… _hope?_

_It cannot be, it must not be,_ he dismissed it. Nonetheless, he almost wanted to touch her face and feel her smooth skin when the moment was broken by sound of the lift doors opening. They had arrived at their destination.

"I'm sorry, _Ambassador_."

Kate recoiled as if stung by his cruel and distant manner. She turned away and closed her eyes.

"I would be grateful if you could show me the way to the captain's mess, _Mister Spock_," she said at last.

Kate, rejected, started off with Spock walking a step behind her. The time for them, their time, had gone away.

*****

He had meant to touch her, Kate was quite sure of it. Spock had meant to touch her and then, at the very last moment, he changed his mind. Spock reached out a hand but his fingers merely brushed the air against her cheek then fell away without touching. Kate wasn't sure whether she was trembling from sheer relief or unacknowledged disappointment. At this point in time, in this ship, she wasn't sure of anything anymore. There were only questions without answers.

_If this was how he wanted their relationship to be, formal and distant, so be it…_ _nothing more than professional acquaintances instead of former lovers._

Suddenly, she was desperate for Sebastian's warm assurance, his familiar touch and his tender love. When the door to the captain's mess slid open, she was relieved to see her fiancé having a lively conversation with Dr. Boyce and immediately went to his side. Beside him, she felt safe.

From the far end of the long dining table where she was seated, Kate could see her fiancé chatting animatedly with one of the medical staff. There was ample food on the table as the guests chatted and laughed, drank and ate with impeccable manners. The conversations were varied but none of the topics held her interest. As the crewmen weaved seamlessly amongst the guests, offering dessert and wine, Kate glanced up from her plate and saw Spock's gaze flick towards her. He had been watching her all evening. She felt a little disconcerted about the attention.

"I hope you like your quarters, Ambassador," said Captain Pike, interrupting her thoughts.

Kate hurriedly turned her attention to the captain. "You're very kind. I hope that I can personally thank the crew member who had so graciously allowed me to use her quarters. I didn't want to cause any inconvenience to anyone."

"The crew member's name is Ensign Wallis. I could arrange a meeting with her if you like," said Number One.

"Yes, since I will be here for a few days, I would love to meet her," replied Kate.

"It must be quite difficult for you to go on such dangerous expeditions. Didn't someone try and talk you out of it?" Dr. Boyce asked.

"Now that you asked, yes... My assistant was worried that I would abandon my career to travel around the galaxy," Kate laughed.

"Well, I'm glad he didn't succeed. Otherwise, I wouldn't have met her," Dr. Sebastian quipped. "Gentlemen, I have an announcement to make – the lovely ambassador and I are getting married."

Kate almost choked on her wine – she hadn't expected Sebastian to announce it to the captain and his crew. Sebastian looked to her for some sort of assurance. She opened her mouth to say something but her throat suddenly went dry and she clamped it shut. Spock raised his eyebrows.

"Congratulations, Sebastian!" said Dr. Boyce as he patted the young man's back.

"Yes, congratulations and a toast to the lovely Ambassador and future Mrs. Alonso," said the captain as he raised his wine glass.

"Cheers!"

Kate blushed and smiled as the men drank to her honor but she saw Spock tilt his glass of Antarean wine almost too hastily and downed its contents. "With your permission, Ambassador… Captain, I wish to return to the lab. There are a few experiments that I need to attend to," he said, rising from his seat.

She nodded as Captain Pike said, "Of course, Mister Spock…"

Spock gave a slight bow as the doors slid open. "Good evening, Ambassador and gentlemen…"

When Spock had gone, Kate turned to the captain and asked, "Is Mister Spock always that busy?"

Captain Pike chuckled. "We just returned from a research expedition and our science team had collected a lot of soil and vegetation samples from an M class planet. Mister Spock helps us to analyze and catalog them for Starfleet. He is… very committed to his work."

"I see."

Kate had no clue of the importance of Spock's work on the Enterprise. Although the conversation steered towards the more mundane political climate on Earth, Kate's thoughts were still lingering on Spock. When Kate returned to her quarters with Sebastian, he told her that Doctor Boyce had invited him for drinks at the cafeteria. As he turned the lights down low, she tried to remember how they had met and the wonderful times they had together. After Spock broke up with her, she had dated a few men but none of their affairs lasted for very long. Then she met Sebastian – he seemed different from the other lovers. She thought he hadn't noticed her distant expression that evening.

"You feeling all right, Kate?" he asked.

Immediately Kate smiled to reassure him. "Yes. I'm fine. It's just been a long day," she lied.

He nodded, satisfied.

"You should go," she said absently.

"Are you certain?" Sebastian said with a very sexy bedroom voice as he stepped closer to her.

"Yes… yes, I'm sure. I believe discussions with Dr. Boyce will be more... stimulating."

"I wouldn't bet on it," Sebastian murmured as he trailed hot kisses down her neck and his hands roamed the length of her back.

Kate gently pushed him back. "Good night, Sebastian."

Sighing, Sebastian bent down and kissed her lightly on her lips, bidding his farewell. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

*****

Spock walked purposefully out of the captain's mess towards his lab. He was shocked by the wedding announcement – it took all his Vulcan mental strength to contain the devastation he had felt. Halfway, Spock rested against the ship's bulkhead, drained of energy. He closed his eyes and tried to will it all away, tried to tell himself it was utterly indecent to feel that way. He had seen the doctor's attentions towards her the entire evening, it was clear the doctor was smitten by her but he had thought that it would take some time. Somewhere deep inside him, he had thought that she would be hesitant to move forward. He had thought there was still a chance that maybe, maybe... He had thought that she still loved him.

_When did this happen? When did you stop loving me? _

Kate had found someone else.

"Lieutenant sir, are you all right?"

He opened his eyes and saw a female ensign, staring wide-eyed at him.

"Yes, Ensign… I will be on my way now," he replied as he staggered away.


	22. Remember

Chapter 22

In her darkened quarters, Kate lay in her bed, staring at the stars streaming by her window. She was thinking about Spock and how she didn't want him back in her life. But she was glad to see him waiting for her in the transporter room and with that gladness, a deep inward fear. Because it meant she wasn't really over Spock. If she admitted to herself that she still felt something, she would become vulnerable and reopen old wounds again. Kate wasn't young and resilient anymore. She couldn't bear the thought of any more pain. How could she endure one week on this ship without bumping into Spock?

Her chronometer showed it was already 0800 hours. Here in space, it was perpetually night with only the stars as company. After weeks of blizzards on Omicron Alpha, Kate longed to feel the sun and its warmth again. Suddenly, her doorbell buzzed. Kate put on her robe and opened the door to reveal a pretty yeoman with a breakfast tray.

"Good morning, Ambassador," she greeted cheerfully. "I'm Yeoman Kelley. I brought you buttered toast and coffee. It was Dr. Alonso's suggestion."

_How thoughtful of him…_

"Well, thank you very much."

The yeoman placed the tray on the side table and was about to leave when Kate said, "Yeoman Kelley, did Dr. Alonso say where he will be this morning?"

"He's in Sickbay with Dr. Boyce…"

There was also the option of staying in her quarters the entire journey to Starbase 11 which didn't appeal much to Kate.

"By the way, do you happen to know the way to the Science Department?" Kate suddenly asked.

The yeoman gladly offered to show her the way. After her meal, Kate changed into her pant suit and walked toward the turbo lifts. Spock's work place was located on the second level and that was where she was going. Kate was going to spend a week on the Enterprise and bumping into Spock would be unavoidable. She might as well accept this fact and move on. She was curious as to what he did on board this starship. With the help of Yeoman Kelley, Kate finally reached her destination but Spock could not be found anywhere. The Science Department was huge and there were glass walled labs on both sides of the walkway.

"You may return to your duties, Sharon," Kate said to the yeoman. "I think I can find my way around, thank you."

Yeoman Kelley smiled. "Let me know if you need anything else, Ambassador," she replied and went away.

_Where is he?_ she wondered as she walked along the corridor. Her presence in the Science Department drew curious stares from the crew.

Then she spotted him observing a pretty young ensign performing an experiment in the lab. They were wearing goggles, gloves and lab coats. The young lady was explaining something to him as he bent down to look through a microscope. They seemed to enjoy a close camaraderie and the lady seemed flattered by Spock's attention. Kate quickly averted her eyes, feeling a little uncomfortable staring at them. She turned and was about to walk away when she heard his voice.

"Ambassador… _Kate_!"

She shivered slightly – she had forgotten the affect his voice had on her. Turning around, Kate smiled back at him. "Mister Spock! I decided to visit the Science Department this morning," she said brightly.

Spock had taken off his lab gear as he walked towards her and said, "You could have called on me. I would be honored to show you around."

Kate was surprised – yesterday, he was a stiff and formal. Today, he seemed like a different person altogether. Was it because she was getting married, hence no longer available that made him feel safe? As long as he thought that she was the future Mrs. Alonso, he could tell himself he had nothing to worry about? Perhaps he was only doing his duty and only being polite?

_Really, Kate,_ she chided herself. _You're thinking too much into this._

"Oh, I didn't want to distract you from your work."

"You are not a… distraction," he said rather hesitantly. "The captain has put me in charge of your well-being while you are on board. Hence, it is my duty."

"Then I would be delighted, Spock," she replied.

He had showed her the various types of labs on board the Enterprise, the work they did which helped Starfleet understand the mysterious worlds out here. The Enterprise had the largest and most modern science labs than any other starship.

"Aren't you spending time with Doctor Alonso?" he asked as they walked to the Hydroponics Lab.

It was the first personal question he had asked her. She shrugged. "He's with Doctor Boyce. Although I'm going to be his wife, I don't have to be by his side all the time. We're not joined at the hip, you know."

Spock stopped and raised an eyebrow. "Why would I wish that? It's a curious phrase which generally refers to a genetic disorder..."

She almost laughed out loud. "Never mind, Spock…"

He opened the door and showed her inside. The Hydroponics Lab had rows of shelves for various types of plants, tubes running in between them and artificial mist.

"The entire lab is sanitized to allow maximum growth… over there is the mushroom patch, here are twelve varieties of tomatoes, five varieties of strawberries, twenty species of greens. We used these plants and seeds to test the soil and water content of new planets to see if they could survive under adverse conditions. The cafeteria staff is allowed to come here to harvest them for food. We also have a flower patch -- it was the captain's idea."

Kate moved among the rows of shelves, admiring the greens – they looked so fresh and healthy. "I have a vegetable garden in my villa but it's nothing compared to this," she said. However, there was one thing she wished to know.

"Are you still bonded with T'Pring?"

Spock froze and stared at her. "Yes," he replied softly. "My time has not come yet."

Kate merely nodded and accepted that some things weren't meant to be – just like her relationship with Spock. Then she suddenly noticed what looked like huge red strawberries hanging enticingly over the edge. "Are those real? I've never seen such huge strawberries before!"

"_Fragraria Ananassa__ , _commonly known as 'strawberries'. They have thrived in this environment," Spock explained.

She held one strawberry in her hand – it was the size of a grapefruit and it smelled sweet. "Is this edible?"

"Everything here is edible," he replied.

"May I taste them?"

"Yes, of course. I'll have one of my staff cut and serve it to you."

Kate waved it off. "Oh, please… hand me the shears. I have my own strawberry patch at home."

Deftly cutting the fruit from its stalk, Kate sank her teeth into the juicy strawberry, feeling like a little child who had just discovered something new. She giggled, wiping her mouth with her hand. "It's delicious! What else do you have in here?"

She proceeded down the aisle and inspected the greens – spinach, cabbages, tomatoes and corn! Then, she realized he was looking at her. There was a silent moment.

"Is there something you want to say?" Kate asked curiously.

"You have strawberry pulp on your right cheek."

Kate flushed with embarrassment -- she must have looked ridiculous to Spock.

"Did I get it?" she asked nervously as she tried to wipe it away.

"Let me do that for you," he offered.

He leaned closer to her and with deft fingers lifted the offending red pulp from her cheek. Suddenly, one particular memory came back to her with startling clarity --

_It was chilly evening in New York Metropolis as Spock and Kate, dressed in thick wooly coats and hats, huddled together and sharing a fruit sherbet. Spock was saying it was illogical to want to eat something cold in such weather but Kate laughed. "Haven't you done anything totally illogical in your life?"_

_Spock shook his head and without warning, she smeared some sherbet on his nose. Kate thought he looked like a clown with red sherbet dripping from his nose. He was about to wipe it off with his gloved hand but she stopped him. "Let me get that for you," she told him._

_Kate held his head with both hands and tiptoeing, she kissed his nose and licked her lips. "Hmm, you taste delicious with strawberry sherbet," she murmured when she stepped back. Spock was staring at her with raised eyebrows._

"_Fascinating… No one has told me that before…"_

"_Strawberry, chocolate, mint, hmm… I can tell you more about flavors," Kate teased with a wink._

"_Indeed?"_

"_Race you back to the house? If you win, I promise I'll think about it…" At that, she started off leaving Spock behind. Spock, being taller and stronger than her, reached the house first but the bet was quickly forgotten. The lovers left a trail of clothes to the bedroom as he advanced toward her, bumping her up against a wall._

_He cupped her face with his hands, kissing her, roughly. Breaking off the kiss, he worked his way down her throat to her breasts, biting and sucking at her. Trapping her naked body between him and the wall, mouths continuing to lick and suck and kiss any bit of skin they could reach._

_Kate moaned against Spock's shoulder as his fingers opened her and made sure she was wet._

_"Please… Spock!"_

_Reaching between them she grabbed hold of his erection. Spock lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, guiding him in her. She grabbed his shoulders and whimpered as he slid in -- the oh-so-sweet feeling of him in her, buried as deep as he could get. Then he started moving, and Kate could only concentrate on the slick friction he was creating as his hands clutched her bottom._

_Spock kissed her ruthlessly, pounding her into the wall as she came with a shuddering scream..._

_"I love you," he whispered to her.  
_

Driven by that memory, her hand unconsciously reached up to hold his, bringing it closer as her lips closed around his finger, sucking the strawberry off. The tangy and sweet taste of the fruit awakened her from her reverie. Kate opened her eyes and realized what she had done. Spock stood motionless, watching her with uncertainty. His feelings were hidden from her.

Dropping her hand, she apologized. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have… Excuse me."

"Kate…"

Kate didn't hear him as she brushed past him and walked out of the lab, feeling confused and mortified. She had sworn that she would never let him see her tears as she returned to her quarters. As the door closed, Kate sank to the floor, trembling with unresolved feelings. Crawling to her bed, she lay there in the darkness like a wounded animal. It was all her fault, for allowing those memories and the pain to return.

Her doorbell buzzed.

_Go away_, she tried to ignore it.

"Kate, it's me… Spock. I need to speak with you. It's important."

_No…no… no… go away…_

"It's my fault."

Kate suddenly sat up on her bed. _What did he just say?_

With a few hurried steps, she opened the door and saw Spock standing in front of her. "What do you want?" she demanded.

"Could we talk in private?" he said.

Hesitantly, Kate nodded and allowed him into her quarters.

*****

Spock could see that she had been crying. Disgust and shame filled him. He dared not think how near he had been to losing control in the Hydroponics Lab, how terrifyingly easy it would have been to hurt her with his thoughts. He had violated her with memories, _his_ memories and perhaps that crime was almost as bad as physically raping her. The silence in her quarters and the cold metal door which remained closed were mute testimony to the magnitude of her horror and revulsion. Either way, he had violated her trust and according to the ship's protocols, he should be reported to the captain.

He confessed to her of his unforgivable crime of making her remember what could have been, dredged up old memories that she would rather forget. "Kate, I'm sorry… I only made things worse between us," he said grimly.

She was silent for a while. As the minutes continued to tick away in stillness, his hands tightened behind his back. "You should report me to the captain for this violation…"

"If I do that, your career with Starfleet will be over," she told him.

"I have caused grave injury to you and the punishment is befitting for such a crime."

But Kate shook her head. "I will do no such thing… If you report yourself to the captain, I will deny it, all of it," she said at last.

_It was illogical for her to deny such a crime…_

Spock was about to protest but she stopped him. "For many years, I kept this pain in my heart, afraid to move on, afraid to take the next step, denying its existence. Today, I realized I was not the only one suffering… I never thought how it must have broken your heart too."

His silence confirmed it.

She stepped boldly forward, grabbed his hands and placed them on her face. "I love you, Spock… I never stopped loving you… I want you to see for yourself!"

Reluctantly, his mind connected with hers – from the time they broke up, her meteoric rise to fame, her many brief affairs and her inability to relate with anyone. The nights she laid in bed after making love, she would turn her head away from her lover and sigh softly, still thinking of him. Spock, the man who had touched her so deeply, whom she had loved so much, even she did not realize it herself until now.

Sadness filled him -- he had thought she would be happy without him but all he saw was her crushing solitude. It was not what he had wanted for her. Kate had a fatal flaw, like a hairline crack on a perfect vase and it was her ability to love so wholeheartedly and unreservedly that he was ashamed of being the one to receive it. There was nothing he could do to help her regain the lost years pining for him. However, there was one thing he could do – It was time to get over pining for the love they could not share, both trembling at each other's proximity, but there could be no release.

"_Kate, I love you,"_ he told her with his thoughts. _"Forget me…"_

He broke the mind meld and felt tears in his eyes. Kate looked up at him and understanding passed over her face. Briefly, he saw a glow of happiness, a shred of hope clinging with all its might to an impossible dream and then it was gone, forever lost as she realized that her love, their love, would remain eternally unrequited. Abandoning all logic, he pulled her into his embrace, holding her tightly, clinging to the warmth that he thought he would never feel again. Her arms were strong around his neck, her body soft and sweet against his. Spock buried his face in her beautiful, silky hair and breathed in its scent of honeysuckle and roses. In that moment when he held her, he realized that he was doomed to a solitary life.

"I have to go now," he told her gently as he let her go.

"Do you have to?" she asked, still dazed from the message he had implanted in her mind.

"If I don't, we'll both end up hurting more than just each other," Spock said, gently hinting that she belonged to someone else now.

Kate sighed. "You're right, Spock. You should go."

He nodded and walked out of the room. Spock had pictured it already…the woman he loved with another man at her side. In his mind, he had imagined her husband sharing intimate moments with her. They would speak of things, personal things of which he would have no ken -- their private jokes, their moments of worry and fear, their moments of great joy. They would share these moments with each other and never again would he have any link to her. He was part of her past.

For the rest of the journey, Kate hardly called on Spock for anything as she spent her time with her fiancé and on other times, she would be resting in her quarters. Spock had had the opportunity to speak with Dr. Alonso. He found the man to be genuinely pleased to engage him in a game of tri-dimensional chess. He would have thought that the doctor would show some form of emotion or reaction toward him -- anger, aloofness, anything, unless…he didn't know.

That had to be it. Dr. Alonso didn't know of Kate's relationship with him yet. Humans were not quite capable of hiding their feelings as Vulcans. Perhaps this lack of knowledge was a small mercy, for which he was grateful. He would not know how to explain his relationship with Kate.

Spock was working at Engineering that day. He was on his way back to his quarters when he noticed a familiar silhouette of a woman standing alone in the Observation Deck. What could have led Kate here, where millions of stars greeted her in the darkened platform?

"Kate?" he approached her cautiously.

"Spock," she said, initially startled by his voice.

"For someone who inhabits every corner of this ship… I was beginning to think that you were deliberately avoiding me," she said with a smile, the familiar sparkle in her eyes returning to haunt him.

"I didn't know you were looking for me," came his reply.

Kate shook her head and sighed. "I was only teasing you, Spock. After so many years living with humans, you haven't changed a bit."

Turning her gaze towards the darkness, she said, "I often wondered why I took this ambassadorial post all those years ago. What I expected…Maybe it was closure I was looking for."

"And you have found it," he added.

"Have I?" she asked. "It is strange how fate throws us a curve ball each time, making us evaluate our decisions…"

"Are you having doubts about marrying Dr. Alonso?" he asked, alarmed and strangely pleased at the prospect.

"Doubts? Not doubts… I am now certain that marrying Sebastian will be the right thing to do." She hastily added, "He is a good man."

Spock hid his disappointment well. "I've no doubt about that."

She said wistfully, "There'll be someone for you too, Spock. Soon that place in your heart of which you spoke will too be a memory."

_No, Kate, you will always be in my heart_, he wanted to say but did not. Some things were better off unsaid.

"There you are, Kate," a familiar voice interrupted them.

She turned around to find her fiancé standing at the doorway. "Sebastian, you're late. I was lucky to have had the company of Mister Spock while waiting for you," she said warmly as she went to him with hands outstretched.

"Sorry, love..." he said apologetically as he took her hands and kissed them. "I got carried away in my discussion with Dr. Boyce."

Kate turned to Spock and wished him good night as Sebastian led her away. A miniscule sigh escaped Spock's lips as he watched them disappear down the corridor.

*****

The Enterprise had arrived at its destination and the guests were ready to board the shuttle to Starbase 11. First Officer, Number One had made all the arrangements with the Base Commandant to receive the guests. Spock was already waiting for them at the shuttle bay. Kate stared at him, noting the lines of exhaustion etched across his face and the newly acquired hollows in his cheeks. He appeared more gaunt than usual. Before she could say anything, her fiancé walked up to her.

"You ready, Kate?" asked Sebastian.

She hesitated, still looking at Spock.

"May I have a private moment with Mister Spock?" Kate asked the captain.

"Of course, Ambassador," Captain Pike said. "You can use my ready room."

"Thank you, I appreciate that."

Sebastian looked at her and smiled. "I will wait for you in the shuttle."

When they were alone in the ready room, Kate went to the window and stared out at the green planet looming in front of her. Slowly, she turned around and said to Spock, "I wish to thank you for wanting to help me move on and forget our past. Spock, I want you to know that I will always remember our time together."

"And I will never forget you."

"I used to think that you never really loved me," she said with a sad smile. "I will always love you, Spock but I understand now why you had to let me go."

He need not ask her what she spoke about. He wanted so much to tell her that he still loved her with all his heart.

"It was a dream, Kate," he said kindly, "It could never become a reality."

She turned away from Spock and stared out into space. "We had such good times," she whispered, so softly he could barely hear her.

_Yes, we did, Kate. Yes, we did._

In time, he would begin to doubt her feelings as she had doubted his. He would think that even if he were free of his obligations to Starfleet, she would still choose Sebastian over him. He could never love another as he loved her -- she could never be to him what Kate was to him. He would love her until the end of days and then he could only hope that when his time came, he would be granted that which his heart desired. But, in the meantime, he would have to find a way to fill the emptiness in his life.

Sighing inwardly, Spock looked at her lovely face. "Live long and prosper, Kate," he said.

He went to her, knowing that he shouldn't, and held her in his arms for the last time.

"So this is a goodbye," she said wistfully. "A goodbye that was long overdue."

"Your fiancé is waiting, Kate."

"Yes, I should go," she said with a smile, sadness touching her features.

"Go now," he whispered.

She hesitated, "Are you sure, Spock?"

_No, I am not sure, my love. I am not sure that I can take the pain of losing you all over again._

"Yes, I'm sure."

She stared at him for a moment that seemed like eternity and then, lowering her head, she withdrew her hands from his and left the ready room. They walked silently to the shuttle bay area.

As her footfalls sounded on the cold floors, he saw Dr. Alonso turn to her. His face lit up and he held his hand out for her to take, murmuring a word to the shuttle pilot. The man nodded and went to his seat.

She took her fiancé's hand, squeezing it briefly, and allowed him to slip an arm around her waist. Together - as they would be from now on - they walked into the shuttle. As the shuttle doors slowly closed, Kate turned to look back, across the empty landing, at Spock, one final time. Spock thought, for a moment, that she might return to him, but she turned and allowed Dr. Alonso to lead her away.

From the Observation Deck, Spock watched the shuttle carrying his lover, fly out of the Enterprise, and out of his life. As it disappeared from view, Spock realized that the captain was standing there with him.

"Captain."

Captain Pike folded his arms and turned to him. "Spock, some day you'll realize that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting…"

He stared at the captain for a moment. "I fail to take your meaning, sir," Spock replied but the captain merely smiled and left him to ponder his words.

*****

**Author's Notes**:"...It is not logical but it is often true." Yup, Spock's famous words from 'Amok Time'. I'd like to think that someone must have told him this phrase before that episode and perhaps, it could be Pike. Just my thoughts! And now, the conclusion…


	23. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

*****

Kate had been unusually quiet during the entire journey to Starbase 11, thought Sebastian as he watched her curiously. He had thought that she would be looking forward to return to Earth. That evening, she came to his quarters.

"Sebastian, there is something I wish to tell you… I want you to have time to reflect, to consider your options. I want you to be sure that this is what you want," she said, so oddly calm and determined that he could only nod in agreement.

She told him about her past which included a certain half human-half Vulcan named Spock. She told Sebastian about their relationship in a simple, straightforward way. He was sure she omitted many details. It didn't end well. It was messy and it was painful, for both of them. Sebastian had had a niggling feeling about that Lieutenant Spock, the way he had acted and the way he had looked at Kate as if she belonged to him.

Sebastian had thought that bringing her back to Earth would help her heal but he often wondered if she ever truly did. There were some things that time could not mend, some hurts too deep. Kate and Sebastian finally tied the knot in a civil registry in New York Metropolis a year later. There were no guests, no grand reception, only her brother and his family present to stand as witnesses.

They were not unhappy together, far from it. Sebastian started a private practice on Earth while Kate continued her dance career for many more years, going on to become a choreographer and later the artistic director of the National Conservatory in Cologne. Kate never spoke of Spock again but in her determined silence, the more certain Sebastian became that she had loved the half-Vulcan far more than she could ever love him.

Sebastian had wanted children but after Kate had suffered two miscarriages, they decided that it would be too risky to try again. On their tenth wedding anniversary, he brought home a little orphan baby. Kate had been skeptical at first, unsure of how the child would affect their lives but when she took one look at the infant, she immediately felt a connection to the infant. They named him Thomas Alonso, after her father.

*****

Fifty years later, her hair now cut short and mostly white, Kate stood in front of the stage watching her young students dancing. Even after she had retired, Kate was still active in the performing arts, her opinions were frequently consulted by the conservatory as she commuted weekly between her home in Italy and the school. She had just returned from the conservatory one day when her vision blurred and Kate collapsed in the front of her home. The doctors had diagnosed her with a gradual wasting sickness. A cure was still being researched and the possibility of prolonging her life was slim. Sebastian was devastated by the news.

An older Sebastian cared for Kate as she lay in bed beside an array of medicines and tonics. She had been ill for a long time and it killed him to see her dying a little every day. He wiped her forehead with a cool cloth as she took her medication.

"Better?"

She nodded. He smiled, shut off the light and came to lie down beside her.

"Sebastian?"

"Hmm?"

"I just want to say... I love you very much," she murmured. "And thank you for all the wonderful years."

Sebastian turned to her and saw tears had filled her eyes. She nestled close to him as he wrapped his arms round her. There was an old saying that love takes many forms, and it was never the same for any man or woman. Theirs was a grateful love, a deep but quiet love, one that he knew above all else, was irreplaceable. That spring, Kate died in her sleep.

Sebastian and their now adult son, Thomas had gathered at the lawyer's office to hear Kate's last will and testament. The lawyer handed them a holographic device and ushered them into a private viewing room. In the darkened room, a 3D image of Kate appeared to them, the ravages of the illness absent from her lovely but wizened face.

"_My dearest Sebastian and Thomas, _

_First and most of all, I love you both very much. I made this recording as I thought it was time to put my affairs in order…"_

In her holographic will, Kate wished to be cremated and her ashes scattered over Liberty Bay. At first, Sebastian and Thomas were baffled by her request as that place held no significance for them. It was as if she didn't want them to visit her, to be remembered. It was very troubling. And then, she mentioned a key that she would like them to have.

"_With this key, you will find an item which is very dear to me. It has been with me for a long time but where I'm going, I don't think I will need it. Please return it to its owner for safekeeping._ _Farewell and remember, I love you."_

"Are you sure my mother said this?" Thomas asked.

"It is as recorded," the lawyer said blandly. "Here is the key. I believe she wanted you to have it."

Sebastian stared at the old fashioned key with a yellow ribbon tied around it. Their house was fully automated and operated without manual locks. Whatever the key opened, it had to be very old.

From one lock to another Sebastian and Thomas tried to find the keyhole that fitted the key – old closets, antique jewelry boxes, night tables, vanity drawers. Finally, in the corner of their attic was an old walnut hope chest, covered with a tapestry. It had belonged to Kate's father. Thomas removed the tapestry and Sebastian inserted the key into the keyhole. It fitted perfectly. They opened the chest to find a strange-looking metal object and a letter. It was addressed to Spock.

"Who is this Spock?" asked Thomas curiously.

"A very old friend of your mother's…," Sebastian replied tiredly.

The interest became a faintly puzzled frown. "How come Mother never mentioned him before?"

Sebastian hesitated. "She had her reasons."

*****

"Ambassador, you have a visitor... Mister Thomas Alonso."

Spock looked up from his desk -- he was not expecting anyone until late afternoon. "Send him in," he told his aide.

A well-dressed gentleman with dark hair, pale skin and brown eyes walked briskly into Spock's temporary office at the Vulcan Embassy in San Francisco, extending a hand in an almost practiced Vulcan salute.

"Ambassador, it is an honor to meet you at last," he said. "I am Thomas Alonso. My mother was an old friend of yours… Kate Watson."

_Kate_, the name sparked a moment of nostalgia in Spock. It passed quickly.

Spock cocked an eyebrow at him, raising his hand in a Vulcan salute after a brief hesitation. He moved away from the desk towards the lounge area. This visit had to be of a personal nature. He dismissed his aide and said to Thomas, "Have a seat, please."

Thomas waited for him to sit before taking the seat opposite to him. Spock took a hard look at the young boy in front of him. There was no trace of Kate's features in him.

"You do not look like your mother," he stated, impassive and stern.

"I am a Betazoid. I was adopted by Sebastian and Kate when I was an infant," Thomas explained with a smile.

There was a pause as Spock processed the information – Kate had no children of her own. Then he looked up and asked, "What can I do for you, Thomas? And how are your father and mother?"

"My father is well. My mother…" he paused. "My mother passed away last year."

_Last year… _

Spock felt a sickening lurch in his stomach as he sat there gripping the chair. A year ago, he was on Romulus on a secret mission. He had this inexplicably fierce impulse to see Kate again while hiding in the caverns in Romulus, not unlike the stirrings of the _ponn farr _but he suppressed it for her sake. It was not logical as he had not bonded with her. Was it primitive intuition then? His connection with her ran deeper than any bond forged by the linking of minds.

"I would have notified you earlier but there was no way of contacting you through Starfleet or this Embassy."

Spock nodded and asked, "Where is she buried?"

Thomas shook his head sadly. "My mother's ashes were scattered over Liberty Bay. It was her last wish."

It was finished then. There was nothing left but her legacy, her memory. Spock refused to think of the past and focused on the young man in front of him.

"Does your father know you are here?"

"No, he doesn't. But he gives his blessings," Thomas said. "I came because I have something for you."

Then he rummaged his backpack and extracted a package. Carefully, he opened the package to reveal a letter and a metal object.

Spock recognized the metal object immediately but made no comment.

"I believe my mother would have wanted you to have these," said Thomas, passing to him the letter and the object. "It was addressed to you."

Judging by the yellowed edges of the paper, Kate must have written the letter a long time ago. He held his breath as he opened the fragile envelope – inside was a note written in Kate's beautiful handwriting. Spock read the note with a heavy heart...

_To Spock, my love. I was at the library and I found this poem, a poem that told our story, of our love. Hence, it is with great joy that I dedicate it to you… _

_I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…  
In life after life, in age after age, forever.  
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,  
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,  
In life after life, in age after age, forever._

_Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it's age-old pain,  
It's ancient tale of being apart or together.  
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,  
Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:  
You become an image of what is remembered forever._

_You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.  
At the heart of time, love of one for another.  
We have played alongside millions of lovers, shared in the same  
Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell-  
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever._

_Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you  
The love of all man's days both past and forever:  
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.  
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –  
And the songs of every poet past and forever. – Unending Love, Rabindranath Tagore_

The strain evident on the ambassador's stoic face surprised even Thomas. Regret, sorrow and loss was not lost on Spock. He folded the paper carefully and put it in his breast pocket under his robe.

"Thank you, Thomas," he said softly. "It means a lot to me."

The young man nodded and stood up. "I should be going now, sir. It was nice meeting you."

"Live long and prosper, Thomas," Spock said as he rose to send the boy to the door.

Thomas smiled. "Live long and prosper, sir."

After Thomas had gone, Spock informed his aide that he was not to be disturbed and that he should cancel all his appointments for the rest of the day.

Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy, whom he regarded as a close friend, had accused him of not being afraid to die because he was more afraid of living. The good doctor didn't know how close he was to the truth that day. Spock dreaded the day he would receive word that his beloved Kate was dead and gone, slipped through his fingers like sand in the deserts of Vulcan. Today was that dreaded day.

Spock paced about slowly in the rooftop garden of the Embassy and finally sat down heavily on an ornately carved stone bench. He was emotionally exhausted. Slowly flicking the switch, the metal object came alive as it projected a three dimensional image of a dancing spiral of colors, a storm within a bottle. Each tiny particle reacted to his touch as it bounced off his fingers and fizzled into multi-colored hues. _Each particle colliding into another, forever transformed…_

She had loved him till the end. Like a hidden grieving that grabbed the heart, Spock was ambushed with old emotions, and his lips began to tremble. Tears began to flow, and he wept unashamedly. His shoulders shook as he mourned his beloved Kate.

*****

Many years later, an indistinguishable hover cab stopped in front of the steps of the newly renovated Royal Opera House in London. Spock, retired and now a civilian stepped out in his immaculate Vulcan robe and cloak in the midst of the crowd. No one took notice of the old craggy faced Vulcan. No one questioned why he wanted to watch a classical ballet, "Les Sylphides" and no one recognized the decorated Starfleet officer. Not that he minded. He didn't come tonight to be recognized. He had come to remember and to pay tribute to her memory, the memory of the one he loved. As the curtain rose and the lights turned down, Spock leaned forward a little in his seat in the VIP box. Against the darkness, Spock saw her again – Kate, forever young, dancing for him and him alone. Now he understood what Kate had meant that dance was an ageless magic. The most brilliant scientific discoveries would in time change and perhaps grow obsolete, as new scientific manifestations emerged. But art was eternal; her soul was alive in the music and dance, on that stage where she had performed many roles time and time again.

In that precious few hours, she was his again. He wanted to be with her desperately, one more minute, half a minute, five seconds. He reached out desperately to touch the fading vision as the music came to an end. Like a dream she was gone, along with all the pain and weariness inside of him as the lights came on and the audience applauded enthusiastically. He had a strange feeling of peace, a sense of closure, as though he had completed the final act of some lifelong quest by coming here tonight.

As the hover cab sped away into the night, Spock turned to see the opera house one last time. It was the winter of his life and long shadows were creeping steadily in. His hair had grown sparse and grey and his skin hung limp from his bones. One hundred and eighty-nine years was a long lifetime. Tomorrow the Earth's sun would rise and set as it was meant to be. Kate had led a fulfilling life and her legacy would live on through the ages. Soon he too will be gone. But their love story would not be forgotten. It would be told by countless of lovers everywhere, in different forms yet the same.

Spock remembered being asked if he missed his humanity and he had replied, "I have no regrets."

*****

**THE END**

*****

**Author's Note**: Special thanks to all readers who have followed this story right to the end. This chapter hints at "TOS: Bread and Circuses" and "TNG: Unification". Tell me what you think. Your comments are greatly appreciated!


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